The Many Mistakes of Gabriella McPeak
by CharlotteBlackwood
Summary: Sirius Black was the biggest mistake she had ever made, but he wasn't the first and he wouldn't be the last. SB/OC little bit of RL/OC
1. Gabriella McPeak's List

**A/N: This chapter is sort of a set-up, a prequel if you will of coming attractions. It's not particularly interesting. You can skip it if you'd like. There's some character introduction, which is why it's here in the first place, but if you don't care about that, the plot features are minor and you'll be able to figure most of it out later if you do happen to skip. If you have any questions, PM me, I'd be happy to answer them. SIRIUS does not come out of this looking as good as one might like, just to keep in mind, so no slash. I'm not trying to be mean, he was just the best one to fit this role I have in my head. I love Sirius, as you can see if you read my other fics.**

All that Gabriella McPeak had wanted was to learn to be as good of a witch was her mother. She wanted to be able to heal people in seconds, to do all her chores with a few waves of her wand, and to knock away the Quaffle every time it came for the goal posts (she was an obsessive Holyhead Harpies fan). She was sorted into Ravenclaw, as she planned. She was the top of her class, as she had hoped, but things don't always go according to plan. After all, she hadn't planned on Sirius Black, but he wasn't even the start of her problems. It all began in fourth year.

Gabriella had always been a fan of inter-house unity. Her best friend was a Hufflepuff, one Miss Gillian Messner. They made friends in all of the other houses, played on their House Quidditch teams, and even had their own little newspaper going. Sure, half of it was gossip. They were teenage girls in a boarding school. But half of it was real hard news, gathered through their parents, about the world outside their walls and the war everyone knew was brewing on the horizon.

They had always been a bit awkward with the gossip. Gillian and Gabriella weren't exactly well experienced with relationships. Gabriella had dated one boy for all of second year, one Hale Branton of Ravenclaw, and had the world's longest crush on Gryffindor seventh year Irving Tillotson, who happened to be one of her best friends. She was also good friends with one Kent Hubbell, Slytherin seventh year. Why so many seventh years? Her sister, Kimberly, was a Hufflepuff seventh year (and practically a squib) and her other sister, Kristal, had graduated from Gryffindor just a few years prior. Their brother, Lawson, started in Gabriella's fourth year, and the youngest, Malcolm, still had a few years to go.

Gillian's boy history was even shorter. She had dated Hale as well. In fact, Hale was now dating their other best friend, Margaret La Roche of Ravenclaw. Everyone thought it was an odd pairing, and possibly the most odd part about it was how the girls had passed him around. That had been gossip column material for weeks. Gillian dated him at the end of first year, but their close friend Megan Owens of Hufflepuff decided she wanted him, and Gabriella had seen that the relationship wasn't getting anywhere, so she used her flirtation skills (learned from Kristal) to split up Gillian and Hale so that Megan could have him. That lasted all of a week before they broke up and Gabriella dated him for the rest of the year. When they decided they were too different, he dated Margaret.

Gillian, however, had a good reason to have not dated anyone else. Her mother had a mandate: no dating until she was sixteen. The mandate had already been broken, of course, but she was just too good of a girl to break it twice. Gabriella's parents had the same mandate unofficially, but she ignored it. Rules were meant to be broken, in her mind. She did date one other boy, briefly. Hale's best friend, Myles Starkey, had asked her out in first year and they dated about a month. They were still good friends. No, her reason for not dating was her crush on her best friend Irving, who was sweet, adorable, and always needing help with homework. He also liked to watch her play Quidditch.

The problem was his girlfriend, Richelle Avery of Slytherin. Everyone knew it was a bad idea to mix Gryffindors and Slytherins, and Gabriella had told him this, but Irving couldn't resist. It was like she had used a love potion on the boy, and Gabriella certainly wasn't ruling it out.

But that's not the point. The point is the trouble that Gabriella got into. Aside from her best friends, she had her study group friends: Ronald Thomason of Hufflepuff (whom she kept dating off and on for a month at a time, rather unfairly), Roscoe Rogers of Hufflepuff, Samuel Hathaway of Hufflepuff, and Vin Montgomery of Ravenclaw (though many thought he ought to have been in Slytherin). Normally, she rode the train up with her study group so that they would help her get her things on the train, but she couldn't find them on the platform on September first that year, so seventh year Kent helped her get her trunk on board. He walked with her to find her friends' compartment, but stopped her partway up the train and looked at her.

"What?" she said with a confused look.

"Oh," said Kent with a smirk, "you grew up a lot this summer."

Gabriella blinked. Well, she had, but did he really mean what she thought he meant?

"Um, thanks?"

"Oh, it was definitely a compliment," he said as he looked her up and down with a wink.

Getting her confidence back, Gabriella shook her head and shoved him in the shoulder, waving goodbye and walking off to find her study group, not knowing Kent was leering as she walked away. That was the start of all her troubles.

When she found them, Gabriella dropped into the seat next to Ron and rested her head on his shoulder. They weren't dating, but this was just the way they were. To her, it meant nothing, although to him it meant the world and she had no idea.

"Where were you guys?" she said with a frown. "Kent had to help me get my trunk on the train."

Vin frowned back.

"Kent Hubbell? Have you not listened to all your sister's friends talk about the world of trouble that boy is?"

"He looks at me like a little sister," she said with a raised eyebrow. "It's not a problem. Besides, I know how to handle myself. I grew up with four siblings."

"And you rule them all," said Ron with a happy smile.

"More like she annoys them all," said Sam snarkily.

So Sam and Gabriella weren't the best of friends. They didn't exactly hate each other, and when the others weren't around, he was sort of sweet. Vin was the same way. Actually, except Ron, they were all sort of like that nice when it was just a one-on-one encounter, but in the group they were vicious. She knew why. They saw her as the girl jerking Ron around on a string.

"So," she said merrily to her fifth-year buddies, eager for a change of topic, "who're prefects in your year?"

"Whitney Mitchell and me in Ravenclaw," said Vin, "Ron and Yvette Moss in Hufflepuff, Zeph McCormick and Alexis Melton in Slytherin, and Remus Lupin and Lily Evans in Gryffindor."

"Congratulations to both of you," said Gabriella honestly. Despite Vin's strange behavior toward her, she had always liked him fine, and his little sister Chara was her little protégé. "I'll be your mum is proud, Ron?"

"Yeah," he said. "I was the one shot."

It was true. His brother Ean was smart, and in Ravenclaw, but hardly ever said a word, and his little sister Catrin wasn't at Hogwarts yet, but though she was bubbly and sweet, she wasn't the most intelligent of folks.

"But you'll be a prefect next year, no doubt," he continued. "After all, your sister was Head Girl, and I'll bet both of your brothers will be prefects, too. Especially Malcolm, he's just like you."

"I'll let him know you insulted him," Gabriella said with a smirk. It was true, Malcolm was always said to be just like her, but to say so in front of him was to say that he had murdered someone. It was impolite, to say the least. It didn't go unnoticed that Kimberly wasn't mentioned. For the most part, they just didn't talk about her. It wasn't that they did it on purpose; she was just incredibly easy to forget.

"So, Lawson's starting this year," said Vin casually. "Who wants to make bets on his House?"

"Ravenclaw," said Roscoe and Sam.

"Gryffindor," said Ron.

"I think he's like you, Vin," said Gabriella. "He's got some solid Slytherin traits, but through and through, I'd say he'll end up in Gryffindor. He's too nice to plow people over because they're there."

"Did you just call Vin nice?"

Sam was staring at her as though she had said that grass was purple. Nice was not the typical descriptor one used in the case of Vin Montgomery, but Gabriella had been sure that there had to be a nice person in there somewhere.

When the train finally arrived at Hogsmeade Station after the fiftieth hand of Exploding Snap, which Gabriella and Sam won almost every time, they filed off the train and waved goodbye on the platform as she scurried off to find her girls. Several minutes later, Gabriella, Gillian, Megan and Margaret were climbing into a carriage with Gethin Park (Megan's boyfriend since she gave up on Hale), and Hale himself.

"Well, hey, there, Gabby," said Hale. "How was your summer?"

"Good, I guess," she said. "Rather uneventful. Ron and Vin are prefects."

There was a general happy consensus at this news, as everyone in the carriage were either in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw and Ron, at least, was very well liked. Vin wasn't everyone's favorite, but he was the obvious choice, and he wouldn't go out of his way to be mean, Gabriella was sure of it.

Catch-up time was brief, however, as they were soon at the castle and had to separate to their house tables for the feast. Gabriella and Margaret headed over to Ravenclaw with Hale and sat near Vin, who was with the rest of the prefects. They talked about Hale's newest theory of wandcores until they could see the first years being led into the Great Hall.

Lawson was standing with his childhood friend, Gwil Middleton, whose older sisters Gwen (sixth year) and Nia (third year) were in Hufflepuff and Gryffindor respectively. Gwen was a friend of Kent's as well, and her best friend Tondra Underhill was his girlfriend. As the writer of all school gossip, it was Gabriella's job to keep on top of things like who was dating who and how everyone connected. Hogwarts was huge, so she and Gillian had their hands full.

The Sorting Hat sang and students were called up one at a time in alphabetical order. Eventually, they got to "McPeak, Lawson," who was sorted into Gryffindor. Sam and Roscoe would have to pay up later. Then, "McShane, Elizabeth" was sorted into Ravenclaw and came to sit near Gabriella and "Middleton, Gwil" was sorted into Gryffindor, joining Lawson with a huge smile plastered on his face.

Sorting ended with "Wharton, Felicia" being sorted into Ravenclaw and was followed by a few words from Professor Dumbledore before the food appeared and the feast began. Gabriella dug in eagerly, and saw her brother doing the same over at the Gryffindor table. She smiled to herself as she saw him and Gwil making friends quickly. She turned to Felicia and Elizabeth, who were sitting across from her, next to Vin.

"So, where are you ladies from?" she asked casually, handing Vin the potatoes he had been eyeing.

"I'm from London's West End," said Felicia nervously. Gabriella watched the way she eyed the plates. She was Muggle-born. She had never seen food magically appear before. Elizabeth seemed to take it all in stride.

"I'm from Kent," said the blonde. She was likely from a small wizarding community. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"

"I'm Gabriella McPeak," she said, holding her hand out to the blonde and brunette in turn. "I'm from Godric's Hollow, of course."

It was one of the most prominent and oldest wizarding communities, and she lived three houses up from the Potters. Vin lived there, too, and the Middletons and Tillotsons.

"How hard is it to come here without knowing anything?" said Felicia nervously.

Yes, the girl was most certainly a Muggle-born. Vin grunted.

"It doesn't make a damn difference," he said. The girls looked at him with fear.

"Don't mind him," said Gabriella with her best smile. "He's just cranky. He's right though, Margaret here and her older brother came from a Muggle family, and she's one of the best in our year."

Margaret flinched. It was true, she was one of the best, but Gabriella was better, and Margaret didn't like to think about that. She was very competitive, though not as bad as their archenemies, Hilary Wight of Slytherin and Marion McCleary of Hufflepuff. Both lived in Godric's Hollow, both had aggressive parents, and both had had Gabriella set up as their target for them from the day they all received their Hogwarts letters. It was silly, really. Marion, Hilary and Margret all wanted to go into Healing, but Gabriella wanted to go into Magical Law Enforcement, or maybe the Auror office. There was no point in comparing, but those two always did, and Margaret did as well, and none of them were ever happy with Gabriella being the top of the class.

"Anyway," said Gabriella happily, "I'm sure you'll be just fine. And if you ever need anything, let me know."

Just then, Vin's little sister Chara came over.

"Chara!" said Gabriella eagerly. "How was your summer?"

"Hey Gabby!" said Chara. "It was great until my prat of a brother got his badge. Since then he's been talking of nothing but all the points he's going to take off Owens."

Gabriella shook her head and laughed as Chara talked to her brother about what she had come over for. Vin put up with Megan, probably because he was friendly with Gethin, but he thought she was the most annoying person on the planet, even more so than Gabriella. She knew Chara had been joking by the way she had smirked, but Gabriella wouldn't put it past Vin to arbitrarily take points off Megan for breathing his air or talking in shrill tones.

The next morning at breakfast, Gabriella sat at the Hufflepuff table to discuss the first edition of their make-shift paper with Gillian.

"So, I'm thinking, bests and mosts," said Gillian with a glimmer in her eye.

"What are you talking about?" said Gabriella through her eggs.

"Oh, you know," said the perky Hufflepuff. "Best Butt, Best Dressed, Best Hair, Biggest Spaz, the like."

Gabriella smirked. It wasn't actually a bad idea, making such a list, but it would have to be long, people would have to be able to win more than once and there would have to be a vote, counted by an objective bystander, so someone not in the student body, without a stake in the outcome.

"Great, I'll do up a survey and as Dumbledore if he'll count the results. The man twiddle's his thumbs half the day, I'm sure of it."

Surprisingly, they got approval from the headmaster, who was amused by the idea, so in History of Magic, Gabriella made the list that would be the next part of her troubles.

Best Butt

Best Dressed

Best Hair

Biggest Spaz

Most Athletic

Most Likely to Succeed

Strangest Laugh

Best Smile

Teacher's Pet

Most Likely to Skip Class

Most Creative

Most Likely to End up in Azkaban

First to Get Married (not necessarily to each other)

Biggest Flirt

Friendliest

Biggest Partiers

Quietest

Class Clowns

Couple of the Year

Cutest Imaginary Couple

Spunkiest

Most Forgetful

Best Body

Best Eyes

Biggest Gossip

Most Paranoid

Most Random

Most Obnoxious

Most Outgoing

Most Gullible

Most Likely to Never Be Single

Most Easygoing

Most Likely to Become Minister of Magic

Most Opinionated

Dirtiest Mind

Biggest Ego

Couple that Breaks Up Most

Smoothest Tongue

Most Likely to be Completely Mediocre

Laziest

Most Likely to Spill Things that Cause Flames

Most Socially Inept

Cattiest

Battiest

As to the size of the list, Gillian and Gabriella reasoned, it was going to be their entire first issue while they worked on real articles and caught up on the news from the summer. It ought to make things interesting, at any rate. The surveys were distributed the next day and buzz around the castle was huge. They both filled one out, of course, keeping it a secret from each other what they were putting down. They picked their friends for every one, of course, knowing that the castle was filled with people doing just that.

The results were in from Dumbledore far faster than anyone had expected. By the end of the second week, their first issue was published.

Best Butt: Mary Lou Settles of Hufflepuff and Sirius Black of Gryffindor

Best Dressed: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Irving Tillotson of Gryffindor

Best Hair: Lily Evans of Gryffindor and Sirius Black of Gryffindor

Biggest Spaz: Gillian Messner of Hufflepuff and Peter Pettigrew of Gryffindor

Most Athletic: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and James Potter of Gryffindor

Most Likely to Succeed: Lily Evans of Gryffindor and Remus Lupin of Gryffindor

Strangest Laugh: Kimberly McPeak of Hufflepuff and Maximillian Lopez of Slytherin

Best Smile: Lily Evans of Gryffindor and Sirius Black of Gryffindor

Teacher's Pet: Lily Evans of Gryffindor/Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Vin Montgomery of Ravenclaw

Most Likely to Skip Class: Megan Owens of Hufflepuff and The Marauders of Gryffindor

Most Creative: Gillian Messner of Hufflepuff and Mickey Rodriguez of Ravenclaw

Most Likely to End up in Azkaban: Megan Owens of Hufflepuff and Kent Hubble of Slytherin

First to Get Married: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw/Gillian Messner of Hufflepuff and Ned Templeton of Gryffindor

Biggest Flirt: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Sirius Black of Gryffindor/Kent Hubble of Slytherin

Friendliest: Lily Evans of Gryffindor and Remus Lupin of Gryffindor

Biggest Partiers: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Sirius Black of Gryffindor/Irving Tillotson of Gryffindor

Quietest: Margaret La Roche of Ravenclaw and Vin Montgomery of Ravenclaw

Class Clowns: Rowena Scott of Hufflepuff and The Marauders of Gryffindor

Couple of the Year: Lily Evans of Gryffindor and James Potter of Gryffindor

Cutest Imaginary Couple: Lily Evans of Gryffindor and James Potter of Gryffindor/Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Irving Tillotson of Gryffindor

Spunkiest: Lily Evans of Gryffindor and Sirius Black of Gryffindor

Most Forgetful: Alice Simon of Hufflepuff and Peter Pettigrew of Gryffindor

Best Body: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Sirius Black of Gryffindor

Best Eyes: Lily Evans of Gryffindor and Sirius Black of Gryffindor

Biggest Gossip: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw/Gillian Messner of Hufflepuff and Stewart MacDougal of Slytherin

Most Paranoid: Hilary Wight of Slytherin and Severus Snape of Slytherin

Most Random: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw/ Chara Montgomery of Ravenclaw and James Potter of Gryffindor

Most Obnoxious: Megan Owens of Hufflepuff and James Potter of Gryffindor

Most Outgoing: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and James Potter of Gryffindor/Sirius Black of Gryffindor

Most Gullible: Mary MacDonald of Gryffindor and Sam Hathaway of Hufflepuff

Most Likely to Never be Single: Megan Owens of Hufflepuff and Hale Branton of Ravenclaw

Most Easygoing: Mary MacDonald of Gryffindor and Ron Thomason of Hufflepuff

Most Likely to Become Minister of Magic: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Lawson McPeak of Gryffindor

Most Opinionated: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and James Potter of Gryffindor

Dirtiest Mind: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Kent Hubble of Slytherin

Biggest Ego: Hilary Wight of Slytherin and James Potter of Gryffindor

Couple that Breaks Up Most: Gabriella McPeak of Gryffindor and Ron Thomason of Hufflepuff

Smoothest Tongue: Suzie MacFusty of Ravenclaw and Sirius Black of Gryffindor

Most Likely to be Completely Mediocre: Kimberly McPeak of Hufflepuff and Irving Tillotson of Gryffindor

Laziest: Megan Owens of Hufflepuff and Kent Hubble of Slytherin

Most Likely to Spill Things That Cause Flames: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw and Peter Pettigrew of Gryffindor

Most Socially Inept: Margaret La Roche of Ravenclaw and Vin Montgomery of Ravenclaw/Marion McCleary of Hufflepuff

Cattiest: Gabriella McPeak of Ravenclaw v. Hilary Wight of Slytherin and James Potter of Gryffindor v. Severus Snape of Slytherin

Battiest: Kimberly McPeak of Hufflepuff and Xenophilius Lovegood of Ravenclaw/Sam Hathaway of Hufflepuff

When they published the list, Gillian and Gabriella had not an inkling of the troubles it would cause. They were naïve enough to believe it was all in good fun, thrilled that they had scrapped up more than twenty of the honors between them, even the ones that they knew weren't the most complimentary, like the allusion to Gabriella blowing up her potion and setting herself on fire, or her unfortunate relationship of sorts with Ron. Saturday, however, would lead to the biggest riot Hogwarts had seen since Kristal McPeak had published a piece on inter-house relationships in her second year.

**A/N: I realize this is tedious and long, but it's just the setup. I promise, this is the only chapter I want to do like this. There are a lot of names to keep track of, and the list is incredibly long, but each of these things is intended to come up later, and that's why they're here. Sorry it's not the best of chapters, but it gets much, much better.**


	2. Her First Big Mistake

"Nice list, McPeak!" hollered some of the Slytherin seventh year boys at breakfast. There were whistles and catcalls as Gillian and Gabriella came in for breakfast, mostly in Gabriella's direction. Gillian, Megan, and Margaret all sat at the Ravenclaw table, ignoring the noises.

"Way to go, McPeak," said a voice that had never actually spoken to her before. "You've just put a target on your face and signed your own death warrant."

Gabriella turned to see James Potter smirking at her. She took a casual bite of toast and said, "Oh? I'm sorry, are you angry with a part of the list? Dumbledore did the counting and I assure you that while I voted you for Biggest Ego, I didn't expect you to win."

His smirk deepened.

"This isn't about me. This is about Sirius's fan club. You put yourself down with him for Best Body."

She raised an eyebrow and coolly replied, "Yes, and I believe I also put myself down with Pettigrew for Most Likely to Spill Things that Cause Flames. What's your point?"

"The fan girls are going to think this is some kind of ploy to get him looking at you."

Gabriella snorted.

"I've never even met Sirius Black. Why on earth would I bother?"

"Because he's got the hottest body at Hogwarts, as your survey just so aptly pointed out. Oh, by the way, I like that we got Cutest Couple. How does that work, exactly?"

"You mean since you and Evans aren't actually a couple?" Gabriella mused as she swished her juice around, looking at it intently. "Your guess is as good as mine, but I have a feeling she won't be too happy about it, so don't be too thankful."

"Ready to cheer on Gryffindor at the match next month?"

He knew her answer. She didn't know why he was bothering to ask.

"Actually," she said, buttering a second piece of toast, "I'm cheering on Slytherin. I have to support my friends, see, and Hubble is a friend of mine."

"You really want to be on the losing side again, McPeak?"

She smirked.

"Yeah, I think it's going to be the other way around, Potter, but if you want to continue this conversation, I suggest you sit. I'm getting tired of craning my neck to look up at you. So either sit, or go off to your own table, but I'm not continuing this conversation if you're going to keep standing there."

"Fine," he said with a smirk, winking over at Megan. "I'll see you ladies around."

"Do you think the fan club will actually be after you?" said Gillian with a worried expression. This had, after all, been her idea. What if her idea got her best friend injured by a pack of crazed girls? After all, the fan club had been rumored to do some horrible things over the years.

"Okay, first of all," said Gabriella with an annoyed air about her, "I'm not worried about what those girls might want to do to me. I can handle myself. But come on, no one can prove that any of those rumored things had anything to do with his stupid fan club."

"Hey, McPeak!" said a familiar voice, and Gabriella found Kent Hubble sliding into the seat next to her, draping his arm around her shoulders in his lazy way. "I liked the list. I appreciated the shout-out in flirting. I also noticed," he added, his lips very close to her neck, "that a certain Miss Gabriella McPeak got voted Best Body. Something you'd like to share with me, Gabby?"

"Not really, Kent," she said with a raised eyebrow. "I didn't count the votes, Dumbledore did."

"Sure he did," said Kent with a smirk. "Too bad you haven't seen my body yet. I'd have won that for sure."

"Kent, I haven't seen Sirius's body either," said Gabriella with a laugh. "I really didn't just make this shit up, Dumbledore counted the actual votes and we published the results. I swear."

"Whatever, love," said Kent dismissively. "I expect to see you at the after party when we beat Gryffindor, yes?"

"Naturally," said Gabriella. "That is, if you beat Gryffindor. If not, I'm going to their after party with Irving."

"You'd ditch me for Tillotson?"

"I'd ditch most anybody for Irving, love, don't take it personally."

"She would," said Gillian with a nod. "She actually missed my birthday party last summer because Irving was having relationship troubles."

"You mean like he is right now?" said Megan, stabbing her eggs thoughtfully. "I bet she's pregnant."

"EW!" cried Gabriella and Kent said a quick goodbye and withdrew. Very few boys could handle talking about pregnancy. "That's just WRONG! Megan, please don't ever say those words again!"

"Well, dear, I know you don't like the whore, but they are sleeping together, and these things can happen."

"Quit while you're behind, Megan," said Margaret grumpily. She couldn't handle talking about pregnancy either.

Other than small mistakes in class, Gabriella McPeak didn't make a lot of mistakes until that fated Gryffindor versus Slytherin match. She sat with Irving, like always, and rooted for Slytherin, which was dangerous in the Gryffindor seating section, but Irving could scare away most of the people stupid enough to cross Gabriella, as most of the people stupid enough to do so hadn't gone through puberty yet and were sufficiently scared by Irving's ample, yet harmless, muscles.

It was a horrible match. James Potter was an excellent Quidditch captain and had put together a superb team. Kurt, on the other hand, was the entire Slytherin team and while he could give Potter a run for his money, he couldn't score all their goals, hit all their Bludgers and catch the Snitch before the Gryffindor Seeker while flying head-to-head with James. Slytherin was pummeled.

Gabriella told Irving she would meet him at the portrait to Gryffindor's common room in a bit. She wanted to go and console Kent for his loss. Biggest mistake yet.

Kent was the last one in the Slytherin changing room, and he gave her a sad sort of look when she came in.

"Hey," she said sympathetically. "Tough luck. I wanted to pass along my condolences before I went to the Gryffindor party."

He snorted and shook his head.

"Are you sure you're not a Slytherin? You support a team until they lose and then jump ship to join a victory party. You know, we're still having a party; it just won't be to celebrate the victory. I'm sorry if it's not vibrant enough for you…"

"Kent, you know that's a bunch of crap," she said, sitting down on a bench. "Irving wants me to be there."

"Well, I want you here," he growled. "Open your damn eyes, Gabby. There's more to this bloody world than Irving Tillotson. I don't even know what you see in that guy. He's a total idiot."

"He is not!" she said indignantly. She knew he wasn't a genius, but he wasn't stupid and she hated when people said he was. "Kent, I care about him. He's a great guy, and he cares about me, too."

Kent didn't say anything. He pointed his wand at the door to the changing room, locking it and making sure no one could hear them. She frowned. Why was that necessary? It was a changing room, nobody just walked in. And even if they did, he wasn't changing anymore.

"Kent…"

"Shut up, Gabby."

She froze. He had never spoken to her like that before. Sometimes he would be rude or short with her, but always in a joking way. This was almost evil. Gabriella snapped her mouth shut, looking up at him with a searching gaze. His face was fully of fury, but his eyes held something else. There was a deep fire in them.

"The party…" she whispered, unsure of herself as he moved toward her, lacing the fingers of one hand through her hair and grasping it tightly. Hale had done this before, when they were snogging, but it had been gentle, sweet. This hurt. She gasped in pain, looking up at him with fear, her eyes watering. What was going on?

"You're not going to the party until I say so," he growled. "You're not going anywhere until I get what I want."

Shit.

Kent undid his belt and moved her hand to his zipper, expecting her to undo it, she was sure, and he then moved his hand to her chest, groping her through her shirt. Gabriella whimpered as his fingers tightened in her hair. She had tried to back away instinctively, but he was holding her very tightly.

"Undo it," he spat. "Now."

She had left her wand in her room. She hadn't wanted to lose it at the party. Now she felt like an idiot. Kent was about ten times stronger than her, having played every Quidditch position but Seeker, and his reflexes were beyond impressive. She couldn't overpower him, and there would be no catching him by surprise. Resisting was an option, but Gabriella knew that if she had bruises across her face, people would ask questions she didn't want to answer. Slowly, she unzipped his jeans, which he then quickly shimmied out of. He wasn't wearing anything under them and she winced. Her face was level with his hips and she knew what he wanted. She wanted to scream.

"Kent, you don't want to do this, please," she whispered, one last try to make him stop.

His fist hit her face and she cried out in pain.

"I said shut up, McPeak, now be a good girl and help me out."

He was incredibly hard. Gabriella didn't know what to do, in more ways than one. She already realized there was no getting out of this, but the extent of her sexual experience was a bit of awkward snogging. Her mind was racing has he pushed her head towards him. What was she supposed to do?"

Kent must have realized her predicament, because he snapped, "Open your mouth."

She jumped at the sound of his voice, but obeyed. With his free hand, he took his hard cock and guided it into her mouth. Gabriella tried to pull away, but his hand in her hair tightened, holding her head in his power. He moved her head back and forth along his cock and she was losing track of time as he ranted at her. Her jaw grew sore. She felt as though she was chocking, as though she was going to die. She didn't think about breathing through her nose. She just couldn't breathe and it scared her.

"You're lucky I'm even letting you touch me, McPeak. God knows, most guys wouldn't want a girl as ugly and fat as you on them like this. I'm doing you a little favor. You know that's why Irving won't look twice at you. Because you're so fat and ugly."

Was she? Gabriella had never been called either of those things. In fact, she had always thought she was rather attractive, but he kept saying it, kept hitting her when she tried to pull away. Tears began to roll down her cheeks and suddenly, his muscles tightened and he released in her throat, not warning her. She gagged and spluttered, but she couldn't do anything but swallow.

In a flash, he was out of her mouth, getting his pants back on, and kicked her to the side.

"Have a good year, princess," he said with a smirk. "I know I will."

As soon as he left, Gabriella could have left the room and gone to the Gryffindor party, or even better, her own bed. She could have gone to Madam Pomfrey. She could have gone to Professor Flitwick, to Professor Dumbledore. There were a lot of things she could have done, and some she certainly should have done, but she elected to curl up on the cold floor of the changing room in a ball for several hours and cry, trying to push the thoughts of what had just occurred deep, deep down in her mind where they wouldn't bother her. She tried to process what to do.

And Gabriella McPeak made the mistake that made all future mistakes ten times worse: she resolved to go on as if nothing had happened. After all, Kent had been her friend, hadn't he? If he was turned in, he would be expelled, certainly, and then he couldn't sit his N.E.W.T.s and his future would be bleak. Actually, he might even get sent to Azkaban. She wasn't sure where what just happened fell in the scope of the law, but she knew it wasn't pretty.

Then she thought over his words. Irving didn't want her. She was ugly. She was fat. She was lucky he even let her touch him. Somehow, despite all the flattering honors she had received in her own list, these words stuck on her brain much more vigorously and assaulted her self-esteem with more power than all the blows he had given her face. Gabriella was glad there wasn't a mirror. She didn't want to know what she looked like. How would she explain away the bruises that were sure to form, if they hadn't already? Could she lie to Gillian?

One thing she knew she couldn't do was sleep at the Quidditch pitch, so Gabriella McPeak made her way back to the Ravenclaw common room after wiping the tears off her face, straightening up her hair, and brushing off her clothes. She put on a smile and entered the common room where a few people were still up studying. Margaret was in the back and she looked up at Gabriella with a puzzled expression. Gabriella crossed the room to join her.

"Hey, Margaret, how's the essay?"

Margaret didn't answer the question. She looked Gabriella up and down before looking back down at her book and saying, "Where the hell were you? Tillotson tracked down Megan and Gillian in a panic because you didn't meet him like you promised. He seemed to think something had happened to you."

"I'm fine," lied Gabriella, knowing instinctively that her friend didn't believe her. "I just lost track of time in my thoughts. I'll apologize at breakfast. I'm sorry if you were worried."

Margaret just shrugged. She didn't press the matter, and that was one ting Gabriella loved about her. She was very bright, very perceptive, but Margaret La Roche didn't try to fix people. It was almost an endearing quality, or something like it, since Margaret wasn't a particularly endearing person.

"Well," said Gabriella with a quick stretch, "I think I'll be off to bed now."

"Oh, before you go," said Margaret, "your brother was looking for you too. You might want to owl him before you go to sleep. He was frantic."

Gabriella froze and groaned. Lawson. Her baby brother was worried. Of course, Irving would have recruited Lawson; they were in the same house. Actually, he probably recruited her sister, too, but Kimberly wouldn't have looked very hard. She was probably already asleep.

"Of course," said Gabriella with a small, forced smile. "I'll send him a note."

As soon as she got into her dormitory, which was empty, she scrambled around for a scrap of parchment and her quill. No doubt, other than Margaret, the other girls were off at the Gryffindor party trying to get drunk or lucky or both. Actually, they were probably assailing Sirius Black. Gabriella scribbled a quick note and used her owl, Athena, to deliver it to Lawson. She changed quickly into her sleep clothes, didn't bother washing her face or showering, and crawled into bed, pulling the blue curtains around her and crying herself to sleep. It was the worst sleep of her life.

The next morning, Gabriella McPeak woke up, showered, washed her face, and looked carefully in the mirror. Her skin was still tender, but surprisingly, there was only one small bruise. It was easily covered with a bit of makeup. She pulled on her robes, practiced smiling in the mirror, and then went down for breakfast with Margaret. They were sitting at the Hufflepuff table that day, and Gillian and Megan bombarded her with questions as soon as she sat down.

"I'm fine!" said Gabriella, lying through her teeth. "I just got caught up in my own thoughts and I forgot about the party. Not a big deal. I'm going to go apologize to Irving and Lawson, okay? I'll be right back. Gillian, dear, dish me up some eggs while I'm gone, will you?"

So far, so good. They seemed to be believing that everything was fine. Her brother gave her a suspicious look when she went and explained to him, but he just nodded. Irving, on the other hand, was more than willing to know that she was 'okay', that 'nothing happened to her last night,' and then he said he needed to talk to her later. She looked him over. If anyone looked as though they had had the worst night of their life, the prize went to him. At first, the guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach said it was her. He had been up all night worrying about her. But then she remembered, so to speak, that she was ugly, she didn't deserve his worry, and so that couldn't be it. It must be something to do with his girlfriend. Maybe Megan was right. Maybe the whore had caused trouble in paradise. Whatever the reason, she agreed to meet with him before forcing herself to skip back to the Hufflepuff table, avoiding looking up at the Slytherins at all costs. If she had to look Kent in the eye, the entire façade that she had built for herself would crumble completely under his stare, she was sure of it.

And so Gabriella McPeak forced herself to eat her eggs, telling herself that she deserved that sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach from lying to everybody, though for what, she wasn't sure.


	3. Rumors

For a while, Gabriella was sure she wouldn't have to tell anyone. She went through her days as if nothing was wrong, smiling her big fake smile, working herself up into an enthusiastic frenzy that people just took as normal Gabriella McPeak. Her brother bought the lie. Her best friends bought the lie. Her teachers bought the lie. But there was one person who didn't seem to be buying the lie, and oddly enough, that one person was a Mr. James Potter. She didn't know how he knew something was up. The only time she ever let her façade drift was when she cried herself to sleep at night with silent, bitter tears. There was no way he should have known that Gabriella wasn't her happy, perky self inside. But somehow, he did.

He said so himself one day as Gryffindor had practice just after Ravenclaw. Gabriella was just leaving the changing room as Potter was about to go in and he grabbed her arm.

"Not so fast, McPeak," he said.

She winced. She wanted to run away. She didn't want to be so near to that spot where Kent had… She didn't want to think about it.

"What do you want, Potter?"

"You think you're pretty clever, don't you?" said Potter.

She frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Your friends haven't even noticed, have they?" he whispered. "Tillotson still thinks nothing's up with you, of course he's got his own issues. But I can tell something's wrong. Your smile is face, your energy is forced, and the makeup can't hide the bags under your eyes. I know something's wrong."

"What's it to you?" Gabriella snapped, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Nothing," he admitted. "I ought to let you suffer inwardly until you eat yourself up inside and can't play Quidditch properly so we can destroy Ravenclaw. But you know what? I'm too nice of a guy for that. Why don't you talk to Tillotson, at least?"

"He has his own problems, you said so yourself," muttered Gabriella miserably. Besides, she thought, he didn't care about her. She was a fat, ugly, pest. He probably wanted her to crawl up in a hole and die but was just too polite to say it. "And it doesn't matter, I'm fine. I don't need to talk to anyone."

"Lies," hissed James. "Look, my team's going to be here soon, but you have to promise me you'll talk to someone."

"Why do you care?" she cried, trying to jerk her arm out of his grip.

"Because I think you're a smart girl, McPeak," he said, "and I'd hate to see you go off the deep end because you're too scared to admit something might be wrong."

"You don't understand!" she shrieked. "You can't understand. NOTHING is wrong; I'm going to be fine. I won't talk to anyone because there's NOTHING to talk about! Just leave me alone, Potter!"

Gabriella jerked her arm free and stormed off toward the castle, knowing he was watching her, but not having the strength to even make it all the way to the castle before breaking down in tears. She didn't look at where she was sitting. Big mistake.

Suddenly, a branch smacked her hard in the back and knocked her on her side.

"MCPEAK!" yelled James, rushing at her as a second branch collided with her head.

Somehow, James managed to reach her with only a small cut on the side of his face and pull her out of range of the raging tree.

"Are you crazy?" cried James. "Do you remember Davy Gudgeon? There's a reason we're not supposed to go near the Whomping Willow you idiot! Or did you do it on purpose?"

James thought she was suicidal. Lovely.

"No," she sneered. "I didn't look before I sat, it was an accident."

"You mean collapsed," he said. "You didn't look before you collapsed."

"Whatever," she snapped. "Just leave me alone!"

"McPeak, if you don't fix whatever's wrong, I'm going to report you to Madam Pomfrey as depressed and a danger to yourself."

"Why the hell do you care, Potter?" she cried. "What do you know? Just go back to your Quidditch practice and stay out of my life!"

"Fine!" yelled James. "Just know that I'm not kidding, if I don't see you looking genuinely happier and soon, I'm going to get you help whether you want it or not!"

James stormed back to the Quidditch pitch and Gabriella found herself wondering what had just happened. How had James known? He couldn't know what was wrong, could he? She shuddered at the thought of Kent bragging at his conquest, at the thought of James overhearing, or even being in the audience of the retelling. It was possible he knew. Why else would he care about her well-being? Anything to keep her out of her Quidditch game. But he hated Kent more than he liked betting Ravenclaw at Quidditch, and cleaning up after Kent might make him feel like he was striking back at Kent. Maybe it was a weird Gryffindor honor thing.

At any rate, he was right about one thing. She needed to figure out a way to be happy, because she didn't want another confrontation like this, with James or anyone else. Gabriella rushed back to the common room and took her usual spot in the common room, at a small table in the corner across from Vin, who was deeply immersed in his Arithmancy. She couldn't understand his love for that detestable subject.

Her eyes watched him over the top of her History of Magic text. They were supposed to be searching the pages before her for information on the International Statute of Secrecy, but instead, they were surveying Vin. He was the complete opposite of Kent in every possible way. He had darker hair. His eyes were green, where Kent's were brown. His skin was paler. Kent was large and muscular, and while she knew Vin was perfectly well strong, he was also tall and lanky, and incredibly thin. Vin was book-smart, while Kent was street-smart. Neither had ever treated her exactly well, but at least Vin was honest and open about it. Besides, she had always been sure that there was a really sweet guy under there, if she just took the time to find him.

"Hey, Vin," said Gabriella. He grunted.

"Teacher's Pet, huh?" he said, looking up from his book.

She shrugged.

"I didn't pick them, you know," she said.

"Yeah, I know," he said. "You'd never have put your brother down for Minister of Magic."

"Actually," Gabriella said, tilting her head thoughtfully, "I think I did. It was either him or James Potter, and I can't imagine putting that ego up another size."

Vin nodded. She knew he didn't like Potter, or any of the Marauders, really, even Remus Lupin. She figured she'd change the subject before he stopped talking to her for the rest of the day.

"So," she said, "what's this rumor I'm hearing about a dance?"

He shrugged.

"Well," she tried again, "I could always ask Evans about it, I guess, but I figured I ought to get it from a prefect in my own house."

"There's going to be a dance right before the Hogwarts Express takes people back to London for Christmas holidays. Formal attire, dress robes required and all that."

Gabriella took note of his nose wrinkling at the words "dress robes". To be honest, she had never seen him at any of the formal pureblood occasions. In fact, if Chara went, she went with friends. Her parents never attended, either.

"So, is it a date event?"

"Yeah, and those third year and younger can't attend unless they've got an older date, of course."

"So," said Gabriella, "thinking of who you're going to ask?"

He shook his head sharply and Gabriella decided not to press her luck.

"Okay, Vin, I can see you're busy. I'll catch you later, I'm off to bed."

He grunted his good night and she took her things up to her dormitory, collapsing on her bed with a sigh.

"How was practice?" said Margaret, who was sitting on her own bed, next to Gabriella's, flipping through her own Arithmancy text.

"It was fine," said Gabriella. "I think we're in good shape to win the cup this year if I can keep James Potter at bay."

"Good luck," muttered Margaret as she scribbled something down on the parchment she had draped over her text. An essay, perhaps. "That boy's a force to be reckoned with."

"Don't I know it," muttered Gabriella bitterly as she dug through her things for her nightclothes. "Hey, Margaret, I'm going to bed a little early. If someone comes in, can you tell them to keep it down?"

Margaret nodded and Gabriella closed the blue hangings around her, staring upward.

"Most Socially Inept, huh?" said Margaret's voice quietly from the other side of the curtains. "Is that really how you see me?"

"Of course not," said Gabriella with a sigh. "I told you at breakfast, we didn't pick them, Dumbledore counted the votes and we just printed the results."

"Maybe," said Margaret quietly, "but you still picked the categories."

That stung. Had they unintentionally set one of their best friends up for ridicule? Had Gabriella unknowingly set herself up to being assaulted by Kent? Was her life going downhill because of a stupid survey? She was supposed to be the Golden Child. The McPeaks had so much power that everyone assumed she had this charmed life. After all, she and Lawson had been put down as Most Likely to Become Minister of Magic.

Margaret didn't say another word that night, except to ask the other girls in their dormitory to be quiet when they came in and Gabriella lay awake, shedding silent tears as she stared straight up, eventually falling asleep to the silence around her.

The next morning, Margaret had already gone down to breakfast when Gabriella got up. Gabriella didn't even want to go to breakfast. It was becoming an ordeal. She had to sit with her back to the Slytherin table to avoid the looks from Kent, and she had to see Irving looking dejected and awful, almost Inferus-like. Now, she just knew she would have to deal with looks from James Potter, and awkward silence from Margaret, and Gabriella wasn't sure this whole year could get any worse.

But she would have to go to breakfast, or Gillian and Megan would be suspicious, and she couldn't handle an intervention from those two at the moment. She might break down and tell them everything, and she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. But who was him? Was it Kent? Or was it James? She didn't want either of them to think they were getting to her, but the truth was, they both were.

She made her way down to breakfast and sat at the Hufflepuff table with Margaret, Gillian and Megan. Margaret had her nose deep into an Ancient Runes book, but the other two were gossiping happily away. She slid into the seat next to Megan and grabbed a slice of toast buttering it absently as she looked over at the Ravenclaw table. Vin and Sam were discussing something, probably politics, and Vin was fidgeting with his fork, flipping it around on his long, thin fingers as he spoke. There was something about those fingers that was bizarrely attractive. Before she had the time to puzzle out what it was, Megan smacked her.

"Be a little less obvious, will you, Gabby? Merlin, he's not even pretty."

"What?" cried Gabriella anxiously. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you ogling at Vin Montgomery and fantasizing about god knows what."

"I was not," Gabriella said with a pout.

"No, you just buttered your thumb because you thought it was cute," said Gillian sarcastically.

Gabriella looked down at her hand and saw that she hand indeed, buttered her thumb. She could feel the crimson blush creeping onto her cheeks as she wiped it off, avoiding eye contact with the girls, not daring to look over at Vin. This was probably the weirdest situation she had been in since first year. But they didn't speak of that.

"What, you don't agree?" said Gabriella cheekily, but it was too late for a proper comeback. They already knew she had been checking out Vin. Thankfully, they didn't know she was checking out his fingers, because she was sure there was nothing normal about that sort of thing.

"So if you like the boy, just ask him out," said Megan impatiently, spearing a sausage on her fork. "He's way too much of a nerd to say no, if he knows his place. Then again," she added thoughtfully, using the forked sausage to gesture, "if he knows his place he would know he's not good enough for a girl like you and might decline for propriety's sake."

"What do you mean?" said Gillian, who was Muggleborn, and didn't fully understand the social hierarchy, figuring this had something to do with that.

"Well," said Megan, "the Montgomerys are well enough compared with the McPeaks, but she doesn't want to marry at status, she wants to marry up, so she'd be better off with a Sirius Black, or James Potter."

"That's pretty much the only families I could marry up into, dear," said Gabriella casually.

"Well, there's still the Malfoys, but Narcissa would fight you for that."

"Point."

"Anyway, he's a total social loser, which makes him beneath you. He's not very good looking, which makes him beneath you."

"But he's a prefect."

"Lots of people are prefects, dear, that only goes so far. Don't forget, your ex is a prefect, and we all know he's no one's idea of a prize."

"False," said Gabriella vehemently. "Just because he has no money doesn't mean he isn't a prize. Look at the Prewetts."

"Point, but he isn't a total sex god, he's barely decent looking."

"Point, but he also does whatever he's told, and I didn't say he was a prize for one of my station, just a prize for someone."

"Ah, point. Well, you get the idea, though, Gillian. I imagine there's some sort of structure like this in the Muggle world?"

"I suppose," said Gillian, dazedly, trying to take in all that had just been discussed, "but it's not this intricate, I'm sure of it."

"Whatever," muttered Gabriella, "I'm sure it doesn't matter. Can we just get back to breakfast, guys?"

"That depends," said Megan slyly. "Are you going to butter your thumb again?"

"Actually, I was thinking of doing my index finger this time," Gabriella said dryly. "What's it to you?"

"I'm just disgusted that you've chosen Vin Montgomery to ogle at."

"I didn't do it on purpose," hissed Gabriella. "It just sort of happened!"

"You didn't ogle at him on purpose, or you didn't pick him on purpose?" said Gillian with innocent curiosity, but Gabriella just groaned.

"Actually," said Megan through a bite of sausage, "I think you're perfect for each other."

"You do?" gasped Gabriella.

"Of course," said Megan with a sly smile. "I couldn't think of anyone else who could shag and talk Ministry politics at the same time."

"Ugh," said Gillian. "That's not a picture I wanted in my head, Megan, thank you."

"Which part?" said Megan, batting her eyelashes innocently.

"Any of it."

"Point."

"Anyway," said Gabriella, annoyed, "the fact of the matter is, there's no way he'd go for me anyway, perfect for each other or not, and I'm not saying I agree on that count."

"Well, I guess," said Megan. "I'll work on it; I might be able to figure out some way to make your dream of shagging him while talking politics come true."

"Actually, Megan, I think that's your dream," said Margaret.

"False," said Megan indignantly. "I neither want to shag Vin nor talk politics, and certainly not both together."

"I meant I think it's your dream for her to do it, since you brought it up and I doubt she had planned that far ahead yet."

"Ah, yes, point."

Gabriella just sighed and picked at her eggs, trying to be more discreet each time she looked over at Vin now, knowing that Megan was watching.

"Gabby?" said Gillian. "We have Potions in about ten minutes."

"Oh," said Gabriella, "Right. Let's go, then," she said, following her best friends out of the Great Hall. She was still in a bit of a daze in the entrance hall and on the way down the stairs to the dungeons and she walked right into someone, mumbling an apology. When she looked up, she found herself looking in the face of none other than Kent Hubble. He smirked down at her, and she tried to keep her face level, but as she turned away she saw the look of confusion on her friends' faces and knew there must have been a flicker of fear across her own.

When they were out of earshot of Kent and his Slytherin buddies, Gillian said, "So what was that all about, Gabby?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said Megan dismissively, "only the fact that you looked at one of your closest friends like he was coming at you with a knife and then pretended everything was fine a half a second later. Or perhaps the fact that the look on Hubble's face as he watched you leave was like a predator stalking his prey."

"It's nothing," Gabriella mumbled. "We're just having a fight. It's not a big deal."

"That didn't look like a fight, sweetie," said Megan in her brash, confident way. "That looked like hunting."

"Whatever, Megan," said Gabriella harshly. "I know you'd like to think you do, but you don't know everything about people. That was a fight, nothing more, all right?"

"McPeak!" called a voice from behind her, and Gabriella groaned, turning to face James Potter, who was running down the stairs at her.

"Go ahead to class, guys," said Gabriella bitterly. "Tell Slughorn I had to deal with something for Quidditch."

Her friends gave her a curious look.

"Fine," said Megan, "but we're not done with this conversation."

Gabriella shook her head as they left and muttered, "Of course not."

Potter came to a halt in front of her, panting.

"What do you want, Potter?" she spat. "I have class."

"Is it true?" he said, giving her a worried, anxious look that made her more uncomfortable than she could have imagined.

"Is what true?"

"Well, there's a couple of things," he said. "Is that Slytherin whore Tillotson's dating really pregnant?"

"WHAT?" she cried, shocked. "I don't know, he hasn't talked to me much yet. He's been pretty out of it."

"I know," said Potter, "that's why I came to you; I thought he might have said something to you about it. He's acting so weird, though, I thought it might be true."

"Well," she said, "I don't know anything about it, but I hope it's not true, for his sake."

"Secondly, is your brother really inventing his own political party?"

"What?" said Gabriella, very confused.

"Something about Muggle garden gnomes…"

"Oh brother, ignore that, he's looking for a rise."

"Well, he's getting it. There are a lot of first years who think he's actually onto something, even the ones who have no idea what a Muggle garden gnome is."

Gabriella sighed.

"There's a reason he and I were voted Most Likely to Become Minister of Magic."

"Clearly. Last question, is it true what Kent's saying about you?"

She froze, staring at Potter's face, too horrorstruck to even bother trying to control her expression.

"What is he saying?"

Potter hesitated. He looked around the floor and shifted awkwardly.

"Potter, what is he saying?"

"Whole story?"

"Yes, please."

"Well, he called you a – a dirty little whore and said that he – he had some fun with you down at the Quidditch pitch and that – that you're pretty much his b-bitch now."

She had never seen James Potter looking so uncomfortable, but she didn't have the opportunity to fully appreciate it. She was mortified. Gabriella McPeak wanted to crawl into a whole and die. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to jump off the Astronomy Tower. Unfortunately, saying any of these things out loud to a boy who already thought she was suicidal was probably a bad idea, so she settled for the next best thing.

"Excuse me while I go cry my eyes out for the rest of the day."

Gabriella actually did attempt to move past him, but James caught her arm and held her firmly in front of him.

"What happened, McPeak?"

"It's really none of your business, Potter."

"Did he hurt you, McPeak?"

"Go away, Potter! Let me go!"

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

James pulled her close to him so that they were face-to-face on the staircase.

"Gabriella McPeak, you are going to talk to me or so help me god I'm going to your head of House and forcing you to talk to someone now talk!"

She stared at him, dumbstruck. James Potter didn't care about her. James Potter didn't care about anyone but himself, his precious Marauders, and Lily Evans. He barely had it in him to care enough about his Quidditch teammates to be a decent captain. There was no way he cared about her, the dirty little slut who was so ugly and unworthy she didn't even deserve to be raped by Kent Hubble.

"I deserved it," she whispered.

"What?"

"He didn't do anything to me that I didn't deserve."

"How do you figure?" said Potter, true astonishment on his face.

"Because, James, now please, let me go."

She was close to tears, and he must have realized this, because his face softened and he said, "Please talk to me about this, McPeak. You shouldn't have to go through stuff alone."

"What do you know about it?" she said bitterly. "You're the Golden Boy, remember? You and Sirius Black. You're like the McPeaks. Bad things don't happen to you guys. Everything's peachy."

"But you and I both know that's a load of shit," spat Potter. "Especially Sirius. His life sucks."

"Join the fucking club," she whispered bitterly, but Potter had let go of her arm, so she took a step backwards. "I'm going to calm myself," she said, "and then I'm going to class."

"Will you see Madam Pomfrey?" said Potter.

"Why?"

"Well – if he – I mean he's sort of – I just think you ought to – with Hubble's reputation…"

"He didn't do that, Potter," she said softly. "I've got no worries of pregnancy."

"That's not what I mean," said Potter, blushing. "I think he may not be… clean."

"Diseases?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be okay, Potter. I'm not worried."

"But what if–?"

"I just don't want anyone to know the rumors have even an ounce of truth to them, Potter, and if someone finds out I went to the hospital wing, even for a cold, everyone's going to think that I'm in for a pregnancy test. It's just best if I avoid the topic all together."

"He needs to pay for this," said Potter coldly. "He needs to be sent a message that this is a horrible way to treat a girl."

Gabriella sighed.

"I'm not turning him in, but if you think he needs to be taught a lesson, than I leave that in your capable hands. Do with that what you will. Just don't let the world know why, please?"

"Of course," said Potter, a malevolent glimmer in his eyes. "He's a Slytherin, I don't need an excuse to hex him."

James Potter walked away with that, a dreamy expression on his face, no doubt already planning his "lesson". Gabriella watched him go and thought through all the ways she could kill herself before her friends found out about the rumors, but knowing she wouldn't ever be able to. Potter would probably find some way to stop her, anyway. That boy was becoming a nuisance. A strange, helpful, and almost lovable nuisance. Damn him.


	4. Confessions

When Gabriella McPeak had calmed herself enough to enter and sit through Potions, Megan was already halfway through turning their potion into a complete and utter disaster. She gave Gabriella a sheepish grin, her embarrassment and the smoke rising from the cauldron masking the fact that Gabriella had been crying her eyes out just minutes ago.

"Sorry, but I just don't know what I'm doing with this thing," said Megan. "I mean, I'm not entirely sure how Bulging Brew does us any good to learn, especially since people use Swelling Solution, which is nearly equally useful, and yet here I am, making the world's worst Bulging Brew ever."

"Not the world's worst," corrected Gillian from the next table over. "Nothing's exploded yet."

"The class is only half over," muttered Margaret. "Don't get her hopes up, she'll get careless."

"Hey!" said Megan indignantly.

"Point," said Gillian and Gabriella together, giggling happily.

"Hey guys," said Gabriella softly, "there's something we need to talk about when class is over, okay? During the break."

"You mean your love for one Mr. Vi–"

"Megan, shut it!" hissed Gillian urgently. "Be a bit more sensitive!"

"No, Megan," said Gabriella, her voice growing low and bitter in spite of herself. "Not about me buttering my thumb this morning at all."

The other three noticed her strange seriousness and exchanged worried glances, but they nodded eagerly and agreed to meet her in the empty classroom in the entrance hall as soon as they could get there after class was over. Gabriella was acutely aware of Megan's eyes on her as Gabriella was fixing their potion, but at least Gillian and Margaret had the courtesy to not gawk at her. Megan was enough to deal with all on her own. Somehow, Gabriella managed to save their potion from being a complete and dangerous disaster, and they turned it in at the end of class, heading hurriedly off to their designated meeting place.

"So, what's the deal, Gabby?" said Gillian as they circled some empty desks and sat on them, forgoing chairs for the purposes of their powwow.

"Yeah, what's with all the weird behavior toward the male species, Gabby?" said Megan, an eager look across her over-made-up face.

"It's the male of the species, not the male species," said Margaret quietly.

"Whatever," said Megan, waving the correction off impatiently. "Just tell me what the deal is, I'm dying here, Gabby."

"Well, it starts with Kent, I suppose," she began.

"Of course it does," muttered Megan.

"Are you going to listen to my story, or not?" said Gabriella impatiently, and Megan sighed, but nodded. "All right, so Kent and I had a bit of a run-in, nothing serious." Gillian was giving her a skeptical look, but she ignored it. "Anyway, we're not really speaking at the moment, so if you hear disgusting rumors being spread around the school, it's because he's bitter. And as for Vin, well, judge me all you want on that one, but he's hot." Gabriella ignored, too, Megan's gagging noises. "And as for Potter, well, he'd heard the rumors Vin was spreading and wanted to check up on them, and he wanted an excuse to talk with me about rumor's he's heard about Irving's whore, as well."

There was a few minutes awkward silence, staring and blinking before Gillian said, "Wow."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner," said Gabriella. "I just didn't want anyone to think it was a big deal, because it's not."

"What kinds of rumors are coming out of the Hubble Mill?" said Megan knowingly.

Megan's cousin had dated Kent Hubble, or as close to dating him as anyone had ever really gotten, and the rumors that flew around were insane. With slightly hesitation, Gabriella repeated what James had told her, hoping she didn't turn too red.

"What if your brother years them?" said Gillian quietly.

Of course, Gillian would be the practical one. What if her siblings found out? Would they tell her parents about the rumors? What if Lawson thought they were true? Even if they had an element of truth, she would rather he just thought it was all a lie.

"Oh, Merlin," Gabriella whispered. "What am I going to do?"

"Well, I don't know, but we've got Charms in about three minutes," pointed out Margaret, "so I think a good first step is not being late for that and act like nothing's happening."

They all nodded and threw their bags over their shoulders, trudging up to Charms. On the way there, Gillian said quietly, so that no one else heard, "Do you think the rumors about Irving's girlfriend are true?"

That had been worrying Gabriella as well. Was the whore pregnant? Wouldn't be a shock. Was it his? She sure as hell hoped not. Did she want to ask him and find out? Hell no, he thought she was perfectly happy with his choice in girlfriend. Actually, she had been happier since the jealous rage the whore had gone off on at the end of last year where she said something to the effect of, "Well, why don't you go fuck McPeak, then, you two are obviously crazy for each other! Just go and bloody marry the girl!"

Well, he hadn't taken any of those suggestions, obviously, or Gabriella wouldn't be in the kind of mess she was, and although it was true that Gabriella was crazy for Irving, she didn't think it was mutual.

"I'm not sure," she admitted as they reached Charms, sliding into class.

"Well, I hope it's not," said Gillian, "for Irving's sake."

Charms was just a normal day in class, but when Gabriella went to lunch, her world truly fell apart. Her brother didn't meet her eyes, and although no one actually mentioned the rumors to her face, very few people met her eyes and many of them whispered as she went past. Kent Hubble was leering at her from across the room and when she passed Irving, she tried to talk to him, but he passed her with his eyes down and a look as though he hadn't slept in about a month. James Potter caught her eye from the Gryffindor table and gave her a look that sure looked like pity and that was when Gabriella McPeak snapped. She ignored her friend's protests and took off for the kitchens. She couldn't eat in the Great Hall. It wasn't possible.

She was just getting her sandwiches from the house-elves when Lily Evans and James Potter entered the kitchens. She watched them staring at her, then turned back to her sandwiches.

"I brought intervention, McPeak," muttered Potter. "You can't just hide away."

"Like hell I can't," spat Gabriella. "You have no idea how I feel."

Potter sighed.

"True. But please talk to us. We can help you."

"No you can't," muttered Gabriella, but Evans and Potter sat down next to her.

"Look," said Evans, "I don't help James with anything. Ever. I try to avoid even being around him, but he begged me and you should have seen how worried he looked when you stormed out of the Great Hall just now. Please."

"I just don't understand what you're hoping to accomplish," said Gabriella honestly. What was done was done. What could Potter and Evans do for her?

"Well," said Potter uncomfortably, as though he wasn't entirely sure either.

"So what exactly happened?" said Evans demandingly, though her voice was soft and almost kind.

"I don't want to talk about it," said Gabriella haughtily, and Potter groaned.

"Look, McPeak, I want to help you, I do," he said, "but part of that involves talking and for some reason, I can't make you talk, which is driving me crazy, by the way. But listen to me. You need to talk. Would it be easier if I left the room?" he said, as though inspired. "Would it be easier if you just talked to Evans?"

"No," said Gabriella, but it was too late, he wasn't listening. He was waving a happy goodbye and exiting the kitchens.

"All right, Gabriella," said Evans, softly, trying to be motherly, no doubt, or sisterly. There was just one problem with her approach: there was no one I wanted knowing what had happened less than my family, except, perhaps, law enforcement/Healers/teachers/prefects/all types of authority figures. Anyway, she fell in that category and was trying to emulate my family as well, so she was really not getting anything out of me.

"So let's start at the beginning," she said sweetly.

"The very beginning?" Gabriella said back. "Well, I was born about six months before my parents got married. My father was going through his divorce and my mother was supposed to be grieving over the loss of her husband, but they decided to get together and make me by accident instead."

What the hell? Why had she just told her all that? Nobody knew that except her sisters, her parents, and Gillian. Her brothers didn't know. She hadn't even told Irving. Granted, Irving always had enough troubles of his own without Gabriella piling hers on his back.

"Um, how about just the start of this year," said Lily, clearly uncomfortable. "I'm not really a therapist, you know."

"Right," mumbled Gabriella. "Um, well, I guess I should start with the list."

"Yes, please, do," said Evans, with a touch of amusement in her voice. "You are aware, aren't you, that James and I aren't a couple?"

"I think everyone is," said Gabriella, "but you were the ones who were voted for."

"So you didn't influence the votes at all."

"No," said Gabriella, a little fed up at having to defend her methodology constantly. "We sent out the ballots, collected them, and handed them over to Dumbledore to be counted while still sealed, and then retrieved the results from him and published them promptly, without sitting down and discussing them."

"Interesting," said Evans. "Do you mention the list first because you think it's the source of your grief?"

"Yes."

"What happened after you published it? How has that list caused you grief?"

"Because Kent attacked me," she said sadly, turning her face away from Lily Evans, wondering why she was saying all this openly to a girl she barely knew. There was an awkward silence as comprehension took over the pretty features of Evans's face and she looked on Gabriella with pity in her perfect green eyes. There was a reason boys like James Potter chased girls like Lily Evans and not girls like Gabriella McPeak. Lily Evans was perfect. Everything from her eyes to her hair to her absolutely perfect figure were nothing short of enviable. Gabriella couldn't compete with that. That was why Kent had hit her. Gabriella was nothing. She deserved it.

"Oh, Gabriella," muttered Evans.

"Gabby," muttered Gabriella. "Call me Gabby, Evans."

"Call me Lily, then," said the redhead with a sad smile. "I can't do this, though. But please, talk to someone at some point? And I'd be happy to be that someone, if you've got no one else."

Gabriella nodded as Lily got up.

"Why did I tell you all that?"

Lily looked a little guilty.

"I – I think Potter might have… He might have slipped you a truth serum. But I'm not sure. Don't worry; I'll box his ears for you. It's one of my greatest joys in life."

And as the girl left Gabriella alone to her food in the kitchens, Gabriella had not a doubt in her mind that Lily meant it. She really did enjoy torturing Potter. Maybe the world was right. Maybe they were meant to be together.

When Gabriella had finished her lunch, she went to Herbology with her Margaret, but there was no comfort from Margaret. Margaret just wasn't one of those comforting people. She was practical to a fault. If Gabriella had come in and said her mum and died, Margaret would ask if she had had the estate affairs in order.

And so instead they collected bubotuber pus together in silence, Margaret not asking questions, and Gabriella not offering information, though both of their minds were reeling. They ate dinner at the Ravenclaw table, and Gabriella didn't even have the presence of mind to properly watch Vin Montgomery. She was too busy feeling horrible about her interrogation by Lily, and the whispers she heard about her and Kent wafting around the Great Hall.

"Gillian," she muttered to her very best friend, knowing there was only one person she could talk to, "I need to tell you something, privately."

Gillian gave her a questioning look, but she nodded.

"I'll meet you at the Quidditch pitch ten minutes after we're done with dinner," said the Hufflepuff Seeker. "Just us."

"Sounds good," said Gabriella, not really meaning it. It would do, but there was nothing good about it.

They met on the Quidditch pitch and Gabriella told her everything that had happened, but she never said who the boy was who had attacked her. She sobbed into her best friend's robes, Gillian petting her hair gently and not interrupting. Finally, Gillian said, "I don't want to know who, and I don't think you'll tell me, but he lied."

"What?" choked Gabriella, who was a tearful mess in her best friend's lap.

"He lied. You're beautiful. You're wonderful. You're second only to Lily Evans in being perfection."

That was an exaggeration, by anyone's thoughts, because Gabriella was nowhere near perfect, but there was no secret that Gillian hero-worshiped her best friend, who had grown up with everything she had always wanted.

"He lied. He didn't deserve to touch you, the scum. Hold you head high, sweetie. It'll all turn out okay."

"You don't know that," muttered Gabriella.

"Okay, so I don't," said Gillian harshly, "but you know I'm not letting you slip through the cracks. You didn't let me."

With Gillian was twelve, her parents divorced. Things got worse with the whole family, and she hadn't known what to do, so she started getting depressed and sending Gabriella strange, suicidal letters. Gabriella got worried, told her mother, and Mrs. McPeak, the wonderful matriarch she was, took her daughter straight over to her friends' house, where Gillian's mother took them to her daughter's room, intending to prove she was fine, but instead finding her with a knife poised over her wrist. They had taken her to St. Mungo's straight away, and after three weeks in a mental health ward, Gillian had learned how to talk about her feelings instead of acting out. Maybe Potter had done Gabriella a favor after all.

"It's almost curfew," Gillian said softly, still petting Gabriella's hair.

"All right, let's go up," muttered Gabriella. "I wouldn't want to run into Lily Evans on my way back to Ravenclaw Tower."

The girls walked to the castle in silence, parting in the entrance hall. They didn't meet each other's or say a word of parting, but merely gave each other a meaningful and heartfelt hug, putting all their sisterly emotions into that one action.

Gabriella moved toward Ravenclaw Tower in a sleepy, listless sort of way, her mind on Lily Evans's words. Was it smart to have told Gillian? Surely she could figure out who had been the attacker. Surely she would turn him in. Surely he would get off and come after her again. That boy was a Quidditch hero with more money and status than he deserved. He had done illegal things plenty of times before and got out without even a slap on the wrist. He and Black were one in the same in that regard. Gabriella knew the leniency of the law herself, as she had been in their shoes before. However, as far as she knew, none of the things she and Sirius Black had done amounted to what Kent had done to her, but still, if he got a slap on the wrist if she turned him in, it would be harsher than she expected.

"McPeak?" said a small voice to her right. She turned to find James, watching her sadly.

"What do you want, Potter?"

"Why won't you turn him in? Why don't you tell somebody? Why don't you get help?"

"Why don't you let it drop?" she moaned. "Besides, you know as well as I do that the only difference it will make if I turn him in is that he'll turn his anger on me. I seem to recall you getting let off for illegal actions quite as frequently as he and Sirius Black."

He didn't smirk with pride like she thought he would.

"McPeak, I'm not about to argue with that, because I seem to recall you benefiting from that leniency a time or two yourself, but you know Sirius and I never did something like this."

"Does it matter?" she sighed, the future Magical Law Enforcement worker in her coming out. "The law is the law, Potter, and we all broke it."

"Not all crimes are equal, Miss McPeak," he said with a seriousness she hadn't thought possible from him. "And I'll tell you this right now, there are some crimes that aren't technically illegal that can be more horrible than any of the things either of us got off for."

She wondered what that meant, but before she could ask, he shook his head.

"I wish you'd turn him in, but I know it's your choice," he muttered, "but I'm glad you're talking to someone now."

"Are you referring to Lily?"

"No," he said, "I'm referring to your partner in crime."

Gabriella frowned. How did he know she had talked to Gillian?

"Do you really know everything that goes on here, Potter, or have you taken some sort of sick pleasure in stalking me?"

With a sad sort of smile, he shook his head again.

"Naw, McPeak, I'm just looking out for you because I worry."

"Why?" she said, eyes narrowed.

Was that worry on his face? Fear? Guilt? This must be a dream. James Potter never had any of those expressions.

"Let's just call it paying for the not-punishable sins of one close to me. It's a karma deal."

"You know you can't accrue karma for someone else?"

Potter nodded sadly and said, "Well, that won't stop me from trying. Anyway, we'd best be getting off to bed before Evans comes around on patrol and docks more house points than either of us have a prayer of winning back through Quidditch."

"Deal," said Gabriella, with the first real smile she had had in days. She wouldn't turn Kent in, but now there were more questions in her mind. Who and what did Potter feel he had to make up for? And what did that have to do with attempting to bring Kent to justice?

**A/N: I'm working on a new story idea. This is a snippet. Tell me what you think. If you all hate it, then I'll not write it.**

"_**We'll get through this war together," said Mary. "We have each other. We'll be fine."**_

_**The Marauders and their girls all nodded in agreement, toasting Mary MacDonald with their shot glasses, courtesy of Sirius Black.**_

_**Three days later, Mary MacDonald was dead, the first of many in their group to fall in the course of the war.**_


	5. Fallout

Gabriella dealt with her pain by pursuing Vin. Gillian said it was unhealthy. Megan said it was hilarious. Margaret said it was just plain sick. The person who didn't seem to have anything to say about it, strangely, was Ron. The boy had gone so far as to tell her he loved her during their last brief dating session (that was when Gabriella decided it was time to end it), but he had nothing to say with the fact that she was so obviously pursuing one of his best friends.

The year went by slowly, uncomfortably, and in the least fun way possible. Potter and Gillian watched Gabriella's every move, making sure she didn't do anything stupid. Lily Evans didn't follow her around in the same way, but Gabriella caught her looking over with pity in her eyes.

For only a few weeks, with the help of Chara, Gabriella even managed to get her claws into Vin, but it didn't last long. He wasn't sure why she was pursuing him, but he was too insecure to believe it would be because she actually wanted him. Chara exhausted all her energy trying to get them together, convinced that they were meant to be, but it didn't last. Vin decided he was going to end it all before it really had a chance to start.

The very next week, Irving told Gabriella he needed to meet her alone, Astronomy Tower, after dinner. She snuck up to meet him, anxious about what he wanted to talk about. Had Gillian told him about Kent? Had Kent's rumors gotten around to him? Had James Potter talked with him? The possibilities were endless. To her shock, he was curled up in a ball on the floor, clutching his knees to his chest as though they were his lifeline.

"Irving?" she breathed, worried.

He looked up at her with hollow, tearstained eyes. This wasn't about her. This was about him.

"Gabby," he muttered. "Gabby, please…"

And as she always did, as she always would do, Gabriella ran to him, wrapping her arms around him and letting him clutch her to him as though the world would end if he let go. His grip was tight and uncomfortable, but it didn't matter. Irving needed her. Nothing else mattered.

"Shh," she said, petting him gently. "It's okay, Irving. I'm here. Don't worry about it, love, I'm here. Everything's going to be okay."

After an hour of him crying into her chest, Irving looked up at her, his eyes still hauntingly hollow.

"I broke up with her."

Gabriella blinked and tried to keep her face neutral. She didn't want to be neutral. She wanted to shout with joy, jump up and down gleefully, throw a dance party. She hadn't felt so wonderfully happy all year. But neutral she was, because Irving was distraught, and being happy wouldn't help a thing.

"Tell me about it, baby," she whispered, still petting him.

"Sh-she was… we were… pregnant," he moaned into her chest. "I wanted to k-k-keep it, b-but she didn't listen and she went to St. Mungo's and… and…"

Irving didn't have to say a word. That whore had killed his unborn child. Gabriella wanted nothing more than to rip the whore's womb out through her throat. She didn't deserve it, anyway. For a moment, it didn't matter that they had broken up. It didn't matter that she wanted to kiss all of Irving's pain away. What mattered was that he was in pain, and Gabriella was in pain, and in that moment she wanted to avenge all of it.

"Do you want me to walk you back to your tower?" Gabriella whispered, thinking she would drop him off and then find the whore. Irving nodded and allowed her to help him off the ground, leading him off to Gryffindor Tower. She gave him a warm hug before he climbed into the portrait hole, and as soon as the portrait closed, Gabriella began to make her way down to the Slytherin common room, down in the dungeons.

When she got to the entrance hall, she felt someone grab her robes, but no one was there. Still, that someone put a hand over her mouth, pulling her into a broom cupboard. When the door was closed, James Potter and Remus Lupin appeared out of thin air.

"What are you doing?" hissed Potter. "There was a prefect right around the corner. What are you doing, going into Slytherin territory in the middle of the night? Are you just trying to run into Hubbell without protection again?"

"I'm dealing with something, don't worry about it," hissed Gabriella back. "Thanks for the heads up on the prefect, but I can handle myself."

She turned to leave, but each boy grabbed one of her wrists and pulled her back from the door, Lupin moving between her and the door.

"Clearly not," he whispered. "You don't want to be out tonight, McPeak, trust me. What do you need taken care of? I'll do it."

Gabriella jerked around, trying to break free, but they both had a tight grip.

"Let go of me!" she hissed angrily. "What are you even doing out at night, Lupin? You're a bloody prefect!"

"Yes, well, if I don't keep track of James and Sirius, nobody will," he muttered with amusement in his voice. "What did you need taken care of?"

"I'm going to kill Irving's whore, rip out her uterus, and feed it to the giant squid."

There was a heavy silence as the boys took it in.

"I would ask why, but I don't think I want to know," whispered Potter. "I'm not sure it's the best of ideas. I'm not sure there's much of a way to make it look like an accident. How about we plan it carefully and we'll come up with some way to pull it off. Maybe we can get someone to purposefully splinch her uterus out?"

"That's got to be illegal," muttered Lupin darkly.

"Oh, it is, but it's harder to trace," said Potter dismissively. "And the best part is, you can still feed it to the giant squid, and she might die if she bleeds out before–"

"James!"

They all blinked.

"Why is your pocket talking to you?" said Gabriella nervously.

"It's not my pocket," mumbled Potter, pulling out a mirror, and looking into it. "Hey, Sirius, what do you want?"

"I'm in the Slytherin common room, but I can't remember which room he's in and I don't want to go into the wrong room because some of those sixth years are scary."

Gabriella frowned.

"What're you guys doing?"

"N-nothing," mumbled James. "It's the last one down the hallway on the left, Padfoot. Why didn't you have Peter check?"

"Peter's still getting the hex ready. Who's the bird?"

"McPeak."

"Wait, we're doing this and you didn't even tell McPeak?"

"What are you guys doing?"

"Shut your mouth, Padfoot and just do the hex!"

He shoved the mirror back into his pocket and Remus frowned.

"Prongs, you said you told her and she was okay with it."

"What didn't he tell me?"

"Trust me, you'll be okay with it. I wanted it to be a surprise for your birthday."

Gabriella blinked.

"You knew it was my birthday tomorrow?"

"Yeah, of course I did, McPeak, you're on our family's card list. I wrote my mom as soon as I got the idea so I could start planning for it."

"Planning what, exactly?" moaned Gabriella, worried about what was going on.

"Don't worry about it," said Potter in a voice that was almost soothing. "You'll see tomorrow. Oh, and I'll owl you sometime this week on getting revenge on that girl for you."

Gabriella blinked.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

Potter shrugged.

"You're a good girl, McPeak. Merlin knows, I've known you long enough. You've been hurt really badly by someone who's not worthy of wiping your shoes. I just figured you deserved to have a few things go your way this year."

Lupin nodded.

"I heard about Vin being a jerk to you as well," Lupin muttered. "I'm planning on having words with him later this week when we have patrol together."

"No!" moaned Gabriella. "Please, he wasn't that bad, I promise. That's just sort of how we treat each other in our group."

Potter raised his eyebrow.

"How you all treat each other, or how they all treat you?"

Gabriella didn't answer. She wasn't in the mood for logical discussion. Her blood was boiling with anger.

"Mind your own business, Potter."

"A bit too late for that," muttered Lupin with a grin.

"We'll walk you to Ravenclaw Tower, McPeak," said Potter, running his fingers through his hair nervously as he pulled out a piece of parchment and scanned it quickly with his eyes. "Wouldn't want you to be running into a prefect or teacher and getting in trouble for our little prank." He gave Lupin a little nod and the prefect inched the door open quietly.

"Cloak?" breathed Lupin.

Potter shook his head fervently and nodded toward Gabriella, who was frowning, confused. Why would they be wearing a cloak inside? It wasn't that cold, and they had on two layers already, what with their pajamas and their dressing gowns. Lupin offered her his arm and she took it instinctively as Potter lead the way up to Ravenclaw Tower, all the while his eyes scanning the parchment in his hands. When they reached the entrance to Ravenclaw's common room, Lupin gave her a smile.

"Thanks for walking me back, Potter, Lupin," she said awkwardly, still not sure how she felt about their defending her honor without her permission.

"Please, call me Remus," said Lupin with a wide grin.

"Gabby," she said, smiling back.

"You can call me James if you want, but you'll always be McPeak to me," said James with a self-important smile. This was the boy, after all, who made a point of calling his elders by their first names whenever he could get away with it (which was with everyone but Professor McGonagall, though he tried) and all but his most selective peers by their surnames.

"And you'll always be Potter to me," she said with a falsely sweet smile.

"We'll see you in the morning, then," said James with a grin. "Best be a little early to breakfast, McPeak. You won't want to miss this."

With that, James Potter and Remus Lupin disappeared fully into the darkness. Gabriella found herself crawling into her bed, her mind spinning, her thoughts jumbled and sleepy. Was she friends with James now? Never had she ever expected that to happen. James Potter was the type of boy her sister would have loved: a total bad boy who thought he was the king of the world. She wouldn't have appreciated being treated like he treated Lily Evans, but she would have been initially attracted to him. Gabriella had never been attracted to him. She had always thought it was for that reason, but now she was thinking it had to be something else. His bad boy attitude and utter confidence were almost endearing. Maybe it had been the fact that they had been rivals since birth. Not in the same way she had been set up as a rival with the kids in her year, but as a social rival. Both had wanted to be leader of the kids table at pureblood parties, but neither had ever really gained it. Instead, it had been a bitter, ongoing tug-of-war between the two of them, forever fighting for dominance and probably causing an incredible headache for everyone else at the table. Parents, on the other hand, said it was adorable. As if either of them needed encouragement.

Lying awake in her bed, Gabriella thought of the time she had one, and a few times when she had lost. Had she wasted her childhood fighting and scheming against someone who could have been a likable, powerful ally? It all seemed so pointless now. It had just translated to Quidditch when they reached school, and she and Gillian started their little gossip paper as a way to off-set the power of the Marauders at Hogwarts, which was unspeakably huge. She didn't hate James. He was just way too worthy of an opponent, and Gabriella never backed down to a challenge.

The following morning, she also found that as a partner in crime, he didn't disappoint. She did exactly as he asked and showed up early for breakfast, waiting rather impatiently, nibbling on her toast expectantly, getting a bit upset that nothing had happened yet.

Just then, she was suddenly sitting face-to-face with none other than James Potter, who was grinning broadly in a self-assured sort of way.

"And he'll be in in about two seconds. Watch the doors," he ordered. And she did.

Kent walked in looking sour. All the girls who saw him turned up their noses and walked away, even the Slytherin girls who usually hang all over him. As Gabriella squinted, she read the words across his face.

_I have a small penis, and I'm proud of it._

Brilliant.

Gabriella couldn't help herself. A huge grin split across her face as she tried not to laugh. There were plenty of other people laughing, but she didn't want him to think she had anything to do with it. James was grinning over at her.

"Glad you like it, McPeak. It's good to see you smiling again."

She looked at James, surprise now all over her face. He was right. How long had it been since she had smiled? She must not have since the first day of school. First everyone was bugging her over the list, and then the rest of life hand caved down over her head and she hadn't even smiled. Before she knew what was happening, she felt tears streaming down her face, and James looked worried.

Vin sat down a few seats over from James, looking over at Kent.

"I wonder what whore he didn't put out for," Vin mumbled, obviously not impressed with the prank. Thank was the final straw.

Gabriella sobbed, stood as quickly as she could to leave, and heard James and Vin both yelling her name, worried, as she fell to the stone floor. Getting up too quickly is usually a bad idea.

James and Gillian paced the floor of the hospital wing and Vin just sat there, checking his watch. Gillian wanted to smack him for that. She wanted to smack both of them. James had pulled her aside and explained the prank, and while she was thrilled that someone was taking out their anger on that jerk who had hurt her friend, she was less than pleased that something had upset Gabriella enough to land her in the hospital wing, unconscious, and sure to have a horrible concussion, with the split in her skull Madam Pomfrey had mended.

"I don't understand what happened," said James. "One second she was smiling and enjoying herself and then she's looking at me crying. And then, I don't even know, she got up and I guess she got up too fast because she just keeled over and crumpled on the floor."

"And the blood," muttered Vin, cringing. "All that blood."

"So I had to make Montgomery help me get her up here," said James. "I was scared if I carried her myself that I'd make the injury worse."

"I just think there's something really awful going on inside her head," said Gillian. "I mean, she doesn't usually act like this."

"No," said Vin. "She's usually loud and annoying and–"

"Shut it," said James darkly. "Shut your bloody mouth, Montgomery, before I sew it shut for you, get the picture?"

"What's the matter, Potter," said Vin, equally dark. "Did I insult your girlfriend? Oh, Evans will be so disappointed. Maybe you should change the name on your wedding announcements."

"Shut it, Vin," said Gillian with a frown. She never understood what Gabriella had seen in that boy. He was just trouble with a bad attitude.

"Don't tell me what to do, Messner," he said, eyes narrowed. "Just because I put up with your psycho friend for Ron's sake doesn't mean I have to put up with the both of you."

"Don't mess with me, Montgomery," growled Gillian. "And don't you dare talk about Gabby that way. You know, she really liked you. Before you treated her like garbage. Come to think of it, she'd probably still do anything you asked, even though you still treat her like garbage. You're pathetic. Your sister even says you're acting like an idiot."

James cleared his throat and the bickering pair turned to look at him.

"Well, as interesting as I find all of this, I just thought you both should know, McPeak is stirring."

They all turned frantically to look as Gabriella's eyes fluttered open. She looked at each of them, muttered, "They'll all know…" and then her eyes shut and she began to breath deep, peaceful, sleeping breaths.

The three of them frowned.

"Who will know what?" said Vin.

"Nothing," said Gillian and James quickly, exchanging a dark look. Gillian knew exactly what was happening. Something someone said made Gabriella think that someone had linked her to the prank, and she thought they would all find out the small, miniscule nugget of truth behind all of the rumors Kent had spread. Poor girl was probably trying to run from the Great Hall when she collapsed. James looked incredibly guilty, as he should, but neither of them moved. They just looked down at Gabriella with dejected expressions, and if James was feeling half the horror and pity that she was, he wasn't feeling enough. If he could have just refrained from acting on his righteous anger…

But asking James Potter to refrain from anything he wanted to do was like asking rain to stop falling when it was storm season. And perhaps, just perhaps, that was exactly what Gillian loved about him most, although she would never, ever say it out loud.


	6. Getting Over It

When Gabriella woke up, she was lying in the hospital wing, five people hovering over her and a glass pressed to her lips. She spluttered a little as the liquid went into her mouth and tried to do down her throat and she felt the glass move away from her lips, allowing her to sit up. Madam Pomfrey was holding the glass, and Gillian, James, Irving, and Lawson were huddled around the bed, expressions of relief on their faces.

"What happened?" Gabriella moaned, feeling a twinge of pain on the back of her head.

Gillian and James exchanged a worried look and James said, "Well, McPeak, you got up at breakfast and then fell. And when you hit the ground, you cracked your skull and there was blood everywhere."

"Not particularly appetizing," said Lawson softly, earning him a swat from his sister.

"How long have I been here?" she said, expecting to find that it had been a few hours.

"Three weeks," said Gillian softly.

"WHAT?"

"Gabby, calm down," said Irving.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU CRAZY PEOPLE WAKE ME UP SOONER?"

"Miss McPeak, you had done severe damage to your brain," huffed Madame Pomfrey. "It needed to be healed before waking you, or I assure you, you would not have appreciated it."

"I'VE MISSED THREE WEEKS OF QUIDDITCH PRACTICE?"

"That's my girl," said the boys in unison, grinning around at each other. Bloody Gryffindors.

"Gabby," said Gillian softly, tears in her eyes. "Gabby, please, stop yelling."

And with that, Gabriella clamped her mouth shut and looked over at her best friend. Nobody yelled around Gillian if they knew what her parents had put her through. Nobody yelled anywhere near her, because she would cry, and if it got bad enough, scream and beg them to stop. She would have a nervous breakdown. She even covered her ears at Quidditch games.

"I'm sorry, Gillian," Gabriella said, shaking her head and looking away from all of the expectant eyes.

"Dear, do you know why you blacked out?" said Madam Pomfrey gently. "Your friends seem to think there might have been some sort of trigger."

Gabriella shook her head vigorously, which hurt quite a lot.

"No, I just stood too quickly. It can happen to anybody."

"Are you quite sure?"

"Positive," said Gabriella through ground teeth. "Now could I please have just Gillian and James? Everyone else can come see me later, but I really just want to talk with them right now."

"What?" cried Irving and Lawson together.

"Why them?" moaned Lawson pathetically.

"I had stuff I needed to talk with you about," whined Irving.

"I'm your brother!" groaned Lawson.

"And the childish behavior is exactly why you're getting kicked out."

James stuck his tongue out at Irving, and Gabriella raised an eyebrow at him.

"Don't push your luck, Potter," she grumbled, waving a hand dismissively at the two boys who were now pouting quite childishly indeed, and they reluctantly left. Madam Pomfrey went back to her office, and Gabriella sighed, falling back on her pillows. "Who knows?"

"Knows what?" said Gillian, frowning.

"Knows about what happened to me," growled Gabriella. She already had to sit in a bed in the hospital wing all day, it was better if she didn't spend it answering stupid questions.

"Nobody," answered James and Gillian at once.

"Nobody who didn't already know," said James. "That is to say, nobody you didn't tell yourself."

"Really?"

"Really," they chorused.

"Okay, I haven't really been out of things that long, have I?" moaned Gabriella. "Not long enough that you two have become mental twiners!"

"Three weeks is a long time," said James, disgustedly, "but not that long!"

Gabriella thought, for a moment, that she saw a bit of sadness in her best friend's eyes, but then it was gone, and she supposed she must have imagined it.

"Gillian, I need you to get somebody to talk to my captain for me, and apologize profusely for my absence from practice."

"Already done," they chorused.

"And maybe somebody could write my parents and–"

"Took care of that ages ago," said Gillian with a dismissive wave of her hand. I had Lawson send the letter when it first became apparent that your stay in the hospital wing would be more than temporary."

"M-my homework?"

"Remus is taking care of it," said James happily. "It'll all be ready to turn in when you're ready to go back to classes!"

"My cat?"

"Margaret has reluctantly been caring for the beast," said Gillian with a smirk. "Megan wanted to, but she couldn't get into Ravenclaw Tower often enough to actually be of any use."

Gabriella snorted at the thought of Megan trying to answer one of the questions that the door gave for entry. Megan was a very sweet girl when she wanted to be, but she really was quite stupid.

"Am I forgetting anything?"

"Hubble tried to visit you in the hospital wing," said James darkly. "I had lookouts posted, so he didn't get close enough to even see you, much less do any damage. He got into a duel and has spent every waking moment hiding the tentacle infestation that has since been threatening to take over his left arm. Too ashamed to get it taken care of properly, see, because he shouldn't have been out and about anyway. It was three in the morning."

Gabriella winced at the thought of what Kent might have done to her unconscious body at three in the morning, had James not had the foresight to anticipate him. She nodded dully in thanks, and James seemed to be okay with this.

"There's sweets and things from our mums on the table," said Gillian. "My mum, Megan's mum, Margaret's mum, your mum, Ron's mum… I think Vin's mum even."

"And my mum too," said James sheepishly. "And Lily Evans bought you a ton at Honeydukes last trip."

"I missed Hogsmeade?" Gabriella moaned, mentally reminding herself to write thank you cards to all of those generous mothers at a later time. Perhaps while she was sitting around getting bedsores in the hospital wing while her friends were practicing Quidditch and writing gossip columns. Speaking of–

"I've got the next issue all ready for your inspection," said Gillian. "I didn't want to publish while you were out cold, seeing as you wouldn't be able to edit that way, and we would ruin our perfect reputation."

"Right," said Gabriella. "Leave me the copy and I'll go over it while I'm here. And can you bring me some things to write thank yous to all my gift givers?"

Gillian nodded and made a little note to herself on her hand. How that girl could write on her skin with a quill and not flinch was completely beyond Gabriella. Those things were incredibly scratchy.

"Any further demands, your highness?" smirked James.

"No," said Gabriella, "not that I can think of right now. And you've got classes soon, I expect."

"Yeah," said Gillian. "But you won't go unwatched."

"How do you mean?" said Gabriella, looking between the two faces.

"We've got someone skipping during every class period," said James, "making sure you're safe and all that."

"Who's skipping first?" said Gabriella, amused that they would go through all this trouble for her.

"Peter," said James. "We decided he doesn't need Divination, anyway, and he's got to take his turn some time."

"Obviously," drawled Gabriella. "Well, that's nice. I'll write thank yous for all of my guards, as well, I think. After all, I'll be here a while."

"I expect an eloquent one, then," said James with a nod.

"Noted," grumbled Gabriella, "now off to class, the both of you!"

They marched out of the room and Gabriella wrote several thank you notes to the mothers who had sent her gifts. Then there was a person coming through the door that she certainly hadn't wanted to see. Kent Hubble was stalking toward her, a smirk on his face and cold fury in his eyes.

"K-Kent," she stuttered, feeling a fear gripping her heart that embarrassed her. He wouldn't do anything to her. She had just suffered a head trauma and was lying in a cot in the hospital wing. Even Kent wouldn't stoop so low.

"Hello, princess," he drawled. "You know, you guys are playing Gryffindor next week. Think you'll be out of bed for that occasion?"

"Y-yes," she forced herself to say, sounding far less confident than she would have liked.

"So what triggered your little fall?" he drawled, coming nearer, smirking as she cringed toward the opposite side of her bed, looking up at him fearfully. "I'd love to think it was me."

"You would, wouldn't you?" came James Potter's snarling voice from the door to the infirmary, and Kent whipped around, glaring at James.

"James!" she gasped. "I thought you had class?"

"Yes, well, my sources informed me that this loser was harassing you, and your safety is more important than Divination," said James, his eyes never leaving Kent. "I suggest you leave, Hubble, before I make you," he growled.

Kent's eyes flashed between James and Gabriella, narrowing slightly.

"I didn't know you were lowering your standards, princess," he drawled. "Scrawny git with glasses is your type now? I would have thought you'd at least go for Sirius Black when you found out you couldn't have me."

The sneer in his voice was undeniable and James's eyes flashed with rage.

"We're not together," muttered Gabriella, wishing that Kent would disappear, that she had somehow fallen asleep and this was just a nightmare.

"Of course, princess," he muttered, winking maliciously at her before backing out of the infirmary. James took a few deep breaths, calming his anger before turning to her.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner," said James. "It's a long way from the North Tower to anywhere. Did he upset you?"

Gabriella snorted. Kent's mere presence in a room upset her.

"I'm fine, James. How did you get out of Divination?"

He shrugged.

"I said I had to vomit. No teacher wants to take their chances on questioning that one."

Gabriella wrinkled her nose. She couldn't imagine that he was wrong on that; even McGonagall would probably let him leave without questions with an excuse like that. But with McGonagall, he would probably get in a lot of trouble if he didn't check in to the hospital wing after he left.

"Well, I appreciate the concern, James."

"I'm already out of class," said James with a shrug. "I might as well stay a while."

He pulled a chair up next to her bed and sighed. They stared at each other awkwardly for a while, before chatting just as awkwardly about Quidditch, the one thing they both enjoyed enough to converse with each other something like civilly about.

"Do you remember that time when we were seven–?" began Gabriella, but before she could verbally relive what had happened when they were seven, James burst out with laughter and nodded.

"With the pudding?" he snorted. "How could I forget? How could I forget? I thought Mum was going to gut me like a fish. As it was, I couldn't sit on a broom right for weeks."

"You mean that toy broom?" said Gabriella with a snort. "I do recall that your father didn't get you a big-boy broomstick until you were nine."

That had been a sticking point between the two when they were children. Because her mother knew Gabriella wasn't going to just sit idly by and not use her sister's broom, her mother had bought her one of her own when she was six and a half. When she had explained this to Gillian once, she got this grand story about Muggle children and "bikilckes", and "training bikilckes", which was supposedly a parallel comparison, but Gabriella never really understood what she was saying, so she never got the comparison.

"Whatever," growled James. "You know what I mean. I do recall you getting a firm talking-to as well."

"Yes," said Gabriella, remembering clearly the discussion she had had with her mother and father. "Father was livid, by Mum let me off, as usual. Seemed to think it was cute."

James snorted.

"They thought everything we did was cute. Did she think it was cute when you were shoplifting from the apothecary, too?"

Gabriella winced.

"N-no, she didn't. She was very disappointed, obviously."

"But she got you off anyway."

"No, my father did. I seem to recall your father getting you off for a few things, as well."

"Not shoplifting!"

"No," said Gabriella with a smirk. "How about trespassing? How about destruction of government property?"

"That was a prank, and a perfectly good one! It would have righted itself if they had given it time to run its course!"

"You knew they wouldn't James, that was the fun, wasn't it, watching them scramble around, trying to fix everything? And what were you doing, sneaking around the Ministry in the middle of the night?"

James winced.

"We were just going for a walk, actually."

"Somehow I find that hard to believe, but whatever. What girl was Sirius trying to impress?"

James frowned.

"Nobody."

"There was a girl involved, was there not?"

There was something about the way James didn't want to talk about it that made her curious. She had been sure that it had been a girl Sirius had been dating at the time. That was a rumor, anyway. Very few people actually knew what was going on in his love life, as there were so many conflicting stories that even the gossip column couldn't keep track of them all and sort out what was the truth.

"Yeah, we had a girl along."

"Who was it?"

"None of your business, McPeak."

That stung. She was McPeak again?

"I think you should leave, then, Potter," she snapped back. "I need my rest and you've got things to do."

His face softened, and he looked sad for a moment, but then he nodded and left the room without another word.

She hadn't meant to get upset with him. Gabriella was rather enjoying this new partnership she had going with James, and it seemed silly that they had fought so bitterly over a simple matter of what girl Sirius Black was or wasn't flirting with when James and Sirius were arrested. Why did it even matter? She didn't know Sirius, or the girl, and probably never would.

Now Gabriella was alone again, and incredibly bored. She would have given a lot to have James back with her for just a little while, but there was no way to tell him that now. She would never tell him, because James didn't need any boosts to his ego. But Gabriella didn't feel like she and James were on different sides anymore. Ever since her problems with Kent, it felt as though he was on her side. Now she had probably just alienated him, and over nothing. She had lost a powerful ally. She didn't know anyone as persistent and obsessive as James, who would post a full-time guard for her safety. There was no keeping Kent away, now.

She spent the rest of the days in worried, guilty loneliness, writing thank you notes, and doing up special ones for the Marauders, with Chocolate Frog's attached. She wasn't sure if boys forgave you if you gave them chocolate, but it worked with her friends, so she figured it was worth a try. It was the only plan she had, after all.

That evening, a little friend of Lawson's came to the hospital wing for a headache remedy, and Gabriella bribed him to take the Marauders the notes she had written, and scribbled, "I'm sorry" at the bottom of James's. He took off to dinner, promising her he would give them the notes there.

To her incredible surprise, James was at the foot of her bed in less than half an hour. She blinked at his flushed face and his panting figure.

"I'm sorry, McPeak," he panted. "I'm sorry , but it wasn't my stuff to share and I got defensive and I shouldn't have and thanks for the chocolate."

She blinked again.

"James, I'm sorry. It was stupid. I don't even know why I was pushing. I don't even care."

"You were both idiots," muttered Remus, who came in behind James. "Anyway, thanks for the chocolate from me and the others, Gabby. They would have come and said it themselves, but they're currently shoving their faces with pudding."

"Lovely," said Gabriella, frowning down at her sheets. "Anyone know when I get out of this madhouse?"

"Tomorrow morning at breakfast time," said James. "I asked Madam Pomfrey while you were sleeping. Remus and Gillian are coming to pick you up."

"Fabulous," said Gabriella with a quirky smile, falling back against her pillows. "You're not having an armed guard follow me everywhere when I get out, are you, James?"

James grinned.

"Tell you what, if you can see them, I'll remove them, but I guarantee you won't."

She should have expected as much and she sighed.

"That sounds fair. And I promise not to go anywhere without one of the girls for company, deal?"

"That sounds fair as well," said Remus. "Now, James, Sirius wanted to talk with you about that prank you're planning on that Slytherin. He said something about plausible deniability, so I'll stay here and keep Gabby company while you three hatch it out. I'd rather not lose my badge over this. It sounds like a doozy."

James grinned manically.

"If you mean by doozy what I think you meant, then this is going to be epic!" he cried. "Thanks for the heads up."

"I suspect it's also illegal," Remus called as James rushed to the door.

"Whatever," James called back as he sprinted out of sight. Gabriella raised an eyebrow at Remus and he just shrugged back.

"Don't ask," he said. "You'll find out soon enough. And I suspect they won't even get more than detention for it, at best."

"Ah, yes, well," said Gabriella with a smirk, "You haven't had the benefit of growing up a powerful pureblood like us. It comes with its advantages."

"Yes," said Remus with a suddenly serious face. "Advantages that make a certain Slytherin think he can just get away with what he did to you?"

Gabriella frowned and played with a loose string on her bed cover. She didn't want to have this conversation, not now, not ever, and certainly not with Remus. Avoiding his eye didn't seem to deter him, either.

"Look, it's your choice, Gabby. It's your life, but let me tell you something, karma doesn't exist. If you don't try and get him the justice he deserves, he may never get it. And what then? You think he's suddenly going to grow a conscience and refrain from hurting someone else, or trying again with you?"

"Stop," she said softly.

"Do you honestly think that he's going to change his ways because he ought to?"

"Stop," she said a little louder.

"I mean, it's not as if you couldn't get someone to listen–"

"STOP!" she screamed. "Just stop! You have no idea, Remus, none at all! You have no freaking clue what it feels like to hurt like this! Yeah, someone might listen. Someone might give a damn because my blood is pure and my daddy's got weight at the Ministry. Big deal. The same is true for him, and don't you dare think for one _second_ that that matters one bit! You don't understand! My word is worth so much less than his, head-to-head, and you want to know why? I'm a woman! Because I'm female, Remus, he's going to win every time, and no one else was there! I've got no proof, not even physical proof! Nothing! Could they use Veritaserum? Could they use my memory? Yeah, they could, but they won't, because it's nothing but a grievance between a couple of kids. This happens between pureblood families all the time, and I'm not going to be the first one to complain!"

Remus just stared at her as she shrieked at him, and she panted, suddenly realizing she was sitting straight up.

"Remus, I'm not saying I don't want revenge, but I'll take it in a way I know will hurt him, not in one I know won't matter."

He nodded, standing, biting the inside of his cheek thoughtfully.

"You know, Gabby, I think you need some rest. I'm going to be just outside the room if you need me, and I'll keep any unwanted guests from disturbing you."

He moved to the door, and turned, his hand on it, ready to exit.

"You know, you're wrong about one thing, Gabriella McPeak." He pushed the door open slightly. "I know exactly what it feels like to hurt like that."

Without another word, Remus left her alone, and she fell back onto the pillows, wondering what on earth he meant by it.


	7. Bodyguard

The following morning, Remus and Gillian arrived to escort Gabriella to breakfast. There was no mention of Gabriella's emotional outburst the day before. In fact, there was no indication from Remus that any such thing had happened at all, which was nice, in a way, because Gabriella felt incredibly guilty over it. She knew she ought to apologize, but certainly didn't want to have to do so in the midst of Gillian, or anyone.

At breakfast, Margaret handed Gabriella her bag, with all of her things for her classes that day, and Remus cordially took his leave of the girls as they headed for the Hufflepuff table, eager to discuss all that had transpired between Gabriella's collapse and her recent release from the hospital wing. Before they had a chance to really talk things over, however, Vin slid into a seat across from her. He winced as he did so.

"Chara sends her best. She doesn't have class until after morning break and wanted me to great you for her," he said, frowning. "How are you feeling, Gabby?"

Gabriella blinked. He never called her Gabby. He didn't even call her Gabriella. It was always a surname with him. Megan actually dropped her fork from shock, and Gillian's eyes grew wide.

"I-I'm fine, Vin," she said, trying very hard not to sound too surprised. "I'm just sorry I missed so much. Think of all the Quidditch practices I've missed!"

"Well, I honestly can't say I'm sorry about that, dear," said Gillian wryly.

"No, you wouldn't," said Vin. "Anyway, I was wondering, Gabby, if you're busy later? I thought you might like some help catching up on homework."

"Th-that would be great, Vin," she said, unable to hold back her astonishment. "When–?"

"I'll meet you in the library just after dinner?" he said. "Anything we don't finish we can always take back to the Tower."

"Of course," she said, her voice growing slightly breathless, and Megan snorted into her eggs, but Vin and Gabriella ignored her. Their eyes were locked, green on brown, and Gabriella McPeak didn't realize the great mistake she was now making. But it wouldn't be the worst, and it wouldn't be the last.

Classes seemed to go at an agonizingly slow pace that day. Gabriella's mind kept running forward to her study session with Vin, and spending her first alone time with him in ages. Her mind was on his long, thin fingers… twirling his quill, ruffling his hair, running across her thigh…

Well, they hadn't actually done that yet, but perhaps… if the moment was right…

Finally, she was sitting at dinner at the Hufflepuff table, trying not to stare at Vin, and thereby not noticing four sets of eyes from the Gryffindor table and one set from the Slytherin all staring at her through the whole meal. She kept her eyes trained on the food in front of her, although if someone had asked her later what had been served at dinner, she couldn't have told them. It didn't matter. Gabriella was having a study date with Vin Montgomery.

Gabriella made her way swiftly to the library, anxious to see him. She had forgotten, though, that she was supposed to bring one of the girls with her everywhere. She had forgotten her promise to James. She was just outside the library when she saw Kent, and she froze. Every muscle in her body was ice, and she didn't know what to do. How hard was it really to just step inside the library, where there would be witnesses for his every move? But her body couldn't move, and he kept moving closer.

"Hello, princess," said Kent softly as he closed in on her. "No Potter protector, I see. Shall we go somewhere more private?"

"She's with me, Hubble," said Vin, stepping up from the other side of the library entrance. "And she's late. You want to bug her, you're going to have to do it later. Now scram."

Vin watched Kent stalk away, and pulled Gabriella into the library by her arm.

"Want to explain to me a few things?" said Vin softly, pulling her down the rows of the library to where he had left his things.

"Like what?" she whispered snappily.

"Like why you're late, why Kent's treating you like that, why you let the Marauders follow you around…"

"Look, Vin," said Gabriella with a sigh, tossing her bag down next to her, "I appreciate the concern, but it's really none of your business. We're here for studying, remember?"

"Right," said Vin, looking slightly defeated. "Homework?"

Gabriella bit her lip. Was there any way of telling him the truth without setting him off again? Probably not.

"Um, James had Remus do it for me. My work is done, but I'm going to need help going over the concepts, making sure I actually know how to do it all."

Vin frowned. She knew he didn't like Remus, but she had no idea why. Remus was probably one of the most likable people at Hogwarts. Then again, so was Gillian, but Vin and Gillian fought like cats and dogs.

"Well, since your precious Marauders have taken care of all the real work, I guess we'll discuss theory. Get out your books."

His coldness was surprising, almost stinging. When it was nearly time for curfew, Gabriella slammed down her book, frowned and him and hissed, "What the hell is your problem?"

Vin just rolled his eyes and hissed back, "Ron's going to ask you out again."

Gabriella blinked. It was a fact. He was stating a fact. There was absolutely no way to tell what he thought about it from that voice. She wanted him to be upset, bitter, possessive, jealous, anything but the cool indifference he was portraying. Maybe if she told herself he wanted her back enough times she might even believe it…

As soon as she stepped out of the library with Vin, minutes after Madam Pince warned them she was closing up, Gabriella saw Remus frowning at her from the spot across the hall where he was lounging against the wall, quite obviously waiting for her. Vin glared at him, and Remus stared stonily back at the pair of them, walking straight up to Gabriella as Madam Pince closed the doors behind them.

"James would like me to tell you," he said, "that since you appear to be unable to uphold your end of the bargain, you will have a visible escort at all times."

Gabriella was just about to retort angrily when Vin growled, "And what makes you think you Marauders can keep an eye on her better than those of her own House? Who made you responsible for her?"

Remus blinked.

"I don't recall any of this being any of your business, Vin," said Remus softly, in a voice that Gabriella was surprised to find was almost dangerous. Vin obviously noticed the out-of-character tone as well, because his eyes narrowed, but he turned and headed off toward Ravenclaw Tower, muttering something to the other two about needing to get to his prefect duties.

"So you're stuck babysitting me?" sighed Gabriella, annoyed at pretty much every male in the building at that moment.

"I'm escorting you to Ravenclaw Tower as I do my rounds," said Remus with a tight smile. "James will want to talk with you at breakfast about setting down some new ground rules. You should have just stuck with the agreement, Gabby. It would have been a lot less stressful for you."

She didn't say anything as she followed him down the corridor. She knew what he was getting at, but she wasn't filling in the blanks so easily. He was going to have to work for that sort of information.

Remus sighed.

"Why did you go off without one of the girls, Gabby?"

Gabriella bit her lip and shrugged slightly, but it didn't appease him. He was watching her with narrowed eyes, expecting a clear, full answer. With a sigh she said, "Because Vin wanted to meet me in the library and I wanted alone time with him."

"Ah, yes, Vin," said Remus sourly, "the boy who treats you like dirt. Tell me, who do you like more, the one who treats you like dirt, the one who treats you like his therapist, the one who treats you like his slave driver, or the one who treats you like his slave?"

The bite in his voice her almost as much as the words themselves. Gabriella knew he was referring to Vin, Irving, Ron and Kent, but she wasn't going to dignify such a statement with a response. If he wanted to think that way about her that was his business.

"I'm not trying to judge you, you know," he said softly when they reached the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower. "I just wish you'd take better care of yourself."

"Why do you care?" she said softly, wishing she had sounded angrier than she really felt, but failing.

"Because," he whispered. "Because you're better than that."

They locked eyes for one earth-shattering moment and Gabriella wasn't sure what was about to happen. Something very strange was going on with Remus Lupin, and the way he was looking at her in that moment almost prompted her to ask him if he wanted to stay with her that night, which would have been out-of-character, embarrassing, and completely bizarre. Thankfully, the gaze was over almost as suddenly as it had begun and Remus looked down at his feet, swallowed, and muttered that he had to finish his rounds, but that he would see her at breakfast and he wished her happy dreams.

She had dreams, all right, and they weren't exactly nightmares, but she wouldn't have used "happy" as a descriptor for them, either.

The following morning, Gabriella braced herself for a theoretical sucker punch to the gut as she walked down to breakfast. She had barely stepped into the Great Hall, however, when she was accosted by James Potter. He was punctual, that was for certain.

"What the bloody hell were you thinking, McPeak?" he roared. "I can't protect you if you don't uphold the bloody bargain!"

"Well, I broke the deal," she said calmly as she could. "So I believe I require a visible guard now?"

"Damn right you do," he growled. "That makes things more difficult, you know."

"For me, James darling, or for you?" she said acidly, turning on her heal and sitting down at the Hufflepuff table with Megan, Margaret and Gillian. But almost immediately after she sat down, Remus slid into the seat beside her.

"Good morning, Gabby," he said dryly, buttering a piece of toast as if he'd been there all along.

"So you're my personal body-guard now?" she muttered bitterly, frowning at his toast.

"Only when I can," said Remus. "James thought it fitting, since…" He frowned at her. "Well, never mind."

Something very odd indeed was going on with that boy. Megan had a knowing smirk, but the other two appeared as clueless as Gabriella felt. Megan… That girl was only capable of knowing smirks on one subject: romance. Did someone have a crush on Remus? No, they would have said. Did Remus have a crush on someone? Hmm… possibly. Gillian, perhaps? Now, that would be a smart match.

"Ah, well," said Gabriella, musing over the possibility of setting up the pair of them, "if you really don't want to babysit me, you don't have to. I'm sure James would understand."

Remus shook his head vigorously and said, "You might not value yourself enough to worry about your safety, Gabby, but I do. Consider me your shadow for the rest of the year, because I'll only not be with you when I absolutely have to."

Well, that was unexpected. Gabriella recovered quickly, however, and decided to use the time with Remus to attempt a little matchmaking between him and Gillian. Maybe Megan could be helpful.

Somehow, Remus was true to his word and was with her nearly every minute of the day. She had grown so accustomed to his presence that Gabriella found it hard to believe that he hadn't been a part of their group all along.

"I have an article," Gillian said one morning, "about Marion trying to bribe a teacher that is going to make you look like the most angelic being in the school, Gabby."

"Do tell," said Gabriella, flipping through the eyewitness accounts. She had been present for the incident in question, but couldn't write it from her own point of view. "Trying to bribe Binns? What does one even offer a ghost? Beside, from what I hear, History of Magic isn't the only class he's failing."

"Who did you hear that from?" pressed Gillian eagerly. "We could use that in the article!"

"I could poke around for you guys again," said Megan thoughtfully. "I'd love to see someone take McCleary down to size."

Remus shook his head and buttered his toast.

"Why are you so mean to that kid? He seems perfectly nice."

"Perfectly nice?" hissed Gabriella. "Perfectly nice? So Vin tried to convince me. That kid has been after my power and influence since first year. He's an awful, conniving little sneak with absolutely no ethics. You know he wants to be a Healer? I think it's in the best interest of the entire magical community that I keep him from that goal. Seriously, if he doesn't see anything wrong with bribing his professors, or attempting to, do you honestly want your life in his hands?"

"I'm guessing the acceptable answer to that question is no?" he said with a smirk.

"Damn straight," she snarled, still editing the piece they had done on Sirius Black's supposed shagging with one Amy Appleby of Slytherin. It was a fairly good story, corroborated with multiple accounts of people from a variety of years, social groups and Houses. If Gabriella was being perfectly honest with herself she knew the story would ruin anything good about Sirius Black's reputation, but she didn't care in that moment. It was going to be journalistic gold.

"You can't publish that," Remus cried suddenly. "Are you insane?"

"Why, what's wrong with it?" said Gillian, frowning. "Is it really that bad? I worked so hard on that piece…"

"No, no, it's nothing like that," hissed Remus, "but the content. I can't let you publish that, Gabby. He's my friend."

Gabriella frowned.

"Is it true?"

"Does it matter?"

"If the story's not true, I can't publish it. We've got multiple sources, but when it comes to Sirius Black, source validity often flies right out the window."

He considered her for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek and tapping his fingers on the wooden table. After what seemed like forever, he whispered, "It's not true."

"Are you sure?" she said softly. "Seems like you're lying to me."

It did. There was something about the way they were facing off that felt as though he was doing his best to not betray a lie. She would know, it was something she had grown very good at in all her years of being the rebellious child in her family. Remus, on the other hand, was always a good boy, even amongst the Marauders, was thus fairly easy to see through.

"Gabby, for the love of Merlin, don't publish this story," he groaned. "I'll do whatever you want, please!"

Gabriella blinked. Whatever she wanted? He obviously hadn't heard many of James's old stories if he was willing to offer up that sort of incentive so freely, but Gabriella McPeak wasn't one to complain. She considered him, realized the power she possessed, and a small smile appeared on her face. Remus would do anything, and Gillian was too incredibly nice to ever turn down a boy. It was as if the divine powers, whatever those were, had decided to hand Gabriella the world on a string.

"All right," she said with a smirk, "I'll whip up another story to replace it… on one condition."

"Anything," he sighed.

"You and Gillian will go to Hogsmeade together next weekend."

Both jaws dropped, Margaret looked up from her food with mild interest, and Megan choked slightly, whipping her head from one to the other as though watching a Muggle tennis match. Remus recovered first, looking at Gabriella with the most even face he could pull together on short notice, and turning to Gillian, asking her to Hogsmeade. She nodded faintly and Remus turned back to Gabriella who smiled and, with only a hint of regret in the deal, ripped up the parchment in her hands, letting the pieces fall into a little pile on the table and setting them on fire. Remus's eyes, however, never glanced at the parchment. His stare was locked with Gabriella's and his eyes were full of turmoil… What was that in them, relief? Regret? Anger? Something darker than usual, she was sure.

"Sirius will be very pleased," he whispered. She supposed that was his way of thanking her.

"There's always next time," said Gabriella, her face set. "There's not a soul in all of Hogwarts who generates more gossip, and you can't expect to make me avoid ever good story I find just because it's about one of your mates. We may run out of things I want that you're able to give me."

His eyes flashed with another emotion she wasn't familiar with seeing in them, but his face remained as even as she had ever seen it.

"We'll see about that," he whispered. "You'd be surprised at what I'm able and willing to give."

"Even for the sake of Sirius Black?" she questioned, wondering what he meant by that.

"I said you'd be surprised," he said, a small smirk forming around his lips. "Don't make me spoil the surprise."

Gabriella held his swirling gaze for a moment longer before returning to her food. Margaret decided the interesting part of the conversation was over, and Gillian had been pretending it was over since she had agreed to go on a date with Remus. Gabriella was acutely aware, however, without even looking up, that Megan and Remus were both fixing her with calculating stares. Megan's in particular was a little unnerving, and Gabriella couldn't fathom why.


	8. Say Anything

It was only a matter of days until that fated Hogsmeade date where Gabriella envisioned Remus and Gillian realizing their burning passion for each other and coming back hand in hand, starry-eyed and twittering on about how in love they were, perhaps even planning the wedding and picking out names for the children (for which Gabriella would be the godmother, as she had brought the two lovebirds together with her insistence). In her eagerness for that particular event, Gabriella didn't even notice that she herself had no date for the occasion. The dilemma did not last long, however.

The night before the Hogsmeade trip, Gabriella found herself studying alone in the library. Rather, Gabriella found herself studying in the library with Remus a few feet away, wand in one hand and a book in the other, glancing up at her every three seconds to make sure she was still there, alone, and unharmed. She had become so accustomed to his presence that this barely bothered her.

Then Ron sat down across from her. Remus twitched for a moment, looking up at them as if deciding whether Ron was a threat or not, and then shook his head, returning to half-reading his book and pretending not to listen to them.

"Hey, Ron," she sighed. "What have you been up to?"

He gave a weak sort of smile and shrugged.

"This and that," he muttered. "How's the homework going?"

"Oh," she sighed heavily, "it's coming along. What's on your mind?"

He picked at a burn mark on the table and muttered, "I was wondering if you had plans for tomorrow…"

"No, I don't, actually," said Gabriella, scribbling away at the parchment, ignoring Remus as he made no pretext of watching and listening to her now.

Ron continued to pick at the burnt spot, more vigorously now.

"Do you think, maybe, you'd go with me to Hogsmeade?"

It wasn't really a surprise. After all, Vin had told her that Ron was going to ask her out again. However, Gabriella had been so focused on her efforts to set up Remus and Gillian that the thought of her own love life had been promptly pushed from her mind. She blinked at Ron.

"Sure, that'd be great," she said with a small smile.

She hadn't thought she'd date him again, but then, she never thought she wouldn't. Ron was comfortable, a sort of safety. They had known each other for so long, it was like dating herself.

"C-cool," he said with a nervous smile. "Pick you up at the usual time, then, entrance hall."

"Sounds good," she said with a smile, and Ron left, leaving her and Remus alone once more.

"You don't love him," Remus said softly, but matter-of-fact, as though he thought this was something she ought to know but might not be aware of.

"Maybe not yet," she said softly.

"You don't love him, you don't even like him in that way," argued Remus.

"No, I do!" she hissed.

"No," he said, a sad expression on his lightly scarred face. "You don't. No more than you love Irving Tillotson."

She blinked.

"But, I do love Irving Tillotson. Everybody but Irving knows that."

"No," he said, smiling a little. "You think you do, but you don't really love him, Gabby. How can you? He doesn't even see you."

It was as if someone had stuck a knife in her heart and twisted it tightly. He was absolutely right, of course, but she didn't want to admit it at all. After all, they had been best friends since before she could remember, her and Irving, but she knew what Remus meant. He didn't see her as anything else, and he probably never would.

"I don't need to sit here and debate my love life with you, Remus," she hissed. "I'm going on that date and that's that. You're not my father."

"Your father does exist, doesn't he?" Remus said softly. "I mean, I've seen his name in the papers and things, and a photograph on occasion. Yet it seems strange to me that someone could go through what you went through and not tell their father, not have their father fighting for them. You've never talked about him. I mean, do your parents ever even talk to you?"

"When did you become so antagonistic, Remus?" she snapped back at him. "I'm not sure I like this side of you."

"It seems to be the only way to get you to talk about anything," he said dryly. "I'm just saying… Oh, just forget it. I don't even remember what my point was anymore. Just don't stupid, Gabby."

"Did you just call me stupid?" she cried, earning herself the glare of Madam Pince.

"No," he said softly, "but I'd appreciate it if you would stop acting like you were. You're better than this."

There was a hot, guilty sort of feeling building up in the pit of her stomach, but she didn't know what she was feeling guilty for. Part of her wanted to hit Remus so hard that he would never bring it up again, but the rest of her wanted nothing more than to curl up on his lap like a small child and cry and she had no idea where such a desire even came from. One thing was certain, though: She was in no mood to continue studying that night, much less with Remus right beside her.

"I think I ought to be going to bed," she said firmly, steadily, not wanting to betray that there were any thoughts behind that statement other than the statement itself, but Remus gave her one of his knowing looks and she wanted to hit it away.

"I'll walk you back to your common room, then," he said softly, standing and waiting for her to gather her things.

They walked in silence, not an awkward joke or a just-remembered anecdote between them. Gabriella felt a sinking, guilty, sick feeling in her stomach. She tried not to think about the things he had said to her, but his harsh truths bounced around in her mind. By the time they reached the door, she was fighting back tears.

She didn't even hear the riddle when Remus knocked. She was too busy trying not to break down. Remus gave her an expectant look, but she shook her head miserably. She didn't even want to try. She was too distressed. He sighed, answered the door, and it swung forward, allowing her entry.

Gabriella paced the common room for what seemed like days, wondering if everything had all been a lie, all of her life. Things her mother had admitted to her came back: she had been conceived and born before her parents had been married. It had been quite a scandal in the pureblood society, each of her parents in separate marriages, and her mother with two children with her husband. Her abusive husband.

When they had their divorces and married, her father adopting Gabriella's sisters (her half-sisters), Gabriella had been not yet six months old. It wasn't something that was common knowledge amongst her peers, as good parents didn't discuss such scandals amongst their children, but the parents knew, and if she had ever told on Kent, nothing at all would happen to him. She was an abomination, and he was right to put her in her place. That was why Irving didn't want her, why her father was hardly ever around.

She looked around her, stopping as she realized this and realizing something else: She was no longer in her common room. Somehow, somewhere in all her thoughts, she had made her way to the Astronomy Tower, and she was now standing at the railing, looking down onto the grounds. Gabriella swallowed thickly.

Heights. She was terrified of heights.

It had always been one of those silly things that her parents said she had no business being scared of, like bridges, or those Muggle people who painted their faces and didn't talk… Maims or something of that sort. McPeak's didn't have fears, didn't have weaknesses.

Which was silly. Kristal was afraid of spiders. Kimberly was afraid of everything. Why couldn't Gabriella be afraid of heights?

Suddenly, though, the height didn't seem so bad. In fact, she wanted to have a closer look. She climbed up onto the railing, her heart pounding, her palms sweaty, her legs shaking traitorously. Gabriella didn't even know what she was doing anymore, her body was acting of its own accord. Nobody would mind if she just started walking at that moment. Some people would probably be thrilled to find her body in the morning. Like Remus had said, it's not like anybody really cared about her.

Gillian might be a little upset, but that would probably be it. Gillian… that poor girl. They would probably have to lock her up in some Muggle mental hospital again, like they had done when her parents had split. Perhaps they would take her to St. Mungo's this time. That poor Muggle hospital hadn't known what to do when the drapes kept catching on fire.

It was a long way down. Stepping off that wall, there would be no turning back. She dropped her wand behind her so that she didn't accidentally break her fall at the last moment. What if she got scared on the way down? Would her wandless magic kick in, like Gillian's had in the mental hospital? There was only one way to find out.

Taking a deep breath, Gabriella let go of the ledge and looked down. Time to take a step…

"Gabby, no!"

She had stepped forward, begun to fall, but instead she shot backward, realizing that James had done a nonverbal Summoning Charm, causing her to fall into him and Remus as she zoomed toward them.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" James choked out, holding her struggling form tightly, ignoring her kicks, punches, and bites. "Do you want to be locked up? Do you want to be zonked out on stabilizing potions?"

"No," she hissed, "I want to be dead."

She resumed her struggle to be free of him, and Remus and James exchanged shocked looks over her head.

"Y-you don't mean that," Remus said, his voice breaking with fear.

"Yes I do!" she screamed. "You want me dead too, both of you, admit it! You were right, Remus, nobody cares about me! It doesn't matter if I die, and I won't hurt if I'm dead! Let me go, Potter, let me go right now!"

"No," James said coldly, firmly, harshly, causing Gabriella to freeze her struggling out of shock. He had scolded her. He sounded angry with her, upset. The look of disappointment in his eyes pained her, but it stunned her enough to make her forget about her quest for a moment. He took advantage of her surprise and bound her body below the neck with his wand, keeping her from running for the ledge again. "Now, Remus, what the hell is she talking about? What would make her think you want her dead?"

"I don't think that at all," Remus said sadly, and if Gabriella had been in her right mind she would have seen the tears forming in his eyes. "Merlin, Gabby, I didn't mean that at all! I don't care if anybody else in the world agrees, but I care about you, Gabby. I do! Please don't do this."

Gabriella was past thoughts, past reason. She was completely, utterly hurt and all she could do, the only thing that seemed to work, was to cry. She vaguely was aware of James sighing and wrapping her up in his arms, petting her gently. He began to make soothing sounds and rock her a little bit, like a father soothing his child. Gabriella tried to remember her father soothing her when she was young. She could not think of a single instance. He was hardly around when she was growing up.

Had Gabriella been in her right mind, she would have seen the tear that ran down Remus's cheek, the horrified, self-loathing painted all over his face as he looked at what his careless words had reduced her to. But as it was, Gabriella wasn't in her right mind. She couldn't tell Remus that it wasn't all his fault because she was too busy dealing with the breakdown itself to focus on what caused it in the first place.

She felt safe in James's arms, comfortable. But even the king of the Marauders apparently didn't feel safe staying in the Astronomy Tower all night with an emotionally distressed female.

"Gabby," he whispered when she hiccupped herself into a near-calm state, "we need to get you out of the open. I don't feel safe with you going back to your dormitory alone. Which one of us would you like to stay with you in your common room tonight?"

Just that morning, Gabriella would have asked for Remus. It wasn't that she didn't like James, there was just so much less-than-friendly history between them, and Remus had always been so nice, so much of a gentleman. Now, however, Gabriella couldn't bring herself to verbally ask for either one, so she curled in tighter to James to tell him with her body that she wanted to stay with him. Had she been looking around, she might have seen the hurt in Remus's eyes, but her face was buried in James's chest, the occasional tear still making its way into the creases of his shirt.

James pulled out a parchment and examined it behind her head for a while, holding her, rocking her.

"Okay, Moony, you're clear. We'll leave right behind you. Be careful. Do you want the Cloak?"

"Yeah, if you're keeping the Map," Remus said, and Gabriella was so distressed she didn't even hear the pain in his voice. James tossed something in Remus's direction, Remus said a soft goodnight, and then James and Gabriella were alone in the tower.

"C'mon, Gabby, let's get you out of here," he whispered gently, lifting her to her feet and helping her down the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. It took a while to get back to the Ravenclaw common room, what with Gabriella's difficulty walking and James pulling her into random nooks and crannies to avoid detection. Still, they made it there, James answered the question with surprising ease, and he pulled her inside the Tower, gently tucking her in on a couch and sitting on a nearby chair.

"Are you still awake?" she hissed ten minutes later, staring up at the ceiling with tears in her eyes.

"Yes."

"Do you have a date for Hogsmeade?"

"Nah, Sirius and I are probably going to go drinking at the Hogs Head or something. I hear Remus is going with your friend… Julia?"

"Gillian."

"Right. She's a nice bird. A bit plain."

"Yeah, I guess. She's probably the sweetest person I know, and my mum says she's beautiful. But she'd make a great girlfriend."

James snorted.

"Don't tell me you're trying to set up Remus and Gillian."

"Why not?" she said, frowning. "I think they'd make a great couple."

There was a long, tense pause, as if James had something he thought he shouldn't say, but wanted to.

"He likes somebody else, just leave it at that."

"Oh," she said, turning onto her side and curling up into a ball. She had been so sure there was chemistry there, that there was some sort of a crush. "Well, he could like more than one girl. They haven't even had the date yet. There could be sparks."

"I don't think so," James whispered. "You see, while Gillian has some things in common with the girl he likes, they're very different people. And they look completely different."

"What does she look like?" Gabriella yawned. She would master this matchmaking; she owed it to Remus after scaring him and then blaming him like she had just done.

"I can't tell you," James chuckled softly. "It would be entirely too obvious. But the way he gushes on about her, you'd think she was a goddess or something. Of course, he only says it to me. He hasn't even told the other Marauders."

Gabriella found that very hard to imagine. She had always thought of the Marauders as sharing a brain, sharing interests, sharing everything. She wouldn't have been surprised to find that their wives would one day be expected to participate in mass Marauder orgies. She shuddered involuntarily at the thought of Lily being forced to sleep with Peter.

"What does he like about her?" Gabriella pressed, desperate to find out some sort of connection between this mystery girl and someone she knew, preferably something that could help him connect with Gillian.

"She's smart, she's funny, she's cultured. He goes on and on about how stylish she is. She's got a fair amount of money, you see, and in all the years I've known her, I don't think she's ever worn the same thing twice. And poor Remus is dazzled by her because he's only got a little bit of clothing, not even enough to wear something different every day of the week. That's why he hasn't approached her, mostly."

"Why?"

"Because he thinks she's too good for him, just because she wears nice things and knows the right people."

"But that's silly, Remus is so sweet."

"You and I know that," James sighed, "but Remus hasn't lived in the world we have. It's a lot different on the outside looking in. But that's not the only reason he won't approach her. Getting Remus to date anyone long-term would be a miracle."

"Why's that?" Gabriella insisted, sitting up, curious.

James hesitated, staring at her through the darkness. She didn't think he was going to answer, but he finally whispered, "Remus just has a lot of things he keeps a secret, things he would hate anyone finding out. He's afraid if she knew, she wouldn't look at him the same. I don't know her well enough to tell. She might. But the thing is she's got her own secrets. Remus knows most of them now, but it hasn't scared him away. In fact, I think he likes her more for them. The other day, he called her a 'dark, broken angel'. Poor boy's obsessed."

Gabriella turned it over in her mind, trying desperately to figure out who it was Remus was so obviously in love with, but the closer she got to finding an answer, the further into sleep she fell, until she was taken by peaceful dreams and serenaded by the sound of James's light snores.


	9. Breathless

Hogsmeade preparations were the same as usual after James left that morning, swearing that her previous night's activities would not be shared with a soul. Gabriella dashed upstairs, said she fell asleep studying in the library the night before when Margaret asked where she had been, and then looked through her closet. She had a champagne lace dress with black lace across the middle in a belt of sorts that she threw on, tossing on black heels, a few pearls, and a gold chain necklace. She did a spell to take the frizz out of her hair, knowing it would be a bit humid. With a quick cleansing of the face, she put on some lip gloss and dashed down for breakfast.

Gabriella loved Hogsmeade days. Everyone wore their best clothes, dressed up nicely, and got to pretend they weren't students for just a little bit. Megan and Gillian were already at breakfast. Megan had a floor-length red dress with a black mesh overlay and red heels. Gillian had a red sundress with black ruffled heels and a pile of pearl necklaces. Even Margaret took advantage of the occasion, wearing a loose floor-length blue dress Gabriella had bought her for her last birthday with silver slippers. She had even taken the time to put her hair up.

"So," Megan said, "have you two managed to get dates, or is just me and Gillian taking full advantage of the weekend?"

Margaret just sniffed that she didn't have a date, but Gabriella decided to change the topic just a bit, avoiding the question she had been asked.

"Who are you going with, Megan?"

"Oh, you'd never believe me if I told you, so don't ask."

Gillian mouthed, 'Sirius Black' over Megan's shoulder and Gabriella pretended not to have noticed. Sirius Black… and Megan? She couldn't imagine how that would go.

But then, Gabriella still hadn't met Sirius Black. Considering the fact that she was now fairly close to James and Remus, Gabriella thought this was quite an accomplishment. Perhaps James and Sirius weren't as attached at the hip as the rumors said they were.

"Well, do you have a date or not, Gabby?" Gillian said, redirecting the conversation once more.

Gabriella flinched without realizing it, recalling the events of the night before. She did, however, have a date.

"Yeah," she muttered. "Ron asked me last night and I said yes."

Their exchanged looks of disappointment didn't get past Gabriella's notice, but she didn't care. Remus was approaching the table. She didn't know what it would be like, after what she had blamed on him, without clearing the air. But he pretended she wasn't there and addressed Gillian and Megan directly.

"Good morning. Megan, I'll be escorting you both down to Hogsmeade. Sirius and James are, erm, finishing something, gift for Filch. Anyway, we're just going to have drinks at the Three Broomsticks. They wanted to take you guys to the Hogs Head, but I talked them out of it."

"Thanks for that," Megan sighed. "So, going on a date is basically going on a date with Sirius and James? Lily won't be coming at me in my sleep, right?"

"Lily doesn't like James," Margaret said bluntly.

The other four looked at her briefly, and then moved on without further acknowledging her input.

"Actually," Remus said sheepishly, "Peter will be along as well. I hope that's all right with you ladies."

Gabriella smirked. They really were all attached at the hips. The girls both said this was completely fine, however.

Feeling a strange pang of jealousy when her two best friends went with the Marauders and Gabriella walked off with Ron, Gabriella told herself everything would be fine. There was nothing unusual about hanging out with Ron. She'd done it all hundreds of time before.

"Well," he muttered nervously, "let's get on to Zonko's then. I know how you like Zonko's."

Gabriella laughed, lacing her hand through his as though it was the obvious thing to do, leading the way to Zonko's. She didn't see the excited, almost drunken look on his face as she took his hand. The others were there, of course. Vin, Roscoe, Sam, they were waiting in Zonko's when Ron and Gabriella arrived, and they honestly looked less than pleased to see her.

"Check this out," Sam said when they arrived, detaching Ron from Gabriella and pulling him and Roscoe off to a corner of the store, leaving Gabriella and Vin standing in the entry.

"So you said yes," Vin said softly, not looking her in the eye.

"Of course I did," Gabriella muttered, leaning against the shelf beside her.

"Do you love him?"

There was a moment when Gabriella thought of the shouting match she had had the night before with Remus and she nearly cried thinking about it. She had the sudden urge to leave Zonko's and find something to stab herself with, but her feet wouldn't move.

"I don't know. What would I know about love?" she muttered, still not looking in his eyes, fighting back tears. What would she know about love? Nobody loved her.

"I just don't want you to dump him again when you find something better," Vin snarled. "You do this every time, the second Tillotson decides he wants your attention, or when that Slytherin loser Hubble talks to you, you just drop everything, and that includes Ron. And you know what, McPeak, we're the ones left picking up the pieces, so forgive me if we aren't exactly pleased to see you two together, holding hands again."

"What do you want from me, Vin?" she sighed. "Really, what did you expect me to do? You jerked me around, you played games with me, and then you say, 'You'll be okay, Ron's going to ask you out again.' I mean, really, what do you expect me to do?"

"Grow up," he snapped. "The world doesn't revolve around you, McPeak, just like it doesn't revolve around Black or Potter or Hubble, and I don't know why but you pureblood royalty types seem to think you own the rest of us, that we're just little playthings to keep your days interesting. Here's a bit of news for that sham of a paper of yours: You're not special. You're just a girl, just like all the other girls at this school, and not every guy is sitting around wishing you'd pay attention to him. Ron is, but that's probably it. Grow up."

Grow up? She was barely fifteen, how he did expect her to act?

But then, Gabriella had always been more mature than those her age, had always been the first at everything. She ought to be the mature one, but at the same time, why couldn't she just be a child, for once? She wanted to punch Vin, to scream, to burst into tears, to jump off of something, just to feel falling.

"Think what you'd like, Vin," she said coolly. "I don't answer to you. Judge me however you want, but you're not the ruler of Hogwarts. You're just a little outsider watching everything. You could have been like Potter and Black, you know. You've got the money; you're just as good-looking as Potter is. I don't know where this desire to be misunderstood comes from, but you didn't have to be an outcast. That was a choice. Stop acting like the rest of us have to make the same choices you did. Your sister certainly hasn't."

She bit her lip, feeling the corners of her vision blurring.

"Tell Ron I've gone to Honeydukes. I need to pick up a few things."

"Oh, sure, way to break the mold, McPeak," Vin hissed as she turned to go. "What a girl, getting upset and then drowning her sorrows in chocolate. Like I said, you're not special. You're just like everybody else, no matter what you'd like us all to think."

But he didn't know her as well as he thought he did. She went to Honeydukes, grabbed a basket, and filled it with Acid Pops. She got a couple of bars of chocolate for Lawson, but she got a couple dozen Acid Pops for her. Ron found her at the checkout and she gathered up her bag, going with him to meet the group at the Three Broomsticks. They had a table in the corner, and she pretended not to notice the Marauders at their table on the other side of the room.

She opened an Acid Pop and began to suck on it, feeling the delicious burn on her tongue. Typically, she hated those things. They made her mouth feel uncomfortable, and she didn't like to be uncomfortable. Now, however, it was all she wanted to feel, sitting between Ron and Vin, glancing over at the table her two best friends were sitting at.

Remus and Gillian were sitting beside each other, with Peter Pettigrew on Gillian's other side, then Gabriella could see the back of Sirius Black, then Megan, then James. She saw Remus look at her, but he looked down at his drink quickly. James, however, waved happily when he spotted her, and she gave him the most enthusiastic smile she could muster, but it probably looked more like a grimace through the pain of the day and the feel of the Acid Pop.

She had refused all offers for butterbeer, gillywater, and other such drinks. She was about four Acid Pops in when Vin said wryly, "You know, you'll burn a whole straight through your tongue if you keep it up with those things."

"I'm sure Madam Pomfrey could fix it," she snapped back, returning the Acid Pop promptly to her mouth.

Gabriella didn't know how he managed it, but Vin looked grim and smug all at once, and the look in his eyes made her even more upset than the horrific burning sensation of her mouth. By the sixth Acid Pop, she wasn't even noticing the sensation anymore; it was no longer the distraction she had desired it to be. She must not have looked all right, because James came over to their table and set a butterbeer in front of her.

"Drink it," he said firmly, "or I'm taking you to the hospital wing."

Gabriella could feel the eyes of the table on her, thinking that it was odd that James Potter was standing at their table, but she could feel even more heavily the hazel eyes of James, and the weighty significance of his words. He didn't care about her tongue; he was worried about her sanity. And so she set down the Acid Pop she had been unwrapping, picked up the butterbeer he had placed before her, and looked him square in the eye as she downed it. She slammed the tankard back onto the table and gave him a cold stare.

"Happy, Potter?" she hissed, ignoring the fact that this was the boy who had held her as she cried, who had saved her life, who had stayed with her all night to make sure she was safe. She didn't want to be safe. She wanted to feel something, even if it hurt.

"Ecstatic," he said sharply. "For every Acid Pop you eat for the rest of the afternoon, I'm having you drink another one of those, so think carefully about opening another one, Gabby."

Something in her snapped.

"You don't own me, James," she cried, springing to her feet. "You can't tell me what to do!"

"It's for your own good," he said calmly.

"I don't care! Maybe I just want to do something that isn't good for me for a little while, okay?"

She was aware that Remus was watching them, that her table was watching them, that half the pub was watching them, but she didn't care. It didn't stop her from storming out of the Three Broomsticks, grabbing her Honeydukes bag and rushing back up to the castle. She would have to apologize to Ron, but that could happen later.

"Gabby!"

She kept walking. She didn't have time for Potter and his self-righteous bullshit.

"Gabby!"

She was almost to the castle. There would be somewhere to hide from him inside. Even James wasn't omniscient.

"Gabby, please!"

She froze. That wasn't James. It was Remus. She turned to see Remus, red-faced, hair tossed about, rushing at her like someone had set him on fire. She had ruined his date with Gillian. Then she remembered what James had said the night before about Remus and his mystery girl and thought that perhaps it was doomed before it had begun.

"Remus," she muttered, turning back around, attempting to go back to Ravenclaw Tower.

"No," he said sharply, grabbing her arm and turning to her face him. "You don't get to do this, not now that I've just ran all the way from Hogsmeade to say this. I spent all night thinking of what to say and you don't get to run away because you're mad at James for being nice to you."

"You call that nice?" she said indignantly.

"Just be quiet for a minute," he said irritably. "Gabby, I'm sorry for what I said last night. Some of it I meant; some of it I said in the heat of the moment. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I care about you, and I know James cares about you, and I know that Gillian and Megan care about you. Seeing you in the Astronomy Tower last night, I thought the world was ending. I'd never been so scared in my life, I was sure James's spell wouldn't be strong enough, that we were about to lose you. I don't want to lose you."

He looked about to cry. If anyone would have asked her later why she had done it that would have been her excuse. He looked about to cry. Gabriella wrapped her arms around Remus's torso and hugged him tightly, burying her face into his chest, too dazed with her own numbness and distraught mental state to note the quickening of his heart rate, the tremble of his hands as he petted her hair.

"I'm sorry, Remus," she muttered, sucking in a shaky breath. "I am. I just don't know what I'm doing at the moment. Everything feels a bit… a bit hazy, I guess. I didn't mean any of that. I mean, I did, but I didn't mean to hurt anybody. Just… just tell James I'm sorry. I need to be alone for a bit, okay?"

Gabriella made her way back to the Ravenclaw Tower, leaving Remus standing rooted to the spot in the middle of the entrance hall. She threw herself onto her bed, but the familiar soft coolness of the space didn't feel as comforting or as welcoming as it always had. It occurred to her that she ought to have had Remus give Lawson the chocolate, but she supposed her brother could wait until dinner.

Dinner.

For some reason, the thought of food was making her feel sick. That was the last thought she had before falling asleep, taking the first nap since before she could remember.

For weeks, Gabriella felt as though she was walking around in a twisted sort of routine. She didn't eat more than she had to in order to keep her friends from worrying, she managed to get a stash of marijuana from one of Megan's ex-boyfriends, and she and Ron had picked up where they left off, much to the annoyance and disappointment of everyone who knew them.

She could feel the disappointed stares of everyone who knew, of Remus, James, Gillian. Months went by in that rhythm. Her Quidditch captain had screamed at her for three hours until he was hoarse because she had almost singlehandedly lost them the game to Gryffindor. She hadn't even cared when he berated her in front of her teammates. She hadn't cared that James Potter had played circles around her. She just didn't care. She didn't feel. None of it mattered.

Somehow, her school work hadn't suffered, although she should have noticed the way Professor McGonagall had begun watching her at meals, the way Professor Flitwick asked her twice as many questions in class just to make sure she was paying attention. It was probably to tell with the glassy stare that was becoming her new signature look.

Therefore, she had been incredibly surprised when James Potter came into her compartment that she shared with Megan, Margaret, and Gillian on the way back to King's Cross at the end of the year and said, "I would be most honored if you ladies would come to my annual summer bash this July. I'll be owling you the details. Gabby, you'll be there whether you like it or not. Your mum's already said you'll be there, my mum invited you over tea last week."

Apparently, even her social life had been taken out of my hands. She nodded a bit like a rag doll, and he exchanged worried looks with Gillian, but he retreated back to the world of Marauders, where he didn't have to deal with silly little screw-ups like Gabriella McPeak, where he didn't have to babysit the little princess who couldn't even take care of herself.

Or maybe he and Remus sat around telling stories to the other two of the downfall of Hogwarts's royal princess, the girl who had it all and fell so fast so young, so hard. Somehow, even though in the back of her mind she knew it would never happen, she could almost picture them laughing cruelly over her misfortune, gloating amongst themselves about how that would never happen to them, how much better than her every one of them were. Even little Peter Pettigrew would never have been foolish enough to believe he was more important, more loved than he was.

But they were Marauders. The world loved the Marauders, even when they took the world and stomped it into the dirt. Gabriella McPeak was not a Marauder. Nobody loved her.


	10. Why Can't This Night Go On Forever

"Gabby, up. Come on, you can't lie in bed all day."

Oh, but she could. How many Saturdays of the last term had she spent doing just that? Nearly all of them.

"Gabby, come on. Mum says you have to get ready for that party at the Potter Manor. You need a bath. Your hair is looking worse than that boy the Marauders were always picking on."

Kimberly had to go and mention the Marauders. She just had to. Didn't she _know_? Didn't she _realize_? The last thing Gabriella wanted to do was see the Marauders, much less bathe on their behalf.

But her mother had spoken, and that was that.

She took a long, luxurious bath, tossed on a black-and-silver stripped minidress, fluffed up her hair, and put on a bit of lip gloss. If she didn't look like she had at least made an effort, her mother would have made her change and start all over again, so she figured shiny lips was enough of an effort to satisfy her mother.

It was walking distance to the Potter Manor, so Gabriella put on her gogo boots and waved goodbye to her mother, walking straight down the lane to her destination, knowing her mother would be checking in with James's mother as soon as possible, to make sure Gabriella had arrived.

The party was just like every other Marauder-run event she had ever been to, and being a member of the Godric's Hollow wizarding community, she had been to quite a few. There was no alcohol at this one, and that seemed to be fine with all those in attendance. Mrs. Potter never would have allowed it. There was, however, much loud music, skimpy Muggle clothing, and perverted males. Then again, that could have been any party, anywhere.

"Gabby!" called Gillian from the other end of the kitchen. "C'mere, there's someone I want you to meet!"

She introduced Gabriella to the most beautiful girl in the world: Parker Erikson. Gabriella learned quickly that the brown-haired, blue-eyed beauty was a sixth year Hufflepuff Muggleborn, and there on invitation of Sirius Black.

"Oh," Gabriella said knowingly. "So you two…?"

"No," Parker said quickly, shaking her head vigorously. "No, nothing like that. No, he was kind of seeing a friend of mine and we became friends, but I have a boyfriend, and he's not my type. I don't think either of us is interested in each other that way."

The two girls started to talk, share stories about professors and coursework, and they made fast friends. For the first time in a long time, Gabriella was glad she had gotten out of bed.

"So," Gabriella asked, "were O.W.L.s really as bad as they seemed?"

"No, not really," Parker said thoughtfully, "although I've heard N.E.W.T.s really are as nasty as everyone makes them out to be. I'm not looking forward to it. I mean, I love Arithmancy and Potions, but my sanity is very important."

The girls chatted for hours in the kitchen, munching on chocolate and avoiding everyone else. After a while, Parker said, "I actually have to go and find James and Remus. I needed to ask them something before I find out my O.W.L.s. I'm trying to decide on whether to continue in Transfiguration if I get a high enough mark and they're the experts in that calls. I'll see you around, though."

"Yeah," Gabriella said. "I should be looking for Megan, anyway."

She found Megan in the basement, talking to a very attractive boy who was not her latest boyfriend. It didn't take long after Gabriella arrived for Megan to take off and leave her alone with the very attractive boy, who was eyeing her with curiosity and interest.

"Well, well," he drawled, "is this the famous Gabriella McPeak?"

"That depends," Gabriella said, taking a seat on the couch across from the one he was lounging on. "Is this the infamous Sirius Black?"

He flicked his perfect black hair out of his swirling grey eyes and said, "Oh, darling, you wound me. Infamous? I prefer to think of myself as misunderstood."

"I bet you do," she muttered, trying to ignore how incredibly handsome he was. Was it actually legal for a human being to look that good?

"The boys told me you were coming," he said, "but they didn't tell me how beautiful you are."

And there was line one of the night.

"I wonder how many times you've said that tonight," she said with a smirk. "You know, it's funny our paths have never crossed before. I mean, I've known James my whole life."

"Yeah, well, my parents hate your parents," he reasoned. "And I believe the hatred his mutual. Not that I can blame your family for it. I hate the psychos as well. Maybe your parents and I should start some sort of club."

She laughed in spite of herself. Her parents weren't the club-joining sort of people, unlike his. They were very well known, very well thought of, but with so many kids to raise, so many lives to better, it was impossible for them to attend all the social functions frequented by the Mrs. Potters, the Mrs. Longbottoms, the Mrs. Blacks. And beyond the time constraints, she knew her father hated socializing.

"So why are you down here?" she said, ignoring that he was leaning toward her. "Why aren't you up there catering to your adoring fans?"

"The truth?" he said with a smirk. "I broke a vase, so I'm hiding from Mrs. Potter. I fixed it, but I'm terrible with that sort of thing, so she'll know. Secondly, if I cater to adoring fans, I get raped about six times before I even know what hit me. Those fan girls are insane."

Modest, he was not.

"What about you, sweetheart?" he said, and she suddenly realized he was sitting beside her. When had he moved couches? "What are you doing down here?"

"I was looking for Megan."

He quirked an eyebrow, leaning just a little bit closer.

"She's not here."

"But she was."

"Well, she's not anymore, and you're still here."

"Well, now I'm talking to you."

"And you're enjoying yourself?"

Gabriella blinked. He was very close to her now. The honest answer was that yes, she was enjoying herself. But Sirius Black didn't need that sort of ego boost. It was better to be a little playful, but it was hard to know where to draw that line, what with his face so close to hers, and her curiosity wondering vaguely if he was as good of a kisser as her gossip sources claimed.

"I suppose it beats sitting alone in the kitchen," she said noncommittally.

Before he could respond, however, there came a stomping of feet down the basement stairs.

"Padfoot!" called James, "I hope you're decent! We're coming down. Oh, hey, Gabby, I thought you'd left! Most everybody's gone. We want to play some games with the select few still here."

James, Remus, Peter, Gillian, Megan, and Parker were standing at the bottom of the staircase, looking at the pair on the couch.

"Just us left," Gillian said happily. "Let's play a game!"

They pulled every chair in the room around the little table in the corner and found themselves short one.

"Can't we just conjure one?" Gabriella said, as she and Sirius were the ones staring at the final empty seat.

"No," James said sheepishly. "My parents let me use this space, but they have a Charm up so that no one can do magic down here. They don't want me blowing up the house."

"Wise," Gabriella commented. "Well, I suppose we could always share, if that's all right with you, Black?"

"Call me Sirius," he said with a grin, "and that's fine."

She sat on the left half of the chair and he sat on the right, following her example, but judging by his slightly confused expression and the smirks of his friends, that hadn't been what he had expected when she had suggested sharing the chair.

"What are we playing?" Parker asked the group, clicking her nails on the hard wood of the table.

"What about 'Never Have I Ever'?" Megan suggested. Lily Evans had introduced the game to Marauder parties a couple of years back, and Gillian had introduced it to her friends at about the same time. Megan and Gabriella loved it, and it had reportedly been a big hit with the Gryffindors as well. The group agreed and began to play.

It didn't take long for Gabriella and Sirius to get out, so they began to count themselves down into the negatives, seeing who ended up with a lower number. Unsurprisingly, Parker and Gillian were facing off for the win, and they had gone three rounds head-to-head with no gain.

"C'mon, girls, the rest of us are bored to tears with your innocence," Sirius moaned. "Fight dirty, please!"

Parker looked down at Gillian's hands and frowned. Then, her face lit up with a smile.

"Never have I ever had fake nails!"

Gillian grinned.

"Me neither! These are real!"

Megan and I grinned as all the boys groaned. Parker insisted on closer inspection and was, of course, impressed with Gillian's manicure skills.

"Right," Gillian said slowly. "Never have I ever… never have I ever… never have I ever… kissed a Marauder."

"Nor have I," Parker said. "Never have I ever… gone abroad."

"Nope," Gillian sighed. "Never have I ever eaten fish."

The whole room blinked.

"Honestly?" Remus asked. "You've never had fish? Not even fish and chips?"

"What?" Gillian said, shrugging. "I don't like the smell."

And so Gillian won the game and the group decided to continue with some Truth-or-Dare. By that point, however, Gabriella could no longer ignore how uncomfortable it was to sit only half on the chair. She muttered something about it to Sirius and he whispered back, "You could always sit on my lap."

"You wouldn't mind?" she murmured, and he shook his head, so she stood, allowing him to settle on the chair before settling herself down on his lap, trying to make herself as light as possible just by the power of positive thinking, but he rested his hands on the table, sort of wrapping his arms around her. He didn't seem to mind her weight, and the eyebrow-raising that occurred around the table went largely unnoticed by the pair.

The game went on with many typical dares. James dared Megan to trade an article of clothing with someone else in the room. She instantly did a shoe swap with Gabriella, as they had the same feet. Someone dared Peter to run around in circles until he fell over. That only took about six minutes. Slowly, the dares became more and more suggestive.

"Sirius," Megan said with a smirk, "lick Gabby's ear."

"What?" Peter squeaked. "That's gross. Why would someone lick an ear?"

"Actually," Gabriella said before anyone had the good sense to stop her, "there are quite a few nerve endings in ears, which makes the action incredibly erotic for some people."

Again, the room blinked and Megan snorted with laughter, but Sirius whispered, "If you don't want me to, I'll take the hit."

"It's fine," she said honestly, knowing it wasn't an erogenous zone for her.

And then his tongue touched the skin of the shell of her ear and she melted. When had that changed? She had never reacted so strongly to that before. She shivered just slightly, and thankfully Sirius was the only person to notice. Unfortunately, Sirius definitely noticed.

James had dared her to flash Peter, but made everyone else turn around, knowing that Peter would be embarrassed by his reaction if people were watching. So Gabriella, always good for her dares, waited until every person was turned but Peter and pulled her dress down far enough to reveal her chest. Peter squeaked and regarded her with wide eyes, but she put them away and he blushed as people began turning back around and laughing at his awestruck look.

"Aw, I missed the show," Sirius hissed in her ear, and she shivered a little again.

Peter dared Parker to kiss Gabriella, which was not at all a big deal for the Ravenclaw. She had kissed girls before, mostly when hanging out at Irving's parties. Parker, however, had never done such a thing before and she was clearly nervous about it, but a soft peck and it was done.

What turned the night upside down, however, was when someone (namely, Peter), dared Gabriella to kiss Sirius.

She turned in his lap, expecting to have another meaningless peck on the lips and be done with it, but she touched her lips to his and pulled back violently, causing many eyebrows to rise as she whirled back around.

"You tried to slip your tongue in, pervert," she said as an explanation, causing several chuckles, and Remus frowned ever-so-slightly.

The truth was, even though he had thrown a little bit of tongue her way (his excuse was that she caught him off-guard, which was bollocks), she had been absolutely shocked by the spark she had felt when their lips had touched, something she had never experienced, ever, kissing anyone.

After that, the game became something of a blur to Gabriella, as Sirius began gently stroking her bare thighs with his rough fingertips, making her heart race inexplicably. What had gotten in to her? Was Sirius Black actually some sort of sex god, or was this some sort of psychological mindfuck after having been told for so many years that Sirius Black was a sex god? Either way, Gabriella couldn't deny she was enjoying it, and the knowing looks Parker was giving her weren't helping the desperation she was feeling inside. She was going to become another notch on the bedpost.

But then his hot breath hit her neck as he rested his chin on her shoulder and she didn't care.

"I have to Floo home," Gillian said finally.

"Me too," Megan and Parker said together.

"Thanks for the party," Parker said, smiling at James and Sirius. "And it was nice meeting you, Gabby. I'll see you at school."

"Yeah," Gabriella said vaguely, "see you." She looked down at Sirius's watch as he brushed his fingers more forcefully on her thighs. "Merlin, I've got to get back. I promised my mother I would be back by midnight, which gives me two minutes to walk it in these heels."

"You could take the Floo," James suggested.

"It would take me just as long," Gabriella sighed. "Besides, they all have to take the Floo. I may as well walk. I'll see you around James."

"Come over sometime," James said forcefully. "You don't get a say. I know you had fun and Sirius and I can't spend all summer alone, you know."

"Yeah, I will," she said absently, finding herself being led up the stairs by Sirius Black, who was holding her hand.

He walked her to the door.

"I don't know about you," he muttered, "but I really enjoyed getting to know you tonight. Promise we can hang out again?"

She nodded numbly, very aware of how close his lips were to hers.

"Would it…" he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand nervously. Sirius Black, nervous? "Would it be all right if I kissed you?"

She nodded again, equally numbly as he smiled a little and pressed his lips to hers. Once again, she melted, though the kiss was nearly as chaste as the last. His tongue darted into her mouth, but didn't stay there long and didn't force its way around intrusively. Still, the pressure of his mouth on hers made her dizzy and gave her a rush of adrenaline she had never felt before.

Gabriella pulled away, muttering something about having to get back, and Sirius kissed her cheek, allowing her to leave as Mrs. Potter called for him.

She had turned the knob of the front door when he said, "Wait." She paused, turned and looked at him, and he said, "Can I see you tomorrow?"

With a smile, she nodded.

"Yeah," she said breathlessly. "Yeah, you can."

They both grinned at each other before she went on her way, happily walking back down the lane to the McPeak Manor, checking in briefly with her mother before stripping off her dress, tossing aside her shoes, and crawling into bed.

She had kissed Sirius Black. No, Sirius Black had kissed her. And he wanted to see her and, presumably, kiss her again. Somehow, the numbness, the loneliness, the emptiness she had felt since the night she had attempted to throw herself off the Astronomy Tower melted away, and she couldn't remember why she had been so lonely or empty or upset. How could life possibly have been so bad?

Then again, she obviously didn't remember much of anything. She hadn't remembered, for example, that Ron and she were as good as dating. She hadn't seen him since the ride back to King's Cross and didn't plan to see him again until September first, but they were more or less together. Sirius Black, on the other hand, was just up the lane all summer long.

The last time she and Ron had broken up, it had been by owl. The first time, it had been by firecall. She wasn't going to do that to him again. And more importantly, she wasn't going to dump him on a date. That would just be cruel. So she made a promise to herself: no matter what happened between her and Sirius, or what didn't happen, she would break up with Ron on the first of September, first thing on their way back to school.

That absolved her of anything that might happen over the summer, did it not?

She fell asleep easier than she had in a long time, and slept more peacefully than she had in ages.

And her pact with herself, her promise to let things happen as they happened, was the biggest mistake of her life.


	11. Putting Things In Order

The following morning, Gabriella woke up early for the first time in months. She took a shower, even though she didn't really need it, then a white tank top with a black-and-white floral print circle skirt and her black heels from the night before. She liked to wear shoes around the house, and it drove her mother crazy. She tamed her waves into looser, smoother waves and put on a bit of lip gloss. Shiny lips always made everything better.

She wandered around the house for several hours, unsure of what to do with all of her newfound free time. Being out of bed did strange and wondrous things for her schedule. Finally, she decided to work on some music, so she made her way down to the ballroom and sat down at the grand piano.

It had been a while since her keys had made their way across the keys of a piano. She didn't practice at school. Of course, Gabriella had never practiced, even when she was nine and she was supposed to practice every day. She had never needed to. She had a natural musical talent and didn't want to be bothered with practicing.

How long she had been playing around, she wasn't sure, but suddenly a cold sensation hit the back of her neck, causing her to jump clear off the bench and whirl around. Sirius Black was there, barking with laughter, a glass of ice water in hand.

"Good morning," he said. "Your face, you should have seen it, it was priceless."

She tried to scowl at him, but a silly smile was forming on her face that she couldn't quite control. He sat beside her, setting the glass down on the floor.

"What's with the water?" she asked as he wrapped and arm around her waist.

He shrugged.

"Your mother shoved it in my hand as I came in here. I'm guessing it's either hospitality or some sort of superstition."

"Hospitality, then," she said, moving a little closer to him on the bench. Her mother was certainly _not_ superstitious.

"Well," he muttered, "what would you like to do today?"

Gabriella shrugged honestly. It really didn't matter. If it weren't for Sirius, she would have been lying in bed once more, thinking of all of the ways she could not feel so lonely and empty.

"How about we go over to the Potter's, then?" he muttered, taking her by the hand and leading her out the door and down the street to the Potter Manor. She noticed right away that it was quieter, emptier-feeling than her own home, though not unfriendly. On their way through the hall she said a brief greeting to Mrs. Potter, who smiled at her and said to pass along her regards to her parents. Sirius led her upstairs, down the hall, and to a room that was very clearly his bedroom.

"So this is your new space?" she said looking around the spacious room. He wasn't even related to the Potters, and yet he had a bedroom in their house that was at least twice the size of her own. There were posters of Quidditch on the walls, some motorbike pictures, and a Gryffindor banner that she recognized as the one that had gone mysteriously missing from the Quidditch pitch a couple of years ago. "It suits you."

"Thank you, love," he muttered, sitting down on his bed, pulling out a copy of a Quidditch magazine her brother subscribed to, and draping it across his lap. "Make yourself comfortable."

At first, Gabriella was content to read over his shoulder, his arm draped around her waist. It felt comfortable to be close to him, drinking in his scent and basking in his warmth, but it wasn't what she had planned her next meeting with Sirius Black to be like. After all, where was the famous womanizer she had heard and written so much about? Everything else that had been said about him appeared to be spot on: ungodly good looks, incredibly good kisser… so why was he acting so different from how she expected? Was this some sort of test? Had James told him not to touch her? She certainly hoped not.

Finally, she'd had enough. Carefully, Gabriella leaned over so that her head was in his lap, blocking his view of the magazine. She blinked innocently up at him and he smirked down at her.

"I can't read when you're down there, you know," he teased, gently poking her nose.

"That's too bad," she said cheekily.

His eyes darkened a little and he muttered, "Merlin, you're distracting." He seemed to have a bit of an internal debate before tossing aside the magazine, bringing her face up to meet his, and kissing her firmly, passionately.

Gabriella's head was spinning again and she barely noticed the hunger with which he was holding her, touching her, exploring her. She was too busy losing herself in the wonderful numbness of the mind his kisses brought in their wake. This was amazing, so much better than the dull ache she felt thinking about her life in the past year, so much better than laying alone in her bed with no company but the thoughts bouncing around her skull, taunting and torturing her.

Somehow, she was lying back on his bed and he was straddling her, running his hands along her body, his eyes wild with desire. For a brief moment, she panicked, wondering how she had gotten in this position, but then she reminded herself that this wasn't Kent. She was here of her own free will, she enjoyed being around Sirius, and he would stop if she asked him to. James wouldn't have let him touch her if he thought Sirius would be a danger to her, she was sure of it. Besides, it felt so incredibly wonderful to feel his hands exposing and exploring more and more of her skin. His mouth was demanding, intense, and yet so completely delectable. How had she never felt any of this before?

Just as she was getting into the feeling, wondering what Sirius would do next, and just as her mind was processing that this was going too far, the door swung open and James's face contorted into one of disgust.

"Really, Padfoot?" James sighed. "Mum's got cookies downstairs. Detach and come down and eat them or it will be my fault somehow that you two are up here procreating instead of eating her food."

Gabriella could feel the blush creeping into her cheeks, or was she already flushed from her snogging Sirius? It was difficult to say. Sirius just took it in stride, shrugging, smiling, brushing himself off and leading her down to the kitchen where Mrs. Potter had a plate of cookies out and was rummaging in the cupboard for butterbeer bottles. She warmed them with her wand as Gabriella sat down beside Sirius, not looking James in the eye. James was staring at her, she knew, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his knowledge of her action.

"So, Gabby," James said casually, examining the cookie plate, "how's Ron?"

She pursed her lips. So he was going to play dirty. She should have known.

"We haven't talked," she said honestly. "We usually don't over the holidays."

He didn't seem to have anything to say about that, but he watched Sirius and Gabriella very carefully over his butterbeer. She wasn't entirely sure who he was judging more, her or his best friend.

The summer went by much faster with Sirius. Gabriella didn't get to see him every day, but very nearly. Sometimes, they went into the village, but mostly they stayed at either the Potter Manor or the McPeak Manor, depending. He explained to her that even when school started up, they would need to be discrete. His fan girls got a bit crazy if they found out he was seeing someone, and he didn't want anyone hurting her because of him. And that made sense, so Gabriella agreed.

She was fairly certain that James had told Sirius things about her, but she was too afraid to discuss them with him, too afraid to open up and tell him why their sexual experiences didn't go further than him groping her. Sirius was, however, very good about her refusing to do things for him. That was how she decided James must have said something.

The night before they had to go back to school, Sirius was curled up with Gabriella on the couch of the Potter's sitting room, watching the fire and running his fingers along her back gently.

"Have you finished packing?" she sighed, relishing the feel of his fingertips.

He grunted, which she took to mean that he wasn't, but either didn't want to talk about it or didn't want to admit it.

"I don't want to go back to school," she sighed.

"Why not?" he muttered, leaning in closer so that his breath tickled her neck.

"I don't want to have to pretend I don't love you."

The words had come out before she realized, before she could stop them, censor them, anything, and she could feel her heart pounding, her mind racing, the blush on her cheeks turning dark, dark red. But his lips met the back of her neck and he whispered, "Me too."

He loved her. He had all but said he loved her. And she knew, from watching her father, that males had a hard time with such admissions.

He had written her some letters through the summer, which had driven her parents mad.

"He's right up the road," her mother had said. "If he's got something to say, it can wait until morning. We don't need owls coming and going at all hours of the night."

But Gabriella had loved how they had corresponded regularly, exchanging tender expressions of feeling, thoughts of love. She had saved them in a little box she kept in the corner of her trunk. Sirius got all sorts of owls throughout the day, though, all personal matters. She assumed most of them were from Remus and Peter, since he lived with James.

Remus. Gabriella hadn't written to Remus at all, hadn't seen him since the party. He had written to her a couple of times, but she hadn't even opened them. What was there to say? After all, she was sure he was still upset with her for her behavior at the end of the year. She didn't need to spiral back into a catatonic depression.

Gillian came over sometimes, as did Gabriella's new friend, Parker, but most of the summer had been spent with Sirius, writing to Sirius, thinking about Sirius, waiting for Sirius… Her family was rather sick of hearing his name.

"He's trouble, Gabby," her father had said. "He's not like the Potter boy. There's got to be a more sinister layer beneath his Gryffindor exterior. He was raised by Blacks. He's genetically a Black. You know how strong of a predictor genetics are."

Even Gillian had been hesitant about the depth of the relationship.

"Gabby, you know as well as I do what the gossip is on Sirius. Even Megan said he's a guy to stay away from. After what happened to you this year, love, do you really want to put yourself through all this? I mean, you know what the Blacks are like, what they're good at, what they're capable of. Is it really worth it?"

"But he loves me, Gillian," Gabriella sighed on the train ride over. "He loves me."

Parker, Gillian, Megan, and Margaret exchanged a look.

"Did he… erm… did he say that?" Parker asked. "Did he say it, in those words?"

"No, but he's a guy," Gabriella waved them off.

"He's lying," Margaret said, matter-of-fact. "He's saying that because he wants to get in your knickers and he thinks it'll get him there faster. He's got one thing on the brain, Gabby, and he's very good at what he does. Honestly, have you met someone so smooth before in your life?"

Yes. She had. Kent was that smooth, but she pushed the thought from her mind. She had just remembered something she had to do.

"Be right back," she said, hopping up and rushing out of the compartment. "I've just thought of something."

She found the compartment the boys were in, not the Marauders, but Ron and Vin and Roscoe and Sam. Ron smiled up at her and the others glared at her intensely. This was going to be hard, harder than every time before, because this time she was ending it all for good. There would be no turning back, no open doors. This was it.

"Can I talk to you for a second, Ron?" she said, and he nodded, following her out into the corridor, closing the door behind him.

"How was your summer, Gabby?" he said brightly.

"It was good," she said honestly. "Brilliant, actually. But there's… there's something I have to do and you're not going to like it, and I should have done it sooner, but… I didn't want there to be any… I mean, I…" She bit her lip as his face fell into confusion. "Here."

She stuck her hand in her pocket and pulled out the necklace he had given her the first time they started dating. It was a simple thing, cheap, she knew, but it had meant a lot to him, to be able to get her something, and she had kept it through all their off and on. But now, now it was all over, and she couldn't keep giving him false hope.

Gabriella placed the necklace in his hand and he understood the gesture, his face rearranging into a stoic sort of expression.

"Keep it," he said softly. "It was a gift."

"No," she insisted. "No, you keep it. I don't need any more temptation to keep hurting you. Vin's right, I keep using you, and it needs to stop. I've been completely unfair to you, and you need to move on with your life."

His fingers curled around the necklace and he sighed.

"I'm not going to ask who it was," he said. "I'm not sure I want to know. I hope he makes you happy, though, and treats you like the princess you are. I'm sick of seeing you sad."

"Thank you," she muttered, but he had already turned his back to her and retreated into his compartment.

That night, she was lying awake in her bed in Ravenclaw Tower, having not spoken to Margaret after the rude statement Margaret had made on the train, despite the fact that Margaret had apologized – sort of. She had said that if Gabriella wanted to make stupid choices, it was her own business and that she would stay out of the way of such stupid decisions in the future. It wasn't much of an apology, but Gabriella knew it was the best there was going to be.

It was very late, but an owl fluttered in through the window next to Gabriella's bed and landed beside her. She took the letter and read:

_Gabby,_

_I've been thinking about you all day. I wish we would have had a few minutes to sneak away and spend some time together, but we've got all year to steal a few moments, I suppose. You're probably asleep, but I can't sleep, so I'm staying awake and thinking of you, and I wanted you to know I miss you. I'll be looking around the Great Hall for your lovely face tomorrow morning, just to tide me over._

_Love,_

_S_

She smiled. He missed her. He was lying awake thinking of her, just like she was lying awake, thinking of him. She pulled out her parchment and quickly scribbled down:

_Sirius,_

_I can't sleep, either. I broke up with Ron today, so I'm all yours. It's too bad the world can't know it, but you have your reasons. It wouldn't be so strange if I had a meal with you guys now and then, right? After all, James and I have known each other forever, and we got to be very close last year. Remus and James and I were together quite a lot. I understand if you think it's too risky, but I'm just trying to find more ways to spend time with you, love. Wishing I could kiss you._

_Yours forever,_

_GM_

She sent the owl back, hoping for a reply, but there was none even several hours later, when her eyes started to grow heavy and her mind began to crave sleep more than the off chance that he might return her letter that night.

He had already fallen asleep, she reasoned with herself. That was why he did not respond. They had class in the morning. Surely, they couldn't keep to their schedule that they had grown accustomed to over the break. She knew things would have to change at school, and she liked it even less than she thought she would.

She dreamed of the war that night. Gabriella was a Seer, she knew, from her Divination professor's instruction, and much of her Seeing was in prophetic dreaming, so she kept a diary. As soon as she woke up, while her roommates were brushing their teeth and showering she pulled out her little journal and began to write.

_The war again. Diagon Alley. Cloaked figures. I am there, although I didn't see myself. I am not fighting, but watching the fight. Remus, James, Kent, Sirius, all fighting. Sirius is surrounded by Death Eaters, and another is near him, though I can't recall which one, but someone uncloaked. There is a flash of green. I cannot see who falls, but I know it is something which terrifies me. Have I just seen Sirius's death? Someone is holding me, comforting me… I don't like these dreams very much. It's better than the dream where Sirius is standing over a body, laughing, but that could be anything, I suppose. This, this was someone dying, and someone I didn't want to die. I hope I don't see this one again._


	12. Hitting the Fan

Being with Sirius was draining, to say the least. There was so much sneaking around and covering up involved. At first it was exciting, but it was her O.W.L. year, and it didn't take long for Gabriella to feel burnt out. She didn't want to turn him down, though, when he offered they spend time together, because she felt like they never had enough. Between school, Quidditch, and friends, they were both being pulled in more directions than was probably healthy, but they were young, Gabriella reasoned. They were no more overdrawn than any other Hogwarts student for commitments. Less than some.

In their time together, Sirius became more and more pushy about their physical relationship, and Gabriella tried her best to appease him, because she loved him, but it was difficult, and she found herself unable to explain to him why when he asked what was wrong. She asked James and he told her that he had never explained what actually happened between her and Kent. Sirius didn't know. She would have to tell him.

"I need to tell you something," she whispered one night as they lay curled up in a lonely corner of the school, his fingertips grazing the skin of her arm, freezing and burning her skin all at once.

"What is it?" he whispered, nuzzling his nose against her neck, continuing to pet her arm. "Is it something important?"

Gabriella nodded, taking a deep breath, and doing the best she could to tell everything that happened with Kent, trying to hide the tears that poured down her face and ignore the shame that welled up in her chest. He listened, holding her tightly.

"Oh, Gabby," he sighed, "what a troll. Don't worry, love, I understand. Is that why you have a hard time with physical affection?"

She nodded again, curling up against him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her as the tears fell freely from her eyes. Sirius wiped the teardrops away from her cheeks, holding her gently, rocking her. For that moment, she felt as though he loved her, as though he truly felt for her as she did for him, and that he had to be faithful to her, that all of her previous thoughts of his unfaithfulness were unfounded. After all, why would he still be with her if he could just get what he wanted from someone else? He must truly love her.

At least, that was how it felt for a while, but nothing really changed between them. His behavior didn't shift, and he wasn't any less pushy. But Gabriella convinced herself that he loved her, so he was faithful, wasn't he? He had even gotten to the point where he was saying that he loved her, and when Megan told her that he was lying, they got into a massive fight about it, and Gabriella cried herself to sleep that night.

Sirius insisted that Megan was just jealous, because they had gone on a date before he'd met Gabriella, and she still wanted him. Gabriella told herself that this had to be true, that it was just jealousy, even though Megan appeared to have no interest in Sirius anymore.

James expressed concern about her closeness with Sirius, told Gabriella that she didn't seem much like herself anymore, but she ignored this, and Gillian's lack of admonishing seemed to be justification for the relationship. Granted, the initial excitement Gillian had had when the relationship was first announced had faded into uneasiness, but she hadn't openly said it was a bad thing, so it had to be good, right?

She continued to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, just as she ignored Remus Lupin's strange stares during prefect meetings, and Vin's glares.

It was no secret that Vin didn't like the Marauders, and that Sirius was his least favorite. He had stopped talking to Gabriella the second he found out she was spending time with Sirius, because he didn't bother getting any sort of confirmation on the rumors of whether she was with Sirius were true or not. As far as he was concerned, this rumor was already one step too far for him to continue being around her. It didn't stop him from feeding vicious lies at her through his sister about girls Sirius was supposedly seeing other than her, but Gabriella tried to ignore all of it.

She'd grown quite good at ignoring things.

At one point, she'd even convinced herself that Sirius's pushing her was just a way of helping her cope with her insecurities, like making someone get back on a broom after falling off or something along those lines, although the more she said it to herself the more she wondered how true her justifications actually were. After all, it wasn't helping at all.

He walked her out to the Quidditch Pitch one night and said, "So, Gabby, what are the chances you'd be willing to let me into the Ravenclaw Tower tomorrow night?"

Part of her wanted to say she was more than happy to, but the truth was she wasn't. The truth was that there hadn't been a non-Ravenclaw student inside a Ravenclaw dormitory since the founding of Hogwarts and even she wasn't brave enough to break that long of a record, and Sirius wasn't James. he wouldn't want to stay in the common room where anyone could walk in.

"Sirius, I can't," she sighed, ignoring the strange sensation of him kissing her neck. He loved doing it, he loved her doing it to him, but she really didn't like either one. Gabriella never complained, though. If it made Sirius happy and it wasn't really hurting her, why bother complaining? She could never justify such a complaint out loud and she could barely do so in her own head.

"Why not?" he whined.

"Because," she whispered, trying not to twitch away uncomfortably as he kissed a bit lower, reaching her collarbone. "Our head Prefect stays awake all hours of the night studying. He'd catch us for sure."

Sirius tensed, because the Ravenclaw head Prefect was, of course, Vin Montgomery.

"Right," he muttered. "Forget it, then."

"What's the deal with you and Vin?" Gabriella asked, stretching out in his lap and then curling up against his warm body. "Why do you hate each other so much?"

"Well, there's status, I guess," Sirius said. "That's probably why he hated me so much. But now I think it's more to do with you, darling."

"Me?" Gabriella asked, stunned, sitting up to frown a bit at Sirius. "What do you mean, me?"

"He fancies you love," Sirius whispered against her neck. "He hates that I have what he wants, even if he hasn't confirmed the rumors."

As silly as she thought he was being, it didn't change that she sort of wanted him to be right. Whatever it was about Vin, the knowing that he wouldn't hurt her, or if he did his sister would tear him to pieces, the familiarity of him... Gabriella couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something strangely comforting about the thought that he might be jealous of Sirius.

Not that she would take Vin over Sirius. She wasn't stupid. She knew she had a good thing with him, no matter what anyone else said.

"We'll just deal with things as they come, then," Sirius whispered. "It's getting late, love, and you may have a reason to be out so late, but I certainly don't. I left my tools of the trade in James's trunk tonight, so I'd rather not get caught out so late, all right? We should go back up to the castle."

"Tools of the trade?" Gabriella asked as they walked.

"The stuff we use for sneaking around and pulling pranks and whatnot," Sirius said casually, shrugging. "I'm not really at liberty to discuss them as neither of them is technically mine and I'd hate for the wrong person to maybe overhear it. I don't want them confiscated."

"That makes sense," she said, more to herself than to him. "Anyway, goodnight."

Looking both ways down the corridor, Sirius pulled her against the wall, pressing his lips to hers. Her head sort of spun and she kissed him back eagerly, but in her mind he pulled away too soon, kissed her forehead and said, "I'll see you around. Have sweet dreams, sweetheart."

Gabriella nodded happily, heading back up to Ravenclaw Tower half wishing she'd agreed to let him come and visit her in the tower.

When Sirius wasn't around, he'd agreed that Parker was a suitable companion for Gabriella, liking her far better than Gabriella's other friends. Gabriella even had to admit that Parker was a refreshing change from the almost incestuous social interactions of her more familiar circles, and she knew the Marauders on a level that most people only dreamed of, especially Sirius. She was probably the only girl in Hogwarts he wasn't rumored to be dating.

"So, how's life with Sirius?" she asked wryly as they went for a walk around the lake.

"Fine," Gabriella said with a shrug.

"Just fine?" Parker teased. "No gushing about your incredible bliss at finding the one?"

Gabriella laughed a bit, but she thought about what Parker had said. Was there a problem with her response? Should she have been gushing about Sirius? Her mother didn't sit around gushing about her father, and she was certain they were very much in love. Of course they'd been together a lot longer than Gabriella and Sirius. Was she supposed to be gushing still, going on about how much she adored him in love's first bloom?

"Things are excellent," she corrected. "Sorry, I'm just a bit tired today."

Parker looked at her skeptically, but she didn't say anything. They kept walking, though, until Parker sighed heavily and stopped them.

"Gabby, have you slept with Sirius yet?"

Gabriella blinked.

"N-no," she said honestly. "I don't think I could... not... I mean, he wants to, but I... It's not very simple. He says he understands."

"Yeah, right," Parker muttered. "You might want to sit down."

Gabriella frowned at her, confused, but she sat, looking up at Parker who had knelt down beside her.

"Gabby, Sirius is sleeping around. Actually, he's carrying on multiple relationships."

Part of her felt like the world was squeezing in on her, like there was a ringing in her brain and that this wasn't reality, that she was having some sort of strange nightmare that she couldn't wake up from. But she knew it was real, and therefore Parker must be lying.

"No," Gabriella said firmly. "No."

"He is," Parker sighed. "I'm sorry, but he's been fooling around with one of my dorm mates for a while now, and one of my friends in Slytherin has been 'dating' him for quite a while."

"Well, there's your first mistake," Gabriella snarled. "Nothing good ever comes of having friends who are snakes."

"That's rich coming from someone who's quite well known as a former friend of one Kent Hubble," she snorted. "Look, Gabby, I'm not saying this to upset you or hurt you, I'm saying it because it's true and you need to know and I care enough to say it. Ask any of the Marauders. They'll tell you if you confront them about it, especially Remus. They've been keeping their mouths shut because you've been willingly in denial!"

Gabriella swallowed hard. What did that mean, 'especially Remus'? But even more than that, why would they not tell her, if such a thing were true?

But why would Parker lie? Was it possible she wanted Sirius for herself? No, that didn't make sense. Parker was gorgeous, and she had an in with the Marauders somehow. If she'd wanted Sirius she probably could have gotten him any time she wanted. Was it possible that she was actually telling the truth, that Sirius was being so dishonest?

"Look, her name's Coral Hargrove," Parker said softly. "Write to her, talk to her, something. She wants to talk with you because she knows some things, she's been through... Well, it's not my place to talk about it, but she wants to help you. Just, talk to her, okay? You don't even have to believe a word she says, but I don't want you to just ignore this."

Gabriella figured it wouldn't hurt to promise to talk to her, so she promised to write her soon and then she walked back to the school with Parker, the whole time wondering what to do about this new development.

She decided to give Sirius a chance to explain. It was always best to be upfront.

When James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius were lounging in the Charms courtyard, Gabriella joined them, sitting at Sirius's feet. For some reason, Peter shifted suddenly and oddly, moving his chair over so that he blocked Gabriella's view of the courtyard entrance. She frowned slightly, but shrugged it off.

"Sirius," she asked as he began working his fingers lazily through her hair, "I need to ask you about something that Parker mentioned while we were walking today."

"Shoot, love," he said softly, his fingers still playing with her hair.

"Who's Coral Hargrove?"

Perhaps it was her imagination, but she thought he tensed a bit for just a moment at the name, but she knew she hadn't dreamed up the exchanged glance between Remus and James. Even if Parker was wrong about him cheating, there was something with Coral that was significant.

"She's an ex," Sirius said firmly. "She was a bit... Well, she's how I met Parker, actually. We were together for a long time, but things got bitter toward the end. She's one of those people who does nice things because she expects you to do something back, and she sort of smothered me. It got old fast. Why do you ask?"

"It was just..." She trailed off uncertainly, not sure how she was going to go forward in the conversation. "Well, when did you break up?"

"Recently."

Her heart raced and she saw Remus jerk his head up, watching Sirius with wide eyes. Why was he looking at Sirius that way?

"How recently?"

"What, are you accusing me of something?" he said playfully.

Gabriella looked down at her feet.

"Parker did."

There was a long, tense silence as Gabriella waited for him to respond to the statement, to answer her question.

"Ah," he said finally, sighing. "I didn't want to tell you about this because it's really not a big deal, but it was probably more recently than it should have been. Um... Have you ever been in a relationship that just lasts so long that even though you know that any spark that was ever there has completely fizzled, you feel like you owe it to them to wait for you don't even know what to finally call it over?"

Gabriella didn't have to think long to realize that what he was talking about was exactly what had happened with Ron, and that Gillian had even told her that Ron felt like he was cheated on when she showed up back at school with Sirius on her arm after he'd gone to Hogsmeade with her just before the summer came. In a way, she knew exactly what Sirius was talking about, but she didn't know where it was going.

"Yeah," she sighed. "And?"

"Well, technically," he sighed, sliding onto the ground behind her, wrapping his legs and arms around her, moving his lips to her neck as he spoke. "I didn't break up with her until last week, but there's been nothing between us for months, I just didn't have the heart to officially call it off. but now I have closure."

Had Gabriella been able to focus on much more than the feel of Sirius's lips on her neck, she would have seen the anger, outrage, and jealousy on Remus's face, or maybe even the look of disgust James was shooting his best friend, but instead she melted into Sirius's chest, only barely thinking about the words he'd just said.

A week. He'd not even been broken up with her a month, and they'd been together while he'd been with her. Technically, Parker was right, Sirius had cheated on her.

But as he'd subtly pointed out, was that any different than what she'd done with Ron? Part of her thought she ought to be outraged, that it was completely different, but on the other hand she thought it was very much the same and it would be unfair of her to judge him.

"Sirius," James said softly, "don't forget how long you were with Coral. Two and a half years is a very, very long time. The breakup wasn't easy, it didn't just fizzle."

"Breakups are never easy," Sirius snorted. "Which you wouldn't know, James, because you've never actually dated. You're too busy waiting around for a girl who barely tolerates your existence."

Gabriella felt a tinge of sympathy for James in that moment that was quickly smothered by the sensation of Sirius running his finger teasingly in a circle on her thigh.

"The point is," he whispered against her skin, "that she's done, and I'm with you, and although I should have said something to you up front, I didn't want you to take it wrong and run away because you thought I was taken, because it was dying long before you came into the picture, darling. All right?"

She nodded, instinctively reaching her arm back and running her fingers through Sirius's hair, pressing lightly so that he was even closer to her as he kissed her neck. He reacted by moaning deeply against her neck and she actually heard James scoff. She was torn back into the reality that they were in a public place and there were people watching when Remus actually stood up abruptly and stormed off without a word.

Gabriella frowned, dropping her hand from Sirius's hair and wondering why he was so upset. Parker's words echoed in her mind and Gabriella knew there were two things, in spite of trusting in Sirius, that she had to do: She had to talk to Remus, and she had to at least write to Coral Hargrove.


	13. What is Truth?

**A/N: I know it probably looks like I've been abandoning this story... I SWEAR THAT'S NOT TRUE! I'm actually on a bit of an update spree at the moment, methinks, because I've been feeling a bit uninspired with the routine of my life so I've been revisiting some things I've shelved for lack of inspiration and seeing if I can find that spark again, while trying to get some of my more recent stories whipped into shape. Hope you like the direction this story is taking, it's very personal to me and I assure you that it will never be abandoned.**

** -J**

Gabriella sat at a table in the library, leaning over the note she was trying to write to Coral Hargrove. She didn't want to meet the girl face-to-face, that was certain. She was sure Coral would be far prettier than herself, that she would meet this girl and instantly feel inferior, so she was determined not to even go there. But she had to say something, even apart from promising Parker. She had to say something to the girl who, according to James, had actually hurt Sirius, whom Gabriella loved dearly.

But what to say to someone like that?

_Coral_, she wrote, _Parker told me about your relationship with Sirius. She said there were things you needed to tell me. I'd like to be told them, if you don't mind, but I'm not going to just believe you, if that's what you're hoping for. I happen to trust and love Sirius very much. Signed, Gabriella McPeak_.

She read the note over, decided it would do, and folded it up, heading to the owlery. On the way onto the grounds, she ran into Remus, who was looking rather more agitated than usual.

"Gabby," he said, smiling suddenly at the sight of her. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she said with a smile, realizing that she was saying it more out of habit than anything. "No," she said softly. "I'm confused, but that doesn't really matter."

"About Sirius?" he said, frowning. Gabriella nodded.

"I love him," she said, "and while I can completely see what he's saying and I want to believe him, there were things Parker said and I just... I don't know. You knew all along that he was with Coral Hargrove."

"Yeah," Remus said. "Actually, when he started seeing you he swore to me he'd broken up with her, which is why I was so disappointed yesterday when he admitted he hadn't. But I knew otherwise."

"Is that why you didn't want me publishing that article about Sirius last year?" she asked as they kept walking. "Because you didn't want to get him into trouble with Coral?"

Remus paused for a moment before nodding and saying, "Yeah, that was it."

But there was something about that incident that bothered her, tugged at her, and she couldn't figure out what it was.

"So, where are you headed?" he asked her.

"I'm mailing something," she replied. "I'm just headed to the owlery for a school owl. Mine's away on a delivery and it's a bit important."

"I'll walk with you," he said softly, looking at the ground. "I don't have anything else to do, and I... I could use the exercise, if you don't mind my company, that is."

"Not at all," Gabriella said honestly, smiling, "but you know, Kent's not here anymore. I don't need a bodyguard."

Remus tensed and Gabriella wondered what was wrong with what she had said. Was it mentioning Kent? Was it mentioning her lack of ability to care for herself? Was it something else entirely?

"Yeah," he said finally. "Is this personal? Do you want me to stay down here?"

"Um," Gabriella muttered, considering. It was going to get to Sirius sooner or later, and she trusted Remus, anyway. She didn't have anything to hide. "No, you can come up."

He had her go up first, gentleman that he was, following her closely all the way.

"Careful," he said as they neared the top. "It gets slippery at the top sometimes."

"Yeah," she sighed, a little annoyed that he was still treating her like porcelain, but she supposed that he didn't have a reason to treat her any other way.

She got up to the top, found a bird and tied her note to its leg.

"Take this to Coral Hargrove," Gabriella whispered, petting the bird gently before taking it to one of the many windows and letting it go. When she turned back to Remus, he was frowning.

"You shouldn't have done that," he said softly.

"Done what?" she asked innocently.

"Contacted Coral. He told you it was over, didn't he?"

"I just wanted to talk to her," Gabriella sighed, petting another owl. "I promised Parker I would."

"Sirius isn't going to be happy about it," Remus insisted. "He won't want you talking to her."

"Why not?" she hissed. "Why would he care, if they're over?"

"Would you want him talking to your exes?"

"All my exes love me!" she snapped. "That's the only thing I'm sure of anymore. I mean, honestly, can you say anyone else does? Can you say Sirius loves me?"

"I..." Remus frowned. "I can't speak for Sirius. I think he certainly cares about you a lot. He cared about Coral, too, more than I think he's cared about anyone else. You're the only two girls I can say that about, but I can also say that someone _does_ love you. Not your exes, although they probably do. But you're loved, Gabby. Why do you have to do this? Aren't you happy with Sirius?"

"Yes," she said, more out of instinct than anything else.

"Then why would you do this to yourself?" Remus implored. "Why would you open those floodgates?"

"He loved her?" Gabriella whispered, looking up into Remus's amber eyes, feeling her stomach sink.

Remus just stared at her for a moment, gently brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Yeah," he said finally. "Yeah, I think he did. Maybe he still does, I don't know, but he cares about you like he cared about her."

She couldn't make sense of anything, and it was even harder with the way Remus was looking at her, that way he was looking at her lately that she couldn't quite figure out the point of. If Sirius had loved Coral, what had gone wrong? It didn't seem likely to Gabriella that someone could not love Sirius, so what had happened between them, and could it happen to her? And if he cared about Gabriella in the way he'd cared about Coral, didn't that just make her a replacement?

"Well, I sent the note," she said stubbornly. "Even if I wanted to, I couldn't get it back now, and I did promise Parker I'd talk to her. Sirius doesn't have to find out about this. You're not going to tell him, and I'm fairly certain Parker and Coral won't say a word."

"You don't know Coral," Remus said, wincing. "She's a lot like you."

"What does that even mean?" Gabriella snarled. "That she's a formerly suicidal, depressed rape victim? Or is there some other way you think of me?"

"Gabby, stop it," Remus snapped, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her gently, not enough to hurt her but enough to stun her into shutting her mouth. "You know that's not at all how I think about you. It's not who you are! I don't know why you can't see..."

She blinked, looking up at him expectantly.

"See what?" she whispered.

Remus just looked at her for a moment, still holding her shoulders tightly, a look in his eyes like he was trying to decide what to do. Then he sighed and said, "Gabby, please don't do this."

What was he talking about? Do what?

"Remus, I have to. I'm sorry."

"Not this," Remus sighed. "Never mind. You don't understand and I don't have the heart or the energy to explain. I wish you would stop, but I know you won't and maybe that's why... Never mind."

Gabriella frowned, watching him turn to the window and look out at the grass. What was he even talking about?

"So, what have you been up to?" she said, moving over to sit on the ledge just beneath the window he was looking out of. "I feel like you've been distant from me lately and I don't like it."

Remus bit his lip as if composing himself. Then he shook his head and said, "Gabby, please. I don't want to talk about me. I don't really know what I want to talk about. Maybe... maybe we should just go back inside. The girls are probably wondering where you've gotten to."

That was just an excuse to end the conversation and they both knew it. Gillian was still fiercely loyal and Megan was more or less interested in Gabriella's love life, but otherwise the girls had by and large abandoned Gabriella McPeak because of her incredibly time-consuming relationship with Sirius Black.

Coral had sent Gabriella a note saying she wanted to talk at the Quidditch pitch on Saturday, alone, after lunch. Gabriella left lunch rather quickly, told Sirius she needed a bit of alone time in her room, and doubled back, rushing out to the Quidditch pitch when she knew nobody was watching.

The weather was certainly cooling fast, the wind whipping her hair around to hit her face, and Gabriella shivered, wondering why the Quidditch pitch, why the secrecy. But then, she knew. Everything to do with Sirius Black's love life was some sort of massive secret to even those involved.

Which was absurd and exciting, all at the same time.

Coral was beautiful. Long, blond hair, pretty blue eyes... Gabriella found herself wondering why Sirius would break up with this girl, especially for her, but she did remind herself that she was thinner than Coral, probably from years of Quidditch, and that had to count for something.

Coral wasn't fat, of course. She was the sort of girl one described as 'pleasantly plump'. Her curves made her more attractive and certainly didn't take anything away from her figure, which was more womanly than Gabriella hoped to be. Gabriella took a deep breath and sat down in the stands beside Coral, who just stared out at the pitch.

"You came," she said softly. "I was worried Sirius wouldn't let you."

Wouldn't _let_ her? This girl was talking like she expected Gabriella to just let Sirius run her life. Gabriella McPeak ran her own life, and nobody was going to think otherwise, no matter what the truth of the matter was. She certainly wasn't going to let Coral think otherwise.

"Well, I'm here," Gabriella said smoothly, not bothering to mention that Sirius knew nothing about it. "Parker said you needed to tell me something, so I'm here."

"Gabriella," Coral said softly, "I've never known anyone as unworthy of someone's love than Sirius Black. I'm not saying this out of bitterness. I'm saying it because I know how hard it is to see past his lies and I don't want that for you. I don't want that for anyone, even Amy."

"Amy?" Gabriella asked, wondering why that name sounded so familiar.

"Amy Appleby," Coral said with a sigh. "She and him are... well, sort of seeing each other."

Gabriella blinked.

"Remus told me she wasn't," she said boldly, recalling where she knew the name from: The article Gillian and Gabriella agreed not to publish the previous year.

"Remus lied," Coral snorted. "You know, she was with them when they avoided jail for the vandalism of the Ministry property. They were doing it so Sirius could impress her, I'm sure, and it worked."

Gabriella got a sinking feeling, remembering confronting James about that same incident the year before, before she'd even met Sirius, asking what bird they were trying to impress, and James refused to talk about it. Was it because he was trying to keep a lid on how many girls Sirius was really seeing?

"Why would Remus lie to me?" Gabriella finally said, reminding herself that Coral and Sirius fell apart, that she was probably out for his blood and would say anything to get Gabriella to end her relationship with Sirius. Maybe Coral was holding out hope of winning him back if she could get Gabriella out of the way. From the way Remus described the relationship, maybe she really could pull it off.

"Remus was lying to you because he was protecting you," Coral said with a sigh and a small smile. What was she smiling about? "I'm not going to get in the middle of that, though. Your ignorance or knowledge where Remus is concerned really aren't my affair. I'm here to talk about Sirius."

"You lost him," Gabriella snapped angrily, not appreciating Coral's insinuation that she knew anything about Remus and Gabriella's friendship. What was the girl doing, stalking her? "You want him back, so you're trying to turn me against him with half-truths and bitter stories. I'm not interested, Coral. I love Sirius and he loves me and that's all there is to it."

Gabriella got to her feet and went to storm away, being ever the fan of dramatic exits.

"Sirius Black isn't capable of love," Coral said as though she was saying it was cold in Scotland.

But Gabriella just kept walking, refusing to let the bitter words of the losing party taint her love and affection for Sirius. She'd not known at the time, of course, that she was in competition for his love, but she'd won. That was all that mattered. She won, Coral lost, and she had to remember that, because otherwise it would be so easy to believe the obviously rehearsed lies about Sirius.

Instead of going back to her room, though, she wandered the corridors, lost in thought. What if Coral was right about Sirius?

But she was a bitter ex-girlfriend, of course she wanted Sirius and Gabriella to break up.

But why would Remus lie to Gabriella? And why did the thought of him lying bother her so much?

But that didn't matter. She wasn't having problems with a relationship with Remus, she was investigating Sirius's behavior toward her. With determination, she went straight to the corner of the Charms courtyard where she knew Gillian would be studying.

As a matter of fact, Gillian was sitting with a book, curled up over the top of it like it was a part of her body. Gabriella dropped into a sitting position on the ground in front of her, looking up at her best friend expectantly.

"Hey, Gabby," she said nonchalantly, turning the page of her book. "How are you?"

"Not good," Gabriella admitted with a sigh. "I'm having some problems with Sirius."

"Have you been fighting?"

"No."

"Disagreeing?"

"Not exactly."

"What, then?"

"Well," Gabriella sighed, "he wasn't exactly... broken up with his last girlfriend when we were starting out. They're done now, but... Yeah."

"You mean he was cheating on you?" Gillian snapped, shutting her book abruptly and staring at Gabriella with wide eyes.

"Yeah," Gabriella muttered, although it occurred to her that he was really cheating on Coral with her... But she won. She won, Coral lost, and that was that. Wasn't it?

"So what are you going to do?" Gillian said softly, watching Gabriella closely.

"I talked to her," Gabriella said slowly. "Coral. She seems... bitter."

"Well, yeah, her boyfriend was cheating on her."

"Well, they're not dating anymore," Gabriella said firmly, sitting up a little straighter. "But..."

"What?"

"Well, she said something that's bothering me, and I can't figure out why it's bothering me."

"What is it?"

"She said Remus lied to me. Only, I really knew he did at the time, but... But it didn't bother me then. But it's bothering me now."

"What was the lie?"

"You remember that article about Amy what's-her-face in Slytherin?"

"Yeah, I slaved over that thing Remus said it wasn't true."

"Apparently it was," Gabriella sighed. "Says Coral, and according to Coral he's still seeing her."

Gillian's jaw dropped. Gabriella could feel her stomach squirm, but she couldn't think about the fact that Sirius might be seeing someone else. She could barely think of anything except the fact that Remus lied to her.

"I mean, I knew that he was lying at the time," Gabriella said quickly. "But I hadn't thought about it and it hadn't bothered me, but now it does and I can't figure out why."

"You know that date you made us go on?" Gillian said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "He was worried about you that day. I think he worries about you a lot. I mean, I think he thinks about you a lot. He notices things about you..."

Gabriella blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"I guess I mean that I think he might like you," Gillian said carefully. "I don't know, I could be wrong. Megan knows more about these sorts of things than I do, but he just seems to care about you a lot more than is typical and... Well, he seems to feel really not okay with you dating Sirius. Maybe it's because Sirius is or was cheating on you, but maybe he also has his own feelings for you."

Gabriella thought that was absurd, but she didn't say it out loud. Why would Remus want her?

She wasn't pretty. She wasn't smart. She wasn't... well, at least she was rich. That was something. Sirius loved her though, didn't he? Or did he? It was so hard to tell anymore. And if Sirius Black could love her, why not Remus Lupin?

She felt herself getting confused, gaining a headache as she puzzled over whether it were possible for Remus to even like a girl like her. Her intuitive self-loathing she'd gained over the last year said it was impossible, but her even more recent self-assurance that Sirius loved her said it was more than possible, but her incredibly recent seeds of doubt as to Sirius's loyalty cast a layer of shadow over the whole argument.


	14. Christmas Ball

The world was almost falling apart at the seams. Gabriella decided that the best way to go about things was to ignore the whispers and the rumors, even to ignore the warnings of Parker and Coral. Every moment around Remus was tense and awkward, not because of anything he'd said or done but because of Gillian's speculations.

By the time they'd gone home for Christmas, Gabriella had very effectively shut the world out except for Gillian and Sirius. Even James and Remus were having a hard time talking to her, because Gabriella just didn't want to hear what they might end up saying if she gave them a chance.

In the meantime, Gabriella's parents had begun to be concerned about their daughter's association with "the Black boy". For one thing, he was a Black, which wasn't exactly good but wasn't quite bad enough to really be forbidden in and of itself. Gabriella couldn't be sure whether they disliked his running away from home or his being Walburga Black's flesh and blood more. Her parents probably weren't sure, either.

For another thing, apparently what Sirius's parents and James's parents both were saying about Sirius's relationship history (or at least, she told herself it was history) made them worry about her. Her mother was concerned about her spending time with him over the holidays, but as the McPeaks were going to the Potter's annual Christmas Gala, which all of the pureblood families attended, they couldn't really keep her from seeing him.

Gabriella carefully wrapped his Christmas present before getting her dress robes on, glad she'd asked Peter to find out if anyone else had gotten him the same thing: The large box of Zonko's assorted pranks, the one Sirius had been drooling over at the last Hogsmeade visit.

As soon as she finished wrapping the gift with care, she turned to her sage green dress robes and smiled. Sirius liked her in green.

It didn't take long for her to change into her robes and put her hair in an elegant bun. Then she swiped on some make-up and strolled downstairs, meeting her family in the entryway.

"We're leaving soon?" Gabriella said sweetly to her father, who was frowning as he adjusted his dress robes.

"If your mother ever finishes with her hair," he said simply.

Thankfully, her mother didn't take too much time with her hair, although it was so long and thick that drying it was always an ordeal.

The McPeaks traveled the walking distance by Side-Along Apparition, as walking to Potter Manor in dress robes was a great way to draw unwanted attention from Muggles who lived nearby. A lot of them took walks in their neighborhood because the houses were much grander than in the village proper.

Gabriella dropped her father's arm as soon as she arrived at the foyer of the Potter Manor. She wanted to find Sirius.

She made her way through the crowd in the ballroom, searching for his soft black hair and listening carefully for his bark-like laughter.

"Gabriella!" said the voice of Mrs. Potter musically. "So good to see you! You look lovely."

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter," Gabriella replied. "Have you seen Sirius?"

"So," said the voice of Walburga Black from behind Gabriella. Mrs. Potter frowned at the woman, but Gabriella kept her head up high, knowing that Sirius's mother would expect nothing less from a worthy pureblooded girl. "Gabriella McPeak, all grown up. Still a troublemaker, I expect. Well, turn around girl, let me look at you."

Gabriella blinked at Mrs. Potter, who was disapproving of the whole situation, but she did as she was told, turning slowly to face the Black family matriarch.

"Mrs. Black," she said as sweetly as she could. "I trust you're enjoying your holidays?"

"Silence," Walburga snapped, grasping Gabriella's chin and turning her face from side to side. "Pretty enough, I suppose. Not a great beauty like your sister, but she's spoken for, at any rate. Built for bearing children, certainly. As was your grandmother. Tell me, girl, how do you feel about the pureblood supremacists?"

Gabriella felt her stomach drop. She felt like she was being appraised like cattle.

"I beg pardon?" she whispered, staring determinedly at the strong woman still gripping her chin.

"Walburga," Mrs. Potter began sternly, but the woman spoke over objection.

"The Dark Lord, girl," Mrs. Black snapped. "What are your thoughts concerning him?"

"In all honestly, Mrs. Black, I haven't got an opinion," Gabriella said softly. It was true. He had nothing against her, and her family would be near the top of things no matter who was in charge. It wasn't going to change her fate at all. "I don't follow politics, in truth."

"That's better than what might have been expected, considering the last strumpet my son chose to cavort with."

Gabriella was about ready to take verbal exception to being compared to who she assumed was Coral and also being called a strumpet, but then she felt some familiar take her hand and say, "Let go of her, you old bat. You don't have any say in either of our lives."

She could have sighed with relief as Sirius dragged her away from the outraged Walburga Black and off to a side room off the ballroom, closing the door behind them. Instead, Sirius pushed her against the wall and kissed her deeply. Gabriella sighed into his mouth contentedly instead.

"Sorry about my mother," he muttered, petting her hair as he led her over to a sofa and pulled her onto his lap. "She still thinks she's going to own my children as her little Black family heirs if she can get the right mother for them."

"No, it's fine," Gabriella said with a nervous laugh. "I'm used to that sort of thing. I was raised pureblood too, you know."

"That you were," he said with a twisted sort of smile. "I guess you're as well-equipped to handle her as anybody. Yeah, she didn't like Coral, if you hadn't guessed."

Gabriella didn't like being compared to Coral, but she nodded.

"She thought we were sleeping together, which was silly," Sirius snorted. "Coral never would have gone for that."

Something about the statement nagged at Gabriella, but she didn't want to talk about Coral. She didn't even want to remember Coral existed.

"I brought you a present," she said.

"I'll open it later," he said dismissively, clearly still fuming about his mother's behavior.

That was it. Gabriella lay down on the couch, stretching herself out as seductively as she could, putting her head in Sirius's lap. He grinned down at her in spite of himself.

"Is this my present?" he said eagerly. "Because I'd be all right with opening it now, if that's the case."

"Of course not," she said with a laugh. "But I _am_ trying to get your attention. You're just glaring at the wall."

"Well, you certainly have it," he growled, lifting her head up and kissing her eagerly, passionately. Somehow, they went from that position to sitting up, then to her lying down on her back with him straddling her, his hands feeling up her legs under her dress. It was all a bit of a blur, it was happening so fast.

Just then, the door opened and Gabriella heard the voice of James Potter say, "Hey, Padfoot, you'll never guess what your mother said when she saw Remus here! Oh, woah, sorry..."

Gabriella turned quickly when Sirius jerked away from her to see James and Remus standing at the door, James with his eyes wide and face red with surprise and embarrassment, Remus with his face contorted in what could be a mixture of rage and disappointment.

"What did she say, Prongs?" Sirius asked as if nothing had happened.

"Uh, nothing important," James muttered, clearly wanting to leave and forget the whole scenario had ever happened.

Sirius frowned.

"Hi, Remus," Gabriella said softly, realizing that he was looking at her.

For a moment he just stood there, looking at her, blinked a few times, but then without a word, his face contorted again into an expression she couldn't quite decipher and he turned on his heel and walked away at a surprising pace.

"What's wrong with him?" Sirius said with a bit of a chuckle. "Time of the month?"

At that comment, James's face contorted into disgust and disappointment.

"Grow up, Pads," he spat, slamming the door as he hurried off after Remus.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at the door, but then he just shook his head.

"Right," he muttered. "I need to go take care of a few things, Gabby. Go mingle with the guests. Be charming just like I know you can do. I'll see you later on."

And without another word he kissed her lips quickly and left her lying on the sofa in the side room. She blinked after him for several minutes before sighing, getting up, straightening out her robes, and sorting out her hair. It wouldn't do for one of the McPeak girls to be seen looking like a tramp at the annual Christmas gathering.

She held in a bitter laugh as she made her way back into the party, looking around for someone to talk to.

"Gabby," said a soft, hoarse voice beside her. She turned and found Remus looking at her with wide eyes. "I wanted to... I wanted to apologize for..."

"No need," she said with a bit of a smile. "Good to see you, I wasn't expecting you here. So, Sirius's mum gave you a rough time, too?"

He frowned deeply.

"What did she do to you?" he asked quickly. "She didn't-?"

"She didn't hurt me, if that's what you think," Gabriella assured him. "She told me I'm not as good-looking as my sister, said that I was made for having children, and asked me about the pureblood supremacists. Nothing I didn't expect."

Remus frowned a little bit deeper and whispered, "She's wrong."

Gabriella cocked her head to the side questioning as she took his hand and dragged him out to dance.

"Wrong about what?" she said playfully as his hand twitched at her waist. "My suitability for making babies?"

"No," he breathed. "About your looks. You're the prettiest..."

He trailed off and blushed.

"Prettiest McPeak?" Gabriella drawled and laughed. "Hardly, Remus."

"No," he said even softer. "You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen."

Gabriella didn't know what to say, so she just blinked up at him.

Gillian was right: Remus Lupin fancied Gabriella McPeak, as if her life couldn't get any more complicated. Had he fancied her long? Could she be the mystery girl James had told her about, the one Remus worshiped and called 'dark angel'?

"Remus," she whispered, not really sure what else to say, but the song ended and he kissed her hand gently, his face dark and blank as he walked away.

Gabriella just stood there a while, a long while, before she realized someone had come up to her, raising his eyebrow expectantly. It was James Potter. She blinked at him when he held his hand out to her and then he rolled his eyes and led her back into dancing smoothly.

"So you see it now," he said softly. "Remus."

"It's not me," she said firmly. "He can't... I mean he doesn't... I mean, I'm not..."

"He looks at you like you're a goddess, Gabby," James whispered. "He literally worships you."

"I don't deserve it," she said softly.

"No," James said with a small smile, nodding. "No, you don't. I don't think anyone really would deserve that sort of devotion. But that's sort of how you look at Sirius, isn't it?"

Gabriella blinked.

"But... but that's different," she insisted. "I'm not... I mean I... I'm such a mess, James, you know that. I don't even deserve Sirius, much less Remus's utter devotion."

His smile turned a bit sad and he whispered, "Dark angel," in her ear. Then he sighed and said, "Sirius isn't exactly perfect, either, Gabby. He's got his own messes and complications. Don't hero worship him. He doesn't deserve it any more than you do."

It was an awkward thing to think about. She looked around, trying to find Remus in the crowd, but there were so many people that she didn't know where he could have gotten to. She didn't want to think about Sirius, she wanted to find some way to explain to Remus...

Explain what? That she was broken and lost and damaged goods? He already knew that. He loved her anyway. Gabriella was beginning to realize that nothing she could say or do about herself would change his mind. And then it hit her.

He wanted to save her.

As soon as the dance with James was over, Gabriella found herself wandering along, trying to just get to the edge of the crowd where the fact that she was out of sorts would be less noticeable. She needed to get away, to have time to process everything that had happened that night.

"Well, well," said the voice of Vin Montgomery beside her, filled with bitterness, "seems you can't even stick with one Marauder. You seem to feel the need to dance with all of them."

Gabriella frowned, turning to him.

"Well, I wouldn't want to dance with you," she hissed. "You've got two left feet."

"What, I've been going to these things just as long as Potter and Black," Vin said harshly.

"Yes, but you never did any dancing," Gabriella said boldly, turning to face him, not realizing that they were so close together. His face twisted into a very bitter smile.

"I seem to remember dancing with you a few times," he whispered, and she could feel her stomach clenching.

Why did everything have to happen at once?

Vin was just moving his hand to take hers, probably to take her onto the dance floor, when Sirius wrapped his arm around her, coming out of nowhere, and Vin recoiled like she was suddenly contagious.

"Montgomery," Sirius said coldly. "I trust you're enjoying your evening."

"I was," Vin hissed back icily. "Tell me, how's Appleby?"

Sirius's eyes flashed.

"And Hargrove?"

His eyes flashed again and Gabriella felt his fingers tense at her waist.

"And, oh, what was her name... the blonde?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius said firmly, "but you'll have to excuse us. I'm going to have to steal Gabriella way from you, if you can be parted from her."

"Certainly," Vin said, turning to look stonily at Gabriella. "If she can't be parted from you."

Gabriella frowned, watching Vin walk away and wondering why she felt disappointed.

"I wish you wouldn't talk to him," Sirius said firmly. "I suppose I'll just have to dance with you all night."

"Why's that?" she asked, letting him lead her back onto the dance floor, although he danced with her just as respectfully as James had, his hands exactly where they ought to have been and their bodies no closer together than anyone else's.

"I don't like the way he looks at you," he said softly, as if he were telling her the sky was blue. "When you're not looking at him, the way he watches you... it's not decent, love. Especially since he knows you belong to someone else."

Gabriella wasn't sure whether she found the fact that Sirius said she belonged to him to be thrilling or disturbing, but she was blushing because of that confusion and half because she found herself wondering exactly how Vin was looking at her. Sirius frowned slightly.

"You don't want him looking at you, darling?" he whispered. "Perhaps you'd like to have him dance with you instead. He certainly seems eager to at the moment."

She fought the temptation to search the crowd for Vin, knowing that was exactly what Sirius was trying to bait her into doing. For all his own faults, which she didn't want to think about, especially in light of Vin's accusations, Sirius was incredibly jealous of her.

"Somehow I doubt that," Gabriella said with a sigh. "Vin's annoyed with me. If he's watching me, it's just to tell me what poor choices I'm making all the time. He delights in telling me how poor my choices are."

"I think you're not giving yourself quite enough credit, my love," he whispered, causing Gabriella to shudder slightly, and she didn't miss his smirk at her shiver. "I wish I would be able to steal you away for a while, but alas, you have too many family members here. We'd certainly be missed."

"They've decided they don't like you after all," Gabriella informed him. "I think they've been talking with your parents."

"I pity them," Sirius said, wrinkling his nose. "My mother is delusional. She had some sort of misconception that Coral and I were sleeping together, but Coral would have never gone for that. My mother thinks I'm a sexual miscreant and blames Coral, bizarrely."

Gabriella decided not to point out that pretty much the whole world thought him a sexual miscreant, but she filed away the information for later. Her reporter's mind did such things almost without her thinking about it, and she tried to relax into dancing with him.

When they were going to part for the night, Sirius told Gabriella that he unfortunately didn't get her a Christmas gift, but that he enjoyed her gift very much and that he planned to pick up something for her when he got a chance.

Gabriella sat up in her bed that night staring at the wall, trying to calm down her spinning mind. Vin, Remus, James, Sirius, even Sirius's mother... They all wanted something from her. She just couldn't parse out as she felt drowsiness cloud her mind, what it was exactly that they wanted. She knew she wanted Sirius. She knew she wished she would have danced with Vin. She knew the way Remus looked at her when he and James barged in made her feel guilty. But she didn't know what any of it meant.


	15. More Mistakes

Gabriella McPeak found herself overwhelmed... again. Instead of feeling like nobody wanted her, she felt as though everyone wanted a piece of her and she hated that almost as much. Her parents sat her down again to scold her about fooling around with Sirius and how it would ruin her prospects. If she was lucky, they said, Vin Montgomery might still take her, but they had hoped that James might get over his interest in Muggles and look to Gabriella instead.

Ironically, Gabriella thought as she sat on top of the roof of McPeak manor, working up her courage, the only person who didn't seem to want a piece of her was James. Well, maybe he did, but not for himself.

Finally, she stood up. This time, she was going to do it. There was no James Potter or Remus Lupin to stop her. She took a deep breath, and as she moved to the edge of the roof, she heard someone call her name.

Gabriella turned her head and saw who else but Sirius, Remus, and James walking up the road to her home. Sirius grinned and waved, but Gabriella turned away, not looking down at the grass three stories below her as she swallowed hard and stepped off.

"GABBY!" roared several voices, but she was falling and she didn't care. The hadn't stopped her this time...

So why had she landed alive?

She opened her eyes to find that she had been caught by Sirius and Remus was holding out his wand.

Remus had slowed her progress so that Sirius could reach her safely. She could feel anger and frustration and guilt all building up inside her as Sirius set her on her feet. She tried to walk away so they didn't see her cry, but Sirius grabbed her by the wrists.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded, fear and confusion in his eyes.

"Nothing," Gabriella said blinking. "Just leave me alone, Sirius."

"No," he snapped. "Not until you tell me why the hell you were jumping a bloody roof!"

"Sirius, let go!" she cried, trying to pull away, but he twisted her wrist practically yanking her out to the backyard where they wouldn't attract the attention of her family.

"Sirius, you're hurting her," Remus said urgently, looking afraid and horrified, tears already streaking down his face.

When Sirius decided that they were sufficiently far away from the house, he dropped her wrists, letting her fall, but Remus caught her before she hit the ground and helped her sit, not letting go of her upper arms in case she decided to bolt or something.

But Gabriella didn't have the energy to walk away.

"Gabby, I thought you were over this," James said sadly. "I thought you were happy again."

She didn't look at him, trying to blink away her tears as she looked at the ground.

There was no part of her that felt happy. She didn't want to feel happy anyway, because the sadness that followed was always so much worse for it.

But she didn't answer him.

"Wait a minute," Sirius said in a low, dangerous voice. "Are you saying she's done this _before_?"

Gabriella couldn't help the sob that came out as she remembered the cold night on top of the Astronomy Tower. Instantly, Remus went from holding her firmly to wrapping his arms around her and tightly hugging her. She felt terrible, letting him hold her, letting he feel like he was doing something for her. He wanted to fix her, but there was nothing he could fix. She was completely broken.

"Gabby," Remus whispered, "I don't understand. What happened?"

She shook her head, looking at the grass still.

"What are you guys not telling me?" Sirius demanded furiously.

And then it hit her. James and Remus hadn't told Sirius about her suicide attempt, even after they started seeing each other. They had well and truly kept it to themselves, and she felt terrible about her actions. She'd betrayed their loyalty, their caring, but trying all over again. What would have happened had they come along twenty minutes later to find her body broken on the lawn? Remus... Sirius... Even James would have been upset.

"I'm sorry," she finally whispered. "I'm sorry."

The tears began streaming down her face and Remus rocked her gently, holding her comfortingly, but she felt dirty, guilty, having him hold her like that. She didn't deserve to be comforted. He should have been pushing her away, disgusted with her.

"It's all right," Remus sighed. "It's going to be okay, Gabby. We're here for you. Nobody's going anywhere."

She gave in to her need to be comforted and she grasped at his shirt anxiously as she cried into his chest. James and Sirius just stared at Remus and Gabriella with absolutely helpless, horrified expressions.

Remus ran his fingers comfortingly through her hair and she just sobbed for at least a half an hour with all three boys looking at her.

When she'd finally calmed down, Sirius growled, "It was my mother, wasn't it? She's got a gift for ruining people's lives. I asked Mrs. Potter to try to get her to leave you alone, but I guess that didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. I swear my mum's about the only person in the world who doesn't do what Mrs. Potter tells her to."

Gabriella shook her head into Remus's chest.

"Montgomery, then?" Sirius said eagerly. "What did he say to you? I'll beat him into a pulp until he apologizes-"

"Shut up, Sirius," James snapped. "She's depressed. I thought she was getting better after last time, but she's depressed and overwhelmed and you just need to leave her alone, all right?"

"Don't tell me what to do, James," Sirius hissed.

Gabriella felt the anxiety flare up again as she realized that James and Sirius were fighting and it was her fault. She'd caused a rift in the Marauders, first because both Sirius and Remus wanted her and second because James and Sirius were fighting over her suicide attempt, both thinking they knew what was best for her.

"I need to be alone," she whispered. "Please, I just need to be alone."

The boys hesitated, looking at each other.

"I don't think that's wise, Gabby," Remus whispered. "What if only one of us is with you for a while, quiet, but just there in case you need somebody? Would that be all right?"

She nodded, knowing that they were waiting for her to say who she wanted.

Last time, it had been James because he hadn't done anything to make her upset. Now, they'd all contributed in their own way to her tension. Still in that moment, the only person who wasn't making her feel small was Remus, so she curled up against him more and James got the hint.

"C'mon, Sirius," James said softly. "Let's leave them alone for a bit. They'll let us know when she's ready to be social again."

Sirius was clearly not happy with her decision, but there wasn't much he could do by to follow James away from where Remus and Gabriella were holding each other tightly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in Remus's ear. "I'm so sorry. I wish you hadn't seen."

"But if I hadn't," he sighed back, "you'd be dead and I... I don't know what I'd do."

"And I'm sorry for that," she said softly, looking down at her fingers, which were still gripping Remus's shirt. "I... You have no idea how terrifying last night was."

"Tell me," he whispered, petting her hair. "Please."

Not knowing what else to do, Gabriella took a deep breath and told him about all of the stress and pressure, about everyone wanting her time and attention and making her head spin with expectation.

"And apparently my parents wanted me to marry James," she finally snorted, "although now they're willing to settle for Vin as long as I hurry up and break up with Sirius, forget how I feel about things."

"I can't imagine you with James," Remus admitted, his fingers caressing her arms. "And Vin? Why Vin?"

"He's pureblood and reasonably rich," Gabriella sighed against his chest. "It's not that he's not attractive, but he makes me feel so..."

"Bad?" Remus offered, and she nodded.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Don't tell Sirius I said this, but... Vin seems to know something and it's bugging me. He's not friends with Coral, is he?"

"No, not as far as I could imagine," Remus muttered, frowning. "She always loved making fun of him. Why, what did he say?"

"He was talking about Sirius's supposed girlfriends, current ones," she whispered. "Appleby, some blonde... Who's that?"

"I don't know," Remus said a little too quickly. "Don't you think you ought to talk with Sirius about this?"

"I can't," she said urgently, looking up at Remus. "I mean... he's not given me a reason not to trust his word exactly but... but what if I can't? And then what if he lies to me and I believe him because I want to so badly? I don't want to be a fool, Remus."

"You could never be a fool, Gabby," he whispered, kissing her forehead gently. "I wish you would talk to him."

"You lied to me once too, Remus," she said softly. "Before. If you can lie to me, so can Sirius."

She didn't say that if the person who loved her with all his heart could lie to her then Sirius, whose love was unfortunately in question, could most certainly lie, but it hung on the air, implied in what she did say.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "That was wrong of me. I was protecting Sirius because I've sworn to do so. I will tell you that it wasn't easy. I don't think I could ever lie to you easily."

It wasn't much of a comfort, truly. She wanted it to be, but the only comfort she was getting was his arms around her. Somehow, the way Remus held her was so much more soothing than the way Sirius held her, perhaps because Sirius always wanted the holding to escalate into something else, whereas Remus seemed content to just have his arms around her.

Of course, he probably wasn't exactly content, but he was good at seeming it, at any rate.

"Promise you won't lie to me ever again?" she whispered, laying her head back on his chest again.

He hesitated, but finally he whispered, "I don't know if I can make a promise like that. I mean... Some day may come when I'll have to lie to you to protect you from something, or because I have to for your safety and I don't want to have to hesitate because I made this promise. But I will promise that I won't lie to you unless I have to."

Gabriella wasn't sure she liked that deal. What if his definition of necessity wasn't the same as hers? What if he kept things from her by meaning well that she really needed to know? It made her feel sick to think of Remus lying to her, even though she really couldn't understand why, but she knew he wouldn't agree to any less. He might have worshiped her, but Remus was stubborn when he thought he was doing the right thing. So Gabriella nodded, accepting his terms, though reluctantly. Remus didn't seem to notice.

"So, have you lied about anything else?" she pressed, looking up at him again, her cheek still pressed to his chest.

Remus stiffened, as though considering what to say. She didn't like that look, that thinking look, like he was trying to decide whether or not to lie to her.

"No," he finally said. "No, I've not lied about anything else."

"Kept things from me, then?" Gabriella whispered, her fingers reaching up to his shoulder, which she pressed down on to leverage herself as she crawled off his lap and sat up on her own, feeling a bit less secure in his arms after talk of him lying.

He didn't get a chance to answer, however, because as soon as he saw that she was no longer cuddling with Remus, Sirius rushed over, concern still painted on his face, James following after, trying to get him to stop, to no avail. Gabriella sighed, hugging her knees to her chest and picking at a spot on her jeans as Sirius dropped onto the grass beside her.

"Gabby, will you talk to me now?" he said urgently. Gabriella didn't look up.

"There's really nothing to say, Sirius," she said softly.

"Please," he whispered, pulling her closer to him, trying to be comforting as Remus had been, but it didn't feel at all the same. "Gabby, jumping off a roof is not normal behavior. You scared me."

"Well, I'm sorry I can't be a normal little pureblood like you want, Sirius," she snapped, getting up and walking away, pulling out of his stunned grasp with ease.

There was nothing to talk about, it was true. After all, she just didn't want to live anymore. Maybe it wasn't normal, but it was the fact of the matter, and that was all there was to it. She didn't want to talk about it, and she didn't want to talk to Sirius until she felt like she had some sort of idea what she was going to do about everything going on about him. He followed her, though, and he seemed more than a little frantic as he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and saying softly in her ear, "What have I done for you to be so upset with me?"

She wanted to lash out at him, but she couldn't, and even if she could bring herself to do it he wouldn't understand.

"I don't know," she snapped. "What do you think you've done?"

Maybe... Maybe that would lead him to confess something, maybe he'd give her a reason to leave him and at least that part of her stress and pain would be over. But after a long pause, a heavy silence on Sirius's end, he pressed his lips to her neck before whispering, "I don't know, love. I can't think of anything, but whatever it is, I'm sorry. I don't like seeing you like this."

Gabriella just shook her head, burying her face in his hands and trying to ignore how he was wrapping her up in his arms.

"Gabby, please," he sighed. "I don't want you to be the perfect pureblood. If I'd wanted that, I would have married one of my cousins like my mother so wanted. I want to be with you because you're _you_, because I love you."

Her heart skipped a beat as her brain went over his words again.

He'd said he loved her, actually said it, and not because she'd asked him to.

Sirius Black loved her.

Sirius Black loved her, and he'd just saved her from killing herself. He must have been terrified. She felt horrible, felt like maybe her life was worth living after all, that maybe all of the craziness made sense and she wasn't just being pulled in a million directions and...

"Do you mean that?" she whispered, turning to him. "You love me?"

"Of course I do," he sighed, pressing his lips against hers and quickly reminding her that she loved him, too. What had she been thinking on that rooftop? Of course she wanted to keep living, of course she had something to live for. Sirius Black loved her!

And that was the most important thing.

Remus, Vin, Coral, all the things he parents had told her... Gabriella decided in that moment that none of it mattered.

She spent several hours that day with the boys, but mostly curling up with Sirius, ignoring the looks James and Remus were exchanging, telling herself that they were being unnecessarily paranoid about her safety.

Didn't they know? Didn't they understand? Sirius Black loved her. Gabriella McPeak didn't need to die, she had Sirius Black! Surely they must understand, surely they must know. The Marauders knew everything about each other.

But Gabriella McPeak was adding a few more mistakes to her list, including letting the looks Remus and James exchanged go without too much notice or consideration. She let Sirius charm her with the words she'd wanted to hear and the touches and caresses he was far too good at. She let herself fall, throwing reason to the wind. It was perhaps the gravest mistake of all those she'd made that day, even more terrible that going up on the roof in the first place, but Gabriella felt so pleased with her decision to trust Sirius that all of her other mistakes escaped her notice.

When the boys left for Potter Manor before dinner, Gabriella ignored the looks her father was giving Sirius through the window, ignored the way her brothers frowned at the goofy smile on her face.

She'd gotten quite good at ignoring things, actually, especially thing she ought to have paid attention to.

Gabriella found that she had quite a lot of energy, even after the awkward family dinner, so she wrote a letter to Gillian detailing her amazing day with the boys, neglecting to mention the incident with the roof, mostly just gushing about how Sirius had said he loved her. And really, did anything else from the day matter?

No, so the three pages of gushing about Sirius really seemed suitable, to Gabriella.

He wasn't writing her letters as regularly as he'd done over the summer, but she didn't notice. She also failed to notice that he'd yet to get her a Christmas present, in spite of the fact that he would have had plenty of time before the boys came over in the morning. The Potters let those boys have the run of the place.

But even if she had noticed, Gabriella would have told herself that he had his reasons.

And perhaps that was the biggest mistake of all.


	16. If You Can't See It

By the time Gabriella and her schoolmates returned to Hogwarts, she'd still not received a Christmas gift from Sirius, but she'd spent about a week telling herself that she didn't care. Gillian was less excited than she was about the whole Sirius saying he loved her thing that Gabriella would have hoped, but it was Megan's reaction that made her furious.

Megan just sat there in their compartment, snorting when Gabriella shared her happy news, although she covered, it with a blank face and Gabriella would have thought she was hearing things if Margaret hadn't raised her eyebrows.

"What?" she snapped at her so-called friend.

"Nothing," Megan said quickly, checking herself, but Gabriella knew she hadn't just been thinking of something else. She wasn't getting away with that.

"Not nothing," Gabriella hissed, ignoring Gillian's attempt at calming her, putting a gentle hand on her arm. "Talk."

Megan raised her eyebrows and said, "Fine, if you're such a masochist... He was lying."

Gabriella was so angry that she wanted to hit her. She wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to pull out all of Megan's silky hair and... and...

But Megan was just jealous. The boy she'd been seeing off and on recently wasn't at all faithful, and she'd gone on a date with Sirius Black at one point. That hadn't worked out as well as fate had for Gabriella, so Megan was jealous. She was used to being the center of attention for men. Just because she whored herself out without too much discretion.

Gabriella wanted to hit her, but she didn't. She took a deep breath stood up, and marched out of the compartment, ignoring the whining of her friends, telling her to come back and that she was being silly.

Gabriella wasn't being silly. She was being furious that her friend was being a jealous cow. There was nothing silly about it.

It didn't take too long to find the Marauder's compartment, but when she stepped inside she found that Sirius wasn't there. Gabriella frowned, looking down at Remus, James, and Peter.

"Where's Sirius?" she asked, wondering whether she should sit down or not.

Remus looked to James.

"Loo," James said slowly. "What are you doing here?"

Gabriella shrugged.

"Had a bit of a fight," she muttered.

"Slytherins bothering you?" Remus said, almost as a growl.

"No," Gabriella clarified quickly. "No, Megan and I sort of... disagreed... loudly. I needed to get out of the compartment for a while."

"Oh," James said slowly. "Right. Have a seat, then. Sirius will be back eventually."

"All right," Gabriella sighed, sitting down across from Remus, beside Peter. Sirius liked window seats, so she saved it for him. "What have you boys been up to, then?"

"Talking," all three of them said at once. Gabriella blinked.

Marauders were known to be rather attached, to even be eerily connected at times, but she couldn't brush off the feeling that they were behaving a bit odd.

"Right," she sighed.

Gabriella just wanted the world to not make her have to think about things. It was so much more complicated than she wanted her life to be. Why couldn't she just be in love with Sirius and have him be in love with her and knowing that just be happy and complete and not have to worry about anything else?

About twenty minutes later, Sirius walked into the compartment and frowned slightly when he saw Gabriella sitting next to Peter. Remus and Peter shifted slightly in their seats and James cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Hey, Gabby," Sirius said slowly. "Did we agree to you sitting here and I just forgot about it?"

"No," she said quickly and he seemed relieved as he took the seat beside her. "No, Megan and I got into a fight and I didn't want to stay there with them when I was so mad."

"Oh," he said, wrapping an arm around her waist. "What was the fight about?"

Gabriella shook her head, burying her face in his shoulder, and he seemed to sense that she didn't want to talk about it with the other Marauders around.

Well, mostly Peter, but it wouldn't be fair to discriminate against him like that.

"Guys, could you give us a bit of privacy?" Sirius said perceptively, and the boys filed out of the compartment, leaving Sirius and Gabriella alone together in the compartment. "What happened, Gabby?"

Gabriella sighed, shifting and burying her face in his chest for a moment, breathing in his delicious, spicy scent and savoring its calming, comforting effect.

"I was telling them about my holidays," she said slowly. "And I told them how you told me you loved me, and Megan... Megan told me that you were lying to me. I... I wanted to hit her, but that wouldn't have gone over well... She's a bit bigger than me..."

Sirius snorted at this.

"Well, that's certainly true," he sighed. "Gabby, what does it matter what she thinks? What does it matter what anyone thinks except for you and me? I wasn't lying, darling. I do love you. She's just jealous because you're happy and she's not."

Gabriella blinked.

She was happy? It seemed a strange thing, considering her act on the roof not so long before... But yes, she told herself, she must be happy. Sirius loved her and therefore she must be happy. It was really simple logic, she told herself.

"Right," she sighed. "You're right."

"Of course I am," Sirius said with a grin, kissing her nose. "Don't be silly, Gabby. Don't be silly. It doesn't suit you, darling. Now, what do you want to do while the boys are gone?"

Gabriella couldn't help but giggle and flush. Sirius just had a way of bringing that out of people. But not people, she reminded herself as his lips attacked hers. Her. Sirius Black belonged to her, not anybody else.

Sirius pushed her down onto the seat viciously, being more aggressive than usual, even. Gabriella might have made him slow down, but she was so taken aback that she hadn't even realized it at first. When she did she wasn't sure what to do, struggling with the fact that he wanted her so much being so exciting and the fact that her personal space was being so fiercely invaded being so terrifying.

"Sirius," she moaned as his lips moved to her neck, making her feel awkward. How did he think that could feel anything but awkward? His fingers grazed the skin of her stomach under her shirt and Gabriella couldn't think why he was always surprised when she giggled. He knew she was ticklish there.

He moaned against her neck, probably thinking that she was getting turned on, not feeling incredibly awkward and anxious. He ought to know her well enough to know that all she wanted was for him to back off a bit.

To her completely surprise, though, he moved down from her neck, kissing her stomach as he liked to do, and continuing down to her legs. She felt awkward when he kissed her stomach, like he was pointing out where she was most uncomfortable about her body, looking at it so close up.

She gasped as he flipped up her skirt, pressing his mouth to her panties shamelessly, making her squirm. His hot breath was strange against such a sensitive place. He must have taken it as a positive sign, however, because she felt him move her panties to the side.

"Sirius," she said, her anxiety clear in her voice.

"Relax, love," he said softly, looking up at her as he pressed his lips against the untouched skin.

Gabriella knew it was supposed to feel good, what he was doing with his mouth, but she wasn't getting anything out of it. It was probably the fact that she couldn't get over her anxiety.

She let it go on for a while, trying to decide how to make him stop. She thought about faking a climax, but that wouldn't be fair to him. He loved her... He'd understand. Right?

But then he did something with his finger, she wasn't sure what it was in the blur, that actually hurt and she actually pulled away from him just out of instinct.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, confused, looking up at her.

"It hurt," she admitted, frowning, feeling bad. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't be sorry," he assured her. "I shouldn't have tried that."

Gabriella didn't want to argue, didn't know what to say, so she just accepted Sirius's kiss when he descended on her lips, demanding her lips.

"Could you do something for me?" Sirius whispered.

Gabriella didn't like this. She didn't like where this was going. There were all sorts of alarm bells going off in her brain, but she wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say, so she said, "What?"

He smiled a little, moving her hand to the bulge in his trousers, showing her how hard he was.

And just like that, she began to internally panic.

"Sirius, I... I can't," she gasped. "Please, Sirius, I can't."

"I know," he whispered. "I know it's hard, but you're going to have get over it sometime, and I really want you to do this for me. You love me, don't you?"

Yes, of course she loved him. Yes, she supposed she couldn't be afraid of a major form of intimacy forever. And she wanted to make him happy.

And yet... she just wanted to have a panic attack.

"Will you at least try?" he said gently, kissing her neck again as he moved her hand so that she was inadvertently stroking him outside of his trousers.

She didn't want to, but she supposed it couldn't hurt too much to try. Maybe with Sirius it would be different from Kent. With a deep breath, she nodded and he smiled, kissing her jaw.

He sat up and pulled her down to the floor of the compartment. She was shaking, on her knees at his feet, and knowing he was smiling at her expectantly.

She could do it, she told herself, reaching up to his zipper with trembling hands. His hand was already in her hair as she unzipped his trousers, just waiting to push her head to his own pace. She just froze, staring at his crotch, knowing that she could almost see in her mind's eye that day in the Quidditch locker rooms, that she could hear Kent's words ringing in her ears.

Gabriella swallowed hard and Sirius whispered, "Gabby."

She shook her head as his other hand guided her hands into his jeans, and she shook her head harder, feeling the tears well up in her eyes as his hand guided hers to the fleshy organ in his boxers that made her feel sick to her stomach just touching.

"Please," she whimpered, trying so hard not to cry. "Please, Sirius, I can't."

"Gabby, just try love, please," he sighed, and she could tell he was getting frustrated and she just felt terrible. "You've not even really tried."

Gabriella could feel the panic attack coming on and she pulled out of his grasp, gasping for breath frantically, tears streaming down her face. She was barely aware that he'd done up his trousers again as she continued tried to breathe and he was trying to calm her, attempted to comfort her, but she couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe and she was afraid and she just didn't know how to stop panicking.

She wasn't sure when Remus and James had arrived, but Sirius must have told them that she was hysterical because the next thing she remembered, she was looking up at Remus's worried face.

"You passed out," he said. "You were hyperventilating when we arrived and you passed out cold while we tried to calm you. Have some chocolate."

Gabriella shook her head, pushing away the chocolate Remus was trying to feed her.

"I'm fine," she muttered, embarrassed. How much had Sirius told them? How much had they guessed?

"Gabby, you're obviously not fine," Remus sighed. "You passed out from a panic attack. There's nothing okay about that. Will you please just let me do what I can for you?"

Petulantly, she opened her mouth and let Remus stick a chunk of chocolate in it, but she decided she didn't have to look happy about it.

Then she looked around at the worried faces watching her and she felt guilty for being such a brat about taking Remus's help.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I... I don't like feeling vulnerable. I shouldn't have lashed out like that."

"It's fine," Remus sighed. "I can understand not wanting to take help. Do you want a bit to get yourself together, or should we go and get Peter?"

"I'd like a minute or two, if that's okay," Gabriella admitted sheepishly. "I mean, no offense to Peter, but..."

"No, we get it," James said eagerly, throwing an arm around her shoulder supportively. "It's okay. How do you feel?"

She blinked.

"You know," she said, "after the chocolate, a lot better. No wonder you're constantly eating the stuff, Remus. If I did, I'd get fatter."

"Excuse me?" Sirius said, blinking.

"What?" Gabriella said, frowning.

"You just said you'd get fatter," Sirius said sternly. "Implying that you're already fat."

"I... I guess I did," Gabriella muttered, not looking at him.

"Is that how you see yourself?" Remus asked sadly. "Gabby, I assure you, you're perfect. You're not fat. I... I don't understand how you could think that about yourself."

"You were voted as having the best body at Hogwarts!" Sirius said, outraged. "Isn't that enough of a factor?"

Gabriella just shrugged, tears welling up in her eyes faster than she could blink them away. James hugged her tightly.

"Gabby," he whispered, "you know I'm not romantically interested in you, right?"

Gabriella laughed, snorting.

"Of course," she sighed.

"So you know I've got absolutely no reason to lie to you about your looks, right?" he whispered, brushing her hair out of her face.

She shrugged.

"Gabby..."

"Yeah," she sighed reluctantly. "I know."

"Then I promise you," he whispered, "you're _not_ fat. No, you're not as skinny as your family, but you're a hell of a whole lot more attractive for it."

"Yeah," she whispered, although she didn't really believe it. She saw the boys exchange knowing looks, that they knew she was lying, but in that moment she would take it.

"Gabby," Sirius whispered, "are you feeling okay now?"

No, no she wasn't feeling okay. But it would have been a lot more suspicious had she said that, and she just wanted things to go back to normal, so she sighed.

"Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. You can bring Peter back in now."

Remus got up right away, going out to find Peter, wherever they'd put him while she was having her meltdown, and she moved back beside Sirius, curling up against him.

Had she been in her right mind, had she not been so desperate to feel that he still loved her, she would have noticed the way that he tensed when she touched him. She would have noticed the way that James frowned at this tension that he had noticed with his careful eyes. She would have noticed the wordless glance that past between the two best friends.

But Gabriella was still a bit distraught, and so she didn't notice.

Instead she smiled to herself because smiling was good and Sirius smelled nice and things were good. Or so she told herself.

But when Remus and Peter settled down in the compartment, they, too, were frowning slightly.

The train ride went on rather quietly, much more quietly than Gabriella had expected the Marauder compartment to be like. Even her usual train rides with Vin and Ron and the crew were more lively. She thought most situations with a compartment full of guys would be a bit more intense.

But they were almost intensely quiet, only occasionally saying things to each other, mostly talking over her head in what she deemed in her mind do be 'Marauder Speak', which simply meant things she couldn't seem to understand. Gabriella even fell asleep finally against Sirius's chest, it was so calm in the compartment.

Sirius gently woke her and she realized the train was slowed down drastically.

"You should go back to your friends now, darling," he whispered. "We're nearly there."

Gabriella, in her sleepy state, couldn't fully comprehend why she couldn't just get off the train with him, but she also wasn't fully trying. She nodded compliantly and rubbed her eyes, scrambling to her feet awkwardly and heading back up the train to her chattering friends, who seemed surprised to see her.

"Where've you been?" Gillian asked pleasantly. "You seem like you've had a bit of a nap."

"I did," Gabriella said, sitting down beside her. "I fell asleep on Sirius."

Megan coughed.

"Not like that," Gabriella snapped, only half-irritated. "I was sitting next to him and I fell asleep leaning on him, that's all. The other Marauders were there too."

"Who knows what sort of kinkiness those boys get up to?" Megan teased. "Besides, I know Lupin at the least would hesitate to look away at the sight of you in naught but your skin."

Gabriella flushed a bit, looking down at her hands and thinking about the way Remus looked at her even fully clothed...

They stopped teasing her pretty quickly, though, as Megan caught her up on her own Christmas adventures in the time it took the train to coast to a stop in Hogsmeade Station and head up to the carriages. Gabriella braided Gillian's hair during the carriage ride as they talked about how annoying it was going to be to have to wear uniforms again. In the walk back up to dinner, they decided not to talk about anything at all because they noticed that Gabriella was watching the Marauders and they didn't want to bother talking to her about Sirius again.

But maybe they should have.

Gabriella McPeak wasn't the only person who made mistakes.


	17. In

It was still the cool, crisp days of winter when Gabriella bundled up and headed out into Hogsmeade.

The girls had dates, except for Margaret who wanted study time. The Marauders were in detention for their latest prank. Gabriella was on her own, walking through the frost-bitten paths as she made her way up the High Street, trying to decide where she wanted to go. Her feet carried her almost without her thinking about it, winding her through the streets, looking at shops and taverns alike, past the post office, the bakery, a little deli she'd never noticed before because she'd always stuck to the regular places.

At first, it was exhilarating to explore uncharted territory, but Gabriella felt a bit panicked when she realized she had no idea where she was, it was starting to get dark out, and she was all alone.

"What do I do?" she muttered to herself, looking around. "What do I do?"

She didn't have a lot of time to wonder, though, because suddenly a large hand was placed over her mouth and she felt something being poked into her skin even as she tried to scream. Then the world faded to black around her.

There were shapes. There was pain, a burning pain between her thighs. She made a sound because it hurt, but she was weak as a kitten and one of the blurry, masked figures hit her. They seemed familiar somehow, but she couldn't see their faces. She couldn't really see anything.

"Give her another dose," one of them growled in a very, very familiar voice and Gabriella faded into unconsciousness again, just after another pinching, poking sensation arose on her arm.

When she came to, she was sprawled out in the middle of a backstreet of Hogsmeade, hearing the sound of a woman screaming.

Gabriella tried to figure out what was going on but her head was spinning, her thighs ached, and she could hear a man's voice asking her what happened, who was she, how could they help her, and then she promptly passed out.

When Gabriella woke the third time she was in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey pouring potions down her throat and Albus Dumbledore in the corner talking with her parents.

Her parents...

"Professor, she's awake!" Madam Pomfrey said quickly. Albus Dumbledore hurried over to Gabriella's bedside sitting beside her.

"Miss McPeak," he said softly, "how do you feel?"

"Like my head was run over like a pack of centaurs," Gabriella moaned. "What happened?"

"I was hoping you could help me figure that out," he whispered. "Will you please tell me everything you remember from the moment you set foot in Hogsmeade?"

"Well," Gabriella sighed, accepting a potion for her headache from Madam Pomfrey and drinking it down, "my friends weren't there, so I thought I'd just sort of wander the village, see what the rest of it looks like, the parts students don't usually bother with because it's not on the main drag. I just sort of walked and my feet took me places. It's really quite lovely."

"It is," Professor Dumbledore said with a nod, indicating that she should continue her story.

"Well, I realized it was getting late," she said slowly, "but I hadn't really been paying attention to where I was, so I wasn't sure how to get back and then someone put their hand over my mouth out of nowhere and before I could scream they poked me with something and I passed out."

He just watched her and she shifted uncomfortably.

"I remember sort of half-waking," she continued slowly, looking down at the sheets that covered her. "I hurt, between my thighs, it hurt a lot, and there were men with masks. And I made a sound because it hurt, whatever they were doing, and they hit me and said something and then the poked me again and I passed out. I sort of woke again, and a woman was screaming and a man was asking me questions... I didn't understand them, I didn't know how to answer and I still hurt and I passed out again. And... And then I woke up here. That's all I remember, Professor, I swear."

"I believe you, Miss McPeak," Dumbledore sighed, noting her parents' anxiety over in the corner. "You were given a very powerful drug, and twice. The fact that you woke up at all, much less twice, is remarkable. You were raped, Miss McPeak, and judging from the tests Madam Pomfrey has run, there were six different men at least. Do you remember anything that could help us identify them?"

"No," Gabriella said numbly, trying to wrap her brain around what had happened. "No, they had masks and hoods and... one of the voices seemed familiar, but I can't think of where I know it from."

Suddenly, Gabriella remembered her dreams and she began to shake.

"Death Eaters," she whispered. "I was raped by Death Eaters."

With Professor Dumbledore's permission, she Summoned her dream diary to her hospital bed and flipped through it to a series of dreams she'd had when she was thirteen of a girl being raped by Death Eaters. She read them out loud to the adults in the room, as well as the dates they were written. She flipped to the end of the sequence, to a picture she drew of a nondescript, bruised and bloodied girl with her clothing ripped in awkward places, her body sprawled on the side of an unknown street, blood trickling down her legs.

"That's me, isn't it?" she whispered as Professor Dumbledore examined the picture.

"That is how they found you, yes," he whispered gently.

And they got no further information out of Gabriella that night. All she was capable of doing at that point was crying as her mother held her and petted her as best she could. Gabriella was shaking, was horrified. She'd seen it coming in a way and she still hadn't been able to stop it.

Madam Pomfrey insisted on keeping her through the next day until all effects of the drug they'd used on her wore off. Gabriella wanted out, before word or garbled word of what had happened to her got around, and she shifted in her bed, whining and begging and getting absolutely nowhere with Madam Pomfrey, who basically was holding her prisoner.

It was absurd. No charges could be pressed because they couldn't figure out who attacked her. There was nothing to be done except more or less sweeping it under the rug, pretending it never happened, hoping that Madam Pomfrey's measures ensured that she wouldn't get pregnant.

Gabriella had one visitor when she was in the infirmary, during dinner. Sirius came up to eat with her, a to-go plate he'd had the elves make him in the kitchens.

"Dumbledore's not telling anyone what happened," he said, frowning. "Are you okay?"

"No," Gabriella muttered. "I was raped."

"_What?_" Sirius spluttered.

"I was... raped," Gabriella sighed, telling him the whole story, as she'd told Professor Dumbledore, start to finish, and Sirius just sat there, listening.

"Only you," he muttered when she finished. "This kind of thing only happens to you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she snapped.

"It means that I swear you do this for attention," he sighed.

"Do what?" she cried. "Get raped? I didn't even know anyone else was there! I was attacked by Death Eaters, Sirius!"

"You went off wandering by yourself in an unfamiliar place and it was getting dark, what did you expect to happen?" he snarled.

She was panting as she let the anger fill her body. He was blaming her. He was telling her that her rape was her own fault. He was saying that she was to blame for being drugged and raped by six Death Eaters.

"Sirius, I need to be alone now," she said firmly, slowly, trying to keep the fury out of her voice.

"Gabby," he started, but she didn't want to hear whatever pretty words he was trying to say.

"No," she said firmly. "No. I want to be alone. You can sit outside the door if you want, if it makes you feel better, but I don't want anyone with me right now. I don't."

Sirius frowned at her for a moment, probably trying to decide whether or not to insist he have his way. He must have decided it wasn't worth it, though, because he nodded, kissed her quickly, and walked out of the room.

Sirius, the boy who said he loved her, had just basically told her that she'd deserved to be raped, that she'd brought it on herself with her need for attention. Whatever it was he was going for, she certainly didn't want him to see her cry over his vicious words. She just didn't understand. Something wasn't at all right, and Gabriella knew she needed to talk to someone, she needed to get the full story from Coral Hargrove, no matter how much it hurt.

Essentially the first thing Gabriella did when she got out of the infirmary was send another note to Coral saying that she was sorry for blowing up before and that she needed to see her, needed to talk to her, that she promised to be civil this time.

Coral responded with a time and place not even three hours later. It was all she said. Anything else would have to be filled in later by Coral when they met in person, and Gabriella wasn't sure if she was looking forward to that or dreading it, but she knew it was necessary.

Gabriella spent the night before the meeting tossing and turning, wondering what she felt about Sirius. She loved him, didn't she? And he loved her? So why had he been so up and down and strange with her? Half the time she talked to him anymore, she felt like she was being pulled in three different directions, and that things she had been so sure were someone else's fault suddenly were all on her, that the problems in their relationship with she had always been so eager to wish away were by his own words somehow all her own problems, even when she had been so sure they were things he had done, or hadn't done...

The day of she walked around with anxiety filling her stomach. Sirius was 'busy'. He'd been 'busy' a lot lately, more and more the longer they were 'together', and the reminder of that thought made her feel entirely less guilty as she made her way to the spot on the grounds Coral had specified. Coral was carrying a bag, sitting down against the tree she'd specified, looking over some photographs and she barely glanced up when Gabriella sat down across from her.

"I heard what happened," she said. "Or rather, I overheard James and Remus whispering about it in the library. I wasn't spying. They weren't being as discrete as usual. They're pretty shaken up about it. I'm sorry. Truly."

Gabriella didn't really want Coral's pity. She just sat and waited for Coral to get whatever she felt she had to say out of her system.

"Before I was dating Sirius," Coral said with a bit of a quiver in her voice, "I was raped. Twice. And it wasn't that it was my first time or anything, but it certainly was a scarring experience. At first, Sirius seemed to understand. He was even sort of sweet about it, but then he kept pushing me, pressuring me... He emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me. But, I told myself that he loved me and I loved him, so it was okay. Then I started hearing about the other girls... Amy Appleby I think I told you about. She's a Slytherin, wants to be an artist. She's pretty decent, I guess, but he's been paying for her summer art classes. Idelle Benson, a blonde Slytherin. Most people think she's a half-blood at least, but both of her parents were Muggleborn. Konstantina Hannigan, a friend of Parker's in Hufflepuff. She's blonde too, I think. Annabelle Quickley, Slytherin. Francine Rimmer, Slytherin. Josie Weekes, Hufflepuff. The list goes on. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't think you deserved to know. I have pictures, letters, things he told me, things he sent some of the other girls..."

Coral held out the thick packet of evidence and Gabriella could feel her throat constricting, feel her heart racing.

Sirius was cheating on her. And what was more, she realized the lie.

"He told me he never slept with you," Gabriella whispered.

Coral snorted.

"I have evidence otherwise in this stack," Coral sighed. "Trust me, he didn't really give me a choice in the matter. I'm not saying I didn't ever enjoy it, but I wasn't ready when he started pushing me into it, and then I basically resigned myself to it and decided to see if he had limits to be pushed to. I'm telling you right now, he doesn't."

Gabriella shivered as she flipped through the pictures in the stack. The one thing she could say, though, was that she and Coral were certainly the best looking of the bunch. That puzzled Gabriella even more. She had to look at the other girls and think that she couldn't figure out all why of all of them Sirius was cheating on the two who were actually half worth his time and energy.

"I'm not doing this out of bitterness," Coral said softly. "I'm engaged, actually. I wouldn't take Sirius back if he begged on his knees, which Sirius would never do. He's too proud. I was actually surprised he cried when we broke up, but maybe it was a blow to his ego or something. But I'm not going to let him hurt other people like he hurt me, especially knowing what I've learned about you, Gabriella."

Learning about Gabriella's having been raped. Gabriella wondered how many people knew what had happened. She would have kept it from her parents if she could, but her mother had a way of figuring those sorts of things out, anyway. She always seemed to know when bad things had happened to her children.

"Sirius is cheating on me," Gabriella finally muttered softly, finally wrapping her brain around the concept and feeling more than a little bit sick to her stomach. "Sirius is cheating on me with a lot of other girls. Multiple other girls."

"Yeah," Coral said with a bit of a wince. "Stings, doesn't it?"

Gabriella didn't even know what else to do, so she gave into her overwhelming instinct to break down and cry. It felt therapeutic in a way, feeling Coral wrap her up in a sympathetic hug and smooth her hair, saying soothing things and telling her that it was going to be all right. It was going to be all right, Gabriella reminded herself along with Coral's insistence. It was going to be all right.

"So now what?" Gabriella finally hiccupped. "I mean, I can't stay with him, can I?"

"Well, I certainly don't advise it," Coral said sadly. "Even if you could overlook the other girls, which I hope you can't, he's not going to let you get by without giving him what he wants forever."

"I know," Gabriella whispered, looking down at her knees. He'd already tried, but he apparently didn't know how to deal with her panic attack because he didn't push her past that. Eventually, that probably wouldn't stop him, either.

"I guess the question is how you want to get out," Coral said softly. "You could probably pull off doing it quietly, keep it between the two of you. I'll be here if you need me, and I know James and Remus would support you. They seem less than thrilled with Sirius's choice to use you as his latest fling."

"Is that all we are?" Gabriella muttered. "Remus said that Sirius seemed to really care about you, about me, more than any other girl he'd seen Sirius with. Do you think maybe he really cared about us?"

"I don't know," Coral said with a shrug. "I'm not sure Sirius thinks like that. It doesn't make a difference, anyway. It doesn't change what he's done to us, caring or not."

Gabriella knew she was right, but deep down she wanted to believe that it could be true, that he could care about her, just a little bit, and that maybe she hadn't been lied to about everything.

But Coral was right, and it didn't matter much either way.

"So what do I do when it's over?" Gabriella whispered. "I mean, I've shaped my life around him, around being with him. I don't know what's next."

Coral bit her lip slightly, then smiled.

"I don't know if you'll want to do this with me or not," Coral said slowly, "and it's certainly not a long-term solution to getting your life back on track, but I've decided to tell all his girlfriends about the others, sort of like I did with you. It'd be great if you joined me, just for a bit. Two are easier to believe than one. I would look bitter. The pair of us together..."

"We would carry more weight," Gabriella said, nodding. "That's true. That's very true. It's probably the last thing he would expect, and definitely not going to make him happy."

"No, you're right about that," Coral agreed with a nod. "He's likely to be furious. And I can't promise that he won't do something. He can be a bit passive-aggressive, and I don't think he'll hurt you, but I can't make any promises."

"He's already hurt me," Gabriella sighed. "What difference would it make? No, I don't think James or Remus would let him."

Coral frowned slightly.

"Well, I'd certainly like to think that," she said softly. "So, are you in?"

Gabriella nibbled on her lip slightly, looking down at a pictures of Sirius cuddling with a variety of different girls.

"Yeah," she said stiffly. "I'm in."


	18. Muddying the Waters

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to **_**GabrielleandCharlie**_** whose interest in this story and righteous anger at Sirius have sparked the start of my writing this chapter.**

** -J**

After the years spent stuffing letters for her father's political issues and her mother's various social causes, Gabriella never expected that she would ever have an need or desire for letter-stuffing in her own life, but that was exactly what she and Coral found themselves doing, sitting down with Parker in a corner of the library where only Remus might accidentally stumble across them.

Coral and Gabriella wrote out the letters and Parker took care of the addressing and organizing of them. When they finished the letter, all of them sat down and looked at the stack of letters in front of them.

"That's a lot of parchment," Gabriella whispered, looking at the stack mournfully.

She'd spent the previous night twisting in her bed, worried about how the other girls would react, worried about what Sirius would do if he found out about what she'd done.

No, _when_ he found out, because they would tell him, just as she'd done when Parker told her about Coral. What would he tell the other girls when they did? That he was done with Gabriella, just as he'd told her about Coral?

That didn't explain all the girls he wasn't done with.

But she knew that he was quite good at excuses. They wanted to believe him, if they were anything like her, and from what Coral had told her, they all had something in common: diminished self-esteem from having been sexually assaulted, every single one of them. Gabriella wasn't sure what was more disgusting, the fact that so many girls had been sexually assaulted, or the fact that Sirius seemed to be knowingly using girls who had been hurt in that way.

"Do you think any of them will listen?" she asked as they continued looking at the stack.

"Maybe not right away," Parker said with a shrug. "But you did eventually, and with all the evidence they'll at least have that seed of doubt. It will sprout in the right conditions. I'm more worried about all the girls we don't find out about. Will they do the same for the next girls he tries to fool?"

It was a good point. Sirius Black could always move on to another victim. They were practically already laying themselves at his feet every day.

"I just hate to think," Gabriella whispered, "that someone else will be fooled like we were."

"But they will be," Coral said with a shrug and a sigh. "But maybe next time it will be shorter, and maybe eventually he'll get tired of being thwarted by the ghosts he's left behind." She turned and scrutinized Gabriella carefully. "How are you holding up? I know it's not easy, and he's not going to let you go quietly."

"I know," Gabriella whispered, looking down at her hands. "And... and James and Remus... I can't go without seeing him. It would be impossible."

"Hold your head high," Parker said firmly, "and don't let him drag you in again."

"Yeah," Gabriella nodded. "I think I'm going to spend some time with my friends. I... I've sort of abandoned them."

"They'll forgive you if they're any friends at all," Coral assured her. "They'll understand. Mine did. You just have to tell them, and tell them everything."

The girls looked at the stack once more before Parker scooped it into her bag, swore she'd deliver them at the first available moment, and they parted ways, going to their respective common areas.

Gabriella got the riddle at the door right after a few guesses and then was able to go up into her dormitory where she laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling, contemplating how she was going to deal with seeing Sirius the following morning, as she knew she would. He never went out of his way to eat meals with her, but he liked to try to get her to eat with the Marauders so he could touch her under the table.

But Gabriella wouldn't cave in. She was going to sit at the Hufflepuff table with Megan and Gillian and Margaret.

James and Remus, they would be upset, but she wouldn't abandon them forever. They were her friends, and they knew. They understood what Sirius had done to her. They would forgive her for what she had to do while she got over him, and she knew Remus at least would find ways to see her anyway, when Sirius wasn't around.

Gabriella didn't know how she felt about that, still. Remus was... well, wonderful. But he just wasn't... No, she couldn't say he wasn't her type. He was like a cross between Vin and Ron and Irving, which was exactly her type. He was about a hundred times better for her than all three of them together, and about a thousand times better than Sirius. So why wasn't he an obvious choice?

She tried to think about the way he looked at her, the way she felt when their hands brushed... But there wasn't anything special that she felt for any of it. It wasn't like the fire she felt with Sirius. It was just... just. He was just another boy, except he was smarter and nicer and more fun to be around. But whatever pull there was supposed to be that went with love, it just wasn't there.

So as she turned over that night to go to sleep, Gabriella did not dream of Remus as a girl infatuated might have done, as she probably should have done, but instead she had another nightmare, another dream where Sirius was waving his wand, killing someone, someone he shouldn't have been killing. Was it her? Was it one of his friends? Her friends?

She could never tell, but the pain in her chest upon waking wasn't entirely based on the feeling of panic she'd been feeling all night long.

The next morning at breakfast, Gabriella walked into the Great Hall, her heart wrenching as James beckoned to her excitedly, obviously wanting to share with her some prank or plan he was itching to brag about to someone who wasn't a Marauder. She frowned, shaking her head apologetically, meeting Sirius's eyes for a fraction of a second before turning away and moving to the Hufflepuff table.

Her friends looked up, surprised, as she sat down beside them.

"Hey," she said. "Funny story. Sirius is a cheating piece of dragon dung."

"Amen," Megan said with a sad smile, lifting her goblet of pumpkin juice. "To the single life."

They toasted and then went back to their toast, not saying another word about Sirius.

Eventually, though, Gillian frowned, looking over Gabriella's shoulder to the Gryffindor table.

"Sirius looks furious," she whispered. "And Remus looks scared. Do you... You don't think he'd _hurt_ you, would he?"

"Of course not," Gabriella lied.

In truth, she wasn't entirely sure what Sirius was capable of, when provoked. He was, after all, a Black. He was very powerful. He liked to pick on others for entertainment, so what was wrong with hexing someone he thought of as wronging him? And even if, for Remus's sake or James's sake, Sirius wouldn't hurt her, what was to stop him from hurting Coral? It was, after all, all Coral's fault that everything happened as it had.

"Well, I'd watch where you step, at the very least," Megan said solemnly. "You'll likely get hoisted into the air and teased, at the very least."

"Like Snape," Margaret said thoughtfully as she put marmalade on another piece of toast.

They all shuddered, thinking back to the way James and Sirius had humiliated Severus Snape of Slytherin in front of the whole school the previous June.

"I'm just going to focus on school," Gabriella sighed, rather less than convincingly. "I could probably top everyone but Lily Evans if I actually applied myself."

"I thought you already were," Megan said dryly. "Besides, you've got that newspaper of yours to think about."

"Gossip column," Gillian and Gabriella corrected in unison, smiling at each other as Megan snorted.

"Whatever you call it, it's been severely lacking in juicy content. Hey, do you think you could expose some of Sirius's exploits? I think that would make a fabulous issue, or two, or three..."

"Actually," Gabriella said with a smirk, "I think that's brilliant. I'll get started on it today."

They all laughed, except for Margaret, who didn't laugh very often. Gabriella had just pulled out parchment and a quill when Parker slid into the spot beside Gillian.

"Good morning, ladies. Sirius doesn't seem too terribly happy this morning, does he?"

That time all five of them laughed and Gabriella turned slightly in her seat to look at Sirius, who beckoned for her to come talk with him. She felt an urge to do it, but instead she shook her head and turned back to her friends, taking a deep, calming breath.

"No," Gabriella said. "I'm not letting him drag me in again."

She was speaking more to herself than anyone else, but her friends all said soft words of encouragement, and that made her feel a bit better.

Gabriella had known she wouldn't be able to properly avoid the Marauders for very long, especially as three of the four seemed particularly eager to talk with her.

"Gabby!" called the voice of James Potter later that afternoon, just as she was heading for her free period. She tried to speed up, tried to get to Ravenclaw Tower before they caught up with her, but she knew it was no good. Their legs were much longer, and Remus would figure out how to get in if he was with them, anyway.

He was, she found, when she turned to face them.

"Sorry about this morning, James," she said with a forced smile. "I needed to spend some time with the girls. I've been neglecting them lately."

"Oh," James said brightly. "Is that all? I thought you were mad at me or something."

"James," she said with her smile feeling instantly more genuine. "I'm never mad at you. Now, what did you want to tell me?"

"Yes, that!" James cried excitedly. "I've got a foolproof plan to get Evans to fall in love with me!"

"What, you've decided to stop calling her Evans?" Gabriella snorted. "James, just face it, the girl wants nothing to do with you."

"I resent that!" he cried with what he obviously thought was righteous indignation. "Anyway, this one's really foolproof, Gabby. Just wait and see!"

"And how long do I have to wait before I see?" she asked dryly, looking down at her nails to avoid Sirius's heated gaze.

"Not long," James said proudly. "Tomorrow. You'll see tomorrow."

"I look forward to it," she sighed. "Now if you don't mind, I've got work to get done and I don't want to let my entire free period go wasted, not in my O.W.L. year."

"Yeah, sure, catch you later!" James said happily, heading off the other direction, Remus and Peter following him away, Remus looking over his shoulder sadly to watch Sirius, who remained, until they turned to corner.

"What have you done?" Sirius hissed at her, backing her to the wall. "Don't you know I love you, Gabby? Don't you know she's using you?"

"You lied to me," she spat at him. "You lied to me, you used me, you pressured me after you _knew_ what I'd gone through. Why should I trust you, Sirius? Give me one good reason!"

His lips crashed onto hers and she felt the world spin again, that something that was missing in her limited interaction with Remus, the dizziness that was almost as addictive as anything else in the world. Her knees started to go week as he held her up against the wall.

Well, that was certainly a fairly convincing reason, she though bitterly, trying to decide what to do.

"Sirius, I know you slept with Coral," Gabriella said when she finally managed to extract her lips from his.

"Yeah," he said, frowning slightly. "Of course I did. We were together for ages."

"You told me you hadn't," she reminded him.

"I can't imagine I would have said that," he said slowly.

"You did," she whispered. "At Christmas, you said that it was ironic that your mother was so convinced you were sleeping with Coral because Coral never would have gone for that."

"I don't remember saying that," he said firmly. "And I can't imagine I would. Coral was... well, let's say she was a bit sex crazed."

And that was when Gabriella decided that Sirius Black was truly the most disgusting human being on the planet.

"She's a rape victim."

"So?"

Gabriella pushed on his chest, trying to get him to back away from her, but she wasn't anywhere near strong enough and he took his hands and pinned her arms to the wall by the wrist on either side of her head.

"Relax, Gabby," he said. "Is that what all this is about? Is it because of your thing at Hogsmeade?"

"My _thing_?" she hissed. "Get away from me, Sirius. I never want to talk to you again."

He just smiled down at her in a way she didn't particularly like and said, "That's going to be tough, Gabby, darling. James sees you as his sister, you see, and I'm practically his brother. And Remus can't be without you, you know. I'm not letting him fill my shoes and take what I've yet to get."

Gabriella struggled against his hold, but she knew it wasn't worth it. He had all of the strength of a professional Quidditch player, probably from all of his sleeping around, she though bitterly. She spat at him, but his hold and his smile remained unchanged.

"Remus is twice the man you are," she said, not sure if she was saying it because it was true or because she wanted to spite him. Maybe a bit of both. "But I wouldn't deserve him, anyway."

The smile finally faded as Sirius frowned.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, his voice almost sad. "Gabby, he doesn't deserve you. None of us do."

Gabby just shook her head, closing her eyes tightly, wishing he'd go away, leave her alone, stop trying to do whatever he was trying to do.

He didn't go away, though, and she'd known he wouldn't. Sirius leaned in and she could feel his breath on her neck before he pressed his lips to her skin, gently, just a quick kiss. Then he moved his lips to her lips and she tried to fight the dizziness she felt, tried so very hard not to kiss him back as she so ached to do, as his sweet-tasting lips caressed her own eager, traitorous lips.

She hated him, Gabriella repeated to herself as she tried not to let him coax her lips apart, tried to avoid letting his tongue slip into her mouth.

That was easier said than done, though, and she found his familiar tongue exploring her mouth once more as she tried to not let herself get caught up in the moment and respond to the kiss. She would not. She didn't love him because he didn't love her. He'd hurt her. He'd hurt her repeatedly. Sirius Black was incapable of love.

Her parents had been right.

But even repeating her mantras of how much she despised him and all the reasons why, it was beyond her to stop her knees from going weak as he continued his lustful assault of her mouth.

When he pulled away, he whispered, "No one else can have you, love. You're mine."

Before she had the presence of mind to argue that, though, he was gone, leaving Gabriella panting in the middle of the hallway, clutching the stone wall for balance until she could get her head straightened out.

"Damn him," she muttered, shaking her head, trying to get the fog out of it. "Merlin help me, he's hard to shake off."

"So what are you going to do, Gabby?" Parker said, and Gabriella looked up, watching Parker step out from around the corner, a grim look on her face.

She'd seen everything, Gabriella realized. All of it.

Gabriella said nothing, still trying to gather herself, still trying to process all of her emotions and all of the things that had just happened.

Parker wasn't giving her the luxury of time for that, though.

"Gabby, you need to make a choice. Are you going to stay with him or not? Because if you are, it changes everything."

Yes, it certainly would change everything. Or would nothing change? It was so hard to tell when the world still looked like it was spinning.

"I... I..."

Gabriella began to feel frantically panicked as Parker watched her, expectantly. Staying with Sirius meant more kisses, more of his touch, more of feeling wanted and protected by the Marauders. She would be seeing him anyway, but it would be so awkward if she stayed with him.

On the other hand, staying with him meant that she was forgiving and condoning everything he'd done to her and the other girls. She was saying it was okay, that she didn't mind, and really, could she even hope that he really loved her, even enough to stop what he'd been doing?

She shook her head helplessly and whispered, "I just don't know, Parker. I don't know."

Parker didn't say anything in response, but just looked at Gabriella for a moment before shaking her own head and turning away, leaving Gabriella McPeak standing alone in the deserted corridor, head still spinning a little, although whether from Sirius's kisses or from the weight of the decision she knew she would have to make, Gabriella couldn't be sure. There was a sickening sense of foreboding in her stomach, but she ignored it in favor of trying to stop the spinning in her head.

Which was, of course, a big mistake.


	19. Cold Hard Reality

**A/N: I apologize for the unannounced hiatus of sorts... I assure you that it wasn't intentional. Life gets busy like that, and this story fell through the cracks a bit, but I'm working hard to make sure I keep it going.**

** -C**

"What are you going to do?"

That question had been weighing on Gabriella's mind for weeks while she tried to decide what to do with Sirius. She kept thinking he'd leave her alone or hate her or something, and then he would do something to change her mind for the moment like pulling her into a random, empty room and snog her until she forgot what was happening.

And then he would just walk away like nothing happened.

She'd had a hard time sleeping, a harder time eating, and she could barely look anyone in the eye anymore, so distraught she was by not knowing what to do or what was going on.

He'd cheated on her. Should it be simple?

But he loved her, he'd said so. He couldn't lie about something like that, could he?

Megan had basically abandoned her, so fed up she was with "baby-sitting" Gabriella in her distress. Gillian and Margaret had stopped hanging out with Megan because of it.

"A friend doesn't do that," Gillian had said firmly.

Not that having her friends around had done much good. Gabriella was basically a wreck, being pulled from class to class, meal to meal, dragged around by whoever was dragging her around at that moment, barely speaking unless she had to, and all of her teachers had expressed their concern with her drop in quality of schoolwork.

"This is your O.W.L. year, Miss McPeak," Professor McGonagall had said sternly. "Your friends seem very concerned about you, and Mr. Lupin expressed his concerns to Professor Flitwick about your health. Is there something wrong?"

The fact that Remus had actually reported his concerns about her to someone made her furious and depressed all at once. She wanted to tell him off for getting involved and to cry because she knew she didn't deserve the way he took care of her, even when it was the last thing she wanted.

"No, Professor," Gabriella said softly. "I think it's probably just the stress. I'll try to do better."

"Hmm," Professor McGonagall said skeptically. "I expect you to see Madam Pomfrey, at any rate. And if you don't, we're going to write to your parents."

She thought it had to do with the rape.

"Yes, Professor," Gabriella had said meekly.

And she went to the hospital wing as she was told, not wanting her parents to be informed.

Tests. Questions. She answered as innocuously as she could, not saying anything about Sirius, assuring that it had nothing to do with the rape, although she wasn't sure that Madam Pomfrey really believed her.

"Why don't you have a rest here for now, dear?"

That was when Professors Dumbledore, Flitwick, and McGonagall were called in, as well as Gillian and Remus, all to talk about her health.

Madam Pomfrey gave her some sleeping potion and Gabriella closed her eyes heavily, wondering what they would say.

/-/

Gillian fidgeted next to Remus Lupin, who kept stealing concerned glances over at Gabriella, sleeping in the hospital bed.

"Mr. Lupin," Madam Pomfrey said gently. "Could you express for us what your concerns were for her health?"

Remus nodded, swallowing as he stole another quick glance before saying, "I think she might not be eating. She's gotten really thin, her Quidditch captain mentioned to James that she seemed weaker for no reason, and she's been having a hard time paying attention."

Gillian nibbled at her lip uncomfortably. Gabriella really hadn't been eating very well, although it wasn't for lack of Gillian's trying. It was just a lot of work to make Gabriella pay attention to her plate long enough for her to eat.

"Can you think of a reason she might be doing this, Mr. Lupin?" Professor McGonagall asked firmly.

Remus hesitated. Gillian found herself wanting him to tell them that it was because of Sirius, but she knew that Sirius's behavior was just the straw that broke the camel's back. She'd had problems before she'd dated Sirius, not because of dating Sirius.

This was the test, though, of where Remus's loyalties really were at. Would he turn the blame on his friend, or would he let Sirius off the hook?

"I don't really know, Professor," Remus lied. "I can't say."

Gillian gritted her teeth together angrily.

"Very well, you are free to go, Mr. Lupin," Professor Dumbledore said knowingly, and Remus made his way out of the office, leaving Gillian alone with the professors.

"Are his concerns founded, Miss Messner?" Professor Flitwick asked as soon as the door closed.

Gillian swallowed nervously.

She wanted to protect Gabriella, but was she doing a better job by saying something, or saying nothing?

With a sigh, Gillian nodded slightly and said, "She doesn't mean to, it's just that she's having trouble being very attentive and she doesn't notice it. She..."

Her words tapered of uncertainly. What way could she explain it that didn't make it look like what it was - Gabriella having a mental breakdown?

"Do you have a guess as to why she's been like this, Miss Messner?" Professor Dumbledore asked kindly.

Oh, she knew exactly what was wrong, and she had to debate with herself over whether or not to say anything.

"She's... she's just had a difficult year," Gillian said slowly.

"Are there problems outside the attack she suffered earlier in the year?" Professor McGonagall pressed. "Do you feel she needs further treatment?"

Gillian blinked.

She remembered back to her own childhood experience, locked in a hospital, restrained and kept from harming herself, fed potions every day to keep her calm while they talked her through her 'issues' until it was decided that she'd healed.

That wasn't something Gillian would wish on anyone ever, but she certainly couldn't impose it on her best friend.

"No, Professor," Gillian said softly. "I don't think she needs treatment. I think she'll improve with help from her friends."

For a split second, she thought she saw the lack of belief in her lie in Professor Dumbledore's blue eyes, but then she was dismissed just like Remus, and the door to the office closed behind her as they began talking over what to do about Gabriella McPeak, who was still in a potion-induced sleep.

What Gillian hadn't expected was for Remus to be sitting on the side of the bed beside hers, legs crossed under him, watching her sleep with a distressed look in his eyes.

"Hey," she said softly, but he didn't look up at her.

"Do you think it was right of us, to lie?" he whispered. "Are we protecting her or enabling her?"

"Oh, is _that_ who you were protecting?" she snapped, not realizing that he'd known she'd lied without even being there when she'd done it. "Seemed like you were protecting Sirius, more like."

Remus shook his head sadly.

"I just don't know what to do about all this," he said, and Gillian realized as he closed his eyes that tears were rolling down his scarred cheeks. "I can't just throw him under the bus because he's protected me through the worst of times and kept my ugliest secrets, but watching her suffer is killing me! I don't know what to do, Gillian!"

Gillian blinked, wondering briefly what ugly secrets a mild-mannered boy like Remus could possibly have, but she sat down beside him and put a comforting hand on his arm as he wiped the tears off his face and let out a broken sort of sob.

"He shouldn't be doing this to either of you," she said softly. "He shouldn't be doing this to anyone. That's the mark of a good friend or a good person."

Remus opened his mouth and began to say something about life being complicated when Sirius Black himself came marching into the hospital wing toward Remus.

"Hey, James said you had to come up here for something, what's-?"

He cut off abruptly when he saw Gabriella lying unconscious. He paled slightly.

"Is she... dead?"

Gillian blinked.

"No," Remus said quickly. "No, she's just sleeping."

"What was she attacked _again_?" Sirius asked incredulously.

The way he said that, like it was some sort of inconvenience or failing on her part... Gillian had to fight the urge to punch him in the face.

"No," she spat at him. "It was a potion-induced sleep for her health concerns. That's why we're here. They think she might need to be seeking treatment, which of course means being institutionalized."

Sirius blinked at her, surprised, as if just realizing that she was there.

"Yeah," he finally said slowly. "James was complaining that she didn't even notice his ploy to get Evans, not that it worked. And she's been getting sort of skinny..."

"Then why didn't you say something?" Remus said angrily, jumping to his feet. "If you noticed, if you were the least bit worried about her, why didn't you do something about it?" Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus didn't let him speak. "I'll tell you why: because you think that girls are easier to control when they're broken. That's why you dated Coral and it's why you wanted Amy and Gabby and everyone else you see who seems unhappy at all. You don't love them, Sirius, you don't love any of them or you wouldn't let them suffer like this! _Look at her!_ She's tried to kill herself, Sirius, and it's not always because of you, but you're certainly not bloody helping matters!"

Before Sirius had a chance to answer, Remus stormed out of the room, obviously too furious to stand it anymore. For a moment, Gillian watched as Sirius's mouth worked wordlessly, soundlessly, looking from Gabriella's prone form to the door Remus had stormed out of. Before he'd summoned together enough wits to say anything, the professors came out of the office, looking solemn. Gillian and Sirius both swallowed heavily, watching them expectantly.

The professors filed out without a word to the two students sitting beside Gabriella, but Madam Pomfrey looked at them sadly and shook her head.

"I suppose you ought to know," she said sadly. "They've contacted her parents and they're arranging to take her away to an institution in France to make sure she recovers."

Gillian could feel her blood turning cold as she turned to look at her best friend who was still looking peaceful in her deep, potion-induced sleep. Were wizarding institutions in France anything like Muggle institutions in England? Because if they were, Gillian didn't want to think about what Gabriella's time would be like there.

Madam Pomfrey had left, Gillian realized when she heard something she hadn't expected to her right. She turned her head to see that, indeed, Sirius Black was kneeling, clutching Gabriella's hand to his lips and crying into it.

"They're taking her away from me," he whispered. "Things were going to get better and now they're taking her away from me and she's never going to want to see me again. I'm going to lose her and there's nothing I can do."

Gillian stared at him.

This was the boy who was cheating on her best friend, the boy who had been so unhealthy for Gabriella in the first place. Wasn't it a good thing that Gabriella was getting away from him?

But there was something about the pained look on Gillian's face that made her think that maybe she'd judged him unfairly, that maybe he really did love Gabriella.

But if he did, why would he have put her through everything he had? And because of what he'd done, did it really matter anymore whether or not he loved her?

Sirius gripped the hand a bit tighter, looking like he was holding back something. Finally, he turned to look up at me and sighed.

"Don't tell anyone."

Gillian frowned.

"If you love her so much, why would you drive her to this?" Gillian whispered. "I guess I don't understand why you would... I mean, she really loved you, Black."

"Sirius," he said, falling from his knees to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his head against Gabriella's cot. "Call me Sirius. If you don't mind."

Gillian hesitated. Why calling a boy by his first name was such an important internal struggle she couldn't say for sure, but the last thing she wanted to do was anything Sirius Black asked of her.

"She's hard to love," Sirius sighed. "But easy at the same time. I'm sure you at least understand what I mean. But I have such a hard time with love anyway. Ask Coral. Actually, no, don't ask Coral. If she ever loved me at all it's too warped by bitterness at my mistakes to look at me clearly anymore, the good and the bad." He sighed again, heavily. "Gabby, she trusted me so absolutely and it was a fresh sort of feeling, something I hadn't had in so long. And she's beautiful, you know? She's beautiful and she can be so vibrant and intelligent and... I don't know. She's intoxicating. But she's not always like that and I got tired of waiting around for her to figure out how to fix everything going on in her head, and I got jealous. The way that Remus and Montgomery and everyone look at her... It's hard to believe that she doesn't see it, that she wouldn't run around on me. And... and then she got r-raped and I... I don't deal well with that, Gillian. I should have been there, I should have protected her, but I wasn't and I couldn't and so it feels like it's all my fault. And I didn't handle that very well, did I?"

"No, I would say not," Gillian muttered, struggling to decide whether she trusted this confession or not. After all, he'd had Gabriella completely fooled for a very long time.

But Gabriella had wanted to believe him, wanted him to love her like she so desperately loved him. Gillian wanted to hate him. She wanted to pronounce him guilty, to make it easier for her to blame him for the terrible things happening in Gabriella's life.

So was he telling the truth, or even a version of it? She had to believe that at the very least.

And since he was telling at least a version of the truth, what sort of burden did that put on Gillian, sitting there and watching him being so distraught over Gabriella's situation?

"You... you've been to a Muggle place, right?" he muttered after a moment. "I mean, Gabby mentioned at one point that you went through a rough spot and-"

"I was institutionalized, yeah," Gillian said bitterly, wishing her best friend hadn't said such a thing to someone Gillian couldn't decide whether or not she trusted. "It was a long time ago."

"Do you think she'll come back?" he asked in a weak sort of way that sounded more pained than anything else. "Do you think she'll... I mean... I..."

He swallowed hard and looked up at Gillian with big, sad, gray eyes that looked like they were brimming with as-of-yet unshed tears that went so well with the tear stains on his cheeks.

He looked so undeniably pitiful that Gillian had to sigh and sit a little closer to him as a form of comforting him without having to actually physically touch him.

"It's tough to say," Gillian admitted. "I don't know how magic works into the treatment of a case like hers. Lots of potions, but so much of it is a mindset she needs help clawing her way out of it. She's going to need intensive therapy and a lot of someone sitting her down and making her tell the truth because she has been lying to even herself for so long that I think she's started to believe it." She flicked a piece of lint off the bed sheet. "She's really messed up, Sirius."

"A perfect dark angel," Sirius said with a bitter laugh. "That was what Remus called her. I never realized how right he was."

Gillian could hardly believe how romantic that was, the thought of her as a dark angel, and she could see how that might appeal to Remus. They would make a beautiful couple in a dark sort of way, him with his scars on the outside, hers on the inside. But that could only work if she had time for her wounds to become scars, and that would mean intensive, painful healing.

And it would mean Sirius would have to be out of her life. Or at least, he couldn't be allowed to hurt her again.

Gillian stood up, brushing off her skirt, not looking at Sirius, deciding in that moment that whether he was guilty of all the crimes they had pinned on him or not, she was going to designate him as guilty. Whether he'd really been the source of Gabriella's problems or not was really immaterial. He made the worse, and if she was going to get better she couldn't have him in her life.

"They typically have one non-family member in contact with someone in an institution," she lied. "Someone to funnel things through. I think that really ought to be me, considering the circumstances. I would appreciate it if you would have the Marauders send things through me."

"Of course," he whispered.

With that lie out of the way, a lie that could only help, not hurt, Gillian marched out of the infirmary, leaving Sirius Black alone with his well-deserved pain at what he had driven Gabriella to, and she went to give the news to all of their friends, to do her very best not to start throwing things in her own pain and frustration.

Because they were only allowed to have one crazy person in a year at Hogwarts, Gillian told herself, and she was supposed to be cured, anyway.


	20. Sterile White and Sterile Minds

Gabriella woke up in a sterile white room she was sure she had never seen before in her life and her heart began to race as she tried to wake herself from whatever nightmare she had to be in.

She was at Hogwarts, she told herself. She was supposed to be at Hogwarts. Except there was no room like this in Hogwarts, and Hogwarts would never magically restrain her to her bed.

Some sort of Charm started sounding an alarm and she was about ready to scream when a woman in a sterile white outfit came bounding into the room.

"Oh, good, you're just waking up," the woman said brightly. "When your heart rate went up so high I thought you might be reacting poorly to one of the potions. How do you feel, dear?"

"I - I..."

How did she feel?

Bloody terrified, that's how she felt!

"Oh, my name is Healer Strauss," the woman continued. "I suppose I should explain, since you were sedated for so long. You were unconscious for about two months, but don't worry, your physical injuries are completely Healed now and you're in excellent physical shape, which is why we've decided it's safe to allow you to be conscious again!"

"Great," Gabriella intoned in a bit of a hoarse voice that took a bit of an edge off her dry tone. It was a shame, because she wanted so badly to slap this cheery Healer and all she could do was rasp at her. "Where am I?"

It was then that Healer Strauss explained that Gabrielle McPeak, Golden Girl of the wizarding world, had been institutionalized for mental concerns arisen by multiple students for As Long As Necessary, whatever that meant.

"Your parents have arranged for you to have a private tutor," Healer Strauss continued, "so that when you're Healed you will be able to jump right back where you ought to be, no time lost!"

But time would be lost. Gabriella had had friends, a boyfriend, family...

What could they do to keep from that time being lost?

"How does this work?" she asked, looking for the person to convince she was sane enough that she would be let out. That was how Gillian had finally gotten out of the Muggle joint. "What is the process you're putting me through?"

"We use a comprehensive therapeutic process," the Healer said in a stuffy voice that indicated that she'd given this particular speech a great number of times. "We do regression analysis by taking you into the memories that are paining you, finding them through the tagging that the subconscious does to such memories. We go through as many of those as you have, one by one, starting with the earliest and working through them. You see it all again, live it all again. And then you are given a moderate strength Veritaserum and you have a therapy session discussing the memory in detail and working through the issues that have developed surrounding that memory. For some people, this is over in a few sessions. For others it can take years, but they leave completely Healed."

Years?

No, no, no.

This couldn't take years.

She didn't have years. She was a teenager. She had a life ahead of her that she needed to get to, and if she was spending years locked up in some nut factory she wasn't going to be able to accomplish anything. Sirius would move on. Gillian would pick a new best friend. Even Remus would worship someone else.

Gabriella McPeak would be all alone, and there was nothing in the world she feared as much as that.

The alarm sounded again and the Healer frowned, touching her wand diagnostically to Gabriella's chest, her eyes widening.

"Oh, my, that's quite a heart rate!" Healer Strauss said, going over to a nearby cabinet and taking out a blue-ish potion that she basically forced down Gabriella's anxiously throat. It seemed to be some form of Calming Draught. "Don't want you going into a panic attack, particularly when there's nothing to be concerned about. These memories can't hurt you, dear. They're in the past."

Gabriella would have argued with the woman but she didn't have the emotional fortitude to be sassy in that moment. All she wanted to do was cry.

"When will I be allowed to leave the bed?" Gabriella finally managed to ask without shedding a tear.

"Oh, that," the woman said gently. "Well, as far as when you're in the bed, I'm afraid we're going to have to restrain you until your individual Healer indicates otherwise, for the purposes of the danger you might present to yourself during such an incredibly taxing and difficult healing process. But I will go see when your first session will be scheduled for. They usually start soon after waking!"

"Great," Gabriella croaked sarcastically as Healer Strauss hurried out of the room, probably to find out how soon she could drag Gabriella into her first nutter torture session. Hadn't she read something once about possible side effects of prolonged use of Veritaserum?

Or was that Calming Draught?

Even if she pointed it out, she doubted the objections would help her much now. The people she thought had cared about her put her at the mercy of these sterile loons who were going to pick her apart for years while her life slipped away from her.

Nobody cared.

She stared at the ceiling, trying to think of a way to fight Veritaserum. They'd discussed fighting the Imperius in Defense Against the Dark Arts. But then, she'd occasionally had a useful teacher in that class. Slughorn might have been a decent Potioneer, but as far as teaching people who were less than brilliant he was more or less a useless tub of lard.

"Great news!" Healer Strauss announced. "You've been cleared to have your first session! I'm going to get you there right now!"

"Great," Gabriella rasped again, feeling the restraints on her body lifting as Healer Strauss helped her sit up first, slowly.

She was led down a sterile white hall in her sterile white hospital shift to another sterile white room with a sterile man with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes and slightly tan skin that looked even darker than it probably was against his sterile white Healer's jacket.

"Thank you, Healer Strauss," he said in a gentle voice with a slight French accent. "Please secure the room on your way out."

Translate: Please lock the door so I can torture her without too much fuss on your way out.

Gabriella had heard stories from Gillian. She knew how to understand Healer speak.

Healer Strauss beamed all the way out the door that she locked behind her, and Gabriella could feel herself beginning to panic.

"So, Gabriella," the Healer said in a gentle voice. "No need to be so tense. We're not going into memories until I feel you're ready for it. I think that's the sort of thing that shouldn't be done until we get to know each other a bit better. I know your file inside and out, but that's not the same thing as knowing a person."

No, she had to agree, it wasn't, but she didn't want this man to know her, no matter how friendly he seemed.

"So let me just go over what I do know about you and we can work from there," the man said gently. "Gabriella McPeak, middle child of five. You have quite an impressive record at school. And a newspaper of your own, I see."

"Gossip column," Gabriella said softly, more out of habit than actually wanting to give him any sort of information about her.

That had been one of Gillian's pet peeves, people calling their column a newspaper. It most certainly wasn't anything half so sordid as a newspaper.

"I see," he said with a small smile. "You're right, a very important distinction. So, I know they say it's something that we shouldn't do, but you're human just as much as I and I know I had favorite siblings. Do you have a favorite sibling?"

Gabriella blinked, confused for a moment about the question. She hadn't seen her siblings in so long, hadn't really talked to them in what felt like forever.

"I suppose Lawson," she whispered. "My brother..."

She thought about how Lawson must think of her, knowing that she'd been locked up somewhere to be fixed. She thought he might be ashamed of her, but Lawson probably wouldn't say even if he was.

And she knew he had to be.

"He's the one who's a few years younger than you, yes?" the smiling man prompted.

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, he is. He's very smart," she said quickly. "He'll probably be a very important man one day."

"I'm sure he will," the man said kindly. "What about your friends? Tell me about your friends."

Gabriella looked down at her feet.

Friends.

Who were her friends? She couldn't even tell anymore who she could trust, who cared about her.

Gillian probably. But Gillian had to have been someone who had told Professor McGonagall about her health, one of the people who had raised the concerns that had landed Gabriella where she was, sitting in a room with a man who was going to drag her through months upon months of emotional torture in order to 'fix' her.

Did friends really do that to each other?

Megan and Margaret had probably abandoned her. Why not? They'd done it before when the relationship had become complicated. Why wouldn't they do it again?

And the Marauders...

She didn't even know where to begin about them. James and Remus, she had no doubt that they cared, but she also was fairly sure that they had told McGonagall as well. And Peter and Gabriella had never really even spoken, so she wasn't even thinking about him.

But Sirius...

Gabriella didn't know how she felt about him, about the ups and downs he had driven her to. She didn't want to blame him for the room she was locked in that moment, but it was so hard. She'd had her problems before him, though, so he was an aggravating factor only. It didn't exonerate him, but it made her take a little bit more ownership for the fact that she was sitting in an overly-white room with someone who was being paid to invade her mental and emotional privacy.

See, acceptance! She was healing already. Maybe they'd led her out sooner for it.

"I don't really have many friends," she muttered, looking down at the floor. "I don't really want to talk about them."

"Your file has several friends listed," he prodded gently.

"Who?" she whispered.

Gabriella wasn't looking at him, but she knew the man was smiling at her knowingly. Adults did that when they knew you were trying to pull something over on them, which the smart ones usually did.

"I'm afraid that's confidential," he said.

She glared up at him.

"It's my file, isn't it?" she demanded. Maybe being a blustering pureblood would work. "I have a right to know what's in my file."

"Actually, you don't have a right to your records while you're considered mental and emotionally unstable, especially as a minor," he informed her. "You can see them when we're confident that you're well enough to deal with the material in them appropriately. I promise that you _will_ get to see them someday."

"Right," Gabriella breathed, looking down again. She was torn between fury at being put in her place so effectively and admiration for his ability to put her into her place so effectively.

But then, it was a lot easier to put someone in their place when there was a room where they were going to be magically restrained for however long you said just down the hall.

"I think that's probably all for today," he said. "There's a lot for you to think over and you won't get to do that properly here. We'll start in on memories tomorrow, all right?"

"You're the boss," she grumbled.

Nothing more was said, but she was escorted back to her room by Healer Strauss once more where she was restrained again and some tests were being run. As Gabriella lied there, ignoring the poking and prodding of the woman's wand, she stared up at the ceiling and listened to the annoying lilt of the woman's voice.

"-really got your best interests at heart. I know it's not easy, but-"

But she knew no such thing. After all, had she ever been in Gabriella's place?

Of course she hadn't, or no one would have ever let her work in a place like this.

"-time. It will get easier. It always does. People almost always thank us on their way out-"

Gabriella made a mental note not to thank any of them for so much as a breath mint. There was no way she'd let them warp her enough to thank them for restraining her in an uncomfortable bed in a foreign country. Didn't people have rights anymore? Weren't there supposed to be laws about kidnapping?

She was a prefect, for Merlin's sake! She had responsibilities!

"-studies will continue, of course. I'll look into how quickly the Healer on your case thinks you can get started on school work. I'm sure you're eager to start-"

It might be nice to start in on something that required her to be at least partially unrestrained, let her actually take her mind of where she was and why she was there and how long she might be there. But for the sake of argument, Gabriella decided that she was going to be furious about having to start her coursework.

After all, who can do school work properly whilst being oppressed? There had to be studies on Gabriella's side. There had to be something to indicate that she shouldn't be forced to perform under such conditions. She wasn't an owl! She wasn't a house-elf! She was a witch, a human being, and a damn important one at that.

If she was still important. If her parents would still want to associate her with the family name after locking her away in a foreign country for Merlin knows how long.

If they ever let her out.

Gabriella began to hyperventilate and Healer Strauss trailed off with whatever she was saying and looked at Gabriella with surprise for a moment.

"Breathe, dear," Healer Strauss said. "Calm down. Whatever it is, we're going to fix it."

The woman pulled a vial out of a sterile-white drawer she'd unlocked and relocked so quickly Gabriella hardly noticed it as she began to get dizzy. As the contents of the vial were poured down her throat Gabriella recognized the taste of a Calming Draught.

It wasn't even fair. She wasn't even allowed to panic naturally. The next thing she knew, they'd be knocking her own when she wasn't actively participating in their program activities such as being emotionally and mentally violated, or being forced to do school work.

Maybe it would be better if they did.

"No, then, isn't that better?" Healer Strauss said gently in her obnoxious voice that already made Gabriella want to stab things on principle. The woman jotted a few things down on what Gabriella assumed was her chart or file or some part of either, and then she just smiled. "Someone will be by when it's time for your next meal."

Meal.

Gabriella watched Healer Strauss leaving the room and locking the door behind her with too much pride to ask what time of day it was, what meal she was going to be fed next and when.

Was she hungry?

It was so hard to tell with the potion in her system. It made it hard to concentrate on much of anything as her eyes skimmed the too-clean lines of the too-white room, trying to figure out if there was anything she could focus on.

Focus...

Gabriella wanted to sleep, but she was fairly certain (hard to be sure when she couldn't focus) that she wasn't tired. But there was nothing to do but sleep and stare at the choking whiteness all around her.

White, white, white.

What if this went on for years? What if it went on for the rest of her life? How did they keep people from going insane in a place like this?

Then she remembered that most of the people there were already basically crazy. Maybe the white was their way of separating the wheat from the chaff and knowing who needed to be locked up in a life-care facility.

She was pretty sure they had those. She was almost certain she wasn't in one.

She couldn't be in one.

She wasn't actually crazy.

Was she?

And her eyes slid from white to white to white, ever searching for another color, any other color, as she drifted into a numb sort of dizziness, counting the number of times her eyes had circled the room until she realized she'd lost count somewhere along the line.

Somewhere inside herself she was panicking but her body wouldn't exhibit the signs, so no alarm went off and no Healers came to check on her even though all she wanted to do was scream and throw things and demand that they take her home.

Or die.

She wouldn't mind dying.

Alarm went off.

So apparently they had some way of knowing if she was thinking suicidal thoughts because a few different Healers poured into the room in a matter of seconds and they were saying things she wasn't listening to as they poured a couple of potions down her throat and one of the Healers told her something, something about what was about to happen to her.

What was about to happen to her?

But whatever it was she couldn't tell because the corners of her vision began to blur and she fell into a deep sleep.

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my beloved reader, **_**Forever Siriusly Sirius**_**, who has begun to read and review this story eagerly and enthusiastically, the same way she approaches all my work!**

** -C**


	21. Time Passing Like Sand in the Glass

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to **_**Forever Siriusly Sirius**_**, whose interest in this story is rekindling the attention for it. Thank her. She's lovely.**

** -C**

"Are you feeling better?"

Gabriella nodded, knowing that was what he wanted from her. She wasn't hyperventilating. She wasn't thinking of killing herself (not really). Although the irony of the precautions they took with someone who literally couldn't move more than her head was not lost on her.

"That's good, Gabriella. Now, we're going to delve into some of your memories today. Are there any you would like to start with, or do you prefer that we just dive in and discover as we go?"

She looked up at him and frowned thoughtfully.

"Which one gets me out of here quicker?" she said.

He smiled knowingly.

He was going to do that a lot, Gabriella could tell. She hoped she wasn't locked up long because she hated being looked at like that, like she was stupid or predictable.

"It depends on the person and their intentions," he said slowly, still smiling. "Letting someone who doesn't want us to heal them choose tends to make things take longer because they pick memories that don't really get at the core of the problem. Later in treatment, though, when they want to heal, they often know exactly what will be most helpful, and then it's an expedient."

Gabriella nibbled on her lip, trying to think of what to do. Part of her wanted to stall the process because she wanted to show them they couldn't just make her cooperate.

But she wanted to get out of the place so badly that she just shook her head.

"Let's just dive in," she muttered.

He was still smiling that asinine smile when he nodded, pushing a Pensieve into the middle of the room and moved his wand to her temple.

Gabriella was a bit concerned for a split second, never having previously had someone take memories out of her head, but he fished around in her head for memories that were somewhere in the back of her brain and it didn't hurt at all, so she relaxed a little bit as he took a few memories, putting them in the basin and looking down at them as they swirled, nodding with satisfaction.

"Take my hand," he said gently. "I don't want you getting stuck in a different memory from myself."

With a frown she took his hand and she felt them fall into the basin, the strange sensation of falling into a pool with no water, and they landed on their feet on the grounds of Hogwarts as Gabriella saw a slightly younger, more vibrant version of herself about to be pummeled by the Whomping Willow. James Potter pulled her out of the way and began to yell at her.

Gabriella watched numbly, able to look at it in a different way. The worry on James's face, the horror in his eyes as he realized what could have happened to her...

James had been her only true friend. She knew he never would have told on her because he never would have let them take her away from where he could keep an eye on her.

The Healer at her side watched the exchange emptily, paying particularly close attention to the memory version of Gabriella, who was insisting that she wasn't trying to kill herself.

And she hadn't been. She could see now what it looked like, but she had just been so tired. She hadn't been taking very good care of herself. She was young and foolish and...

And that was exactly what she was doing when her friends turned her over to the teachers, only she was doing so much more of it. She was taking even worse care of herself.

She was trying to die.

"I think we're done," her Healer said gently as the memory began to fade, and he grabbed her arm, pulling her out of the basin and helping her to the chair.

She hadn't realized her legs had gone so weak until they hit the solid white linoleum floor of the room they locked her up in for the sessions. She didn't like seeing her memories, she decided.

"I need to ask you a question," a gentle voice said, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I need you to answer it honestly."

Gabriella nodded.

What was the point in lying? He could probably tell, anyway. There was probably some sensor. And then she remembered the serum they'd fed her before she came in.

She couldn't really lie anyway, so why had he asked? Did he want to know she was answering voluntarily? She wanted to scream, the mind games were just so confusing.

"Were you trying to kill yourself in this memory?"

"No," Gabriella said, looking down at her feet. "No, I really was just tired and not thinking about where I was sitting down. I don't think I would have been sorry if I had died, but there wasn't any intent behind it."

"All right, good," he said, nodding. "Tell me about James, this friend of yours."

She smiled a little.

"He wasn't my friend at the time," she said softly. "We'd known each other forever but we'd never been close. It was this, really, it was seeing me like that... He became my greatest friend and protector. I still don't know why he bothered."

He paused for a moment, watching her. Then he said gently, "He cares about you because he sees that you are a good person in need of help."

"Am I?" she asked. "Am I a good person? They say people get what they deserve..."

"They say that because it's the way they want the world to be, Gabriella," he whispered. "Not because it's the way it is. In fact, the world usually works the opposite way. Maybe many do get what they deserve in the end, but many don't. Nature has no hard-and-fast rules about good and evil and deserving as far as my experience tells."

Gabriella nibbled her lip, looking down at the carpet again.

"What do you think I deserve?" she whispered. "I mean...you've got my file. What do you think about me? Do I deserve to be locked up like a criminal?"

He considered her for a moment before saying, "If you think you're the first person to ask me that, you're wrong. I'm under no obligation to answer you, Gabriella, but I will because I think you need to hear what I have to say." He paused until she looked up at him and said, "You deserve to be loved. You deserve to have people care about you and treat you well. And that is why you're here, Gabriella. You are here because people cared enough about you to make sure you got better. You're sick."

"But do I deserve to be locked up?" Gabriella challenged, desperate to win something.

"No, but you need to get better, and if this is what it takes, then this is what it takes," he said gently. He sighed. "Look, I know how you feel. I've been in this hospital myself, once upon a time."

She blinked at him.

"I didn't want to be here," he told her softly. "I thought the world had turned against me. I was actually here for three years. Mostly it was so long because I butted heads with my Healer at every opportunity and fought the help he was trying to give me. But when he retired and handed my case over to someone younger, someone more sympathetic, it didn't take me long to realize that I was wasting my life in a place I was only in because of my choices, my actions, my inability to deal with my life." He sighed. "I know it's hard to cope with right now, but I want you to understand that everyone here is trying to help you, Gabriella. We want you to succeed just as much as you do. We don't want you to have to be here because it means you're still not healthy. And we want you to be healthy. Do you understand?"

Gabriella just stared at him for a moment, processing the speech and trying to decide what to do. Three years... But that was for fighting back.

But could his file have really been as thick as hers?

"How long do you think I'll be here?" Gabriella asked nervously. "And will it always feel so suffocating?"

The man leaned forward and smiled at her, and for the first time Gabriella didn't feel like she was being patronized.

"That," he said softly, kindly, "depends entirely on you, Gabriella."

They talked for a bit longer about James that day, but they decided that was plenty for one day and she was taken back to her room where she was once again restrained.

She didn't panic. She wasn't bitter. She just stared at the ceiling and reflected.

Entirely up to her.

/-/

"Gabriella?" Healer Strauss asked happily. "Are you ready for your O.W.L.s?"

Gabriella nodded, trying not to think about how many months she had been in the institution. The Healers all told her what great progress she had made, but no one was telling her that she had an exit date anywhere in the foreseeable future.

"You still have a lot to cover," she would be told each time she asked.

Now she was coming to what she assumed was summertime and she was being taken to a special room where an examiner would meet her twice a day each day so that she could take her O.W.L.s as promised if she kept up her studies, which she had.

"I believe I'm as ready as any person would be," she replied softly, gazing over at the cabinet that held the medications they gave her if something went wrong, which was usually only after particularly intense sessions. Within an hour after the potions wore off, she would be fine again.

They told her it was normal, but she had a hard time believing that anything about this institution could be considered normal. If anything, it was simply not unusual or unheard of.

She didn't know the name of anything she was taking, and that in and of itself was a bit disconcerting, but she knew that they were far less likely to hurt her than she was, so she took what was given to her almost without complaint anymore. Complaining set her back. Complaining made her life less hers.

And Gabriella was clinging to any bit of control she had amassed, because control meant life was becoming more normal again, that she could be back in the real world, back in England, back to Hogwarts, just a bit sooner.

It wasn't strange, anymore, that Gabriella had to be led along like a child or a puppy wherever she went. In a way, she'd managed to find the positives in it. There was no concern about being lost in the strange maze of predictably unchanging whiteness. She didn't have to think as she walked, just to follow the person in front of her, and often she found thinking to be a tiresome thing that was either depressing or cyclically cynical, and quite regularly both. She tried to think about the letters she'd gotten from James and Remus and Gillian while she had been there, not about the winding turns and twists of the passages.

They did not speak of the institution or ask anything of her experiences, only how she was feeling. They did not mention Sirius, perhaps with fears of upsetting her. They held tales of fun, whimsical, exciting things her friends were doing, maybe to cheer her up or maybe to make her hate where she was enough to really work at getting better.

Or maybe they just wrote letters, didn't think about how she would take them.

Gabriella sat down to her O.W.L.s and took them all straight through, a break for food and a potion between each session. The quicker she was done, the sooner things could be normal again at the hospital.

She didn't ask what the potion was. She didn't complain. She just took her tests.

/-/

"Very good, Gabriella," her doctor said gently as she sat in a mess on the floor, tears streaming down her face. "Very good. I know that memory was painful for you, but-"

"I deserved it," she muttered into her knees. "I deserved it."

"You know you didn't, don't you?" the he said softly, putting his hand on her shoulder.

Gabriella said nothing, merely choking out sobs as she tried to calm herself, tried not to panic right in front of her doctor.

She was supposed to be making progress, not having meltdowns.

They hadn't let her go back for sixth year, but she could make it for seventh if she just...stopped...crying.

But she couldn't stop. She could barely breathe.

"It certainly explains more of your behavior where Sirius was concerned," he whispered, petting her hair. "You don't have to talk right now, Gabriella. Just let it out and we'll talk about it tomorrow. How does that sound?"

She couldn't find words, and even if she'd found some she would have to have been able to say them, and she couldn't have repeated her name to someone in that moment, so distressed was she.

Gabriella only had a vague sensation that she wondered if she could suffocate herself in the state she was in and she heard the alarm go off, heard her doctor telling her to think more positively, to remember why she wanted to live, but once she went down that dark path she couldn't see the light anymore and she passed out just after the nurses restrained her.

/-/

"Your N.E.W.T.s were excellent, Gabriella," the nurse said, grinning. "You'll get the scores soon, but I think you're going to be very pleased with the results."

Gabriella just nodded, trying not to think about how long she'd been in the institution, how badly she wanted to leave, how little she cared about what she'd gotten on her N.E.W.T.s. She knew she'd done well. Now if she could just go home...

"Gabriella," her doctor said with a smile as she sat down. "A few more sessions, I think, and as long as nothing unexpected happens I think you'll be out of here by the end of the month."

She blinked.

"Really?" she breathed.

This was the first time anyone had mentioned a timeline in association with her getting to leave. She could scarcely believe it, and yet she could feel excitement in her chest, bubbling up and threatening to overflow.

He smiled softly and nodded.

"Let's talk about how you feel about yourself," he said, nudging the potion toward her.

Truth Serum.

Gabriella sighed, wondering what might come out this time. She'd been doing the exercises so much that even she was surprised at how she felt.

Gabriella had long since done anything other than take the potions they put in front of her, so it was almost automatic, picking up the potion and drinking it all down, looking expectantly at the man across from her, waiting for the questions she knew were coming.

"Do you like yourself, Gabriella?"

"No," she admitted. "I frustrate myself."

He frowned slightly.

"Do you hate yourself?"

"No," she admitted, realizing for the first time the truth of it. "I think hating myself was simply an easy way of avoiding the actual problems in my life. If it was my fault, it couldn't be someone else's. Things were simpler that way."

"But none of it was your fault," he said gently.

"I know," she said softly, tears coming to her eyes. "But I kept letting it happen. That _was_ my fault."

He nodded.

James had been right all along .Maybe Kent would have gotten away with it, but Gabriella would have felt better about everything, about herself, about the fact that she'd tried.

Maybe others would have seen him for what he was. And maybe she would have seen Sirius for what he was. And maybe she would never have been institutionalized to begin with.

But there was no living on maybes and what ifs.

Three hours later Gabriella was informed that the session had gone well and she was led back to her room. She stared at the ceiling for about an hour before a new nurse came in carrying a stack of letters.

"Two letters," she said brightly, setting the letters on the bedside table. "And I've been instructed that these are your N.E.W.T. scores."

"Thank you," Gabriella replied mildly, waiting for the woman to leave before turning over and picking up the three envelopes.

Remus.

James.

N.E.W.T.s.

Which to open first?

She ripped open the N.E.W.T.s and glanced through the list of O's that lined the page. She smiled at the Divination O. She was probably the only person who'd gotten one of those in years.

Tossing the unsurprising scores aside, Gabriella weighed the two letters in her hands, deciding which was lighter, which turned out to be James's.

Apart from his telling her about a Quidditch match he went to Peter with, he scribbled that he'd waited to send the insert until she'd finished the N.E.W.T.s to keep from disturbing her studies.

The insert in question was a wedding invitation. He and Lily were getting married.

Now she absolutely had to get out, she realized, thinking about the date on the note, glancing at the postmark. She'd make it if she got out on schedule.

She had to be there.

Then Gabriella opened Remus's letter, which was four pages long, and she smiled to herself, reading his flowing words, wishing her well, telling her every detail of his life, even down to mundane things like when he was brushing his teeth and how he thought of her when he put on a certain sweater because they'd had breakfast once while he'd been wearing it.

She felt tears in her eyes and realized that for the first time in she couldn't remember how long she had happy tears.

She missed home.


	22. Real World

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to fan **_**EmeraldStorm7**_**, whose interest in this story sparked the beginning of this chapter. She's not here yet, but when she gets here I know she'll be pleased. :D Enjoy!**

** -C**

Gabriella sat in a part of the institution she'd never seen before: the lobby. She had her Healer sitting beside her as she played with the file she had in her lap, the file she'd read to herself as she sat.

He'd kept his promise. She did get to read it. She almost wished, though, that she hadn't. The things she now knew about herself, about how deep she'd sunk, how far she'd fallen...

It was hard to believe that she'd once been so promising, a golden girl of the pureblood elite.

Feeling slightly sick to her stomach, Gabriella closed the file, pushing it off her lap and onto the lap of her Healer.

"Well?" he asked gently, but before she had a chance to tell him that she felt nauseous, she heard two very long-missed voices calling her name as her parents entered the lobby.

Abandoning politeness, Gabriella scrambled to her feet and rushed over to her parents, hugging her father tightly with tears in her eyes, clutching at his neck as he held her tight to him, lifting her into the air to kiss her cheek.

"I've missed you," Gabriella choked, thinking that it had been years since she'd seen her parents' faces, and they looked so much older. Was it nature, or was it worry? She slid out of her father's arms and into her mother's waiting arms.

"We missed you too, beautiful," her father whispered, and Gabriella choked out tears, clutching her mother even tighter with her father's words.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's all right, Gabriella," her mother soothed, smoothing her hair. "You're better now. Everything's going to be all right."

"You must be her Healer," Mr. McPeak said, turning to the man holding the obscenely thick file, watching the touching family exchange with a small, sad smile. Her Healer nodded, shaking hands with Mr. McPeak genially. "Thank you for all you've done for our little girl."

"Thank you for getting her help," the Healer said softly. "It was a difficult battle, but I'm fully confident that Gabriella understands her struggles and is now equipped to handle them in healthy ways. Take care of her, and she should continue to take care of herself."

Gabriella broke free long enough from her mother to hug her Healer before he had to get back to work and then she was pulled back into her mother's arms when he left her with a gentle, bittersweet goodbye, leaving the dull and almost surreal checkout process to a young witch at the front desk, who was moved to tears by the reunion before her.

As soon as the i's were dotted and the t's were crossed, the McPeaks took an international portkey back to their home, arranged to work upon activation by some friend of Gabriella's father.

The house had only changed in that it had accumulated more things, and Gabriella walked into her old room, obviously cleaned in honor of her arrival, but otherwise untouched, the things she'd left behind at Hogwarts in the corner, packed away neatly in her trunk by Margaret, no doubt.

"I won't fit any of my clothes," Gabriella said, not as ashamed as she thought she would be. "I've put on about twenty pounds since I wore any of them."

"That's what Gillian Messner suspected," her mother said sensitively. "Don't worry. I've arranged for her and Megan to go shopping with you tomorrow. Just be careful."

Gabriella raised an eyebrow questioningly at her mother, who looked truly afraid.

"I'm fully recov-"

"I'm not worried about your recovery," her mother said firmly, and there was no lie in her voice. Gabriella's mother rarely lied, anyway. "No, it's just that...things have gotten much worse in the wizarding world since you were taken to France. There's a war on, Gabby. You're a very capable witch, but...be careful. No unnecessary risks. Especially not so soon after we've gotten you home."

Gabriella nodded, biting her lip to keep from crying at the crack in her mother's strong voice. With another hug, Gabriella settled onto her bed, telling her mother that she wished to take dinner in her room until she could get new clothes and get used to being home, which her mother fully supported.

There was a little envelope on the pillow that she hadn't noticed when she entered the room, and Gabriella laughed to find that it was another invitation to James's wedding. Well, there was no missing it now, not with two invitations sent to different countries.

Especially not after what Lily Evans had done, helping research institutions to decide the place that would be best for Gabriella's recovery. It had been in the file, copies of all Lily's notes.

There was a scribbled bit at the bottom in James's scrawl that she couldn't make out, but she made a note to ask him the next day, after she'd gotten some proper clothes and could go call on the Potters.

"Gabby?"

It was her father at the door, probably with her dinner.

"Come in," she said, setting aside the envelope.

Her father's hazel eyes shone with happiness.

"I haven't been in this room since you went to France," he said softly, putting a tray beside her. "It looked too empty. Your mother couldn't bring herself to clean the dust, even, until we got a date for your return."

Gabriella smiled, looking down at the stew her mother had made, probably specially for her return.

"I'm sorry I caused you so much pain," she said earnestly, not able to look up from the stew as tears filled her eyes.

Her father wrapped his arms around her and whispered, "If we had only realized how much pain you were in sooner...maybe we could have fixed it."

No, she thought, she'd needed to sink to the lowest to rebuild, but she could not say it out loud because her father was hugging her too tightly for words.

The following day Gillian and Megan were at the McPeak breakfast table, eager to drag their friend to Diagon ally, giving Mrs. McPeak assurances that her daughter would be returned in as fine of condition as they found her.

"How do you feel?" Gillian asked happily as they landed in Diagon Alley, strolling toward Madam Malkin's casually.

"I feel like a new person," Gabriella said honestly, unable to stop smiling. It seemed she'd cried all her tears when her parents picked her up. There was nothing left for her friends, but she knew they had seen enough of her tears to last a lifetime. "Where's Margaret?"

The girls shrugged.

"Probably off playing violin somewhere," Megan said casually, running her fingernail along a fine silk robe as soon as they entered the shop. "She's a concert violinist, now. Haven't heard from her since she got her first gig."

"Nor have I," Gillian admitted sheepishly. "But I'm sure she's fine. We sort of knew she'd do this someday."

It was true, Margaret had always seemed more on the fringes of their strange foursome of friends. It had always been a matter of time before she found her true people, her true calling, and dropped them altogether.

"What can I help you with, dears?" Madam Malkin said happily.

The four of them proceeded to buy Gabriella an entirely new wardrobe, all the while thinking over other shopping items the girls would need to pick up.

"When we're done here I need to get some things at the apothecary," Megan said holding up a silver set of robes that were apparently all the rage and looked wonderful with Gabriella's complexion. "Did you need to get some books?"

"What?" Gillian asked, eyeing some green robes in the corner. "Oh, yes, books. I promised Parker I'd get her some things on housekeeping."

Gabriella raised her eyebrows.

Parker.

She'd not thought of Parker outside of therapy sessions in a long time. She hadn't expected for the girls to have kept in touch with her, but perhaps she was being judgmental. Parker was a nice girl, a friend of James. She would probably be at the wedding, too.

"What do you think about this green one, Gabby?" Gillian asked, holding it up to Madam Malkin to Charm it onto Gabriella.

The girl turned.

It was a classy set of dress robes, more classic than the silver ones she'd already told Madam Malkin she would take. She really didn't need them, but then, she really did look stunning.

"Oh, all right," she agreed. "But this is the last one of the dress robes, and then I'll just get a few sets of plain black and navy."

Once they'd situated the purchase and paid, the girls took the bags and tapped them, sending them directly to the McPeak Manor.

"Right," Gabriella sighed. "Ice cream, then I'll go with one of you to do the rest of this shopping so we can get out of here. I'm not used to this much activity. I'm exhausted."

They settled down in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor and Gabriella was shocked when the owner called out her name and came around the corner to hug her.

"I thought I'd never see you in this shop again!" he said, wiping happy tears. "So many people disappearing these days... Whether from war or lactose intolerance."

"You have non-lactose options," Gabriella pointed out, confused.

"Yes, now if you would only advertise that to potential customers," he teased. "The usual?"

The girls had gone to Florean's so many times before she'd been taken away that his memory had not dulled, and he put three perfect bowls of ice cream in front of them, each with three different flavors.

"Oh, I have missed this," Gabriella said happily, plunging her spoon into the choco-butter swirl scoop and enjoying the delicious indulgence that only Fortescue ice cream could bring. When the girls and Fortescue had gotten all caught up, including telling him where Gabriella had been for several years, which resulted in more tears and another hug, they found they had finished their ice cream, paid, and went their separate ways.

"Do you need any books?" Gillian asked, as Gabriella decided she would rather go to Flourish and Blotts than see anything to do with potions for a while.

"I don't think so," Gabriella said thoughtfully. "I need to get my bearings before I start applying for jobs or further education or anything. Do you need anything, or is it just stuff for Parker?"

Gillian bit her lip thoughtfully.

"You know, I think there's a new book on Muggle relations," she said slowly. "Should we look for it?"

They found the book in question, and then they had to actually ask a staff member where the housekeeping books were kept, never having had an interest for such matters between them.

"Your mother doesn't even get them?" Gillian asked.

Gabriella shrugged.

"She's pretty well set from having watched her mother and father keep house growing up. She picks things up pretty quickly, you know."

Gillian nodded in understanding. That and the fact that the McPeaks, like just about every other pureblood family, had had at least one house elf since the beginning of house-elf enslavement. Gabriella suddenly realized that she didn't even know the name of their family elf. She'd never thought to ask. Perhaps she ought to look into that when they got home, she mused, following Gillian through the winding shelves.

Gabriella and Gillian had begun sifting through the books on housekeeping when they heard the explosions.

"Megan," Gillian whispered, dropping the book in her hand and running out onto the street.

"Gillian!"

Gabriella began running after her, but an arm grabbed her around the waist and held her back. She looked up and gasped when she saw the face of Kent Hubble.

"Stay inside, McPeak!" he roared, and he pushed her to the side, running off into the action with his wand at the ready.

But Gabriella didn't stay inside. If her friends didn't know where she was, they might panic and run right into the line of fire. She knew they were in the apothecary. If she could get there safely, they could all Apparate back to her house. As she slid along the buildings, however, a menacing masked and hooded figure approached her with their wand out.

"_STUPEFY!_"

The hooded figure flew backward and Gabriella turned to find Remus and Sirius standing there, wands at the ready. It was like a bloody reunion, and too much too fast.

"Gabby? Are you here alone?" Remus roared. She shook her head. "Who and where?"

"Gillian and Megan are in the apothecary, but Kent told me to stay inside!"

Sirius's eyes flashed and he gripped his wand tighter.

"Is Hubble with you?" he growled. Gabriella shook her head as he backed her to the wall, moving her out of the way of a rogue curse. His face was right in front of hers, nose to nose, close enough to kiss. "Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head again. His gray eyes locked with her green ones, his lips lingering over hers. She was still so angry, so hurt, but somewhere in the back of her mind she wanted him to just lean forward and press his sweet lips to hers just one more time. It was only the horrific things going on around her that stopped her from figuring out if she had truly recovered enough to not kiss him.

"Padfoot, Moony, look out!"

Gabriella found herself pushed into a ball between the wall, Sirius, and the ground. She heard him swear and press her flat onto her back, his body pressed into hers as a jet of green light flew over his head. Maybe it was her imagination, but she thought she felt him press an open-mouthed kiss to her neck. As soon as she felt it, however, it was gone and Sirius was on his feet.

"Remus, get Gabby out of here! James, let's go!"

The next thing she knew, Remus was pulling her to her feet and holding her tightly to him. Sirius was gone, lost in the mass of flying curses and cloaked figures. Remus led her to the apothecary, deflecting curses and sending a few Stunning Spells at the hooded figures. Megan and Gillian were crouching just inside the apothecary, hugging each other.

"Oh, Merlin, Gabby!" Megan gasped. "Remus? Oh, Gabby, I thought you were dead!"

Gabriella snorted and said dryly, "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Remus continued to hold her tight to him, and was saying something softly into her ear, but Gabriella wasn't listening. Her attention had been caught by the events outside the window. James, Sirius, Kent, and a handful of Death Eaters were dueling right there on the street. A sudden sense of foreboding hit her and she gripped Remus's shoulder tightly as a jet of green light came out of Sirius's wand, just missing Dolohov and hitting Kent square in the chest.

"Oh no!" she gasped, watching Kent crumple to the ground in the midst of the battle. Remus wrapped his arms around her, partly to keep her from running out into the street and partly to comfort her. If she hadn't been so incredibly distressed, she might have noticed the strength of his arms, the delicious scent coming off him in waves, the way he caressed her and softly kissed her hair as he murmured words of comfort. But then, this was Gabriella McPeak, so she might not have.

Instead, she cried into his shoulder, trying to wrap her mind around the thought that she had just watched a man die, a man who used to be her friend. And he died by Sirius's wand...

She couldn't have said how long the battle raged, even after she had been interrogated by the Ministry wizards who appeared on the scene. Remus had stayed with her the whole time, arm wrapped around her. She explained what she had seen, that Sirius was acting in self-defense. Kent's death was put down as a casualty of war. James and Sirius came to collect Remus once the Ministry had left.

"Gabby," Sirius whispered, falling to his knees beside her, his eyes swimming with concern. "Are you all right?"

"Stay away from me," she hissed, curling up against Remus. Again, she might have noticed if she wasn't so focused on Sirius the way Remus's body reacted to hers, the tenderness in his eyes as she clung to him, the way he attempted to shelter her from everyone, including his best friends. But then, this was Gabriella McPeak, so she might not have.

Instead, she clung to him on instinct, shrinking away from Sirius, not realizing how Remus's heart raced at her touch.

"C'mon, Gabby, don't be like that," groaned Sirius.

She gave a hollow, bitter laugh and said, "Tell me, darling, how am I supposed to be?"

He reached out a shaking, bloody hand and rested it on hers. She wanted to grasp it, but found she couldn't move. His thumb began to caress her skin and she closed her eyes in spite of herself, leaning back into Remus, who held in a moan. She barely managed to bite back a sigh.

"Guys," said James softly, frowning at the scene before him, "we have to get back. Lily's going to start panicking if we're not back soon. You're coming to the wedding, Gabby?"

"Of course," she said softly. "Give my regards to Lily."

"She'll want you in the wedding, you know," said James with a small smile. "Opposed to being a bridesmaid?"

"What color are they wearing?" she said with a smirk.

"Green. I know you like green, so I expect to see you around, McPeak."

"I'd like that, James," said Gabriella, standing up and brushing herself off. "Let me know where and when. It's not like I've got anything better to do with my time."

"It was good to see you," Remus whispered, pressing his lips to her cheek. "Maybe next time will be under better circumstances."

The girls Apparated back to McPeak Manor not long after the boys left, deciding that their further purchases would have to wait until another day, anyway.


	23. Mrs Potter

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my lovely reader, **_**EmeraldStorm7**_**, who has taken up a reviewing crusade on this story! :D**

** -C**

Gabriella had mostly put the whole Death Eater attack behind her by the time she was sitting in the drawing room of Potter Manor with Lily and James, looking around the empty manor.

"Dead," she said hollowly, and the word echoed against the walls.

"Yes," James said sadly, but not the sort of sad that hasn't had time to grieve.

"You didn't tell me."

"I never knew how your recovery was doing," James said slowly, frowning. "I didn't want to upset you and ruin it all."

Lily put a comforting hand on James's arm, her pale and graceful fingers lingering on his skin and Gabriella remembered for a flash of a moment Sirius's bloody hand on her own skin. She felt a light shiver run down her spine.

"And it wasn't Death Eaters," she repeated dully, looking up at James in order to look away from Lily's fingers.

"They were just old," James assured her. "You knew that. It was a matter of time. Everything was in order. They would have liked to live long enough for us to get married, but there was nothing nefarious about it, and that's all I can ask for in a time like this."

Gabriella nodded, wondering if she could have been so gracious had her own parents died. Then again, he'd had plenty of time to get to this point, over a year of grieving to achieve this level of grace about it.

"And your maid of honor, too?" Gabriella then said, turning to Lily, still turning over everything, stunned.

"Yes," Lily said sadly. "Marlene McKinnon died in a raid going on the day after the one you witnessed. But while I'm terribly upset about it, it does even out the wedding, if you'll be my maid of honor. James only has a best man, you see."

Gabriella only needed the briefest of glances at an uncomfortably shifting James to know that Sirius was the best man.

This would be the greatest test of her recovery yet, Gabriella knew, but she could not turn down her friends. She would have to see him sooner or later, and Lily needed her.

Gabriella had forgotten how wonderful it was to be needed.

"Of course I will," she said earnestly. "Although I would have thought he'd want all the Marauders in the ceremony."

James shrugged, obviously relieved that she'd agreed to do it, although not totally relaxed.

"Lily only had Marlene, and even if I did two when you got back, I couldn't choose between Remus and Peter."

But he could easily put Sirius about them both.

Gabriella felt momentarily sick to her stomach and she wasn't sure if it was because she was angry that James still associated with Sirius after everything, or if it was because she had a brief flashback to standing in the war-torn alleyway with Sirius's body pressed against her own, his breath so close she could taste it.

She was drawn back into reality by the voice of Lily, telling her the details of her new job description.

"Marlene pretty much figured out everything," Lily chattered happily. "There's the hen do, of course, and then it's just getting up and getting ready and doing the ceremony. Well, and rehearsal. But that is small and short, honestly, so we should pretty well set in that. Do you have dress robes?"

"Actually, yeah, I do," Gabriella said, thinking about the green dress robes Gillian had talked her into buying that day in Diagon Alley. And suddenly she could taste Sirius's breath again, but she also saw a flash of light and a body crumpling on the street...

She smiled up at Lily.

"Green, right?"

Figuring out the details, as Lily had predicted, took little time at all, and Gabriella was thrilled that Marlene had done all of the hard work of dealing with Sirius in the planning stages. The only times Gabriella would be obliged to deal with him were during the rehearsal and ceremony, and then she would be free to avoid him like any sane girl would.

Because there was not an ounce of love left for him now.

"Thank you for doing this," James said as she was leaving, hugging her. "You should take the Floo."

"James," she sighed, exasperated, "we've been over this, it takes just as long, and-"

"And I don't want you to be attacked," he said earnestly, holding her tight against his chest. "You've seen what it's like out there, McPeak. We didn't mention this because you didn't ask, but Lily's parents were killed by Death Eaters about three weeks ago." Gabriella could feel tears through her hair, touching her neck. "Please."

"All right, James," she said, patting his back. "I'll take the Floo."

On the other side of the fireplace, her parents were waiting, and she wondered if her parents and James had already arranged for her to take the Floo without mentioning it to her. Gabriella was fairly certain she'd not been hugged so much in a week's period as she had been since she got out of the institution.

"Kimberly is staying with Kristal," her mother said happily. "And your father took some time off work, so we're going to have a proper dinner."

"I'm the maid of honor," Gabriella said, smiling tightly at her mother, wondering how she would take the news.

"That's lovely, dear," her mother said, gesturing for her to sit down at the dining room table. "Poor McKinnon girl, though."

Gabriella shuddered slightly.

"Are you all right, Gabby?" her father asked.

He was asking about the Death Eater attack, so she nodded, because that was not what was bothering her. She did not mention to her parents who the best man was. Surely they already knew, if they knew Marlene had been the maid of honor. Gabriella put the impending duties out of her mind and gossiped with her mother about the details of the wedding, smiling a smile that came so easily since the France.

The rehearsal dinner was the evening before the hen do, and it was held at Potter Manor, where the wedding in question was also to be held. Professor Dumbledore had put a plethora of extra protections on the house, both for the wedding and after according to James. Gabriella still wasn't sure how safe she felt.

"There we go," James was saying to a little girl with green hair. "Just like that."

"Sirius's niece, or rather his cousin's daughter," Lily said by way of explanation, smiling at the little girl, whose hair changed to pink in her exasperation. Gabriella blinked.

"Metamorphagus," Lily giggled. "She prefers pink, but I've told her that if she wants to be the flower girl the only unnatural hair color I would allow was green. She's trying very hard, but she's got Sirius's attention span and Peter's clumsiness. It's been a struggle."

"She's doing great," said a familiar voice from behind Gabriella and the girls froze as Sirius sat down with them. "Sorry I'm late Mad-Eye had me going over some stuff, and you know how he is." His burning gray eyes turned to Gabriella, who looked back at him with her heart racing.

"Hello, Gabby," he said softly, taking her hand and kissing it, holding her fingers to his lips just a bit too long, and Lily cleared her throat, causing Gabriella to pull away. Sirius was still frozen in place, watching her with those burning eyes.

"We have to get started, Sirius," Lily said sharply. "Dora's mother is coming to pick her up in half an hour."

The rehearsal was quick, fairly easy, and almost entirely smooth. They were all bright, creative people, so it wasn't too hard. The hardest part was keeping Dora from falling on her face.

"You ladies have the east wing," James said happily. "We'll stay out of your hair."

"And we'll stay out of yours," Lily said, giving Sirius a pointed look, for he had not taken his eyes off Gabriella since he arrived, even through the rehearsal.

The girls hurried off to the east wing, shutting themselves up in the room they would be using to get ready in the morning.

"I'm sorry about Sirius," Lily said nervously. "He's...he's changed a lot since you last saw him."

"He never wrote to me," Gabriella said with a shrug. "I'm over it."

Lily raised her eyebrows, leaning back and pulling some wine out of a drawer.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "He was writing all the time! I mean, I don't think he finished half of them, but I know I saw him give Gillian at least two letters to send you." Lily's eyes widened. "She was keeping them from you, wasn't she?"

Gabriella nodded, feeling suddenly very curious what those letters had said, and how many he actually tried to send.

"She probably burned them," Gabriella said.

"Probably," Lily said slowly. "I...I read some of the unfinished ones he left in the rubbish bin. There must have been dozens of them. They were beautiful."

Ah, but there it was. Sirius had always had a way with words. He was charming, he was eloquent, and he was well-trained in getting what he wanted. Gabriella could still remember some of the letters he'd sent her when they first started seeing each other.

They were beautiful too, but they were full of lies, just as these were no doubt full of lies.

Gillian was right to burn them.

"Let's talk about something else," Gabriella said, grinning. "Like what you and James are doing for a honeymoon."

Lily's cheeks flushed and she shrugged, pouring the wine generously into the two glasses she'd conjured, passing one to Gabriella.

"We really can't leave and do a proper one," Lily admitted, sipping from her glass. "We're needed for the war effort. We've decided that when it's all over, we'll go away together somewhere for a month or two, anywhere we want, and just recover. But for now, we're just going to make the most of the two days off we're being given. We're still on call for emergencies, but it's nice to know we're not assigned to anything."

Gabriella nodded, taking a long drink from her own wine. It was the first alcohol she'd had since she had been taken to France and the once-familiar burning sensation felt strange against her throat. She liked the taste, but she found she wasn't as fond as she used to be of how the liquid made her feel. She finished the glass and set it aside, shaking her head when Lily offered to pour her more.

It might have been the most uneventful hen do in all of history, but Lily and Gabriella didn't mind. It felt good just to be together, Lily expressing all of her fears about marriage, as well as her love and devotion for James. Eventually she got drunk enough to ask Gabriella about therapy, and Gabriella, knowing Lily would likely forget everything in the morning, told her everything about it, every detail.

"I'm sorry we did that to you," Lily hiccupped. "We all suffered for it, but nothing like you."

"Don't be sorry," Gabriella soothed, brushing her friend's auburn hair. "I'd probably be dead now if you hadn't done it. And then who would be your maid of honor?"

"He loves you, you know," Lily muttered sleepily, and Gabriella looked up at her drunken friend, who was already fast asleep moments after uttering the words.

Gabriella picked up the picture of the Marauders that Lily had been looking at when she'd said it.

She couldn't mean Sirius. Whatever he may have wrote Gabriella knew that Sirius was incapable of love.

Remus.

She meant Remus.

Gabriella looked at Remus, thought of how he'd kept her safe during the raid on Diagon Alley, all the sweet things he'd written her when she was in France.

She could trust Remus, but could she love him?

The following morning Gabriella woke up, shook Lily awake, and pulled off her night clothes, pulling on a blue satin bra and pantie set, watching as Lily fumbled with the lingerie she was going to wear under her wedding dress.

"Do you want help with that?" Gabriella asked, and Lily nodded.

Gabriella straightened out all the straps and fastened all the fastenings and smiled up at her friend.

"White suits you," she told the bride, turning to pull on her own green dress robes. "James is a lucky man."

Lily shivered and Gabriella frowned at her.

"What's wrong?" Gabriella asked. "Are you getting cold feet?"

"No, no," Lily said quickly, blushing slightly. "No, I want this. It's nothing like that."

"Then what is it?" Gabriella asked, getting to her feet. Then Lily looked away and Gabriella knew what it was. She snorted. "You know, Lily, you can talk about sex with me. Just because I've been raped doesn't mean I'm a prude now. Are you nervous?"

Lily sighed, giving a shaky laugh. She was obviously embarrassed. She nodded.

"James has been building up to this moment for years," she admitted as Gabriella brushed her long, red hair. "What if I don't measure up?"

"I'm going to tell you something a slimeball once told me, but I've been told by other boys that it's very, very true," Gabriella said, braiding her friend's hair into a half-up bun that let the bottom half of her hair cascade down from the bun elegantly. "Wet dreams are never as good as the real thing. James practically worships you. Once he has you he'll never want to be without you again."

Lily was blushing furiously, but this seemed to assuage her worries and the two girls continued to gossip happily as they prepared, Lily doing her makeup while Gabriella did her own hair, curling it slightly, careful not to outdo the hairdo she'd done for Lily. Then she put on the most basic makeup she could get by with for her station in life and smiled at Lily.

There was a knock on the door.

"You ladies decent?"

Her heart fluttered.

It was Sirius.

"Coming, just a moment," she cried, jumping over a pile of dirty clothes and opening the door. "Yes?"

She almost hissed at the sight of him in his gorgeous charcoal gray dress robes that set off his eyes. How was it legal for one man to look and smell so good, especially so early in the morning?

"James is heading down to greet the guests and get everything in place," Sirius said, handing her a box. "This is for Lily. I'd give you twenty minutes from the time I close this door, tops."

"Here," Gabriella said, handing him the box from Lily, which held cufflinks. "See you in twenty."

She closed the door on his face and handed the box to Lily, who opened it with shaking manicured fingers.

Inside was a beautiful pearl necklace, just like the one Gabriella had seen Lily's own mother wearing in a number of pictures.

"Oh, it's perfect," she sighed, pulling it out of the box with careful hands.

"I've got it," Gabriella said. "It will go perfectly with your dress, too."

Knowing that time was short, Gabriella carefully clasped the necklace on Lily's neck and then helped her into the beautiful, feather-light dress.

"Veil," Lily squeaked.

"Relax, I've got it," Gabriella laughed, helping to place the veil carefully on Lily's shining red hair, leading her friend out of the door to the room, whistling down the stairwell to Sirius, who was then to go and alert James that Lily was on her way, and then she grabbed the bouquets Sirius had set outside for them in water.

"Wow," Lily sighed, smiling. "I'm actually getting married!"

The girls giggled, Gabriella grabbing Lily's train and helping her down the stairs, juggling the delicate fabric and her own bouquet.

Remus had agreed to walk Lily down the aisle, as her own father would not be able to, and he was waiting for them with a shining face, kissing Lily's cheek and grinning at Gabriella, who merely grinned back, setting the train down carefully behind her friend so that it would trail as they had agreed.

The ceremony was very straightforward, both James and Lily being of the traditional sorts, but Gabriella was having a hard time focusing because Sirius and Remus were both watching her with such intensity that she almost walked right how. However, when her friends were declared bonded for life, exchanged rings, and kissed, Gabriella's attention was torn from deciding whether or not to meet Sirius's gaze and back onto the ceremony, where James was eagerly kissing Lily in front of a roaring crowd.

Who would have thought, years ago, that they'd actually be standing there, man and wife?

The crowd continued to applaud as James and Lily exited the ballroom arm in arm, heading up the aisle, leading the crowd to the dining room, which had been rearranged for purposes of the reception and had a full dance floor set up, as well as a sector for food, drinks, and cake.

As she was required to do, Gabriella took Sirius's arm and followed the newlyweds out of the ballroom, torn between pride and happiness at the wedding and the pure distaste for having to be on Sirius's arm.

If he had wanted to talk to her in this moment, despite the impropriety of it, he would not have been able to do so what with the music and the applause ringing in everyone's ears.

She managed to detach from him, citing the need to adjust her hair, rushing off to the bathroom before composing herself, reminding herself that she only had to dance with him once, and moving to the dining room, following the familiar pathway, setting her bouquet in a vase on the way that she had set up the night before.

She would not do anything foolish tonight. There would be no regrets. There would be no mistakes.


	24. Should've Known Better

Gabriella could feel eyes on her, and not simply the eyes of Sirius and Remus. There were curious guests whispering as she passed, people who had known her and those who had only heard of her. James kissed her cheek encouragingly as he took her arm, leading her through the crowd. He handed her off to Professor Dumbledore, who beamed at her.

"I am glad to see you well again, Miss McPeak. It seems the whole world has released a sigh of relief on your return to us. There are several young men who have been watching you continually since you entered the room."

Gabriella smiled, taking his hand as she said, "I hadn't noticed. Would you dance with me, professor?"

"I would be delighted, my dear."

Dancing with Professor Dumbledore was easy as dancing had always been, Gabriella finding that the motions were still habitual to her. With every spin, however, she saw heated eyes upon her.

Gray. Amber. Gray. Amber.

"May I cut in?" she heard Sirius's familiar voice ask, and Professor Dumbledore gracefully transferred her to Sirius's arms. His warm, rough hands brought fire to her skin and she could smell firewhiskey on his breath. Her head began to spin. "You look stunning, Gabby," he murmured in her ear as he pulled her closer by far than she'd danced with Professor Dumbledore.

"Thank you."

His fingertips tightened at her waist.

"I've missed you so much," he moaned into her ear, his hot breath tickling her neck. "You have no idea how much I...I... Gabby, I love you."

For a brief moment, her heart raced and her whole body felt lighter, but as he spun her she caught James's gaze, and then Remus's, and she realized that he was doing it again, charming her and seducing her as if nothing had changed, as if _she_ hadn't changed.

"You're drunk," she said coldly, resisting his attempt to pull her even closer.

"Only a little," he slurred, his tongue lightly and quickly caressing the shell of her ear and she felt a rush of pleasure, cursing her body for responding so easily to him. "You still taste delicious," he murmured.

Gabriella could not have been more relieved when the song changed a moment later and she had an excuse to pull away from him. He tried to keep dancing with her, but she pulled out of his grasp. She went to the fringes and stood to the side, watching the guests dance as he followed her.

"Dance with me," he said a bit petulantly.

"I just did," she said, her voice like ice.

"Do it again," he implored, moving to take her hand. "I've missed holding you."

Gabriella pulled her hand away.

"That's too bad," she sniffed. "Because Lily and I agreed I only had to dance with you once. Now why -"

"Gabby, please," he whimpered, but out of nowhere came Parker, slipping her hand into Sirius's.

"C'mon, Sirius, let's dance." Sirius tried to protest, but Parker pulled him off to the dance floor firmly. Gabriella gave a bitter laugh when only about a minute later Sirius appeared to have forgotten all about Gabriella and his earlier attempts to seduce her. James, Lily, and Parker seemed to be aptly preoccupying Sirius, and Gabriella felt a bit more comfortable relaxing as she watched the reception.

"That color is stunning on you," a voice said hoarsely in her ear.

Gabriella turned to Remus whose glowing amber eyes and word choice reminded her momentarily of Sirius, except Remus smelled sober.

"Thank you," she said with a smile, letting him kiss her hand. It was all so eerily reminiscent of Sirius. "Thank you for the beautiful letters, Remus. They were an incredible comfort."

His eyes shone even brighter and a soft smile played at his lips as he took a step closer.

"Dance with me," he whispered, and Gabriella nodded, taking his hands, although she didn't think it was a question.

There was a surprising grace in how he held her, never taking his eyes from hers, bodies so close she could feel scandalized gazes upon them. She did not feel the dizziness as she had with Sirius, and while he smelled very good it was nowhere near as intoxicating as Sirius. Still, she liked the pressure of his strong hands on her body, the warmth of his skin on hers, the heat in his eyes.

When the song ended it took them a moment to realize, and then Remus offered his arm to lead her to where Lily was cutting the cake with James.

"How do you feel?" Remus murmured in her ear as they watched.

There was a celebratory clapping and she smiled at him.

"I feel good about being alive," she said, and the smile he gave her was so radiant that she almost wanted to kiss him. She could almost feel the blood that flowed in her veins.

They ate their cake slowly side by side, Remus growing bolder the longer they sat together. His leg touched hers as they talked about the old days, gobbling up cake like heroes. They got to the point where his hand brushed some hair out of her face and Gabriella was surprised to find her own hand on his thigh, the two of them leaning close enough together that she could taste the cake on his breath. His eyes had a glint of drunkenness as Sirius's had, but he'd not had a drop to drink all night.

"Dance with me," he muttered once more when they ran out of things to say. Gabriella could see no reason not to, and so she let him lead her back into their too-close dancing. Remus's hand was lower on her back than before, and only minutes into the dance his forehead was resting on hers and Gabriella could feel his pulse racing where their hands intertwined.

Or was it her pulse?

She couldn't tell anymore where he stopped and she started.

Gabriella got a brief glimpse of Lily's shining face, of approval in James's eyes, of fury on Sirius's familiar features. The spinning made her dizzy and she looked into Remus's burning eyes and knew there was really only one way the night could end.

Several songs later, Remus whispered something she didn't process and she was following him to the wing that had held the boys the night before.

She recognized the room they entered. Her parents had taken an anniversary trip when she was young and the Potters had taken in the McPeak children for that weekend. The room she and Remus were standing in was the room she had slept in. It seemed smaller now, less perfect than it had when she was six.

Just as the room was changed from her memory, so was Remus. Once so shy to express feelings toward her, Gabriella found him shy no more, pulling her close and pressing his lips to hers hungrily. She wrapped her arms around his neck more out of habit than anything. He seemed to take this motion as encouragement, his arms pulling her closer as his lips parted, moving with hers in an instinctual dance.

Even as his tongue explored her mouth, there was no dizziness, no sensation of drunkenness, no overwhelming desires. Instead, Gabriella found herself experiencing every moment like she was watching it all on fast forward from somewhere outside of her body.

Where was the rush, the lust, the passion?

Remus did not appear to struggle with these questions at all. He held her tighter, sighing into her mouth, his fingers toying with the fastenings of her dress robes until he managed to undo them. Gabriella put up no fight as he helped the robes slide off her body and pool at her feet, revealing the blue satin bra and panties she'd put on that morning.

His amber eyes grew wide, grazing her figure hungrily. For a brief moment Gabriella felt crushingly self-conscious. She'd put on about two stone while institutionalized. What if she was no longer the girl he'd idolized for so long?

"So beautiful," he breathed, running his fingertips along her curves, eyes still glowing with molten lust.

A bit more confident, Gabriella found her fingers loosening his tie as she felt his lips descending on her neck.

She tossed the tie to the floor, systematically undoing the buttons of his shirt as he shrugged off his robes, nipping at her collarbone. There was something she was meant to be feeling, something other than the planes of his muscles as he shrugged off his shirt. She was hardly aware of his trousers coming off as she ran her fingers through his hair, searching for that elusive feeling.

Socks. Shoes.

Remus lowered her onto the queen-sized bed, eyes still glowing as he hovered over her. He just stared at her for a long moment as if unsure of where to start.

Finally, as Gabriella was beginning to feel a bit awkward, his decisions was made and he licked and kissed the slope of her breast just above the blue satin fabric.

He fumbled for a bit with the clasp, but then she helped him remove the bra, which Remus then tossed to the floor, his eyes already glued obsessive to her breasts.

Despite what she'd expected, his sucking and massaging of her breasts hurt and she tried desperately to think of a way to get him to stop without offending him. He seemed so bold, but Gabriella knew that his confidence was nearly as fragile as hers.

She absently began running her fingers in his sandy hair as he moved away from her breasts and back up her neck to her lips. He seemed to rather enjoy this and take it as encouragement. She even felt him moan, the reverberations vibrating across her skin in a foreign way.

For the first time, she had a loving, adoring, attentive partner. It was something she had always expected, wanted, was told she should want and expect. It obviously beat being drugged and raped in an alleyway.

But whatever feelings Remus was feeling, whatever passions and desires and lusts were coursing through his veins, none of it was transmitted to her. Gabriella felt nothing but the clinical, basic sensations occurring within the encounter. No passions, no desires, no lusts. She was not entranced by his scars or muscles or skin or eyes or voice as he panted her name. His lips and fingertips brought no fire, and the burning in his eyes was as untouchable to her as if it were behind glass.

Remus didn't seem to notice, probably in the haze of his lust and the urgency of his need. She could feel him, hard and throbbing against her thigh and for a brief moment she had an overwhelming urge to vomit. But this was Remus, she realized. This was the one man who would never hurt her.

She needed this. She felt no need for _him_, but she needed this, in this moment, and suddenly her heart rate seemed to slow and she felt serene, enlightened.

"Please," she whispered.

He understood it, the only word she uttered in that room that evening, and he eagerly obliged, ridding them of their final barriers, the last bits of fabric keeping them from being entirely skin on skin.

With a boldness she did not know she possessed, Gabriella turned them over, watching the gleam in his hungry amber eyes as she straddled him, feeling his warmth underneath her.

Her body knew what to do, her instincts taking over as she rode him, watching him come completely undone beneath her, his body glistening with sweat as he gasped and moaned and roared her name.

Even as he filled her, she felt nothing. She did a quick nonverbal charm and saw the looseness of his muscles that had just been so taut in his moment of climax.

She felt nothing. No climax, no arousal, not even pain. There was a small twinge of satisfaction as he turned them onto their sides, still inside her as he cuddled her, holding her tight against his sweat-soaked chest as he fell asleep.

She had caused his moment of overwhelming passion and ecstasy. She was the cause of his losing himself in that moment, and for that she was proud.

But still she felt nothing.

Nothing but the ghosts of Sirius's fingers on her skin and the trail of unquenchable heat they left behind.

Gabriella fell asleep sweaty, spent, and confused that night, Remus's rhythmic breathing in her ear as his heartbeat gently thumped at her back.

Gabriella woke up the following morning without opening her eyes. She could feel lips at her neck and fingers caressing her skin. Her mind raced as she tried to recall as her brain awakened, tried to piece together the night before. And then she heard a murmur of her name.

She'd slept with Remus after the wedding.

As much as it had seemed necessary and almost right in the moment, it felt all wrong now. Still, her eyes remained closed as her fingertips sought out his hair. When she found it, her fingers curled, and she felt him moan against her skin.

"So long," he sighed, his lips still grazing her skin as he spoke. "I've wanted you for so long. I've dreamed of you..."

"Remus," she said slowly, her eyes flickering open, but he didn't seem to be listening.

"Always so perfect," he whispered, his fingers moving up her thighs. "Always out of my reach, always looking at somebody else. And I felt so torn between my loyalties to Sirius and my love for you."

She closed her eyes again in horror as he pressed his lips to her breast, shifting so that she could feel him digging into her thigh.

He'd said love and this was fast getting out of hand.

"But he hurt you," Remus breathed, his voice hoarse and dangerous. "And I knew I needed you. And the longer you were in France the more I needed you. Sleepless nights, sometimes whole days just lying in bed, desperate for you. I wrote letters constantly, I would think I saw you in crowds."

She shivered and he kissed his way up her neck, touching his lips to hers. Her lips parted on instinct and he began to deepen the kiss and the room seemed to be fast spinning out of control.

That was the only think she'd felt the night before, the only thing she'd needed to feel: control.

And now it was going to slip away if she didn't do something and quickly.

She turned away from the kiss, attempting to gently push him off her. After a moment, he pulled away from her, frowning down in confusion as she opened her eyes and sat up.

"Remus," she whispered. "Maybe...maybe last night was a mistake."

It was a lie, but she knew he would never understand.

He just stared at her as his confusion turned to panic. Remus began to shake his head, reaching out for her, but Gabriella stopped his hands gently.

Tears were forming in his eyes and she wanted to close hers again.

Remus, the one man who would never hurt her, the person who had saved her from herself so many times...

Perhaps it had been a mistake after all. There was no turning the clock back, though, no matter how much guilt and regret began to build in her chest.

"Is it because I'm a half-blood?" he asked frantically, ignoring the tears streaming down his face. "Is it...is it my condition? I know I'm not good enough for you, Gabby. I've always known. I don't need to marry you," he said desperately. "I would be happy just to hold you now and again, to love you knowing...knowing..."

She was shaking her head and instead of him calming down he became increasingly frantic.

"Is it him?" he demanded, eyes burning with fury. "Are you still in love with Sirius? Is that what this is about?"

Gabriella sighed, shaking her head.

"No, Remus," she said gently. "This has nothing to do with Sirius."

She couldn't be entirely sure that was true, though. If Sirius had never touched her, if she had never know what it was like to feel fire from a simple kiss, burning in the flames of desire... Perhaps she could have loved Remus, been contented, and perhaps even married him.

But she knew, and now she also knew that Remus would never be right, never enough.

"Then why...why don't you want me?" he sniffed, his face such a pitiful picture of dejection that she felt torn between kissing him and hitting him.

But he needed an explanation, and deserved one, so she would try her best to make him understand.

"I lost a lot of time, Remus," she whispered, fighting the urge to touch him. It would not be a comfort for him, but a torture. "Years of my life I can never get back. I needed it, but... It was hard, Remus. It was painful. I've changed a lot, and not in ways that will let me pretend things, especially not with you. I...I love you, Remus, but I love you like I love James. You're my friend, my brother. But I know now that I can't love you like you want me to." She looked up at his amber eyes and saw his pain wrestling there. "You told me that I didn't love Irving, and you were right. And he couldn't love me. I can't love you, Remus, and you don't really love me."

He shook his head.

"No," he said firmly. "I do love you."

Gabriella sighed, climbing out of bed.

"I need to go, Remus," she said, pulling on her bra and panties as she spoke. He was still watching her every move with devoted eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Please," he whispered, scrambling out of bed and wrapping his arms around her bare stomach. "Please stay. Maybe you don't love me now, but I love you so much, I can give you so much... I'd do anything, Gabby, anything to make you stay. You'd love me someday."

He was just hurting her more, but she knew he was too desperate to do anything else. And she hadn't gotten well just to make him ill.

"You'll be all right, Remus," she said, lifting his hands off her one at a time and kissing each as she peeled them away. "I've Seen her. The girl you'll love. She's beautiful."

His stunned protests were ignored as she pulled on her robes and walked confidently down the corridor toward the east wing.

She saw James and Sirius sitting in the drawing room and James called to her.

"Lily's making breakfast," he explained. "For the wedding party and, erm, Remus I guess."

James laughed and Sirius scowled into the hangover tonic he was drinking. The idea of having breakfast with Remus and Sirius made her feel slightly sick.

"I need to go," she said softly.

James's smile fell and he stood up.

"Are you okay?" he asked, hazel eyes brimming with concern.

"Don't touch her, James," Sirius said darkly. "She's on a roll, breaking the hearts of every man she touches. Probably even Dumbledore."

James looked torn between the urge to chide Sirius and the urge to comfort Gabriella.

"Take care of Remus," she said simply, not looking at Sirius, who snorted into his potion. "I'll just take the Floo."

She could hear voices calling for her, Remus or James or even Sirius, but she was already back at McPeak Manor a moment later and vomiting into the kitchen sink.


	25. Giving In

"Gabriella?"

Her mother tapped at the door cautiously.

It had been a week since the wedding, a week since she'd left a crying, naked Remus Lupin at Potter Manor, and for several days as he sent letter after letter pleading for her to change her mind, she wondered if maybe she hadn't made a bit of a mistake.

Finally, just three days ago, he'd sent his last letter.

_I love you._

That was all it said, and as usual she sent no reply, but she did ask Gillian to look in on him. Thankfully, Gillian was able to talk him down from overdosing on the pain potions he'd been brewing since the wedding.

He was safe, morose, but apparently resigned to a life without Gabriella's love, and James had written to say that the Order was taking care of him, whatever that meant.

"Gabby?"

"I'm awake, Mum," Gabriella said, brushing back her hair and standing, thinking of the glowing of Remus's amber eyes as he climaxed. Would they ever shine so bright again?

Not for her, she knew. She had Seen him marry, and it wasn't her. His eyes would shine again, and Gabriella was almost certain that she would not see it.

"You have visitors, dear," her mother said.

"I'll be right down," Gabriella replied, mildly curious about who might come to see her without warning.

She pulled on some acceptable robes and straightened out her hair, putting on a smile and going downstairs to find her mother feeding tea to some strange man and Albus Dumbledore.

"Miss McPeak," Professor Dumbledore said brightly. "It is a pleasure to see you again. This is Mr. Barnabas Cuffe," he gestured to the man beside him, who kissed Gabriella's hand. "He has recently been made Editor-in-Chief of _The Daily Prophet_."

"Congratulations," she told Mr. Cuffe, who was giving her a doe-eyed look. Probably a half-blood who had recently become acquainted with the splendor of pureblood society. She certainly wouldn't want to have his job, running that sordid rag, but for someone like him it probably seemed like a dream.

"He is in need of a social writer," Professor Dumbledore said pleasantly.

"I could come up with a few good candidates, certainly," Gabriella said in a similar tone. She didn't like the way this man looked at her and she wanted him out of her presence.

"Who better than yourself, my dear?" Professor Dumbledore replied. "You know everyone who holds any amount of public interest, you have a standing invitation to all major social events, one of which I believe is in a week's time, and you already have a great deal of experience. Unless you have accepted some other employment offer?"

Of course she hadn't. She didn't need _any_ job, and she'd certainly not made any applications so soon after returning to England.

"That is a wonderful idea," her mother said excitedly, obviously not catching her daughter's extreme dislike for the whole idea. Especially because she knew exactly what Professor Dumbledore was doing.

He wanted to use her as a spy for the Order.

Somehow Gabriella found herself having to agree to the job, mostly to keep from offending either her mother or this Cuffe. Having her hand kissed by Cuffe once more, he left and then Professor Dumbledore asked Gabriella's mother to leave the room. Gabriella dropped her smile abruptly. If Professor Dumbledore was surprised by the sudden shift he did not show it.

"I expect the Lestranges will be pleased to see you next week," he chirped.

"Doubtful," she snorted. "I'm not going to be your pawn, professor. I'll do my job because I have enough honor to do things well once I agree to do them, but I will not play your games."

"Is it because of Sirius or Remus?" he asked softly.

If only it were that simple.

"I have no politics, professor," she explained, pouring herself some tea. "I won't work for any side of this mess. I've got my own issues to keep at bay. I just got out of the nuthouse _you_ put me in, professor. I don't know if you think I should feel indebted to you, but I don't, and I won't play your game. Understood?"

She turned to Professor Dumbledore as he got up and gave her a highly pitying look.

"You may not want to be a part of this war, Gabriella, but people who love you are inextricably entangled in it. If their enemies want to hurt them, I have no doubt that you will be pulled into this war whatever you may wish. I cannot protect you if you do not let me."

"You can't protect me regardless, professor," she said coldly. "If you'll excuse me, I have a function I apparently must prepare to attend."

Professor Dumbledore bowed, kissing her hand with care-wrinkled lips, leaving the manor. Gabriella finished her tea, composed herself, and went to find her mother in the sitting room.

"It would seem I have a job now," Gabriella drawled. "I'll need appropriate work attire in case I need to visit some sort of office. And I'll also need something suitable for the Lestrange event, something I can get dirty. You know Bellatrix's penchant for spilling wine on me."

"I'll make sure they're gathered," her mother said, flipping through a stack of papers. "What shop did you use?"

More like what shop knew the amount of weight she'd put on.

"Madam Malkin's."

Gabriella turned and left the sitting room to see about breakfast without further thought of her new employment.

The robes were delivered the following day, along with a note from Cuffe telling her that she didn't have to come in to the office until her write-up of the Lestrange party.

Gabriella had a strict regimen leading up to an event like this party. She only ate certain foods, drank nothing but water, and worked hard to cleanse her face and whiten her teeth. Because she had not been to such an event in several years, the teeth needed a lot of work.

"I could lose some weight," she muttered, considering herself. Then she thought of Remus's words as she scanned her naked body. Perhaps he was a half-blood, but he had an uncanny tendency for being right.

On the morning of the party, Gabriella put on the pale yellow dress robes after a long, soothing, luxurious bath. She put her hair up, as it was expected to be, elegantly cascading down her neck in perfectly formed curls. She slipped her feet into the ghastly uncomfortable heels she had years ago selected for such occasions and shifted the long, loose, light robes over the shoes, lifting them slightly at the thigh so as not to step on her hem in such sharp shoes and tear the dress robes.

She sat at her vanity, carefully covering her face with a thin layer of powder. She painted on lipstick just the right shade to set off her dress. A bit of mascara and a swipe or two of eyeliner later and she was done, her transformation into a perfect pureblood socialite complete.

With a nod at her reflection, Gabriella Disapparated, landing in the walkway to the familiar and disconcerting Lestrange Manor.

The gates opened for her and she found herself greeted by Rabastan Lestrange.

"Gabriella McPeak," he murmured, amused, as he kissed her hand. "A pleasure to see you. I hadn't expected you to come."

"Thank you, Rabastan," she said smoothly, working hard not to tense as he offered his arm and led her out to the garden, where guests were gathering. Everyone she saw supported Voldemort and Gabriella was beginning to feel more than a little uneasy.

"Come, let me present you to the host and hostess," Rabastan whispered in her ear, and Gabriella nodded numbly, only because it was polite convention. She was steered toward a group she knew were Death Eaters and Rabastan called out, "Brother! See who has graced us with her elusive presence!"

There were laughs as the attention turned to her. She tried not to shiver as Rabastan's arm snaked around her shoulder, pushing her toward Rodolphus, who kissed her hand with a smirk that seemed to be part of his lips.

"Bella is in the greenhouse," he said lazily, eyes grazing Gabriella's figure unabashedly. "Take our little lamb to her."

Being called a lamb should have bothered her more than it did. Bellatrix had been referring to her as a lamb for years. If she'd really dug into her memory, she would recall that Sirius had called her a lamb a few times as well. Yet the way Rodolphus said it had a sacrificial sound to it that she missed in her effort to keep up her expected demeanor, the lie that she was happy to be there. Rabastan led her to the greenhouse and said, "Bella will bring you back, lamb. I have more guests to greet."

With another numb nod, Gabriella heard the door to the greenhouse close behind her. She moved forward, the plants increasingly dangerous as she went, and found a scandalously clad Bellatrix standing next to a bed of poisonous flowers. Bellatrix smirked at Gabriella, who stood away from the flowers hesitantly.

"Hello, little lamb," Bellatrix said smoothly, her gray eyes glowing. "Come back to play with the big girls, have you?"

"You've done well for yourself, Bellatrix," Gabriella said softly.

She was always wary when Bellatrix was in the room, and for good reason, but Gabriella was being especially careful with the situation. Things were more dangerous than ever these days.

Bellatrix smirked at her, taking Gabriella's hand and leading her closer to the flowerbed.

"How was France?" she asked, voice still smooth as honey, her long fingernails grazing Gabriella's wrist in a way that reminded her how easily those nails could draw blood.

"It served its purpose," Gabriella replied coolly.

"Sirius missed you terribly," Bellatrix cooed.

Before Gabriella realized what was happening, Bellatrix had pulled out her wand and waved it at Gabriella.

The pain she would have expected did not come. Instead, an overwhelming feeling of serenity filled her.

"Look at me, lamb."

The fingers at her chin were not necessary. Gabriella felt a rush filling her, an urge to look at Bellatrix. There was a smile on Bellatrix's lips and a gleam in her eyes.

"You want to please me, don't you lamb?"

And Gabriella realized it was true. She wanted to please Bellatrix more than she had ever wanted anything.

"Yes," she breathed.

"It brings you pleasure to please me."

A shiver of pleasure passed through Gabriella as she felt Bellatrix's hand petting her curls and heard the smooth voice saying, "Good girl. Take my arm."

Gabriella eagerly took the arm offered to her and she felt the familiar squeezing of Apparition, her whole body being twisted into a tube. They arrived at a street Gabriella didn't know, but she felt no apprehension.

"This," Bellatrix said gesturing to a house, "is Sirius Black's house." A strange feeling flitted across Gabriella's consciousness, but Bellatrix waved her wand again and serenity was restored. "I want you to seduce him, my lamb. Understand?"

Gabriella nodded, pleased when Bellatrix petted her again, pushing her toward the door. She rang the bell, standing patiently, and when the door opened and Sirius stood there she smiled at him.

"Gabby?" he asked, confused. "How did you know where I lived?"

A voice, Bellatrix's voice, in her head echoed, _Potter_.

"James told me," she said, touching his shoulder. "May I come in?"

Once she touched him, he relaxed under her fingers, an arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her inside. Gabriella felt an urge to keep the door open, so she shot a nonverbal column of air at it as he lazily pushed at it, not noticing when it didn't close. He was a bit distracted.

"I'll make you some tea," he murmured in her ear.

Gabriella nodded, letting him lead her into the kitchen, all the while thinking of ways to accomplish her task, to seduce him. To please Bellatrix.

Sirius had begun to make tea when she came up behind him, running her fingers playfully down his back. He stiffened.

"What changed your mind?" he whispered, closing his eyes as her fingertips traced back up to his neck.

"I've had time to think."

He turned to face her, and before he had a chance to think about it she kissed him. Never slow to respond to opportunity, it was only a moment before he was backing her up to the kitchen table. Her fingers were busy without her noticing, pulling his shirt over his head, breaking the kiss long enough to toss it aside before his own hands undid her dress robes, letting them pool at her feet. He moaned slightly, kissing her neck as she undid his trousers.

Bra. Underwear.

Sirius lifted her naked body onto the table, her shoes falling off her feet. he crawled on top of her, whispering words she hardly listened to as she ran her fingers through his hair, feeling his silky raven locks slip through her fingertips as he kissed her skin hungrily.

_Seduce him_.

"Please," she sighed, feeling her body respond both to the pleasure of his touch and the ecstasy of obeying.

Sirius didn't need to be asked twice. He dipped a finger between her thighs to find her soaking wet, moaning as he parted her legs, positioning himself between them.

She was only half aware as he entered her; she heard him hiss "Fuck" as he slowly filled her, savoring this new territory. Still Gabriella felt unsatisfied with his pace and she moved, hearing him moan before obliging, pounding in and out of her. She could hear her own moans as she moved with him, her nails digging into his back as she closed her eyes.

With her eyes closed she heard the voice in her head once more.

_Good girl_.

There was a fresh wave of pleasure and she could almost feel Bellatrix's fingernails tracing her skin.

She could feel the closeness of something unfamiliar as Sirius tensed all around her. She gasped, feeling the fingernails toying with her breasts.

_Climax with him_.

As soon as he exploded inside her, she screamed, waves of pleasure overwhelming her body as she felt positive reinforcement from all sides.

"Good girl."

Sirius yelped when Bellatrix came out of the shadows, but Gabriella stayed still on the table even as he scrambled off, searching for his wand. Bellatrix petted Gabriella's hair as Gabriella's sighed, trembling, moving closer to Bellatrix.

"Don't touch her," Sirius snarled.

"Oh, but she likes it, don't you, lamb?"

"Yes," Gabriella sighed, stretching out her body to allow Bellatrix to run her fingers along Gabriella's bare skin. Gabriella hummed contentedly and Sirius let out a strangled sound of horror.

"You did this to her," he said, clutching his wand. "What have you done, you sick bitch?"

"Now, now, cousin, you should be thanking me," Bellatrix cooed, fingers still caressing Gabriella. "If not for me you would never have had this lovely afternoon with her. Lamb, tell me, how do you feel about Sirius Black?"

"I hate him," Gabriella moaned, arching her back to give Bellatrix better access to her breasts.

"Good girl," Bellatrix drawled, a smirk at her lips. "You see, Sirius? You ought to be grateful. She took well to my...suggestion, did she not?"

His hands were shaking.

"What do you want?" he spat.

"It's simple, really," Bellatrix said, beckoning Gabriella down from the table, brushing Gabriella's sweaty curls over one shoulder. "Join the side you were born to join and you can have her, however you want her, as long as you live."

Gabriella, much shorter without the heels, leaned her head back to rest it on Bellatrix's breast as the fingertips began to roam again.

"And if I refuse?" Sirius said coldly.

"Then I kill her," Bellatrix said with a giggle. "Would you like to die if it pleased me, pet?"

Oh, Gabriella could already feel the wave of pleasure at the thought of death.

"Yes," she sighed, shivering in anticipation of learning how Bellatrix could best be pleased.

"She will struggle," Sirius said firmly. "She won't go without a fight."

"With her mental and emotional history?" Bellatrix laughed. "Death is already a dear friend to her, Sirius. Let me prove it."

His gray eyes widened as a butcher knife flew from a drawer into Bellatrix's hand. Bellatrix transferred it to Gabriella's hand. He scrambled forward, shaking his head.

"I think," Bellatrix whispered in Gabriella's ear, "that this would look very pretty buried in your stomach, lamb."

Gabriella could feel Bellatrix's fingernails trace an X on Gabriella's bare abdomen as Sirius fell at her feet, on his knees, begging.

"Fight it, Gabby, please," he sobbed. "You don't want this. You don't want to die anymore."

"You want to please me, pet," Bellatrix cooed in her ear, hot breath teasing the sensitive lobe.

Please...pleasure...

Gabriella positioned the butcher knife at the spot designated. Sirius's naked body was clinging to her legs, pleading things that did not matter, and Bellatrix was whispering encouragements, her body pressed against Gabriella's back.

She needed to please Bellatrix. Nothing else mattered. She wanted nothing more than to please Bellatrix.

She could barely feel the knife through the pleasure of obeying. Gabriella stabbed herself two, three, four times, heard Bellatrix telling her what a good girl she was, and then there was a loud crack and Gabriella felt suddenly dizzy, her hands sticky with blood.

Sirius went to the fireplace, screaming something, but the world around her spun out of control and Gabriella fell to the blood-covered tiles of the floor. She was trembling still, but the spasms hurt now, no pleasure in anything. She ached and she slid from her knees to her side, her face growing sticky as her consciousness grew faint. She saw a flash of red before the whole of the world around her faded out.


	26. Rylan

"She's going to be all right, Sirius."

"No, she's not, Lily! Bellatrix is going to kill her!"

"Bellatrix probably thinks she's already dead."

"And how long until she realizes-"

"The Order can hide her, Sirius."

"No," Gabriella croaked, eyes blinking open slowly. "I'm not going to hide."

"Gabby," Sirius whispered, moving toward her, but she hissed at him angrily and he froze, gray eyes full of emotion.

Lily sat down at Gabriella's feet on what smelled like it must be Sirius's bed.

"How do you feel, Gabby?" Lily said gently.

"Keep him away from me," Gabriella hissed caustically, and Lily motioned for Sirius to back away, which he did with twitching hands and comforting face.

"You're going to be okay," Lily said slowly, "but I'm going to call in an Order member who is more skilled at Healing-"

"No," Gabriella spat. "You're going to take me to St. Mungo's, you're going to call my Healer in France because if you don't I suspect Dumbledore will, and you're going to keep Sirius away from me. Are we clear?"

"You'd be dead without his calling me," Lily said sternly.

"I'd never have been in danger without his continued interest in me," Gabriella countered. "I remember everything, Lily. Every word. The only reason any of this is happening is because Sirius values me. He needs to value something else, preferably something inanimate, and leave me the fuck alone."

"Gabby," Sirius rasped. "I-"

"Shut up!" she shrieked.

"Gabriella McPeak!" Lily snapped. "If you won't take our help then I can't make you, but you are going to be mature about this or so help me I'll strangle you myself! Now, you are _both_ in pain right now, so for the love of Merlin stop _antagonizing_ each other!"

The three of them sat in silence for a moment before Lily sighed, rubbed her temples, and said, "Now, is there anyone you want to see or anyone else you want me to contact?"

Gabriella ran her options through her mind.

"I know you're going to tell Dumbledore... Perhaps you'd better tell my parents that I was splinched or something, just so they don't panic."

Lily nodded.

"All right," she said heavily. "Sirius, I'm going to need some help. Clean off her clothes so she can wear them to St. Mungo's. Tell Dumbledore what's happened, including her terms, and then come back here. Clean the place up if you feel up to it. If not, call James and tell him I said to help. Have you got all that?"

Sirius nodded, springing into action and hurrying out of the room to gather Gabriella's things.

"He's trying, you know," Lily said gently, but Gabriella shook her head, pushing aside the covers that smelled so much of him, lifting her head off his pillow.

"I don't want him to try," she said coldly. "I didn't spend years in France on holiday, Lily. And it may not have been all him, but a lot of it was."

And she could still see him killing Kent in her nightmares, and she wasn't always sure it was self-defense.

"I know," Lily said gently. "Why don't you go into the bathroom over there and collect yourself and I'll bring you the clothes when Sirius has them ready."

Gabriella nodded and went into Sirius's bathroom, which smelled strongly of him. She picked up a bar of soap on the tray in his shower and sniffed it, her nostrils assaulted with the smell she'd long associated with him. She put it back and looked at her face in the mirror... So pale... Too pale. She shivered.

"Lily," she heard Sirius say through the door. "I-I can't do it. My hand is shaking too much and I can't-"

"Relax, Sirius. Give it to me."

Gabriella leaned her head on the door, waiting.

"She's right, you know," Sirius whispered. "It's my fault."

"It's _not_ your fault," Lily insisted. "Bellatrix is a twisted excuse for a human being. But Gabby's going to be fine."

"You don't understand. I was raised around the Imperius Curse. It's hard enough to fight anyway, but Gabby was already weak. And the thing that strengthens it beyond its usual bounds is pleasure. The more pleasure someone experiences while under it, associates with the influence of the curse, the harder it is for them to fight. Nobody knows these things better than my cousin. Gabby sleeping with me wasn't just a message to me, Lily. It was conditioning. I've never seen someone so far under. And I should have realized, should have controlled myself, but... The hooks are in deep."

Gabriella's heart pounded against her ribcage. He was right. Even when not under the curse, she felt an inexplicable rush at each mention of Bellatrix's name...like a pet for her master.

"Is there anything we can do?"

"I can't let Bellatrix hurt her, Lily," he said desperately. "She's right. This is my fault."

"Sirius, think about what you're saying! You would really turn to keep her alive? Do you really think she would be any safer?"

There was silence.

Gabriella shivered again and Lily opened the door a moment later, green eyes still wide with shock as she handed the pale robes in to Gabriella.

"Come on out when you've dressed," Lily said in her kindest voice, closing the door again.

Gabriella dressed methodically, barely feeling the fabric on her skin. When she finished she stepped out of the bathroom. Sirius was not there, and Lily stepped forward offering her arm. Gabriella took it, gripping the pale white flesh and closing her eyes as Lily transported them to St. Mungo's.

"May I help you?" the welcome witch drawled.

"Yes, hello," Lily said brightly. "Had a bit of an accident. I've fixed her as best I can, but I want to be certain-"

"Spell damage or non-magical?"

Lily hesitated, maybe for one of the only times in her life.

"Non-magical," Gabriella croaked.

"Have a seat and a Healer will be with you shortly," the witch said, waving at some chairs, scribbling a memo and then sending it off, going back to her crossword puzzle.

Several minutes later...

"Hello, I'm Healer Lane, how may I - Lily?"

Lily sighed.

"Thank Merlin it's you, Laci. Let's get her somewhere we can talk privately."

Gabriella was rushed off to a private room, and the Healer said, "Lacibella Lane, Miss McPeak."

"Pleasure," Gabriella lied, thinking of how this woman might know her face when Gabriella was sure she'd never met her. Lily proceeded to tell the Order Healer the whole story.

"Well, it's a good thing Sirius had his wits together enough to call in help," Healer Lane said, running a quick diagnostic spell. "The tissue damage was extensive, but you got most of it, Lily. Let me just... There. Now, I'll call in this French guy and-"

"You've slept with him, haven't you?" Gabriella asked, raising her eyebrow at the blonde Healer.

There had been a picture of Gabriella in Sirius's room, from when they'd been together.

Lily looked ready to chide Gabriella but the Healer just nodded.

"Yes, I have," she said calmly. "Many times."

"You shouldn't," Gabriella spat. "He's-"

"A man, no more, no less," the Healer said with a smirk. "I know what I'm doing, princess. I don't need pure blood to know how to handle a man. I'm an Order member. I know what he's like. I know I'll always be second best."

Gabriella just scowled at the woman who ushered Lily out. Second best, or third, or fourth, or fifth, or...

He was still doing it. Lacibella Lane could play proud all she wanted, but what kind of woman did that make _her_, enabling him, letting him use women? Gabriella punched the pillow she held, pretending it was Sirius's face.

About an hour later, her French mental Healer walked into the room, frowning.

"You've been briefed," she muttered. It wasn't a question.

"Yes," he said gently. "But I want to hear it from you."

So Gabriella told him every detail, finding that strangely she did not cry. She did not feel anything at all.

"Is he right?" she asked softly. "About the curse."

Her Healer just looked at her solemnly for a moment.

"Yes," he said slowly. "There is little and perhaps nothing I can do to reverse the damage. I will do some research. But I do want you to be as safe as possible. I can arrange to have you returned to France as a patient, although you would not really be a patient. If you would like."

"No, I can't," she said firmly. "I'm staying in England."

His eyes were dark and concerned but he nodded slowly.

"I want you to be safe," he said softly.

Gabriella shook her head and smiled at him sadly.

"You've obviously never met Bellatrix Lestrange," she said wryly. "If she wants me dead I'm not safe on the continent. On any continent." She snorted. "Look, I don't want my parents to worry. I don't want to get sucked into this mess. I mean, it's not like I've got much of a choice now, but I'd rather just live my life, you know?"

He nodded again.

"Why did you call me in, then?"

Gabriella could feel her hands beginning to shake.

"Because," she said softly. "Because I'm afraid. And...and I know you could hear that and not give me advice on how to live my life." She could feel tears on her face, but he did not move and she was grateful. "I'm just afraid."

He nodded once more.

"It's okay to be afraid," he said, tilting his head slightly. "I would be more concerned, I think, if you weren't."

Gabriella lay back against her pillows and nodded.

"I'm not crazy," she said softly.

"You never were," he said. "You were simply in more pain than you could handle on our own. Be careful, Gabriella. Help is not always a bad thing."

"The kind of help with strings is," she sighed. "But then, it all has strings, doesn't it?"

He smiled at her.

"Some people's help always has strings, yes. But your friend, Mrs. Potter is it now? I suspect her help has no strings but ones you imagine. Just because you've been used and hurt, Gabriella, does not mean every person you have dealings with will attempt to use you or hurt you."

"I think Rabastan Lestrange was one of the people who raped me," she blurted out suddenly. She began crying with renewed vigor, and this time he sat on the bed beside her, wrapping his arms around her and letting her cry into his shoulder. His strong hand ran through her hair, untangling the wilting curls with deft fingers.

"Tell me about it," he said gently, continuing to pet her hair once the curls were smoothed and untangled.

"His voice," she explained. "I haven't heard it since that day, but I remember it clearly from my memories of when I was briefly conscious." She shivered. "I felt so dirty when I was on his arm."

"Shh," he said, holding her more tightly. "I've got you, Gabriella. I've got you. Nobody's going to hurt you when I'm here."

"I've never asked," she muttered when she'd calmed several minutes later, "what your first name is."

He smiled at her, still petting her hair.

"It's Rylan," he said, holding her closer again. "You can call me Rylan, if it pleases you, if you're not my patient."

She closed her eyes. She'd not thought about the fact that she technically wasn't his patient. What did it mean, then, that he was holding her as she cried?

"Are you feeling better?" he asked. Gabriella nodded. "Good. I'm going to see about getting you checked out of this place. Do you feel up to my taking you home?"

Gabriella nodded again and he kissed her forehead, slipping out of the room to leave her alone with her thoughts.

Had things changed between her and Rylan? He'd held her while she cried in France sometimes.

But he'd never kissed her on the forehead before. Surely he was just being friendly and comforting, right?

"I just need you to sign some forms," a Healer-in-Training said brightly, and Gabriella signed them without reading them, anxious to leave.

Rylan returned about fifteen minutes later, helping her out of bed, handing his coat to her, which she put on, and offering his arm. She took it and they Disapparated.

The pair landed in Godric's Hollow and Rylan ushered her inside McPeak Manor, taking his jacket from her as she peeled it off.

"Gabriella!" her mother cried. "Oh, thank Merlin! James said you got splinched! He's in the drawing room."

She raised an eyebrow at her mother. "James is?" she asked.

"Yes, yes, he wanted to see you made it home all right," her mother explained. "Won't you two come and warm up? Dinner will be in half an hour."

Gabriella realized she had not eaten all day and she was starving.

"I really don't think," Rylan began.

"Nonsense," her mother chided. "I'm not sending you back to France on an empty stomach. Up you get!"

Rylan smiled.

"It seems I have no choice," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "I should be delighted to be a guest at your table, Mrs. McPeak."

The three of them went up the stairs and down the hall to the drawing room where James was sitting with Gabriella's father, sipping firewhiskey.

"Gabby!" James cried, nearly spilling his drink as he scrambled to his feet to hug her. "So much blood! I'm so glad you're all right!"

Her father frowned.

"Why did a mental Healer come all the way from France for a splinching?" he asked, confused.

"Why indeed?" asked a soft voice from the shadows.

Gabriella turned to see Albus Dumbledore's blue eyes watching Rylan carefully in the half light.

"They wanted to ensure that she suffered no lasting emotional damage, considering her history and the stressful nature of extensive splinching," Rylan lied easily, not looking at Dumbledore, but at Gabriella's father. "She's fine."

"Good," James sighed, hugging her once more. "I'm afraid I can't stay for dinner, Mrs. McPeak. Lily will be expecting me home, you see, and-"

"Go, go," her mother replied happily. "Tell your wife that you're both welcome here anytime. You're still staying, headmaster?"

He smiled graciously as James left.

"I couldn't possibly miss the opportunity for such company, Madam McPeak. Am I underdressed?"

"Nonsense," Gabriella's father snorted. "We don't like making guests dress for dinner without proper warning, Albus. We're not complete barbarians."

The five of them chattered with a loose sort of comfort that felt suffocating and fake to Gabriella until her mother declared that dinner was served in the dining room. The five of them sat at the long table, Gabriella across from Rylan, her mother from Dumbledore, her father at the head of the table as always.

"I must say, Rylan," Professor Dumbledore said with a smile, "when I told you to treat Gabriella case with utmost importance I didn't expect for you to follow her to England."

There were laughs around the table, which made Gabriella feel better, but she was still uneasy because she knew Dumbledore was getting at precisely what caused her disquiet at St. Mungo's.

Rylan seemed unfazed, however. He said, "I put three years of hard work into her psyche, Albus. Some of my finest work. I'm not going to let it go to waste because of a little accident."

Gabriella's father was cutting his steak and he asked, "Have you treated many cases like Gabby?"

"Daddy," Gabriella said, blushing.

"To be honest, Mr. McPeak," Rylan said slowly, "most cases at least resemble Gabriella's by the time they are brought to us. But you don't need me to tell you that there is nobody quite like your daughter."

After dinner, Gabriella saw Rylan out, who cited the need to return to France for his departure before a nightcap, which her father had tried to insist upon.

"Take care of yourself, Gabriella," he said gently, putting on his coat. "Please."

She nodded, letting him wrap her up in another warm hug. Then he kissed her forehead, took a step back, and kissed her hand lingeringly before letting go and immediately turning on his heel and leaving her standing alone in the cold foyer.

At least, she thought she was alone.

"He is twice your age, my dear."

She did not even bother looking at her former headmaster this time.

"I never asked," she said coolly. "It never really came up when he was teaching me not to hate myself."

The usually twinkling blue eyes were hard and cold as ice when she turned to face him.

"You do not understand, Gabriella, the power that you hold with the men who become entranced with you. If you are not careful you will ruin them all."

Gabriella met his gaze, determined not to let him win.

"And what about me?" she whispered. "You know there was no splinching, professor. What will become of me?"

"I can protect you, Miss McPeak."

"It's your fault!" she hissed. "You pushed me into the job that put me easily in her reach! I hadn't seen Bellatrix in _years_."

Dumbledore frowned.

"She would have found you regardless-"

"Yes," Gabriella replied bitterly, closing the door and wrapping her arms about herself. "And the same goes in the future. If she wants me, she will find me. You can't protect me without separating me from my family, and I am not willing to go through that, not again."

His eyes softened and he took a small step forward, not touching her or reaching out, just looking at her with a pity that made her feel sick.

"Even though it made you well again, you would still hate me for sending you to France?" he said sadly. "You have trust in Rylan. You are healthier, happier, better equipped to handle this war. Why are you still so bitter?"

Gabriella shook her head slightly, trying to think about how to best express her anger.

"I am grateful," she said honestly. "I am glad to be well again. But you ripped me from my home, you separated me from everything I knew and everyone I loved. I don't hate you," she admitted. "But I don't trust you, professor. I know what I want and what I value, and I can't trust you to let me follow my convictions if you see some greater purpose to sacrifice my desires toward."

He nodded. He wasn't going to tell her outright that everyone was a pawn to him, but she knew it nonetheless.

"I will warn you," he whispered, "that Rylan could easily become too attached for his own good. I do not think that, for his sake, it would be safe to allow him to be so devoted to you. My recommendation is to keep professional distance, at least until the war is over and your life is more stable."

Gabriella shivered.

"And when do you think this war will be over?" she asked softly.

If anyone knew, it would be Albus Dumbledore. He knew everything, saw everything. He was the only one Voldemort feared, the only one who seemed to understand this Lord who waged war on all those not expressly devoted to him and his ideals.

But he just shook his head.

"Merlin help us that it be soon, Miss McPeak."


	27. Harry James Potter

When Barnabas Cuffe received from Albus Dumbledore the news that Gabriella had been splinched on the way to Lestrange Manor and was recovering, he sent apologies and assurance that she would be allowed to fully recover before working. He also sent a fruit basket and two gaudy bouquets.

Gabriella made a point of not going to parties without either Megan or Chara accompanying her. She considered asking James, but bringing a known Order member with her would have stamped her politically in a way that would have hurt her work and made her life more difficult in general. Chara had suggested that Gabriella bring Vin sometimes, but Gabriella didn't think she could count on Vin to be there for her in the same way as his sister.

When she needed Healing for any reason, Gabriella turned to Gillian, who was in the second year of her training. She didn't want to put her life and health in the hands of Healer Lane, or any other Healer who might be sleeping with Sirius Black.

Bellatrix did not speak to Gabriella in the months that passed, although she would occasionally smirk at Gabriella from across a room. In such moments Gabriella would become flustered and feel flushed, forgetting where she was and what she was doing and feel an urge to do something to be closer to Bellatrix. She knew she was being toyed with and was seriously attacked, but Gabriella did not want to take any risks where Bellatrix was concerned. This was why she brought friends.

She went into The Daily Prophet as little as possible, not feeling very comfortable around Cuffe, particularly after what Dumbledore had said about men who were 'entranced' with her. She saw him about once a week, at most, and would have appreciated once a month.

Spare time was spent with family, occasionally the Potters, Chara, Gillian, or Megan, and Rylan had been coming over from France increasingly often to meet up with her in Muggle cafes and pubs secretly. They'd never discussed the secrecy of it, but the unspoken rules seemed to hang on the air between them, regardless.

One such afternoon in mid-January of 1980, Gabriella sat with Rylan in a pub in Brighton, sitting closer than usual because of the crowd.

"Lily is pregnant," Gabriella informed him as she considered her wine. Her tone of voice suggested she'd told him nothing more consequential or interesting than her favorite color. "She wasn't going to tell me yet, but she wouldn't take any wine at dinner last night and my mum guessed it. Due in early August."

Rylan moved a bit closer, his hand almost touching hers.

"How do you feel about it?" he said in her ear.

Gabriella shrugged.

"The baby or her not telling me?" she asked.

"Both."

She took a long drink of her wine, gathering her thoughts.

"I'm very happy for her," Gabriella admitted, squinting slightly through the smoky air. "And I was initially upset that she hadn't told me sooner, but I know why. They're going to make Sirius the godfather and she and James were still trying to decide whether or not to bother asking me to be godmother. Apparently they decided against it."

Rylan moved even closer, one arm around the back of her chair so that he was barely touching her shoulders, the other hand brushing against hers. His eyes were locked firmly with hers.

"Do you want to be a mother?"

Gabriella closed her eyes and thought of her niece, thought of the smile children brought to her. Then she thought of Bellatrix's fingernails on her abdomen and the strange weightlessness of the butcher knife.

"I'm not sure," she admitted, eyes still closed. "It's something I wouldn't even want to consider until the war is done, anyway."

Rylan's fingers interlocked with hers and she opened her eyes slowly, looking down at their hands. It was not the fire of Sirius's touch, but a pleasant tingle covered her hand. She looked up at his eyes once more, Dumbledore's warnings echoing in her head.

This was certainly beyond the bounds of a professional relationship.

"I think you would make a wonderful mother," he said firmly. Gabriella fought the urge to back away from his intensity.

"When I'm officially free of Bellatrix," she snorted, but Rylan did not laugh with her. He leaned closer, the scotch on his breath filling her nostrils.

"Being a mother involves compassion, caring for others above yourself, careful attention to others, a willingness of self-sacrifice. Your abundance of those qualities is a large part of what led to the emotional imbalance that made you ill." He smiled. "And I think you would look radiant with a pregnant glow."

Gabriella just swallowed, staring at him. Things were fast leaving the realm of professionalism, but she didn't know anymore if that was good or bad.

He leaned closer, his forehead touching hers for a brief moment. When she didn't pull away he adjusted, pressing his lips softly to hers.

It was nothing like kissing Remus or Sirius. No desperation, no demands, no expectations at all. It was just a sweet, gentle, closed-mouthed kiss, her heart racing and his warmth permeating the smoke around them. Was this transference? Was this that thing where people became attracted to their therapists for the wrong reasons?

The more Gabriella thought about the kiss over the following days the more she realized that transference was a bit closer to what had happened with Remus, forming emotions and actions based on his acceptance of her. She'd not even realized she was attracted to Rylan until he had kissed her.

The kiss was repeated, once that night and many times over the course of the coming months. Rylan and Gabriella were no less secretive about meeting, but it had gone from drinks and lunches to dinners and long afternoons doing nothing. The kisses grew less restrained, but there was still no demand in them. If there had been, Gabriella likely would have stopped the kisses altogether.

They were always in public, in Muggle cities across the UK, and so nothing had developed to the point of no return. Gabriella had the urge to tell someone about it, but it couldn't be just anyone, so she resolved to tell Lily when she went to visit them for dinner, when James and other guests were not around.

It was the evening of the 30th of July and Lily was an absolute planet. Gabriella was having dinner with the Potters, Gillian, Peter, and Lawson at the Potter Manor. James was telling them that they were thinking of moving to a smaller place in the village once the baby came, just for safety reasons. Gabriella had chosen this as the night when she would finally tell Lily about her relations with Rylan as the conversation continued.

About halfway through the genial meal, though, Lily's fork fell onto her plate abruptly.

"Are you all right, love?" James asked nervously.

"Fine, it slipped," Lily said brightly, but Gabriella could see that beads of sweat had begun to form on her friend's brow.

"You're not fine," Gillian snapped, getting out of her seat right away. "She's going into labor. Lawson, Peter, get her to her bedroom. Gabby, get me a bunch of towels and a bucket of water and bring them to us. James, call whoever you need to call."

"Laci," Lily moaned.

"She's working tonight," Gillian said gently. "It would be suspicious to call her out. Don't worry, delivering babies is one of the things I'm allowed to do unsupervised at this point. Gabby? Towels."

Gabriella sprang into action, gathering all of the towels in the nearest bathroom, taking them to the bedroom, conjuring a bucket and quickly using her wand to fill it with water. Lily and Gillian were in their own world so Gabriella went to the sitting room to find James pacing and the other Marauders sitting on the pair of loveseats, the only available spot beside Sirius.

"Lawson went home," Remus said softly, not looking at her, and Gabriella hesitated, wondering if she, too, ought to leave.

Then James sighed, "I'm so glad you're here, Gabby. Lily hardly has anyone left and I... Sit! Sit, don't wear yourself out."

So her mind was made up for her, both to stay and indeed to take that empty seat beside Sirius, whose hands were shaking.

They stayed like that for a long while, the four of them sitting while James paced, and then about an hour later Lily shrieked so loud that James went dead pale, frozen in his tracks.

Without a word he ran out of the room. After about twenty minutes of increasingly long, horrific screaming, Gillian poked her head in and said, "It's going to be a hard labor. You might want to pick out bedrooms."

She was gone as quick as she came and Remus went to follow her advice, muttering something about tea. Peter left about five minutes later, claimed his mother was expecting.

Gabriella was just about to move to the other loveseat when Sirius shifted, his hand accidently brushing hers.

She wanted to think it was the curse that caused the knot of desire she'd felt at his touch and that had made her then run her fingertips up this thigh.

"Gabby," he sighed.

She wasn't listening. She had a vague memory in her mind of how he felt inside her and she could already feel her neck growing hot at the thought.

He swallowed so that his Adam's apple visibly shifted in relation to the skin of his throat for a brief moment. She could vaguely hear Dumbledore's warning echoing in her head, but it was so hard to think when Sirius was kissing her.

They had stood up, his hands running down her sides as her arms wrapped around his neck. His eyes were slammed shut, as if seeing the heat in them would make her skittish, or perhaps his gazing on her would make him remember why he shouldn't be holding her.

His hands moved under her shirt and she gasped, suddenly very aware that she was making out with Sirius while Lily was in labor, making sounds that didn't even seem human.

"I slept with my therapist," she blurted out.

Sirius snorted.

"No, you didn't," he said dismissively.

Gabriella bit her lip, frustrated. There he went again, just discounting what she said. Sure, it was a lie, but he had no real way of knowing. To him it wasn't true because he didn't want it to be.

"Maybe not," she said coolly, "but we do make out a few times a week." Sirius's fingers curled into her sides angrily and she expected him to pull away, but he returned to kissing her neck. Gabriella growled, "How was Lacibella? Or is?"

His eyes were open now, and through all of the haze filling her she could not decipher the strange mix of emotions she saw in them.

"Did you expect for me to wait for you?" he asked bitterly. "Is that what you wanted, for me to be celibate for three fucking years while you were drugged up in France not writing to me and apparently giving your therapist wet dreams?"

She ignored the stab at the end.

"Remus did."

Sirius snorted.

"I've got news for you, princess, Remus would have been celibate anyway. is that why you slept with him at the wedding? Because he pined for you?"

"It's really none of your business," she said coldly. "But I suppose I slept with him because he loves me."

"I love you!" Sirius snapped, pushing her back against the wall, his hands clasped around her wrists and pinning her there, even though his body was pressed against her.

"After all the lies you've told me?" she said with a hollow laugh. "Why should I believe you? How can I believe you?"

His face was so close to hers, his lips grazing hers and making her dizzy, but they just lingered, not really kissing.

"It would be so easy," he whispered, "for me to keep you safe. So easy..."

"We both know that's not really why you're considering her offer, Sirius," Gabriella hissed. "You can play the noble Gryffindor all you want, and I'm sure that's why she framed it how she did. But you're not so different from your family, are you? She promised you something you can no longer get on your own. And she promised me just how you want me, loyal, devoted, mindless... Unable to ask questions and unable to walk away." Gabriella smirked as his fingers tightened around her wrists. "You're bright enough to do it on your own, Sirius. Love potions may not be quite the same, but they're legal. Of course, you know the myths about children conceived under love potions. Maybe that's it. That's why you didn't drug me at the wedding. Do you want me to have your pureblooded bastard children, Sirius?"

He hissed.

"Maybe I should just let her kill you," he said coldly. "Maybe that's what you want, right? Suicidal bitch. Or is it the attention? Is that why you won't accept Order protection? Or are you jealous that I'm fucking Laci? You know, she didn't mind when I called your name as I came, but you never did like sharing, did you? Is that what you like about your fucking therapist, that you have his undivided attention? You probably miss France, fucking psychopath that you are!"

No, this was her proof. He hadn't changed, not at all, and hating him was perhaps the best decision she'd ever made.

Remus cleared his throat from the doorway, his face pale, holding a tea tray, eyebrows raised.

"I know I'm going to regret asking this," he said as Sirius backed away from Gabriella, who rubbed her wrists absently. "What happened?"

"Accident," Sirius muttered. "Got out of hand."

Gabriella sat down next to Remus, picking up the tea he'd prepared for her and not looking at Sirius. She didn't want to know what emotions were in his eyes.

Remus sighed, waiting for Lily's latest shriek to die out before saying, "Things are worse than I thought if you two can't be left alone for ten minutes without some sort of incident."

She shivered, knowing that he was talking about her inability to fight whatever programming Bellatrix had done to her, and Sirius's apparent inability to say no to even advances that he knew she didn't want to make.

They sat listening to the noise of the childbirth for hours, Gabriella and Remus taking turns making more tea for the three of them. Finally, at around one in the morning, Remus decided enough was enough.

"How do you like working for the _Prophet_, Gabby?" he asked genially.

She snorted.

"I hate it," she said dully, closing her eyes as another unearthly scream reached their ears.

"Oh," he said, shifting slightly when the scream faded. "I read a few of your pieces. They're very good."

This time Sirius snorted, but Gabriella ignored him, stirring her tea needlessly.

"It's pointless drivel and you know it," she sighed. "Merlin, if this takes too much longer Lily's going to lose her voice and we'll probably fall asleep and miss it all."

Remus got the hint that she did _not_ want to talk about work and they sat waiting for several more hours before the sounds Lily was making were replaced by a different sound.

"Was that...?" Sirius asked breathlessly.

"I think so," Remus murmured.

The baby cried again and the boys jumped to their feet in unison.

"Sit down," Gabriella snapped, rolling her eyes. "You are _not_ going to rush her. Lily isn't going to want to see anyone but James until she's had a chance to rest and clean up a bit. They'll send for us if they want us and not a minute before."

The boys sat sheepishly, and about an hour later James came in with a little bundle in his hands, face covered in sweat and a brilliant smile. His glasses were slipping off his nose as his friends crowded around the little newborn.

"We named him Harry James," James said proudly as little Harry closed his fist around Gabriella's proffered pinky. "Isn't he beautiful?"

The trio breathed various responses in the affirmative and Sirius muttered, "He's so tiny."

It was true. Gabriella had long known that newborns were fragile and small, but it still struck her as remarkable every time.

"I mean, Lily was _huge_."

Gabriella snorted, taking the small child from James so that he could wipe his face and glasses.

"As usual, Sirius, no tact," she murmured, cradling the bundle of Harry in her arms, smiling as Sirius bit back his retort under a stern look from Remus. James didn't seem to notice the tension amongst his friends, which Gabriella was grateful for. Nothing should spoil this night for him.

"Here," James said. "I'll take him back. Lily wants you, Gabby. She's exhausted, but I won't put it past her to get enough strength together to skin me if I don't send you in."

Gabriella laughed, kissing James's cheek and handing Harry back, leaving the boys to be boys. Gillian was helping Lily clean up when Gabriella entered, grinning.

"You did great, Lily," Gabriella said happily. "That's a beautiful baby."

Lily gave a weak laugh, lying back on the fresh pillows.

"I think he's going to look like his mum," Gillian said happily, combing Lily's hair.

"He'll look like James," Gabriella said without thinking, realizing that she'd just accidentally prophesied. "I mean, just a guess. Too early to tell, really."

"Oh, James will be unbearable if you're right," Lily moaned. "He wanted so badly to name him James Jr. He'll say it's proof that I should have let him." Ah, James. He'd matured so many ways, but at the core he was still the same little boy Gabriella had always known. "Anyway," Lily sighed, smiling weakly, "I wanted to know that you were okay, Gabby. Alone with the boys for hours..."

"I'm fine," Gabby assured her. Lily was too tired to hear the lie in her voice.

"Stay the night," Lily muttered. "Any room you want. I'll want to see you again after I've had a bit of sleep."

Gabriella nodded, kissing Lily's cheek and going out into the east wing, finding a guest room she'd never used before. She sighed, finger-combing her hair and writing a quick note to tell her mother that she was sleeping over. The tea and adrenaline began to wear off and she curled up in the large bed, not bothering to take off her clothes or anything.

She was asleep in moments and slept more peacefully than usual.

The next morning Gabriella took a quick shower, helped herself to breakfast, and had a brief chat with the exhausted new parents. She said nothing about Rylan, nothing about Sirius.

This time was for the Potter family. She would say things later, but nothing could be allowed to encroach on this. Nothing.

She told them she'd visit them again, even promised to help them settle into the cottage JAmes had closed the purchase of that morning.

"I've got a lunch with Batty," Gabriella informed them sleepily when they tried to insist she stay longer. "I'm trying to get a more respectable job. I've got to make myself took awake and presentable before I go."

Gabriella passed Sirius on her way out and felt only emptiness.


	28. The Beginning of the End

Nothing amounted from attempts to get out of journalism and Gabriella became resigned to her place as a social writer for _The Daily Prophet_. She managed to thoroughly avoid being around Sirius, and even Lily stopped attempting to push them together when she learned of how badly their last encounter had ended.

"I think he does love you, you know," Lily said resolutely.

Gabriella just shook her head and said, "It really doesn't matter at this point, Lily."

Things in the war and the Order seemed to get worse and worse as months went by. More people died. The Healer Sirius had been sleeping with went mad, and tried to castrate him while he slept, and then killed herself when he woke up before she could do more than give him an uncomfortable wound. Lily wanted to say Lacibella Lane had been cursed, but they'd found no evidence for it, and Gabriella was pretty sure that it was her finally giving in to her pain at Sirius's nature.

Lawson ignored everyone's pleas that he focus on school and began touring with his music on the weekends. That was how they found out that Margaret was dead, but Lawson wouldn't tell Gabriella any details, if he knew them.

Ron got married to some girl Parker and Gillian agreed was an absolute shrew. Gabriella wasn't invited to the wedding, not that she would have gone, and every time she saw him in public he seemed more and more tired and hen-pecked.

Gabriella grew increasingly attached to Rylan, and it was actually when she was at a wizarding pub with him for the first time that Irving walked over, likely a little drunk, and he sat down, watching her.

"It's good to see you, Gabby," he said. She'd never seen him so focused on her before, like nothing else in the room was real. It put her a little on edge. For a brief moment she wondered if he wasn't under the Imperius Curse, but his eyes seemed normal, only a bit bloodshot.

"Irving," she said pleasantly, her hand on Rylan's leg squeezing gently. "What a surprise!"

"Marry me."

She blinked.

Was that actually what he said, or was it the wine talking? Then she began to wonder if maybe _he_ wasn't a figment of the wine entirely.

"Gabby, I was an idiot," he explained, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. "I've been through three girlfriends since I last saw you, and every time I would find myself comparing them to you. None of them measured up. I...I know we're different people and it won't be easy, but I want you to marry me."

It was so strange, hearing the things she'd spent years of her life dreaming of. Irving Tillotson, the man she had long thought was the love of her life, proposing to her. For a split second her heart soared as she thought of all her fantasies about their life together. But she wasn't that girl anymore. She couldn't even recognize the woman in those fantasies as herself. And she realized she'd forgotten all about Irving since coming back from France.

"Irving, I'm sorry," she said as gently as possible. "I can't marry you. I think you know that. I can't make your life better just by taking your name." His face was falling fast. "We don't even know each other anymore, Irving. It wouldn't make sense."

He just stared at her for a moment as if not believing what he was hearing. Finally, he laughed nervously and said, "You're kidding, right? This is a prank for all the years I ignored you?"

Gabriella blinked once more.

Her turning down a proposal with carefully considered reasons was somehow more a joke than his coming up to her after years of not even speaking and proposing first thing? Perhaps this was all some strange dream, she thought as she gaped at him.

Rylan squeezed her hand gently under the table.

"Forgive me," he said to Irving, "but that sounded nothing like a joke to me. It sounded like a refusal."

Irving looked over Rylan for the first time, obviously weighing his next move in his mind. Apparently, he didn't seem Rylan as a threat because he puffed himself up and said with all sorts of bravado, "And just who are you, then?"

Rylan raised an eyebrow at the childish display and Gabriella could sense tension building in the air as people turned to look at them.

"He's my-"

"Boyfriend," Rylan finished assertively, taking his hand from hers and putting his arm around her. It was a surprisingly aggressive display from a man who was typically so passive, and she was glad Irving turned on the spot and left before something stupid happened.

To her surprise, Rylan immediately got a room at the inn above the pub and took her upstairs, taking off his coat as he kissed her. Her head spun with the momentum of it all. They'd only ever kissed and suddenly his hands were holding her tightly, possessively, pressing their bodies together.

She did feel aroused as they stripped, as he backed up to the bed, as his fingers lovingly caressed her skin. There was still no fire, no consuming passion, but she reacted to his touch and she enjoyed the sounds he made at her touch.

Still, Gabriella did not climax, and it bothered her so much more than it had with Remus. Perhaps it was because she remembered what it felt like to writhe with uncontrollable ecstasy beneath Sirius. Perhaps it was because she wanted it so much with Rylan, almost to the point of expecting it.

As they lay tangled in the white linen sheets, his fingers running absently through her hair, he whispered, "I used to come in to check on you in France when you were unconscious, medicated. I would run all the tests and update your file, but I would get caught up in the look on your face when you were sleeping, so peaceful and almost happy. I wanted so badly to make you better, to make you happy. I don't even know when I started to fall in love with you, but the longer you stayed, the harder I fell, and I couldn't stand the thought of you leaving, but I also wanted you to go because it would mean I had succeeded and you were happy again."

She listened to the sound of his heartbeat for a long while, not saying anything, not even really sure that there was anything to say. Finally, she lifted her head from his chest and pressed her lips gently to his. It was a simple, brief kiss, and Gabriella then rested her head on his chest once more.

Maybe there was no fire, but there was _something_. Fire burns. With Rylan, she felt safe.

Still, she kept it fairly secretive, meeting with him regularly for dinner or drinks or a shag. He was part of her routine, safe and familiar and comforting.

But just as she received one comfort, another was ripped from her.

"What do you mean, hiding?" Gabriella asked Lily, who was bouncing Harry on her knee. He'd had his first birthday the week before and Gabriella was bringing a belated gift. "I mean, you're already not allowed to leave the house. James is going _mad_!"

"I heard that!" James called from the kitchen.

Lily pursed her lips.

"It won't be right away," she said. "A couple of months, maybe. There's still a few things the Order might need James for, and I think Albus doesn't like our choice of Secret-Keeper, so it will take some convincing."

"You're using a Fidelus?" Gabriella asked. It made sense for hiding from such a powerful wizard, but she didn't ask who the Secret-Keeper was. She was fairly certain she already knew and she was inclined to agree with Dumbledore on this.

Whatever his friendship with James, Sirius Black was not the type to count on.

Gabriella didn't have to say anything, though.

"He's different about you," Lily said, frowning slightly at Gabriella's abdomen. Gabriella hadn't realized that she was absently stroking the spot she'd stabbed herself. She stopped abruptly, taking a gurgling Harry from his mother. "You bring the best in him," Lily said.

"And the worst," Gabriella snorted, recalling the anger in his eyes as he held her against the wall the day Harry was born.

They said nothing for a while, Gabriella playing peek-a-boo with a delighted Harry. Eventually, James came in and said, "So, Gabby, thank your mum for the cakes, yeah? She sent about six."

Gabriella nodded, saying she would and handing Harry over to his father, who was already pulling his most ridiculous faces in anticipation of holding his son. She wondered into the kitchen and Lily followed, putting the kettle on.

"Something's on your mind," Lily said when she sat across from her friend with steaming mugs of tea. "Talk."

The problem was, now that she had an opening, Gabriella really didn't want to talk about Rylan with Lily. Still, even that made a question stand out in her mind, a question she'd been meaning to ask.

"Why did you choose James?"

Lily snorted.

"I think we both know _he_ chose _me_," Lily teased. She smiled then thoughtfully and said, "I don't know. I guess when he grew up a bit and I realized, I also realized he had everything I could want... Attractive, loyal, talented, funny. But I guess I knew he was the one when my dad liked him. My father spent years insisting that nobody would ever be good enough, and then the very day he met James he said he wanted him as a son-in-law."

"But how did you know you were in love?" Gabriella pressed. "What did you _feel_?"

Lily raised her eyebrows, just staring at Gabriella for a long moment, but then she said, "I'm going to tell you what my mother told me. Love feels different for everyone, Gabby. James, he feels comfortable. I have a warm buzz every time he touches me. But my mum, she didn't feel anything like that with my dad, but I've never met two people more in love. M-Marlene and Fabian, before they died, they were always in a whirl of passion. She told me she felt fire every time they touched, like a burn. But you don't need it to be in love."

That wasn't what Gabriella wanted to hear, but it seemed to be all Lily was willing to give.

The problem was Gabriella had yet to tell Rylan that she loved him. He didn't seem to expect it, and he didn't seem hurt at all, but she still couldn't seem to say it. And they'd been together after a fashion for more than a year. Shouldn't she have said it by this point?

But the answers she needed didn't seem to exist. At least, not outside of her, and inside of her was still something of a mystery.

She spent that night wrapped up with Rylan, still struggling with her emotions. Or lack of emotions.

"I love you," he whispered, placing gentle kisses on her skin, between her breasts and collarbone.

The real problem, she knew, wasn't necessarily that she hadn't said she loved him, but that she had found a ring in his pocket when he showered one morning. What he was waiting for she couldn't begin to say, but she knew he was planning to propose, and judging by the expense of the ring he was very, very serious about it.

And she had no idea what her answer would be.

She trusted her father's judgment, but the thought of telling her parents about her relationship with Rylan made her feel nauseous.

The more she tried to imagine what life would be like with him, as his wife, in France, the fuzzier it all got. The bits that were clear did not make her feel like she could marry. In fact, she was increasingly terrified of the whole concept.

He continued to not propose, so she continued her pattern of behavior, and even spent more and more nights with him once Lily and James were in proper hiding and Gabriella could no longer visit them. She was in his arms on the night of Halloween, for example, his fingers tangling up in her hair, her nails digging into his back. She still hadn't climaxed with him, but she'd gotten good at convincing him she had.

There was no convincing herself, though, and as she collapsed in a tangle of limbs and sheets with him again, yet again unsatisfied. He snuggled close against her, murmuring a steady stream of how much he loved her. Guilt and confusion began building up in her chest again and she was saved from these emotions by the most unlikely of sources.

An owl was at the window.

Gabriella ignored Rylan's grumbles and protests and took the letter, which she immediately recognized to be from Cuffe. She nearly dropped the parchment as she read it, the world around her spinning suspiciously.

"What is it?" Rylan asked, sitting up as she sat on the bed to steady herself. "What's wrong?"

"Lily and James are dead," she said, feeling confusion and emptiness in her chest. "And apparently, somehow, Harry destroyed Voldemort."

Rylan was silent for a moment.

"Harry? You mean Harry Potter? The _baby_?"

Gabriella nodded, getting up and pulling on her clothes.

"Gabriella-"

"They need me at the office," she explained hollowly. "All hands... Big news, you know."

"Gabriella, wait, I need-"

But she was already gone. She knew what he "needed" to say, that he'd been waiting for the end of the war to propose. It was suddenly so clear to her, and she could not look at him, could not hear it... Not now, not with Lily and James gone forever.

She stayed at _The Daily Prophet_ while others throughout the wizarding world celebrated. The entire first of November, she slaved away at her desk, drafting her own articles, peer editing those of others, politely declining Barnabas Cuffe's offers for celebratory drinks.

"What's this?" she asked in the middle of the night, thirty hours in, when Barnabas solemnly slipped her someone's draft article. He said nothing and her eyes grazed the parchment.

At first, she felt sick to her stomach.

On top of Lily James, Peter Pettigrew was also dead. Along with him, a dozen Muggles, innocent bystanders.

And Sirius Black did it. He laughed as law enforcement dragged him away from the scene.

Gabriella's eyes turned to the picture, a close-up of Sirius laughing after the crime, a crazed gleam in his gray eyes. A sober sort of crazy, the most terrifying sort. She'd seen it before, after he'd killed Kent, the night he pushed her against the wall of the Potter's sitting room and said he could keep her safe.

She felt sick all over again.

This was why she was still alive, why Bellatrix had left her alone. Sirius took the offer after all, too interested in the offer of Gabriella, mindlessly obedient, on a silver platter. How long until she would have been delivered to him for faithful service? She shivered.

Curious about his trial date, she turned back to the article. And then her lips twisted into a grin.

Because of so many witnesses and private testimony from Albus Dumbledore, Sirius had been thrown directly in Azkaban without a trial. And he would rot in there for the rest of his life. Gabriella made some quick surface edits, gathered it with the rest of her stack of completed work, and she carried the stack to Cuffe's office, knocking on the open door firmly.

"Come in," he said, smiling at her.

"Here," she said, carefully setting the stack on the corner of his desk. "I'm feeling a bit burnt out. Would it be all right if I go recharge and come back in the morning?"

"Of course!" Cuffe said happily. "Go rest. Rita's back in so we can spare you."

Gabriella sent a quick note to Gillian telling her where and when to meet, then went straight to the Hog's Head. Even the dingiest bar she knew was crowded it light of recent events, and she was sure _The Three Broomsticks_ was absolute chaos.

"Two firewhiskeys," she told the barkeep, watching Gillian walk through the door. "I just got off work," she told her friend. "You'll never guess what happened."

She told Gillian all about Sirius, watching her friend's face grow more and more alarmed.

"So he became a Death Eater?" she whispered. "And all of this is really because of you!"

Gabriella frowned.

"How do you figure?"

Somehow it sounded twistedly romantic when Gillian put it that way, and she didn't want it to sound romantic.

"Well, he betrayed Lily and James, didn't he? Killed all those people... Merlin knows what else. And all to keep you safe. But Harry, you know, he stopped You-Know-Who!"

Gabriella laughed.

"Yes, please," she said, drinking more firewhiskey, "explain to me how a baby who can't even speak defeats one of the most powerful Dark wizards of all time."

Gillian laughed as well, watching Gabriella drink.

"Dunno," she admitted. "But he did it. And he's got a lightning bolt scar on his forehead. Dumbledore took him to live with Lily's sister, only family he's got left now."

Gabriella winced. If she could have toughed out seeing Sirius more, she could have been Harry's godmother, and Harry wouldn't have had to stay with those terrible excuses for people.

A couple of drinks in Gabriella found herself telling Gillian all about Rylan, and in particular his impending proposal, which she was sure would occur the next time she saw him.

"What are you going to do?"

Gillian was obviously very excited by the whole thing.

Gabriella shrugged. She could vaguely recall Dumbledore's words that she need only stay professional until the war was over. She could do whatever she wanted now, but what should have been a comfort terrified her. She had no idea what she wanted.

Sensing Gabriella's panic, Gillian ordered more drinks and said, "What else would you do, if you didn't marry him? What more are you wanting?"

It was not a demand or derision. It was a simple question.

Suddenly, Gabriella knew what more she could want. She could almost feel Sirius's touch on her skin, the heat of his body surrounding her, the incredible sensation of climaxing with him as his voice cried out her name. She hated him, she could never trust him, but she had always loved him in spite of her best efforts.

She wanted to throw something.

Gillian seemed to read her mind, saying gently, "Even if things could have changed between you, Sirius is gone, Gabby. He's never coming back. You could spend your life looking for that feeling again and never find it. Rylan makes you happy. He loves you. He's safe and stable. What more could you want?"

Fire, passion, release...

But Gabriella didn't know how to tell her best friend that happiness wasn't necessarily enough. Gillian excused herself to the toilet and Gabriella got her fourth drink, mulling it all over as she felt the burn disappearing into her belly.

Perhaps Gabriella was being silly about nothing. It wouldn't be the first time. Was there anything so wrong with marrying Rylan? Gillian was right, if she'd never met Sirius she'd probably already have married him.

But if she'd never met Sirius, she might never have gone to France in the first place.

Gabriella took another long drink of firewhiskey, appreciating the warmth, and the dull sort of sensation it put in her head. It didn't make anything more clear, but she didn't feel anxious or confused anymore.

She took another drink.

Numb, perhaps. She felt a pleasant, buzzing sort of detachment from the busy bar around her and she put down her glass.

"Take my arm, little lamb."

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my fan, **_**Emeraldstorm7**_**. Only one more chapter, then an epilogue. Gabby's fate is nearly sealed! :D**

** -C**


	29. Head Games

Gabriella woke up on a rug on the floor of the Lestrange drawing room. She was shivering, but she didn't know why until a hand caressed her naked skin from her toes up to her chin.

"That Potter bitch knew her stuff," Rabastan's voice said bitterly. "I was hoping your little stunt would have left a scar."

"I like her better this way," Bellatrix said coldly. "As a starting point. Her skin looks like porcelain, like it would shatter if you stabbed it."

"You promised-"

"You'll have your fun," Bellatrix snapped. "And I'll have mine. There, now, see. The lamb is waking."

Gabriella felt both horrified and entranced. Her eyes were drawn to Bellatrix, who was watching her with a dangerously playful gleam in her eyes.

"Hello, lamb," Bellatrix teased. She ran a fingernail down the valley between Gabriella's breasts. Gabriella tried to rise, but Bellatrix shook her head and pressed a hand on her breast, holding her down. "No, no, no, don't get up, dear. I've got a few questions for you, lamb. You're going to answer them, aren't you?"

She really didn't have much of a choice.

Rabastan sat at the edge of the rug, his dark eyes watching the two women before him hungrily.

"I don't want," Gabriella choked, feeling fear rise up in her at the sight of Rabastan. Bellatrix began calming Gabriella once more and Rabastan got up and rank what proved to be Polyjuice Potion.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it was still Rabastan, but it was hard to remember that with Bellatrix soothing her and Sirius Black standing before her.

"Now," Bellatrix said, "where is the Dark Lord?"

Gabriella frowned, confused.

"Well, he's dead, isn't he?" she replied. "Everybody knows that."

Bellatrix slapped her sharply across the cheek, her fingernails slicing hot, painful lines across Gabriella's skin. She was vaguely aware of the warm, sticky blood on her face as she shivered.

"Now, lamb," Bellatrix whispered, "you're going to list all the spells the Potters used on their house and their persons."

"Fidelus Charm," Gabriella whimpered, fighting the urge to put her hand to her stinging cheek. She didn't want to see her own blood on her fingers.

"Go on," Bellatrix pressed.

"That's all I know," Gabriella insisted. "That's all I know, I swear!"

Bellatrix hissed, beginning to pace. Gabriella didn't know what the Lestranges were looking for, but she didn't think she could help them find it. Knowing Bellatrix, this didn't bode well.

"Names of all known Order members, pet," Bellatrix snapped.

Gabriella could fell her heart racing.

Remus. Frank Longbottom. People she knew and liked.

She felt both the pull of obeying Bellatrix and the urge to protect Remus. He was the only Marauder left. She closed her eyes and could see his burning amber eyes as he made love to her. She could hear his heartbeat in her ears, the heartbeat so distinct in its speed for his...condition. No matter what happened, she could not say his name.

"Should you curse her again?" Rabastan asked in Sirius's voice. Gabriella shivered again, waiting to feel another blank rush.

"No," Bellatrix said after a moment of consideration. "Have fun, Rabastan. Call me if she squeals. Just remember, if this doesn't work as you say it will, we're going back to my way."

Gabriella's eyes opened as Bellatrix left the room and the man who looked like Sirius approached her. He walked differently and Gabriella kept reminding herself that this wasn't him, that Sirius was in Azkaban and this man was her rapist.

"Hello, little lamb," Sirius's voice said. His fingers touched her skin leaving nothing but cold in their wake.

"Please," she whimpered. "Please, I don't know anything."

His wand was pointing between her eyebrows. She opened her mouth to beg again.

"_Obliviate._"

/-/

Gabriella woke up on a rug on the floor of the Lestrange sitting room. She was shivering, but she mostly noticed fingers pinching her nose as she choked down a potion that someone was pouring between her lips. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Sirius?" she said, confused.

"How do you feel?"

She sat up a bit with Sirius's help, gripping his shoulders when a wash of dizziness hit her.

Gabriella felt sore, disoriented, confused, and strangely aroused. She thought it might have to do with the fact that she was naked, unsure of where her clothes were.

"I don't know," she muttered. "My head hurts." His body neared hers. "What happened?"

"I had to," he whispered, pulling up his left sleeve. Her eyes widened as she saw the Dark Mark burning black on his once-flawless forearm. She swallowed, backing away, feeling the rug burning her skin. "They were torturing you. They were going to rape and kill you if I didn't. There was talk of giving you to Greyback as a toy."

She was growing more aroused. Gabriella couldn't understand why. She was upset with Sirius. He'd done the unthinkable, he'd...he'd...

He'd saved her the only way he could. At least, that was what he was telling her. Gabriella didn't know if she could believe any of it, but she didn't have much of a choice at this point. She nodded.

"I need to go away," he whispered. "They're sending me to take care of some things, but Rabastan promised to keep you safe for me. Okay? Trust him."

She began to shiver again.

"Don't leave me," she begged, clutching Sirius more tightly. "Don't leave me with them."

Sirius she couldn't trust, but the Lestranges were monsters. He smiled at her, leaning forward and kissing her with bruising force.

"I have to," he said. "There's no other way. Be a good girl and they won't hurt you. I'll be back soon."

It was another lie, of course. He was not back soon. For three days, Bellatrix would ask her questions, use Unforgivables on her, and sometimes Gabriella would give some answers or even carve some things into her own skin with cursed knives pressed into her hand by Bellatrix, who pulled the strings.

When Bellatrix would leave, she would make Gabriella take potions that would make her incredibly aroused. Rabastan worked her down from fear and in spite of her confusion and revulsion she found herself allowing him to touch her. But there was no satisfaction in his touch. Strangely she wanted Sirius, and less to protect her, more to help her find the elusive release.

On the fourth day, Rabastan told her that Sirius was dead and that she now belonged to him.

And in spite of his obvious anger, she couldn't stop crying. Rabastan choked her until she did not have enough breath left for sobs. Then he had sex with her, repeating over and over than she belonged to him, as if to get her used to the idea.

"Stay here, lamb," Rabastan said before he left.

As if there was anywhere else to go. She'd not been allowed to leave the room for anything but baths and using the toilet, and she was always accompanied.

Gabriella went to the window, which was something like a poor floor-length mirror in the dark. She could see the scars tracing her skin like sick tattoos, joined by bruises from Rabastan. He liked to see bruises on her.

She knew what Rabastan was trying to do. In setting himself opposite Bellatrix was hoping to brainwash her, to use some sort of sick Stockholm Syndrome to make her devoted to him. She shivered again, looking at her stringy hair that had once been soft and beautiful. She had once been soft and beautiful. Gabriella couldn't tell in the window, but she was sure there were bags under her eyes, bright as the bruises blooming across her skin.

Gabriella didn't have to see her eyes to know they were empty, hollow, dull...

This was not her in the window, but some shadow of a person who resembled her.

And always, there was this horrific feeling that she had forgotten something, something very important.

Bellatrix entered the room with a tray.

"Feeding time for lamb," she teased.

Gabriella stared at the window, not turning, watching Bellatrix put down the tray from the reflection on the window.

"I'm not hungry," she whispered.

"Starving yourself won't bring them back you stupid little chit."

Them?

But Rabastan had only told her about Sirius. Who else was dead?

She continued to stare at her reflection as if it held the key to remembering.

Bellatrix growled in frustration, but Gabriella did not turn.

"_Crucio!_"

The white-hot pain crept across her body as she fell to her knees, twitching and writhing and screaming, her hands against the glass, sure to leave a mark.

Memories flooded her head, the dam broken... Lily and James dead, celebrating Sirius's arrest, Rabastan taking the Polyjuice Potion.

Lily and James... Dead.

Her screams had nothing to do with the curse. Her agony continued when the curse was lifted.

"I remember," Gabriella hissed as Bellatrix smirked down at her. "I remember everything you sick _bastards_!"

Bellatrix just giggled, stroking Gabriella's stringy hair. Gabriella was too weak to protest.

"Excellent," Bellatrix cooed. "You were so boring, thinking Sirius was going to come back any day and save you. But Rabastan wanted so badly to fuck you. Merlin knows why. You're disgusting."

Gabriella closed her eyes. Sirius was gone. Sirius was in Azkaban. It had been Rabastan who showed her the mark on his arm, not Sirius. It was just another part of the retraining of her mind.

"You did this to me," Gabriella said dully. "You made me like this."

"Oh, no, lamb," Bellatrix said happily. "You did this to yourself. None of this would have been necessary if you'd been sharing, but someone's been selfish." Her eyes gleamed brightly. "Now start - naming - names!"

Each pause was punctuated by a flick of her wand that sent a shock of pain through Gabriella's body.

"Voldemort," Gabriella spat, not wanting to give in so easily.

Enraged, Bellatrix went over to Gabriella's naked, outstretched body, listening as Gabriella cried out in pain. Steam rose off the red-hot skin where the water had come in contact.

"Give me a name!"

Gabriella gasped in pain.

"Albus Dumbledore!"

Bellatrix was clearly not amused. She levitated a bookcase carefully over to Gabriella's prone body and let it land on Gabriella's left hand, crushing multiple bones. Gabriella screamed, her voice sounding strangely outside of her as it pierced the air.

"Names!"

Gabriella thrashed her head, shaking it defiantly.

Bellatrix pointed her wand at the soles of Gabriella's feet, burning them quickly, one by one. Gabriella shrieked, twitching and convulsing, which drew her attention back to the pain in her hand.

The door opened and a younger man she didn't immediately recognize stood there, appraising the scene.

"Has she said anything?" he asked casually, taking off his gloves and tossing them on the desk.

His face was vaguely familiar, but in her haze of pain no names were coming to her as attached to it.

"Nothing useful yet," Bellatrix snarled. "But you'll talk, won't you, lamb?"

The man pulled up a chair lazily, presumably to watch.

"Speak," Bellatrix ordered.

"Lily and James Potter," Gabriella said weakly. The arrival of this man had merely strengthened her resolve. She would not tell.

"Allow me," he said softly, kneeling down and parting Gabriella's scarred, bruised thighs with surprisingly gentleness. He pulled out his wand and whispered, "Slut doesn't need this anymore."

Gabriella saw a look of delight on Bellatrix's face before she felt a searing and unimaginable pain. She cried out once more.

He had, effectively, cut out her clitoris.

But there was no stopping now. Gabriella couldn't care, not now that she understood they were not letting her live. Bellatrix liked to play with her food, and Gabriella had become the main course.

"Peter Pettigrew."

The young man conjured a feather and began to run it along the burned soles of her feet. Every shift of discomfort reminded Gabriella of the other injuries she had sustained. She whined.

"Bitch likes it," he chuckled. "Go on, then. Give me a name and I might reward you."

Gabriella snarled.

"Sirius Black," she spat.

Bellatrix touched her wand to Gabriella's stomach, shocking her. She then touched it to Gabriella's right hand, shocking her once more, this time causing the muscles in Gabriella's hand to twitch.

"You'd better really start talking, lamb," Bellatrix said coldly, "or this is _really_ going to hurt."

Gabriella closed her eyes as her hand twitched out of her control.

"Lacibella Lane."

"Who's that?" the man asked with mild interest.

"That Healer bitch my cousin was sleeping with," Bellatrix said in a voice of pure ice. "She's dead."

The knife Gabriella was so familiar with was back, this time in Bellatrix's hand instead of her own.

Gabriella knew that it was more dangerous in the hand of its owner, for Bellatrix was always more creative with something sharp in her hand.

With a shiver, Gabriella watched Bellatrix kneel beside her, a grin on her face and a crazed gleam in her dark eyes.

"Lamb needs shearing," Bellatrix said in her baby voice, nicking a spot at the top of Gabriella's left breast. "How about we start with the toes?"

She couldn't mean what it sounded like she meant... Could she?

Apparently she could, and Gabriella shrieked in pain as the man held down Gabriella's leg, letting Bellatrix more easily carve the skin off Gabriella's burned toes.

"Please!" Gabriella cried, tears blurring her vision as muscle and tendons, too, were carved off the bones of her toes. "Alastor Moody!"

"We already know about him, pet," the man said. "You'll have to try harder."

They moved to her other foot, holding down her leg as Bellatrix carved, Gabriella screaming and shrieking and writing in pain. She could feel tears running down her face.

She closed her eyes as her toes were skinned. She was back in Sirius's kitchen, him pushing her against the table, his strong hands clutching her with desperation. Gabriella could recall the fire of his mouth on hers, the way he cried her name in their moment of shared passion.

Gabriella's voice was nearly spent.

"Fabian Prewett."

The knife moved from her toes up her foot.

"Gideon Prewett!"

Gabriella screamed. Her voice was cracking against the strain of her situation.

She had two names left, two people she could give in, two people who were still alive. Perhaps she could convince Bellatrix she had only one, but she would still have to condemn a friend to torture and death. Could she do that?

As Bellatrix continued to flay her feet, the man hit Gabriella with the Cruciatus Curse. He held her leg firmly in place to keep Bellatrix from having an accident with the knife.

Gabriella screamed and writhed. There would be no making it out. No escape. She had to do something, though, because she couldn't stand much more.

"If I give you a name," she screeched, "will you _please_ kill me?"

Bellatrix paused.

"The name, lamb?"

"Will you-"

"The name," Bellatrix pressed, digging the knife in with more force.

Gabriella cried out.

"Frank Longbottom," she wailed.

Bellatrix immediately pulled away.

"No others?" she demanded. "You're sure you have no one else, lamb?"

Remus's face flitted across her consciousness, and never before had Gabriella realized how beautiful he was.

"No," she moaned. "Please, Bellatrix. Please."

Bellatrix stood, wiping blood off her hands and onto a handkerchief that was sitting on the desk. She opened a drawer and smiled.

"I was never very good with household spells," she mused. She lifted one of her other knives out of the drawer. "My mother bewailed her fate, the eldest daughter incapable of cooking and cleaning and organizing parties. How would she ever marry me off?" She snarled. "Of course, my simple mother never could have foreseen the rise of our Dark Lord and all it meant."

"Few did," the man murmured, eyes bright as he nodded in agreement, like a pupil eager to please his teacher.

Bellatrix didn't seem to hear him, so caught up in her monologue was she.

"I married, and well according to her standards," Bellatrix said. "And I never needed any of those silly spells. I mean, what did she think the elves were for? But there was one cooking spell I learned." She placed the two knives carefully on Gabriella's bare, bruised abdomen, the cool metal causing her muscles to contract. "You're sure, lamb, that it's just Longbottom?"

Gabriella's eyes grew wide as she realized the fate devised for her.

"Bellatrix, _please_! I don't know anyone else! I wasn't in the Order! I wasn't speaking to Sirius! Lily and James were in hiding!"

Dark eyes cold and unrelenting, Bellatrix waved her wand and the knives went about their work, chopping a shrieking Gabriella as if she were merely a particularly vocal vegetable.

"It's a pity," Bellatrix said with a sneer. "Always a pity to waste such pure blood. But Rabastan couldn't keep her as a pet forever, and she's not worth the trouble of breaking, weak as her mind is. She would only grow more unstable under the retraining, as she did when he tried. Such instability in her would lead to weakness in him, too, if he tried to keep her. His fondness for her would make him weak, as it made Sirius weak." Her lips curled as Gabriella's screams became more labored. "Take note, Barty. This is the face that makes blood traitors out of even the most noble of purebloods, although Merlin knows why. I mean, just look at her!" Bellatrix cackled, kicking Gabriella's bleeding foot. "Not so pretty now, are you, lamb?"

Gabriella's voice was gone. She croaked and gargled in response.

She could no longer betray Remus. Nothing else mattered, not Bellatrix, not the man, not even the knives.

"Come, Barty. Let us find my husband and his useless brother. We have a visit to pay to Frank Longbottom and his pretty young wife."


	30. Epilogue

"Last house," Remus murmured. "Dedalus said we ought to ask her, that she'd be willing."

"Who is it?" Sirius asked as he ran the doorbell. Remus opened his mouth, but before he could say a word the door flung open and a familiar round face was at it. "Chara Montgomery," he breathed, looking at Remus, stunned by the wall of nostalgia that hit him.

"Remus? Sirius?" she said, frowning. "What are you doing here? I thought you were on the run, Black."

"We're here on Dumbledore's orders, Chara," Remus said softly. "Diggle said you'd be interested in what we have to say. Can we come in?"

She let them in, offered them tea, took their cloaks, and led them to the kitchen. Sirius looked around at the walls, which were covered with old pictures, newspaper clippings, and letters. He recognized the handwriting instantly as Gabriella's, even after years of not seeing it.

"How are the McPeaks?" he said casually as possible. Remus flinched at the surname and avoided Sirius's eyes.

"Well," Chara said softly, "Kristal's in Magical Transportation, doing Apparition testing. Kimberly can't get a better job than secretary in Magical Law Enforcement, so she's stuck there. Lawson gave up on music, worked in Gringotts until he got bored, and now he writes Quidditch for the _Prophet_. Malcolm got his dream job and works with dragons in Romania."

She frowned down at her tea.

"G-Gabby?" he whispered, knowing the main answer by her sad eyes and the way Remus shifted in his seat.

"Gabby went missing just after your arrest. She and Gillian were celebrating the end of the war at a pub, and your arrest, and Gillian looked away for a minute and Gabby just disappeared. Gillian came to me, panicking. She'd already lost everything, you know. You may not have realized this, but she'd been in love with James Potter for years." The boys shook their heads, shocked at this revelation. "Anyway, we contacted everyone we could think of. Vin went on a rage. He gathered together Irving and Ron and went looking for her. They all died." Remus sighed sadly. "Irving had asked Gabby to marry him, you know, but she shocked us all and said no. Ron had married horribly, regretted it every day. And Vin hadn't actually talked to Gabby for years, but when I told him she was missing…. I don't think I ever saw him so scared."

"So you never found her?" Sirius choked out.

"No, we did," Chara whispered, wiping her eyes. "They found her body in the Lestrange home, in pieces. It seems your dear cousin tortured and killed her. Gabby was a good duelist, but she never stood a chance. Anyway, when they found her, her Healer, Rylan, he killed himself. I guess they found a ring at his place. They think he was going to ask her to marry him." She paused thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't know if she ever really found what she wanted, though."

Sirius nodded numbly, feeling his insides twist as the corners of his vision blurred. She was gone. Gabriella McPeak, the only girl he had ever truly loved, had died and died hating him, died because of Bellatrix's games with him. Gabriella died thinking he was guilty of murder and not knowing that he loved her.

"I suppose I should give Lawson and the girls my apologies," he said, but Chara gave a dark laugh.

"Lawson hates you. He'd kill you on sight. He blames you for her mental and emotional breakdowns, as he should. But he also blames you for her death even though you were in jail at the time. Gillian hates you, too, and she'd turn you in instantly if you were anywhere near any one of her seven children. Megan no one's heard from since she finally got married."

"Margaret?" Sirius asked, hastily wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"Killed herself, actually, not long after she graduated. None of us knew until years later. But she was never very happy. Two concerts into her career, she strangled herself with a violin string. You know," she said slowly, "the only one I've never figured out to my satisfaction is Kent."

Sirius bit his lip and said, "What about him?"

"I've wondered about that too," Remus said. "It didn't look like self-defense from where I was standing."

"Well," Sirius said, aware that they were waiting for his justification of his behavior, "I guess that's always going to be a mystery."

He silently thought to himself that killing Kent was among the best decisions of his life, along with the tracking and killing the Death Eaters who had raped Gabriella all those years ago. Only one remained alive: Rabastan Lestrange. And he was in Azkaban.

Remus explained why they had come, that Voldemort was back, and that the Order of the Phoenix was recruiting once more.

"I'd love to join," Chara said with a sad smile. "I'm glad Diggle thought of me. Anyway, I'd love to get a shot at Bellatrix if she ever gets out."

Sirius nodded and Remus said, "Wouldn't we all?"

**A/N: So, I'm tossing around the idea of a sequel to this, so this MIGHT not be the end. If any reviewer says they want a sequel, there will be one spanning the fourth and fifth books. :D Until then, that's it for this one!**

** -C**


	31. Update!

GREAT NEWS! I've posted the first chapter of the sequel, The Many Mistakes of Sirius Black! Takes place in OotP.

-C


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